I moved into a new house about 6 months ago and really love it. The problem is that when I was in my apartment, it was much easier to go out dressed. Partially because I knew I’d be moving and didn’t care what the other tenets thought of me. So that being said I kinda got used to going out. Even if it was just for a little drive. At my new place I figure that I would settle in and see how things were, then figure out my plan for going out. The problem is that I now live in a row home on a busy, well lit street. Not really a problem, but I’ve gotten to know a few of the neighbors really well and like them a lot. The truth is, this is a blue collar working class neighborhood and people aren’t all that tolerant. My next door neighbor is super cool and I get along with him and his wife really well. He is a total guys guy and I’m not sure how he would react to knowing about me. He also is known as the “mayor” of the block because he knows everything that goes on. I have heard him make some insensitive things about other cultures who live on the block which makes me think he would not be all that tolerant of me, but he and his wife are sooo nice I’m not so sure. I’m so worried about how it would affect our relationship that I’m a complete prisoner in my house.
This leads to the bigger issue that I’m a prisoner in myself. I feel like I’m not being true to myself by not being “out”. I’ve still told no one, even though I was out’ed by my ex-wife to her family. I swore that I would tell my sister (only living family that I have) before she finds out “through the grape vine”. I know that’s a big jump from not being able to leave my house but the truth is, I feel like if I’m going to be able to go out without fear, my neighbors are going to find out one way or the other and my sister really has the right to hear it from me. Just feeling really trapped.
Please let me know what you think. It’s killing me. I’ve come so far and really NEED to get out, and maybe BE out. Any ideas how to approach this situation? Thanks for any advice, xx Patti.