Halloween at a Bar

[linda allen]

My wife and I may go out on Halloween or the weekend before Halloween with me dressed. I would be dressed as a "normal" woman my age, not in a "costume". This outing might include one or more bars, not because we are big drinkers (I can't drink anymore), but because there aren't really any other destinations that I can think of other than just walking up and down the streets in the bar district. It's probably important to know that this will be (if it happens) the first time she will be out with me dressed.

So here's the question:

It's been discussed many times before, what restroom should I use in the bar? Normally, my advice to someone else would be to use a family, unisex, or single stall restroom if available, otherwise, if you think you pass, use the ladies restroom.

The reason I post this question is, on Halloween, I can expect many bar patrons to be in costume and probably some will be males in female costumes, but obviously male because they are not "crossdressers". I expect they would use the men's restroom as they are not trying to pass, just having fun in a costume.

That leaves me, trying to pass as a female, but in the company of males not trying to "pass" and a bunch of males, possibly drunk, who might take offense with me using the ladies room along with their girlfriends.

So, advice, please ?

[Nikki A.]

Halloween or not, if I'm dressed as a female I use the ladies room. That includes bars, restaurants and dept stores.
Look at it this way, which is going to create a more of a stir, being dressed obviously female and walking out of a men's room or a ladies room.

[linda allen]

Halloween or not, if I'm dressed as a female I use the ladies room. That includes bars, restaurants and dept stores.
Look at it this way, which is going to create a more of a stir, being dressed obviously female and walking out of a men's room or a ladies room.

My point is though, this is not a normal situation, there will likely be men in "female" costumes who, I expect, will be using the men's room. They may also be protective of "their" women. I've spent enough time in bars to know how some people act or react to situations they don't approve of.

[Sara Jessica]

That's a tough question. This isn't simply the oft-asked "what restroom do I use?" Halloween provides an entirely different variable that I had not really considered before.

Normally, I'd say to use the restroom based on the gender you are presenting as. But with Halloween being a different animal as you are simply in costume, I bet it'd cause quite a stir if you were to try to use the ladies room.

I would therefore suggest if you are presenting as a "guy in female costume", then perhaps the men's room would be the best choice. Personally I wouldn't do this because I identify as female but it doesn't matter so much as I don't do Halloween any more. I give off enough feminine cues without confirming my elephant's existence with all of my friends.

[Deona_Anne]

I would say, "That depends on the rules of the bar". Some bars may overlook the true crossdresser using a woman's restroom and some may already have rules that stipulate, "No matter what, you are required to use the men's restroom". I know if you live in Tacoma, WA. one of the downtown "gay" bars has a strict policy that stipulates the no matter what policy.

I went to this one with a gay friend when I was in guy mode, and there was a crossdresser in there. It through me off because I was expecting her to be in the ladies room and not the men's room. I found out right after that the policy was guys had to use the men's room, even if you were in your female role.

Just make sure you have an idea of the policy or their rule before you enter that bathroom. You probably do not want to ruin the night for your wife if you get kicked out of the bar or are detained for the cops to question you about going in the women's room.

[linda allen]

I would say, "That depends on the rules of the bar". Some bars may overlook the true crossdresser using a woman's restroom and some may already have rules that stipulate, "No matter what, you are required to use the men's restroom". I know if you live in Tacoma, WA. one of the downtown "gay" bars has a strict policy that stipulates the no matter what policy.

I went to this one with a gay friend when I was in guy mode, and there was a crossdresser in there. It through me off because I was expecting her to be in the ladies room and not the men's room. I found out right after that the policy was guys had to use the men's room, even if you were in your female role.

Just make sure you have an idea of the policy or their rule before you enter that bathroom. You probably do not want to ruin the night for your wife if you get kicked out of the bar or are detained for the cops to question you about going in the women's room.

I don't know about "gay" bars and I don't think we'll be going to one, just a "normal" bar. I've never seen rules posted on restroom doors, just the "Mens" or "Ladies" designation.

[docrobbysherry]

Restroom rules r different where ever u go, Linda. But, be CAREFUL dressing as a female around Halloween if u don't wish to be outed! Most men in women's things at Halloween look tacky, over done, and obvious. Think: balloon boobs and a beard!

I suggest any CD wishing to dress for Halloween wear a female COSTUME! Whether u pass or not, you're less likely to be nailed as a CD that way!

[Chickhe]

First off... If you are trying to dress up to look female then halloween is not really the best time to do that if you want to blend in... people will assume it is a costume and probably approach you and if you are not ready to be made fun of, your ego my get a beating. The most fun I've had is trying to appear to be a female in a costume. This is a great way to have fun with people. The way I approach the bathroom is to use the men's if people can tell I'm a guy, if there is some doubt, I use the womens to keep them guessing and one year I was actually pulled in to the womens room by another girl who thought I was heading to the 'wrong one'. I doubt anyone will care at a party as long as you are respectful and have a good sense of humor about it if questioned...and that's when I would just say it was for a gag... good suggestion would be to go with your wife, that way you have an invitation and someone to defend you.

[BillieJoEllen]

I don't know about "gay" bars and I don't think we'll be going to one, just a "normal" bar. I've never seen rules posted on restroom doors, just the "Mens" or "Ladies" designation.

Linda, if you're wearing a dress and theres a picture or symbol of a man in pants or there is a picture or symbol of a woman in a dress on the restroom entrance then they have made your choice crystal clear. If its just words they're using to describe whose restroom is what then you'll have to use your own intuition to decide.

[Confetti]

Use ladies because you appear as one or family. I was at the Paramus mall ladies room really long but not the family in fact there was an eldely couple leaving. And get this a toilet for midgets!

Ps. Have fun nobody notices what we worry about.

[AllieSF]

It depends on where you live. here in California, I use the Lady's room when dressed, all the time. Another thing, just because you are dressed as a woman near Halloween does not mean that you will run into others dressed similarly. Some may be dressed extravagantly, over the top, as a woman, but I doubt that you will find anyone dressed down as a woman, so to speak, at this time of the year. If in doubt and you get a chance to converse with the waitress or bartender, just ask them which one to use. Good luck and have a great time.

[Beverley Sims]

I use the one appropriate to my apparent gender or look for a unisex/disabled toilet.

[Stephanie47]

I think you can put some angst to rest at the tavern, if your wife accompanies you to the women's restroom. How many times have you been out with couples or a group of women and they ALL get up to go "freshen up?" I think having your wife along will put other women's fears to rest. Maybe to even soften any 'intrusion' you and your wife can wear the same exact ensemble; kind of like the Double Mint Twins commercials.

[Mikaela]

And as one more note, EVERYONE seems to know that Halloween is for crossdressers. If you are out, crossdressed on Halloween, anyone you know will realize it's not "just a costume" unless it is a caricature.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Tough question to answer, go to the restroom with your wife and it should be allright??? I agree with Mikaela, everyone will know you are a CD if you dress as a woman on halloween if you don't go in a costume. Get yourself a sexy costume, go all the way. I have gone as a pirate, french maid, hooters girl to name a few. Mostly I like to get all sexied up on halloween, it is the only time you can really let your hair down and get away with it, so get away with it and have some fun.

[Chickhe]

Another answer made me think of a good answer. Just ask one of the staff, where is the washroom? They will respond with, 'the womens is there.... or the guys is .... or they are both there...(in which case you just ask, does it matter which one I use?'). Asking is a great way to do it at a party if you are not sure because if you ever ran in to an issue, you can refer to the permission the staff member gave you.

[Joan_CD]

Hi Linda,

If you pass easily and no one in the bar thinks of you as other than female I would think the ladies room would be proper. But if you don't feel comfortable and are noticed as male then go to the men's room. If your wife accepts it and allows it in the future you will find the key to passing is attitude. I go out female all the time and often alone, using the ladies room. I walk confidently and even make chit chat on the line when there is an intermission at a concert we often go to! Good luck Linda and let us know how it goes!

[linda allen]

There have been several comments about if I do too good a job of dressing as a normal woman on Halloween, people will know I'm a crossdresser. I've given the same advice myself but I will not be partying with friends or anyone who knows me (other than my wife) so I don't really care. And if I pass, so much the better, that's the point of the whole thing.

If it were entirely up to me, I would dress this evening and go with my wife to the mall or down town, but the Halloween thing is for her cover, not mine. If the Halloween thing comes off, and if it goes well, there could be more outings in the future. That's what I'm hoping for. This thought all started with my wife's comment "Well, maybe we could dress you up as a woman and take you out on Halloween."

Going to the ladies room with my wife seems like the best solution if they don't have individual restrooms. A bar is unlikely to have additional "family" restrooms. Or, I might just skip the bar thing, walk around town, and go to the mall when I need a restroom.

Thanks for the responses.

[linda allen]

..... I go out female all the time and often alone, using the ladies room. I walk confidently and even make chit chat on the line when there is an intermission at a concert we often go to! Good luck Linda and let us know how it goes!

Joan, do you have a passable female voice?

[Sara Jessica]

Let me try this again from a different angle.

There has been a lot of debate about whether the non-transitioning TG (read: one who is not full time) should even be permitted to use the ladies room when presenting as female. I think the majority believes they should, myself included. But this is also a biased sample in that most who hold that opinion are of the non-transitioning TG type.

That said, the more I think about this, the more I think it's a no-brainer. If you are going out on Halloween from the perspective of a guy dressed as a female, then you should clearly be using the men's room. The ladies room isn't part of the costume. You are not out at a restaurant with your wife for a quiet evening as two ladies, you are a guy in a costume. Although at any other time of year this might be true, for this night you are not presenting as female to express your identity, you are a guy in a costume.

Use the men's room.

[Stephenie S]

And just one more comment: You mentioned that some men at the bar may be protective of "their" women (sounds like Mitt here). If you can't handle the combination of testosterone and alcohol, just stay out of bars!

S