Difference between dressing and being her

[Brittany CD]

I want some people's opinions on this matter (GG's, your input would be appreciated)

I have recently seen some posters who have said that they think they may be women because they feel feminine when they dress up as a woman. Related to this, I have seen members say they truly feel like they are women when dressed "sexy". Now, I enjoy dressing up as a woman too and I acknowledge how great it feels when dressed up, but I think a lot of people aren't seeing the difference between dressing up as your female self and actually being that person.

Dressing as a girl is much different than being one. As I said in a previous thread, there's a difference in mentality among women who regularly wear something and men who want to because they don't do it often. For example, I love putting my bra on, even though I don't have breasts that need support. I have never met a single woman who just loves to put on her bra in the morning. I also love to put on a nice LBD and heels at spend time as Carly. I don't think there's many women in the world who just want to get in their tight dresses and heels when they get home from class or work. In fact, women typically take their heels off when they're at parties

Do I feel sexy in a little tight dress with my long legs shaved and my feet in heels? Absolutely. But that is a more external characteristic. We may feel that way because of our appearance, but that does not mean we feel like we're actually female. A woman feels like a woman all the time, even when she gets out of bed with her hair a mess and looking exhausted because appearance doesn't define them as women. This is something GG's on this forum have expressed. I certainly don't feel like a woman when I'm dressed in my guy clothes and living my regular life

Of course, this doesn't apply to everyone

Thoughts? Criticisms?

[katie73]

i love the way dressing as a woman feels, i love the way it looks and im a far happier and more agreeable person when im dressed up than when im not. but personally i always feel like a guy, i dont take on a female persona or act any differently really when im dressed up (not consciously at least, i'll ask my gf what she thinks). im just me but dressed better.

[Lainie]

I recognize some of myself in what you say.

There's an element of role-playing, though, isn't there? When I crossdress, even in very casual feminine attire, there can be a sense of adopting a feminine persona. To any objective observer, I definitely look like a man in a dress. Sometimes a really nice dress, or part of a tasteful age-appropriate outfit suitable for the restaurant or shop or art gallery I'm visiting, ..., but never any question for anyone who happens to see. For me, though, the fun is not only feeling nice fabric and designing a nice look, but also playing the part, like a method actor/actress. Not fooling anyone, but maybe fooling my foolish self.

And also I do enjoy the look of the clothes, even though the model is more Geraldo Rivera than Andrej Pejic!

[Sara Jessica]

My problem is that I feel...something. That something which has been in my heart from my earliest memories. That something that when repressed (or not given an opportunity to express) screams in pain as it's locked in a vice.

Is that something what it feels like to be a woman?

Yeah, I think it is.

Or more accurately, that something is what it feels like to be a woman who more often than not cannot express what it is like to be a woman.

Confused yet?

Many have spoken at the torment clothing sometimes brings to a conflict such as this. I'm the opposite in that I use the clothes as a coping mechanism. Not to mention the fact that I truly get a kick out of style.

Do the clothes help me feel like a woman? Not so much. It's window dressing, yet very welcome window dressing at times. Instead, all of the changes I have made to my appearance bring me a lot closer to feeling like a female no matter how I might be presenting at the time. Clothing on top of all of that just becomes gravy.

[ColleenA]

One thing I have often said is that I wouldn't want to really be a woman unless I could have only the good parts of the deal. And of course, that can't happen - for anyone. Being a woman is a 24/7/365 situation. There are many downsides to being a woman, and anyone who thinks otherwise is constructing a fantasy.

So for me, as it sounds like for you, Carly, dressing up is playtime - a form of escapism to get away from the realities of your day-to-day life and be "someone else" for a time. As part of that, I do adopt feminine mannerisms or behaviors, but does that change my brain/mind to a woman's? Not in the least. I might better understand a woman's view - more than many other guys - by having walked a mile in her heels but I'll say that at best I can see things from a woman's perspective to a degree of 10% - and I'm sure that's being generous.

IMO, the posters you refer to - after factoring out those who are sorting out whether they are truly transsexual, which is completely different than you or I - are getting caught up in the "pink fog" and flattering themselves.

[julia marie]

As they say, clothes don't make the man, or the woman. Dressing as a woman feels good, puts me in a somewhat different -- somewhat feminine -- mindset, but I don't believe I become a woman. If there are any doubts, all I have to do is look in the mirror and I'm easily reminded that I'm not a real woman. Even the guys who can "pass" don't become women through how they dress and act (those who go through a complete physical transition are the exception). GG's have a lifetime of experience in their bodies and within society and in relationships, starting at the earliest ages. That's not just experience with wearing clothes but with how their outlooks are shaped by positive and negative events on a daily basis. We can never put ourselves in their place.
That said, I'll keep trying to look a little bit prettier, and I'll enjoy the feel of the incredible variety of fabrics and styles that feel nice and make me feel at least a bit like a girl.

[Kate Simmons]

It is what it is my friend and each person will feel a bit different. The only person who can truly define how we feel and who our self is, is, well, our self.

[PretzelGirl]

It is something that we always seem here. If everyone here who said that they wanted to be like a woman truly felt that way, we would have a far greater percentage of transexuals over crossdressers and all others. I think the feelings get mixed up and many wonder what it truly would feel like and it makes for a good post when that "option" is presented.

[dallasmann]

Of course, this doesn't apply to everyone.

That's the key right there. I don't look down upon guys (or girls) who ONLY like to dress, nor do I look down on transsexuals. Everyone is simply trying to live the life that works for them.

I live in multiple places along the gender identification spectrum and I've always been comfortable with that reality, even though I had no need to share it with others.

[mywifesdaisy]

when i dress all i imagine is that i am a beautiful woman even though im not even close lol but if there were to ever come a time in my life to have the money i would possibly transition and have surgeries to enable me to become a ts because that aspect excites me more than seeing the rest of my life as just a MAN

[audreyinalbany]

I'm not sure what to make of all the '"Feeling like a woman" talk. I wake up every morning and I don't feel particularly 'like a guy'. I wake up feeling like me. Maybe when I dress as a woman I feel more attractive because women embody the things that I find attractive, but I still feel like me. I'm not sure what it is to feel like a woman. I can respect the fact that many people have genuine gender dysphoria, but me, I'm just a guy that really enjoys, not just dressing like a woman, but presenting as a woman.

[ChelseaErtel]

Interesting post for a new girl on the block. I know when I started I loved the way it felt and it felt a little erotic as well in the beginning.

Now, I just love to dress and look like a woman. Not in kinky clothes (but I like to feel sexy in short skirts etc..), just clothes that suit me. When I finish dressing and look into the mirror I see myself, my woman self, and I take a deep breath and relax. I don't understand it. I have never felt like a woman in a man's body, but as I've freed myself from constraining my feminine self I'm not too sure anymore.

I've always been fascinated with movies like "Tootsie" and "To Wong Foo, thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar." So I suspect my girl was always trying to get out. I dress in my mums cloths when I was 7 or 8, don't recall exactly.

So, all I'm saying is that for me, when I dress I feel complete and relaxed. I also find shopping for clothes, doing nails, makeup and doing my hair (wigs that is, wish I actually had some hair) immensely enjoyable. Then odd thing is I still love Formula 1 motor racing, cars, etc...but not really odd...women like those things too.

I'm going out next week. I'll have a couple of weeks of travel and can get out and about as a woman and explore that side me that makes me who I am.

Thanks for posting this, it's very therapeutic to think this out, and addicting.

My advice: be yourself, be loving to your SO, and enjoy life, it is very short.

[MsRenee]

I have found that when Im in male mode Ive very pacifist and will just about let anything go by and not say a word is something isnt rite.Now when Im dressed and out and something is amiss Im very more assertive on getting it done the rite way. I go from being shy to very pronounce. Not sure why but being Renee has put me into a better place in my life.
Renee

[docrobbysherry]

I dress to NOT be me! Becoming an unknown, attractive female is a very erotic experience. Do I ever feel like a female? First, I feel like ME no matter how I'm dressed. The clothes r simply, "window dressing", as Sara said. They DO change my mood, concentration, and sexual awareness. But, make me feel like a woman?
It would be arrogant and naive of me to claim that I ever felt like a woman! I've never been one, how would I know what they feel like?

--------------------------There's an element of role-playing, though, isn't there? When I crossdress, even in very casual feminine attire, there can be a sense of adopting a feminine persona. To any objective observer, I definitely look like a man in a dress. Sometimes a really nice dress, or part of a tasteful age-appropriate outfit suitable for the restaurant or shop or art gallery I'm visiting, ..., but never any question for anyone who happens to see. For me, though, the fun is not only feeling nice fabric and designing a nice look, but also playing the part, like a method actor/actress. Not fooling anyone, but maybe fooling my foolish self.-----------------------------------------------------

That is SO TRU for me, Lainie. At first, I hated myself when going out with other Tgirls. Because I felt like such a hypocrite! Acting like a woman while so obviously being a man in a dress! I do it better now. I can enjoy myself more because of the company of the other girls. But, still feel like an ACTOR playing a role!

I have found that when Im in male mode Ive very pacifist and will just about let anything go by and not say a word is something isnt rite.Now when Im dressed and out and something is amiss Im very more assertive on getting it done the rite way. I go from being shy to very pronounce. Not sure why but being Renee has put me into a better place in my life.
Renee

I have been out as Sherry only a few times, Renee. And, experienced a frightening omnipotent feeling that was overpowering! And, frightening!

[Stephanie47]

I guess everyone has to figure out why they dress in the first place. Good luck trying. For me, it's all or nothing. Stephanie, when she appears must be fully attired as a woman. Why? For me it's a stress reliever. Being totally en femme enables me in my limited ability to escape manhood stresses. Do I feel womanly? I don't know because I am not a woman! I know I do not feel manly. I feel relaxed and stress free. That's enough for me!

[Erica2Sweet]

...

Do I feel sexy in a little tight dress with my long legs shaved and my feet in heels? Absolutely. But that is a more external characteristic. We may feel that way because of our appearance, but that does not mean we feel like we're actually female. A woman feels like a woman all the time, even when she gets out of bed with her hair a mess and looking exhausted because appearance doesn't define them as women. This is something GG's on this forum have expressed. I certainly don't feel like a woman when I'm dressed in my guy clothes and living my regular life...

We don't feel like women because we've never been a woman to know what it feels like in the first place. Wearing pretty clothes and shoes only allows us to know what it's like to wear pretty clothes and shoes. The act of crossdressing in public affords us the opportunity to know what it feels like to be perceived by others to be a woman. Neither of these are a fair comparison to what it's like to actually BE a woman.

I don't think we'll even come close to feeling like women until we start to worry about the issues women actually face in day-to-day life...

[suzy1]

I respect everybody’s comments here but I feel different about this to some of the other members here.
I am just me. Dressed or not I am still me, 70% female and 30% male in that gray stuff between my ears. And I like it!

Suzy loving her/himself

[Alicew]

Another great topic man this forum rocks.

its not to far removed from the other biggy do you find dressing up fun.
To me when i was alot younger and in total denial it was for fun something taboo i supose still enjoyed it tho but as i grow up i started looking at my self and questioning exactly why i do it ,still cant answer either.

Now i catch my self thinking do i feel like a women hell i even wonder if i feel like a man i have no view point on either im like a stranger looking in a window at my own life,so no i dress because it makes me feel like ME whatever the hell i am.
Now dont get me wrong i can imagine how women feel getting all preetied up i do it myself , i can understand how a women feels being desired for presenting a good looking image(not so much in my case) i try to present one myself,but i still cant feel like a women cos i still feel like lil ol me even dolled up to the nines and feeling all happy and peacefull even if only temporary.

I dress therefore i am.....Me in a frock.

[Foxglove]

There are many downsides to being a woman, and anyone who thinks otherwise is constructing a fantasy.

Yes, but there are downsides to being a man, too, and some of us don't like that part.

I wake up every morning and I don't feel particularly 'like a guy'. I wake up feeling like me. Maybe when I dress as a woman I feel more attractive because women embody the things that I find attractive, but I still feel like me. I'm not sure what it is to feel like a woman.

I am just me. Dressed or not I am still me. . .

I understand these two comments. I'm always me. I work from home, and I've been dressing a lot lately. The more I do it, the more natural it feels. I'm expressing aspects of my personality that I long repressed, but that I like much better than the ones I always expressed before. Dressing allows me to get in tune with the part of me that I like. Will I always need to dress to do that? I don't know. We'll see.

And does this mean I feel like a woman? I'll go along with others and say, How would I know? But my thinking is always evolving and I've got to the point where I ask myself, Why do I need to know?

I'm not trying to be anything but me. I describe myself as "Third Gender Female". What exactly that means is for me to determine, and that's what I'm doing these days. I wish I'd started doing it long ago. Where exactly it will take me, who knows? I'm not trying to be anyone or anything but me. These days I'm allowing myself to be me, and I love it. I feel at home, I feel at peace. Go with it: TGF is a lot nicer than what I used to force myself to be.

[Joanne f]

Yes when you dress feminine it is almost bound to make you feel feminine as that is why a lot do it ( there are some that do not get the feminine trip out of dressing) and you can want to and feel like what you think a woman would feel like , but in my opinion if you are going to start to think that you are a woman then that has to be most of the time whether you are dressed or not , you will have that " I am a woman pulling at you whether you like it or not and you will not be able to switch it off just by taking the clothes off .

[audreyinalbany]

Boy, this is a slippery slope...I don't know if women feel attractive when they dress.I know a lot of women who seem to fixate on being unattractive, you know, "too many chins,' 'overweight,' 'wrinkles,' 'my butt's too fat,' you've all heard it before. I know when i get dressed up as a guy, my wife thinks I look hot, but I simply feel like me wearing a suit. I don't think there's anything even remotely attractive about me. I have an idea of what an attractive female looks like, and, although I will never, ever succeed, I aspire to mimic that look.

[lynnmcarthur]

I respect everybody’s comments here but I feel different about this to some of the other members here.
I am just me. Dressed or not I am still me, 70% female and 30% male in that gray stuff between my ears. And I like it!

This is Suzy's comment but somewhat how I feel. But really it is almost as if I wish we could just "BE" as some others have said. I have chaffed against being male since I was three. Like many here I covered(see the book by the same name) by doing many very male things like being a very accomplished athlete and being a better dad than I had.

But I hate the central cultural requirements of maleness and hate when I have to be the stereotypical guy.

It's not about the clothes but the clothes make it so others notice my fem self.

[Angela Campbell]

I always thought of myself as a girl anyway. I was forced to act as a man by society but inside I always knew I was female. Dressing does not make me feel more like a female but it is nice to dress up and have the look I always wanted even if it is just for a short time. Even when dressed as a man I always look a little fem because of my eyebrows, lack of body hair and some mannerisms. Growing up I was called a sissy a bit. But the truth is Barbies were more fun than playing Army....

[Saffron]

Problem is our current society only see genre identity as two positions. It's a nightmare when you are between the two, cause in the end it forces you to choose one genre.

I think there's two main ramifications of CD, the one who does it as a role playing, for the erotic or just fun and the one who is TG and being in a grey area of the gender identity uses CD as a way to express his identity.

[Cheryl T]

There is no difference...I am HER...dressing is what shows everyone else who I am.