I feel like a prisoner...

[JenniferR771]

The problem is partly in your head. Be proud of how you are--not embarrassed to be yourself. Take it gradual, let them see you in a slightly femme outfit. Build up your confidence by going out and not worry about who sees you in slacks and a wig. After a few weeks someone will say something--and you just respond with yeah, that was me. I have had a slight thing for girly clothes since I was 6.

You can get new friends--you can't choose your sister. Be gentle. Be pround of yourself. Hope for the best.

[drag n fly]

Damn Patti...you look great....Super body, lovely face..Is that your hair? It's great..If your macho neighbor gets a look at you he's liable to come after you all right...But not in anger! smooches Jackie

[silverfurret]

Ugh, I know how you feel. I still live at home with a dad that is very patriarchal and uses imtimidation to get his way. My fem side is always hidden and I can't leave the house when I dress in fear that someone would tell my dad.

[patti1569]

First of all, thank you all for such great replies!!! I know I can always get great support here! All great ideas. Ive considered the hotel thing but really don’t have the money to do that right now. Ill probably wind up doing the “cover up” thing in some form to eventually get out of here. On some level my neighbor may have put one and one together already. I shave my legs and always show them off all summer long. I also walk around in my house in heels frequently and have hardwood floors. I can often hear them in their house and wonder if they can hear me too (probably). I wouldn’t call him a bigot, just insensitive to others different from him. He always goes out of his way to help everyone on the block even those from different cultural backgrounds. He and I are very similar in personality (I’m very much a guys guy when in boy mode). Anyway, I think the real issue is that I’m sick of hiding my dressing. I’d really like to be in a place in my life where I feel confident to go out and not care how others may react. I’d really like to start living the way I want too. Thanks again. Knowing you all are out there and understand make it all a little easier to face. As for telling my sister, I think that day is approaching quickly.

[DeniseNJ]

it would be so neat if you knew someone in the area that you can bring your stuff and dress therer There is a site Phila T-Girls on a Meet-up site but if you join be bonbarded with e-mails on outtings and meet-up in local area's to Phila . One hot spot is the blue lagoon in the king of prussia mall , that's where I went if you need to get your girl on visit that site and good luck I feel your situation!!!

[Erica2Sweet]

Hi Patti. As far as being a prisoner in your home, that is obviously a self-imposed situation. The only two options I see based on what you wrote is to either never go out en femme, or hold your head high and just do it. If you start trying to find ways to sneak around, you're likely going to attract more attention to yourself than if you just acted "normal".

If you feel like you're not being true to yourself, then it's a sign you're probably not being true to yourself. That itch you feel to go out is the femme side trying to express herself and become more socialized and normal. This means you need to take care of the needs of that facet of yourself if you want to feel healthy and balanced, and remain that way. It's important to know that you need to express that side of you in healthy ways also. Keeping your priorities in proper alignment is also key to feeling healthy.

As far as telling family, that's a tough one. No one knows your sister better than you, so you would be best at figuring out what to say and what not to. None of my family knows, but they (my mother, brother and sisters) no longer maintain a relationship with me, so for me, it's not an issue. One question to ask yourself is, "What would she and I gain by me telling her that I crossdress?"... and go from there.

[Erica2Sweet]

...Anyway, I think the real issue is that I’m sick of hiding my dressing. I’d really like to be in a place in my life where I feel confident to go out and not care how others may react. I’d really like to start living the way I want too...

Life is short. Live the way you feel you need to. Managing these gender issues is all about maintaining balance in your life.

[lingerieLiz]

You are creating your own problem. You have to decide how you are going to live. To bad you didn't think before you moved. I understand. Years ago I was trapped then I remembered that i had been caught in other places where I lived and nothing happened. Now I wear what I want and don't worry. Be a good neighbor and people will over look your "hobby".

Today I was out front when someone I had never met before stopped and asked about my flowers. I had on jeans and a t-shirt with a bra under it. We talked and eventually they left. Later I saw their daughter who had been with them jog by. She waived to me.

I assume that most of my neighbors know that I wear women's clothes. Most have seen my boobs projecting out and the bra lines. They have never asked me about my bra wearing, but neither have I asked any of the women about it either. Well except one that was amazed at how many clothes I have and another who was a close friend and shoped with me. She moved away to live with her sister.

[heatherdress]

There are always tradeoffs with housing. If you have a lease, you most likely have 6 months left until you have to make a decision. It is hard to be in a love your house and yet be a prisoner in it. That will keep you miserable, in spite of the positives. There is already a lot of good suggestions. Seems like you should try to "break-out" and ignore the bully next door neighbor. See how that goes. You should also start to look for another apartment.

[sterling12]

For the time being.....Winter and cold weather are coming on. An Overcoat, and a pair of sweatpants can hide a lot of things! You'll have to carry your Wig and shoes in a box, and do your makeup in the car. so have a hand mirror available.

It's not a perfect solution, but it's an imperfect world! Maybe over The Winter you can come up with a better solution. You did say it was A Row House? Any of those I have ever seen feature a back alley. Could you temporarily park the car in the Alley, and then do a quick change and sprint into The Car?

peace and Love, Joanie