Going Public

[Moxie]

Out of curiosity, why do many of you crossdress publicly?

My own H hasn't done this yet but honestly, if he did, it would be a deal-breaker for me. I'm sure it would be for many women as I know I really, really don't want the neighbors finding out! In fact, I think I'd prefer more personal involvement than having my H walking about town in a dress. Children get bullied for far less.

So for those crossdressers (not transexuals) who dress publicly, why?? Why is it so important that strangers view you as a woman if you identify as a man? Wouldn't this be a little distressing?

[Kate Simmons]

I, for one, do not go out in "public" per se as a rule, unless there are special circumstances. I more or less limit myself to going to the local LGBT club to socialize and dance. I love to dance, so rather than being potentially stressed by trying to "pass" in public, I utilize my time at a place where I'm more or less accepted. In any case, I have nothing to "prove" to anyone Hon and the main objective is to have fun.

[jennyc4u]

as a closet cd myself I'm intrigued to hear
what people say. I could never go out dressed up unless it was halloween or something. i love to dress up but for a lot of us its a very personal thing i think

[Princess Chantal]

The initial reasons for me to go public were to showcase my looks (okay mostly to show off my legs) and to experience my curiousities of doing stuff/go to places with a feminine look. Now days it's to socialize and have all out fun. If my crossdressing helps to engage the general public to open their eyes and minds about crossdressing (you know like disposing the stereotypes that they may just have) would be a huge bonus.

[NicoleScott]

There are two ways to be out in public. Going out in public en femme, but not revealing your male identity. I do this.
Why? It's fun and exciting. It's feedback, hopefully positive but sometimes negative. Being noticed is being noticed.
And making it known (or not hiding it) that you are a guy who crossdresses. I don't do this.

[linda allen]

Out of curiosity, why do many of you crossdress publicly?

I've been out a few times before but not lately (there's a reason that I won't bother with here).

Why would I want to go out in public dressed as a woman? Why do people climb mountains? Because we can. For me I think it's to get the full (as much as possible) experience of being a woman. To see and feel what it's like.

Obviously, there are things we can never experience, but if we are reasonably passable, we can experience driving, walking down the street, etc. as a female.

Also, after spending an hour or two shaving, putting on makeup, wig, etc., who wants to just sit around the house looking in the mirror?

[debbeelee1]

First of all, my SO is accepting, supportive and encouraging of my crossdressing. My crossdressing activities ALWAYS includes her. While I'm not passable and I do not go to the mall on a Saturday afternoon dressed en femme, we do go to GLBT friendly places together with me dressed. Our favorite is our monthly Girls Night Out, which we have been attending regularly for almost a year.

I do drive there en femme, even in the daylight hours. Since she is the designated driver I have a couple of drinks, she drinks soft drinks and she drives us home. We've met many folks who we've become great friends with. Much of the time I mingle with other crossdressers, while they seem to flock to her since an accepting SO is a rare oddity! Our 4-5 hours there each month seems to zoom by because we always have such a great time!

Since I look like a 5'-14" tall guy in a dress, I'd never want to expose her to problems I might encounter going out mainstream, but we do have a blast doing what we do now!

[bridget thronton]

When my kids were in school i did not dress in public so that would not put them at risk of being a target at school. I told them if dressed when they were in college and living on their own. I dress in public because I wear clothes that feel more comfortable and are more stylish than the boy stuff

[ChelseaErtel]

I've only ventured out when traveling in a unfamilar town where I'm not known. Why, that is a question. For me it's exciting to explore that side of my self. I haven't made it into any stores or resturants, but I'd like to. I'd like to pass as a woman to most and go unnoticed if possible. So, when I have ventured out I try to blend in with appropriate clothes. Perhaps it brings my feminie side closer somehow. I still new at the forum and new at even thinking about venturing out.

I'd like to do the normal things dressed. Kind of makes me feel complete in some sense, not just dressing and looking in the mirror. I need more I guess.

[Meghan]

Out of curiosity, why do many of you crossdress publicly?

My own H hasn't done this yet but honestly, if he did, it would be a deal-breaker for me. I'm sure it would be for many women as I know I really, really don't want the neighbors finding out! In fact, I think I'd prefer more personal involvement than having my H walking about town in a dress. Children get bullied for far less.

So for those crossdressers (not transexuals) who dress publicly, why?? Why is it so important that strangers view you as a woman if you identify as a man? Wouldn't this be a little distressing?

I am not self aware to know that I am not closer to transsexual on the sliding scale than I'd otherwise like to believe I am. That said, for me, and again this is just my specific situation, there has been a progression that will soon include going out. We're within a couple of months of it. Here is the sequence:

1. Started experimenting around 4 or 5 with different girl things and found lots of fun playing with makeup, clothes etc.

2. By age 8 or so figured out that I had to do this in private

3. By age 12 I was playing with dresses and makeup every free moment I had until I got caught

4. Back and forth between 13 and 39 thinking I could "cure" this or forget about the urges or repressing stuff so deeply that I didn't believe any of the first 3 steps ever happened

5. Told my wife one night and luckily, she is not only accepting but genuinely curious and enjoys the transformations we experience. I got really lucky here, so this is probably where my experience changes from the normal timeline (although, honestly, we do far more interesting things that this, so I wasn't too worried she would reject Meghan, but that was always a possibility)

6. I think I am near the end of the teenage girl phase, where the manic fun from staying up late playing with makeup and clothes is fading some.

I think the desire to go out is a manifestation of all of the years when it had to be hidden. As children we weren't allowed to even dress (most of us). Now that we are responsible adults and have established our place in the world, what is the true harm in going out?

At some point, I think we recognize the world in general doesn't care very much about what any of us do. We're not in the 50's any more. Sure, there is still some close-mindedness out there and I am going to run into it sooner or later. But in general, the need to go out and experience the world as a woman (or, as closely as we can approximate it) overrides the possible harm (which is probably overstated anyway).

The desire to be out is a natural extension of the inner need, however misguided, to attract. We can't attract if we are unseen.

Not all of us do have this need. Many can be content to just catch an opportunity every now and then.

Personally, I do not know where I am on the spectrum. That's still an evolving process but as I write this I am writing it from a crossdresser point of view.

Meghan

[darylinb]

I've been going out in public for many years now. I'm not a flashy dresser but more natural conservative, shorts, capris, skirts. Usually I'm wearing sandals or flats. I have dressed very nice and gone out in heals, dress etc but that was in Vegas at a casino. I dress and travel by car all the time, eating in restaurants or checking into hotels. I love going to malls to shop and haven't had any problems. I always have smooth legs and arms and my hair is long enough to blow dry to puff it up. My wife thinks I pass fine although she is always a little nervous when I travel alone dressed. She even made up a story to tell police if I should be stopped for something. I'm traveling dressed as a woman to experience how women are treated when traveling alone. All I would have to do is ask the police to call her to verify the story. Pretty smart I think. I was in a minor car crash while dressed in shorts, little top, makeup etc. No problem other than the officer asking me if I was Susan or XXXXXX today. I just said XXXXX and he said ok. (both names are on the car registration) I called my wife and we both got a big laugh over that. Anyway, I dress in public because it feels natural to dress the way I do in public. I'm much more relaxed and comfortable being in feminine clothing. My avatar picture was in Vegas.

[Leslie Langford]

Speaking for myself, the short answer is that after a lifetime spent in the closet and hiding this important part of myself, I could no longer contain the urge to express my feminine side in a more tangible way. I needed to exercise the same freedom that women have to dress and present themselves publicly as they please, and in a way that makes them feel good about themselves.

A lot also has to do with finally accepting this part of myself, realizing that it will never go away, stop feeling guilty about it, and finally accepting this "gender gift" for what it is. I am over 60 now and have only been going out en femme for about 5 years, but my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

What you may not realize, DoorMat (still hate that name, BTW ) is that the world treats you much differently when you are out and about as a woman. As a man, you are virtually invisible. Dressed as a woman, you find that other women smile at you when they make eye contact, they engage in small talk when you browse through the clothing racks alongside of them, compliment you on what you are wearing, ask for your input on items they have just selected to buy, strike up conversations when standing in the checkout line, and share a million and one other niceties that you simply don't get to experience as a man. I also like the fact that when out as "Leslie", people hold doors open for me, they stop to ask if they can help if I appear to be looking for something, and cars stop and wait when I want to cross the street. I just feel so much more engaged and connected when out in the world as a woman...

The fitting room experience is another example of this. Men rarely try on the clothes that they are buying, and their fitting rooms are usually hidden in some out-of-the way spot. Women's fitting rooms, by way of comparison, are generally quite prominent and easily accessible, have far more cubicles, and are often staffed by helpful attendants who greet you, check up on you from time to time, and are more than willing to run and fetch different sizes or styles of the particular items that you are trying on if what you have with you doesn't fit just right. There is also an energy and a buzz in the women's fitting rooms that simply doesn't exist on the men's side, where one is essentially left to one's own devices to muddle through.

DoorMat, you express the same fears that my wife does in terms of me possibly "getting caught", being laughed at, harassed, or somehow ending up in danger when out en femme. She is particularly paranoid in her fear that I might get arrested for doing that I do. Well - News flash! - short of perhaps living in Taliban-controlled areas of the world, there is nothing illegal about crossdressing in public in most of the Western world. H*ll, women do it all the time . But the truth is - it just doesn't happen that way.

I am fortunate that because my height and build still fall within the range of most women's even if they are at the upper end, I am able to blend in quite easily and occasionally even "pass". And since I waited so long to finally go out in public en femme, my beard has largely turned gray in the meantime and can easily be covered up with make up following a close shave, and with minimal evidence of a "5 o'clock shadow" afterwards. I also make it a point to dress fashionably and age-appropriately, and often better than the GG's whom I interact with. That leaves little room to make fun of me even if I am "read" as a crossdresser, and when I do get the proverbial "second looks", it is more likely because someone is taken by my sense of style as opposed the fact that there might be a man lurking beneath all those nice clothes. I see this as a "pay it forward' approach", and if I act as a lady, people will automatically and subconsciously treat me as one.

All that said, it takes time and practice to develop this level of self-confidence, and like so many others here who do the same thing, I was terrified the first few times I went out in public en femme for fear that all those terrible things might happen to me as well. And you know what? They NEVER did.

I have not had one single bad experience going out as "Leslie", and have always been treated with dignity and respect - just like any other natal woman. If anything, I have probably gotten better service in stores than most GG's do because SA's tend to be fascinated and intrigued by us when they do clue in and therefore bend over backwards to help us. In fact, on several occasions, I have actually had more than one SA help me simultaneously, and everyone had a blast in the process. I almost feel that they rather enjoy serving crossdressers as we tend to be appreciative of good service and helpful advice - unlike some GG's who have body image issues, can't find anything that they like or feel looks good on them, and then get b*tchy and take their frustrations out on the SA's.

All that aside, DoorMat, I've also found that going out in public en femme and experiencing first-hand what it feels like to be treated like a woman also had its negative aspects, and that knowledge has actually made me a better man. Yes, as males we may have a superficial understanding of this, but until one has actually been leered at for the first time, hit upon, or otherwise been made to feel uncomfortable by some of the pigs that pass for members of our biological sex, one cannot truly appreciate the devastating effect that might have. I now do, and on some level it makes me feel ashamed to be a man and be subject to this type of "guilt by association". It also gives me one more reason to be grateful for my "gender gift" and that I am not as one-dimensional as some of these macho jerks.

You might want to look at your husband from that perspective as well, Doormat, and realize that some of the admirable qualities that made you fall in love with and marry him in the first place are deeply rooted in his feminine side, even if you might not have been aware of it at the time.

[Joanna41]

Why do I go out into public? Well I am not gonna spend all this money on shoes and clothes not to show them off. I don't go out much but when I do it's always with my wife. I have taken my being a cd as a challenge to myself to look and act as womanlike as possible when dressed. The challenge is to be a master at it. To master the art of fashion, make-up, nail care, hair care, and mannerisms. Clothing choices for men are bland and quite boring...while women's clothing choices are endless. Have you ever compared the mens section verse the womens section at a dept store? Women have almost an entire floor for clothes, dresses, accessories, purses, shoes, make-up, and of course intimates. To go out and be seen as a different person is quite the challenge and not to mention a bit scary. We do it because we have managed to gain enough courage to take that step and try it out. It's different...it's fun....and to a cd its pretty normal. We go out into the real world as close to being a women as we can get for many different reasons. Ask your husband what his are. I'm sure he will share his with you.

Joanna

[cyndigurl45]

Although I'm not in the GG category I am a woman so if that's crossdressing simply because my parents made the wrong choice 100 years ago then so be it. ......

[Kathi Lake]

Why do I go out dressed? That's a great question!

On the surface, there are many reasons - because it's fun, because it's a rush, because I've tried it and was accepted, and because I can.

Yes, I know as a woman, you're wondering where the 'fun' comes in - uncomfortable shoes, bras that bind, clothing that is pretty rather than practical. I guess the fun lies in the fact that it's different to us. We never get to experience silky or stretchy fabrics, shoes that don't tie, shirts that aren't a polo or a button-up, colors that are only a portion of the spectrum.

The rush comes in because we are doing something that society tells us that we shouldn't. No, most of us don't have a 'stick it to the man' complex. We do, however, get very tired of society always telling us that we have to act this way, that we cannot feel, that we dare not step outside of the very narrow box that we are relegated to. For some (usually the younger ones) who can actually look like a woman when dressed, the feeling of potentially fooling someone is also a kind of rush - like you're getting away with something. If you only understood the stifling and uncomfortable box that society places men in, you might understand why some choose to break free at times in this manner.

On a more personal level, I like to go out because of validation. I work hard to hone my skills. I have tried and tried to learn to do my makeup right, to dress in a manner that is consistent with women my age and body type, and to blend into the female half of society. Am I doing all this for me? Mostly, but also for others as well. You see, I firmly believe - against the current feelings of society - that what I am doing is not wrong. I am a nice person with a good personality. When I go out dressed and interact with people, I try to leave them changed. I try to let them know that I am not like their preconceived ideas of what we are about. I am not like what the media portrays us to be. As I've said before, if you met me in the street as I am normally dressed, you would meet a nice, normal guy. If you met me in the street dressed as a woman, you would again meet a nice, normal guy. My personality does not change based on what side of the closet I get dressed from. I am me in a jeans and t-shirt as much as I am me in a dress and heels.

So, I'm saying that I dress to change the world? I'm dressing as a service to others? Sounds all nice and altruistic. That can't be all there is to it, right? Of course not. Could I dress in private. Yes, I guess so, but what would be the point, in a way? To me, dressing alone in my basement seems almost a bit fetishistic. I would be dressing for my own pleasure, and to me, that seems a bit odd. Much of the pleasure I get in life I get through interacting with others. I am a people person. Well, why should my interactions be limited to me when I'm dressed in a certain way?

So, to get back to your question, it's not important for people to view me as a woman, because I'm not. What is important to me is that they view me as me - no matter what I'm wearing. Because there's a lot more to me than one small part.

Kathi

[Thera Home]

Hi Mattie

Ive never been out in public en femme but I would love too someday. I think it would be rush to do it. I wouldnt do it for the attention but for the feeling of being totally against the norm. "off the wall" type thing. Its a fantasy for me right now but you never know, I just might have to take on the world,Babe.

Thera

[RachelRICD]

I not only go out in public but work as a woman in a public healthcare office and love every minute of it. Most know I am a crossdresser but recently I seem to pass more readily. I spent too many years in the closet and decided to break out several years ago. I am so glad I did because now I can be me. I enjoy being looked at, spending time as one of the girls at work and enjoying the pretty part of me. No, it's not for everyone but for me it's a great part of me.

[Cheryl T]

I do it because my employer requires a uniform....OHHHH ... you mean THAT way...lol.

I do it because it's a natural extension of expressing who I am. After so many, many years in the closet it's just fulfilling to be able to venture out and do everything as a woman. We are not designed to be solo creatures. We crave the interaction of others and that just completes me in ways I just can't express fully.

[Loni]

i go out doing most anything i need to do, dressed as loni, cause it just feels right.
but then i do not have a so that has a sward hanging over me. have you and your h ever been to a gender group? you just might find you like it. some are great party's, some are more like a meeting group. or even just to a club the allows cross dressers. couple drinks some dancing, music, etc. make a weekend in a big city out of it. (mini vacation if you will).
dressing is part of us. just like some live to go fishing. your h is who he is cause of all of him and this is why you fell in love with him.
have the both of you gone shopping (him in drab)?

he could have a far worse "hobby" and this would exclude you from his life. but dressing can include you, both of you will love it if that could happen. both your lives would be enriched by this.

just my take on life.

Loni

.

[audreyinalbany]

I do it because I like it and it's fun. I'm sure there are deep psychological reasons, bad parenting, distant father, admirable mother, whatever. But the long and short is that it's taken me nearly fifty years to just come to the conclusion that it's simply fun. I enjoy it. Why do some people like coconut? Why do some people ride motorcycles? Some get off on roller coasters. Who knows. I've gotten tired of trying to find reasons why I'm a cross dresser. I just am.

[susan54]

Hi. I have been going out in public for 16 years all over the UK but mainly Scotland - shopping, beauty salons, dining out, visiting galleries and museums, and staying in hotels for days on end. In the last hotel I even used the swimming pool (one piece costume). I never imagine I am a woman, I am just acting. When people assume I am a woman I regard this as a form of appreciation of my acting skills. I only wear skirts and dresses, always with heels, but sometimes I wear these as a man, with no bra or make up. I never get negative reactions - never.

Most of the people I interact with are women, and most of them already know I am a man (I go back to the same places a lot). They give me wonderful feedback on my outfits - I dress elegantly and can walk convincingly - if you have good legs and are slim, you can look great in a dress if you walk and stand properly.

For me it is not sexual, but it is compulsive. When I step out of the car for the first time on a day out, there is a definite rush when I sling my handbag over my shoulder, I feel the air on my legs and my skirt on my sheer stockinged legs, and hear the click of my heels on the pavement. Entering a familiar setting like may favourite shops usually gets a reaction to my outfit. Occasionally I will hear "That's just not fair" or get a row for wearing long skirts with the legs I have.

I have met lovely women I would not otherwise have met, and they are always so nice to me. Wearing these clothes is FUN in a way that men's clothes never can be, and being in public in them adds considerably to the fun. I not NOT need to be taken as a woman,just as someone who is good at acting and dressing like one.

The few people I have told have loved it, except one partner who really did not want to know. But I am careful to avoid friends and neighbours realising - easier than you think even in a small community. It would be nice to have a wider social life dressed like this but I draw the line about being out to my wider network of friends. So out with limits and discretion covers it, going out in public a couple of times a month with one holiday a year in Scotland or N England. But I wear these clothes (without make up of wig) at home nearly all the time.

I was going to comment on the name chosen by the OP but really it is none of my business and you possibly have your reasons, but I would be uncomfortable addressing anyone as that.

[Jenniferathome]

Great question! I am sure there will be a thousand reasons provided, but for me it is a validation of sorts. It is like screaming at the top of my lungs, "This is who I am" without saying a word. It's odd, for sure, in that I do not want to be called out or humiliated (and on every occasion out, no one has said a word), but I want the "world" to see that this is part of me.

My wife and I live in a fairly small town and she would never go out with me as we could be recognized and neither of us want that stigma but she has gone out with me when away from home and it was fun (more fun for me for sure). You should make sure to tell him that going out locally is a boundary you can't stomach. But would you care if he was out in some town 100 miles away? 25 miles? Where is the boundary for you? You would be surprised, but when we crossdressers are out, we are read probably 100% of the time, by someone. Mostly, people don't care. If your husband stays where his age group should be, he'll be fine. The better he looks as a woman, the more likely he will be unnoticed.

[Beverley Sims]

Idress more and go out when on holidays.
When I am near home I do not generally venture out much.
There is a certain feeling of freedom in looking at the womens section of a store when dressed.
Also if you want to share company of others with like interests it is more natural to do it dressed.
There is also less likleyhood of being outed in the company of others.

[Barbara Ella]

You have gotten the myriad of answers that cover the spectrum. Almost as many answers as individuals, as would be expected. I have only gone out four times, and i did it because I wanted/needed to do it. I wanted to buy a dress, and I wanted to try it on before. I wanted to walk through a mall and shop in the sores.

If you Husband needs to go out, just set the boundaries as Jenniferathome mentioned. He just does not need to do it in town. If you do not want him driving through your neighborhood, make him get a room to change. This is my situation, and I will have to deal with it, and it makes planning outings more fun, as they get to be a bigger event. Your concerns should be understood.

Barbara

[RylieCD]

I have gone out only a few times but iit when I give up being a prisoner in my own home.