Teaching my wife to walk in Heels.

[KatieTaylor]

My wife hates Katie and anything to do with crossdressing. She has said she wants me to stop all together and get rid of all my clothes or it would be the end of our marriage.
Anyway, she knows i love wearing my high heels and did have a large collection. My wife never wears heels, she's a jeans and trainers woman. At my request she has bought a pair of 4 inch stilettos. She tried them on to show me yesterday evening. I had to laugh at her attempt to walk in them, so ungraceful, bent knees and wobbily arms. I said 'i think you need some more practice to walk in them'. She said ' i can't walk in these, how do YOU do it? What am i doing wrong? You'll have to teach me.' So i did my best to instruct her on walking in them. It would have been much easier to show her with a pair of mine. But that would not have gone down well.. I think the lessons may continue for a while.
I guess this is one of the ultimate role reversals, the husband teaching/advising on how to walk in heels.
Katie Taylor x

[kristinacd55]

Geez....talk about about a switch. One minute she's ending the marriage, the next you're giving lessons on heel walking! I can relate to the marriage part, although my wife wants me to continue to do my tg thing and knows I won't give it up. Of course, the other part about the marriage ending will be happening too. Keep communication open about it is all I can say at the moment!

[erickka]

Hi Katie, I just DJ'd a wedding in Huntsville Al. yesterday and it was a typical 20 somethig affair. The bridesmaids were all just as gorgeous as the bride except for one thing....NONE of them could walk in their heels!! They were not graceful on concrete and when they had to walk into the grassy areas for the pics, I felt soooo bad for them. I wish I could have girled up and gave them some pointers, but that would have gone over like a lead balloon with my s/o!

[natalie_cheryl]

i have been trying to help my wife walk more gracefully in her higher heels for a while now and i ALWAYS want to just grab my 5 inch heels to show her what i mean when i say walk and point your toes lol

[KatieTaylor]

Geez....talk about about a switch. One minute she's ending the marriage, the next you're giving lessons on heel walking! I can relate to the marriage part, although my wife wants me to continue to do my tg thing and knows I won't give it up. Of course, the other part about the marriage ending will be happening too. Keep communication open about it is all I can say at the moment!

Unfortunately her stance on Katie has not changed, i'm unsure if it will either.

[stephNE]

Hi Katie, I think the heels may be the first little chip into the iceberg. Keep working with her a little at a time. I hope all goes well. Steph.

[Kate Simmons]

This is kind of akin to teaching geese to fly methinks.

[DebbieL]

Hi Katie, I just DJ'd a wedding in Huntsville Al. yesterday and it was a typical 20 somethig affair. The bridesmaids were all just as gorgeous as the bride except for one thing....NONE of them could walk in their heels!! They were not graceful on concrete and when they had to walk into the grassy areas for the pics, I felt soooo bad for them. I wish I could have girled up and gave them some pointers, but that would have gone over like a lead balloon with my s/o!

It almost seems like femininity is becoming a lost art. I remember growing up at a time when all "Respectable" girls and women wore dresses or skirts all the time, and usually with 2-3 inch heels. My mom couldn't wear the higher heels because she had had Polio when she was a kid and they did an operation and forgot to raise her leg, so her ankle swelled to the size of a grapefruit and never went down. She was pleased that she could walk at all, and eventually learned to roller-skate, ride a bicycle, and even play ball with the boys. She only got dressed up on Sundays for church, but then she did the whole nine yards.

About 1969, the school decided to vote on whether or not to allow the girls to wear pants. To get the boys to vote in favor, they said the boys could wear shorts when it got warmer. The measure passed, the girls switched to pants, and in the spring, when we were supposed to be able to wear shorts, the few boys who did were targeted. Under direct orders from the Gym coach, the biggest jocks would grab their ankles and drag them, face down, over the asphalt of the play-ground. men they would turn them on their back and drag them that way, making sure that most of there back was in contact with the abrasive asphalt. After about a dozen boys were left looking like 100 lbs of bloody hamburger, it was clear that we had been lied to, that the boys would never have the freedom the girls now had.

Katie, ask your wife how she would feel if you told her that she HAD to wear 4 inch heels, hose, short skirts, and a low-cut blouse of satin - every single day - or you would divorce her? This is essentially the demand she is making of you. If you think that you ultimately want to transition, it probably won't work out in the long run, but all you are looking at is the opportunity to dress the way YOU WANT TO DRESS - a few times a week?

You do need to be honest with yourself, both in the short run and the long run. If have been dressing up for a very long time and have wished you were a girl, and if someone could wave a magic wand and turn you into a pretty girl - but you had to be a girl for the rest of your life - and that idea appeals to you, then your wife may be correct, the marriage probably won't last. Quite simply, you will either transition, or you most likely will kill yourself (80% probability).

On the other hand, if you really enjoy being a boy, and just want to dress up every now and then, to experience your feminine side, then your wife's ultimatum is very much like you forcing her to live up to a full time feminine role the same way that she is forcing you to live into a full time masculine role.

Many women, especially more "Casual" or "Butch" women, often have a hard time understanding why a man would want to dress like a woman. For many of these women, getting dressed up and looking pretty was something they were forced to do, usually for events that weren't that much fun, like going to church, funerals, and weddings. Worse, some of them had situations that got out of control while dressed feminine - rape, date-rape, or just the threat of rape can be terrifying to a woman, and some women are so scarred that they want to protect themselves by dressing more masculine or at least not feminine. It's their way of creating "safe space" - becoming invisible.

My wife is fine with my dressing, but just before my father died, he said "Be yourself, even if that means being Debbie". My dad had rejected Debbie when I came out to him. He didn't like it, he didn't want to know, and didn't want me dressed in front of him. Part of his concern was that he had been transgender as well, and when he was growing up, he got bullied, beat up, and violently attacked - and was hoping to spare me that pain. I had come out to him when I was 6, when I was 10, when I was 22, and when I was 35. I finally just stopped trying to discuss it with him.

He knew that I had tried to kill myself numerous times, that I drank myself to blackouts and that during those black-outs I often got myself into dangerous situations. He knew that I had been through therapists from 8-11, from 14-16, from 21-22, and 30 years of AA and NA continuous clean time. I'd also taken the Landmark Forum, Dale Carnegie, and several leadership training programs - many of which involved lots of soul searching, confronting inner blocks, and clearing away the wreckage of the past. At the same time, he could always tell that there was an underlying authenticity conflict. When I to be with him during his last week, he asked me to be myself. I had brought clothes for Debbie, and when I started dressing and acting like Debbie, he could see that that is who I really was.

The problem of course is that my wife is OK with Debbie going out to some AA or NA meetings, a convention, a dance, even a restaurant together, but when I went to a counselor to help deal with my dad's death, it was clear that I was also confronting my own gender identity and inauthenticity. When my wife found out that I was thinking about transition, starting hormones, and other more permanent changes, she tried to shut that down.

Even when she realized that she might have to chose between being Debbie's wife or Rex's Widow, she was struggling with the decision. It's hard to believe that she would rather see me dead than happy, but then again, she's only had to live with me for 8 years, I've had to live with me for 56 years. We are literally taking it a day at a time.

[Beverley Sims]

I see an opening here and I hope you can benefit by it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Katie, Good luck trying yo get the Sun to rise in the West or make water run uphill.
That's funny teaching your wife to walk in heels.

[STACY B]

I do beleave this ,, Becuz of the simple fact my wife can not walk in heels nether ,,I can but she can't I try an get her to wear them but no dice ,,Ever once in a great while she will . We are way different in height ,So if she wore them we would be closer ,,With me in flat of corse . AN Debbie I feel your pain ,,,Tore another page outta my book ,,,,

[Ashley D.]

I'm working with my wife on walking in heels. She has never wore them be for. But now we go shoe shopping a lot and she has af few pair now.

[KatieTaylor]

I don't wish to transition. I wish that i had been born female, but do not wish to become one now, if that makes sense. I have told her that i will stop dressing for now, but i know it cannot last. I have told my wife in the past that i would not be able to stop, but she chose not to listen to that. I have too much to lose if my wife and i divorced. My recent inheritance, my house, my daughter and my future employment prospects. She knows this so i'm stuck.
Katie Taylor x

[Stephanie47]

Really strange your wife wants you to not cross dress, but, she is willing to be tutored by you??? I can understand the fact many women would find it difficult to walk in four inch stilettos. Someone made the comment concerning walking in heels on grass. I can understand a pointy heel will sink into wet grass. That's not a lack of femininity. That's reality.

If your wife is so dead set against cross dressing, she should not be teasing you by asking for help. You describe her as a jeans and trainers woman. That may be part of her problem. She may perceive you as more of a woman than she is. Or at least more comfortable than her.

You and your wife need to establish some mutually accepted boundaries. If she wants to end the marriage over cross dressing, she will be losing much also.

PS: I don't know about the UK, but, in the state I live in, inheritances and gifts are separate property.

[darla_g]

As much as CDs we all seem to love high heels I can recognize that on a regular basis it would be difficult to be on high heels if you were on your feet all day. Its also hard to get to and fro quickly. I notice more than a few women who wear some comfortable footwear like sneakers or flats on the metro or subway and then bring their heels with them in a bag.

[MsRenee]

I agree with Stephanie and that maybe she is a little upset that you might look a lot nicer than her when fully made up. Not sure but hopefully everything will work out for the best and that the divorce thing was just to get some kinda reaction out of you. Funny how a nice pair of heels always feels better than a pair of sneakers lol.
Renee

[Persephone]

At my request she has bought a pair of 4 inch stilettos. She tried them on to show me yesterday evening.

I hate to suggest this possibility, Katie, but if your marriage is as precarious as you've suggested, then I think this is a "Hail Mary" pass on her part to try to keep it together.

She is trying to do this to please you. And perhaps with the hope that her trying to become more "feminine" will encourage you to become more "masculine." Even asking you for help is a sort of "damsel in distress" moment.

I don't know how you've approached the topic of crossdressing with her in the past, I don't know how she has treated such discussions, so forgive me if I am off the mark here. But could this be an opportunity to re-open the discussion? To remind her how much you love her, to tell her how much you appreciate her trying so hard to learn how to walk in stilettoes? And to maybe make another attempt to tell her that your crossdressing isn't something that you choose, that it is an inseperable part of you that makes you who you are and that even makes you the person who loves her so much?

Hugs and Best Thoughts,
Persephone.

[Lorileah]

At my request she has bought a pair of 4 inch stilettos.

well that sounds more like someone trying to please you. Not someone trying to get you out the door.

She tried them on to show me yesterday evening. I had to laugh at her attempt to walk in them, so ungraceful, bent knees and wobbily arms.

and then you do this...yeah laughing at a person who has bought heels at your request. That has to go a long way to get her to accept you.

[KatieTaylor]

well that sounds more like someone trying to please you. Not someone trying to get you out the door.



and then you do this...yeah laughing at a person who has bought heels at your request. That has to go a long way to get her to accept you.

You are right it was not nice of me to find her attempt at walking in them amusing. In my defense it was more of a chuckle rather than a laugh. I'm not convinced that she will ever accept Katie, that idea is just a pipe dream.
Katie Taylor x

[Eryn]

This is kind of akin to teaching geese to fly methinks.

Contrary to what some of us think, GGs don't have an inborn ability to walk in heels.

They do have the advantage of being societally encouraged to wear heels and practice from their teens, but not every GG does this. Some opt for the comfort and safety of more down-to-earth styles. That is their prerogative.

[retrofitme]

I see an opening here and I hope you can benefit by it.

I thought the same thing.

[bobbimo]

I think this could be the PERFECT time for your wife to have some fun with Katie!
If you can walk in heels well, then you can teach by example
Then maybe the other items will come along.
I have taught a lot of things to my wife, because I am curious about different make up items, and I buy them. Sometimes she will ask how I like it and the next thing I know she is using mine or out buying her own!
sharing is so much fun!
Bobbi

[Pretty in Pink!]

I agree with Lorileah. After reading your post, I would say that your wife possibly bought the heels as an attempt to connect with you. For her to be open to her husband "coaching" her on how to be more feminine certainly isn't an easy thing for any married woman. They are supposed to be the experts. The fact that you took the time to help her probably meant a lot to her and is a step (just one) towards acceptance. Women usually can't help how they feel and there are a lot of concerns that are caused by what we do. This , of course, opens up feelings of fear, insecurity and bitterness. Patience is key. My advice would be to take things slow, don't force Katie on her but show Katie through the things that you do. (Like shopping! ... and sweet, thoughtful gestures.)