Dealing with jokes

[Kerstin]

I guess many of us have been in situations where we've been with a group of people and someone makes 'tranny' jokes or says something derogatory about transgendered people. I'm not a humorless Buzz Killington and can take a joke, but because 'tranny' comments strike at the heart of who I am as a person I don't mind admitting that sometimes it irritates me. I say sometimes because it's not always malicious, and appreciate that some jokes can be good natured.

Because I haven't yet revealed my transgender identity to the whole world it's sometimes difficult for me to voice any sort of objection or to stick up for the transgendered person being joked about without the fear of drawing suspicion upon myself. If I was 'out' it would be different, but because I'm not I sometimes find myself staying silent when I really feel like I want to say something.

What do you do in similar situations? Laugh along with them, stay silent, speak your mind or something else?

[Kate Simmons]

When people joke about individuals or groups or talk about them in a derogatory manner, they are usually attempting to compensate for some personal(or perceived) inadequacy. Your reaction is up to you but you need to consider the source.

[STACY B]

Just wait ,,, BEFORE u Know they will be talking bout u ,,,lol,,,So if I here a tranny joke I do laugh cuz I just think they ment It towards me ,,LOL,,,, I got jokes too ,,, So don't Bite off more than you care to chew ,,LOL,,, Cuz I like to Fancy myself a Quik witted Tongue Lasher ,,, So all I can say is GET SOME ,, Lets PLAY !!!

[Launa]

I always look at everbody in the eye in these situations with no emotion and then look the other way to show them I'm not interested in their humor. I don't speak my mind but my body language lets them know that they aren't funny and if they keep it up I just walk away.

[Angela Campbell]

I either don't say much or if watching a tv show with a cd or tran on it I might say ...she looks pretty much like a girl. or she doesn't .....sometimes I will even say she's pretty...Depends on who is there with me. If it is people who are really insulting about the subject I will usually stay silent and make a note not to hang around them much anymore.

[Tracii G]

If the person telling the joke is a friend I assume its directed towards me and I come back with a line about their Momma.

If I am in a group and someone expresses disregard for or makes jokes about a trans person I will speak up for the trans person.
Usually I will say you are free to be the way you are how about letting them do the same thing you jerk!
Done it plenty of times on FB too.

[linda allen]

We have to deal with all kinds of people in life and we have to overlook some of their flaws (flaws in our minds). I run into people who make race jokes and even though I am not of that particular race, the jokes are usually offensive to me. I haven't really hear a lot of CD or TG jokes, but I sometimes hear stories that offend me to some extent.

I just ignore them and carry on. It's not going to help for me to try to change them so I just set a good example.

[Sally24]

I almost always speak my mind. Just ask my wife!

[bridget thronton]

I ignore - unless it is a student in my class then I must make a comment to let them know that is not acceptable - I do not tell those jokes studewnts tend copy the behavior I model for them

[MsRenee]

People like that I try to ignore cause kost of them I dont think have any idea about what there saying. Now if they knew someone that was they would have a different outlook on it I think.
Renee

[FeliciaCDSNJ]

Those jokes get on My nerves but I try not to show it, still closeted, but I try to put on a "face" and laugh. Though I wonder how funny it will be to my "friends" when they find out I'm transgendered. Needless to say, those jokes I really don't put up with.

[reb.femme]

My brother was recounting a story from the local paper of a person who had had their windows stoned by kids. In my brothers words, "what did he expect, he's a ******* tranny"? i asked why that seemed to be a legitimate reason, but as with most people and I include much of my own family here, you cannot put sense where there is no room for it. I think the best answer is pick your arguments wisely, you can't win them all, and just have less to do with those types. I'm all in for education and I certainly love an argument but as Kate said, you need to consider the source.

So all in, 'Tranny' gags don't personally irritate me, but malicious crap like the window bit above does.

Reb

[Lorileah]

Interesting. I belong to a club that in its mission statement says they are for "civil" rights and equality. Yet they joke about women and ethic groups and...yes transgendered people. They don't joke about 50+ year old Hispanic males though...because that would be them. Many even know about me and still tell gay tranny jokes....ha ha. I just look at them like they are the biggest box of rocks I know. Truth is, what they usually say isn't funny even if it wasn't hitting close to home.

I just think of the song from AvenueQ Everyone's a little bit racist.

[Barbara Ella]

I will at most give a wry smile, no laugh, no recognition or participation. A mental note to minimize discussion with that or those individuals whenever possible. My feeling of these people and people who dish dirt behind someone's back is that if they will say this about that individual, imagine what they will say about you.

Barbara

[GaleWarning]

I look at the motivation behind the joke before getting excited.
Do we tell Irish jokes to denigrate the Irish, or Jewish jokes to denigrate the Jews, for example?
I once knew a Jewish man who told the very best Jewish jokes because he could understand that they WERE funny.

I come from South Africa.
Here in NZ, an Iranian work colleague begged me to tell him a racist South African joke.
For several months, I refused to do so (I am an avowed anti-racist!)
Eventually I agreed to tell him such a joke.
I had two to choose from, which are particularly denigrating.
So I chose one of them and told it to him.
When I got to the punch line, he looked at me quizzically ....
"I don't get it"' he said.
Exactly! Only those whom it is truly meant to offend will understand that it is meant to be offensive.

PC people fail to differentiate between truly satirical and funny jokes, and crass ones.

Reminds me of the single mother who went along to the local WINZ office to discuss her benefit ....

(No, someone might get offended, Clayfish ....)

Is this not censorship?

My mind is in a whirl .....

[Pexetta]

Usually I always speak my mind in these situations, though I'm still saying things like 'They are not perverts' rather than 'We are not perverts.'

The one exception recently has been when I joined a Quaker LBG group on Facebook and found that the timeline was dotted with 'humorous' transphobic pictures. I was genuinely shocked to find that they thought like that, and I just left the group rather than starting a fight, which would just have got me thrown out anyway.

[Annie D]

I think a joke is a joke and I think we can all find some humor in any situation even if it is about one of us. Good grief, we all enjoy something funny that one of us has done or tried to do. But a comment made in the attempt to be funny that is derogatory, a put down or degrading about anyone or any circumstance has no place and should not be acceptable. I think that each of us needs to take a stand about this kind of behavior; not only comments about crossdressers, transgenders, gays, minorities in every way should be met with:

" I find that comment to be hurtful and cruel and I can't accept that type of bigotry. I will no longer remain silent when I hear something said that I find offensive about another human being. I respect that you have the freedom to express your own opinion but I have the freedom to express mine as well. My mother once told me that silence was a sign of acceptance and I can no longer remain silent."

Sorry, as a public school educator I do not support "bullying" and verbal abuse is one of the cruelest forms of bullying that I witness.

[Meghan]

I guess many of us have been in situations where we've been with a group of people and someone makes 'tranny' jokes or says something derogatory about transgendered people. I'm not a humorless Buzz Killington and can take a joke, but because 'tranny' comments strike at the heart of who I am as a person I don't mind admitting that sometimes it irritates me. I say sometimes because it's not always malicious, and appreciate that some jokes can be good natured.

...

What do you do in similar situations? Laugh along with them, stay silent, speak your mind or something else?

Fabulous question. I do not laugh or say anything directly related to the so-called joke, but I make it a point to work my point of view in with a fact or a question.

For example, I might ask a serious question like "I wonder how wide the spectrum is" or make a serious enough reply to make people think, like "yeah if you think that's bad, you should see me on Saturdays"!

Usually though this is only something that comes up at work. I don't have any friends who would joke like that, but then again I don't really have any "guy" friends. All of my friends are women, with the exception of one man who is my age and is always invited to girls night

Meghan

[Tina B.]

For me, it's easy, I'm known as a flaming liberal, I speak up to raciest, homophob's and transphob's, so no one is surprized, or thinks I'm including myself in that defense. I love a joke, where everyone gets to laugh, I have no use for humor that demeans anyone, anyway.
Tina B.

[Mythic]

I'm really into stand up comedy so I love jokes(good ones), but even though I'm not out yet I do let people know I support transgenderd people. So if someone is just being rude I let them know I get offended. Same with gay jokes or racist ones. There are good ones, an some that just make you an ***.

[sonna]

(1) ignore the joke (2) change the subject (3) get on with life.

and you can do it in that order.

[mirandacdgirl]

one of my co-workers was making statements like.. people are born in the wrong bodies.. etc.. I just ignored him .. he kept going so i replied.. with.. if it makes them happy .. why does it bother you. Its not like they are intruding on your life.. let people be who they want... he shut up after that.

[Diane Maple]

So, for me I learned as a teen that some people just aren't worth my time and some... some just don't get that they are being rude because someone they know is an b head and it just rubs off on them.

So, I like to just point out in a calm mature manner how rude they are being. Best if you can do it with a quip to make them look totally bad...
Sure, you may be a buzz killer but, really... they have already killed any buzz you had going ... your already upset.
People need to know when they are being offensive. Or they will just keep doing it.

[Bree-asaurus]

"What's your problem with trannies? You compensating for something? Like all those anti-gay activists that turn out to be secretly gay?"

"I know (or used to know) a crossdresser/tranny. They were normal people like you and me. What ever floats your boat if you ask me"

I would NEVER laugh along side them. It's the ones who do laugh, the ones to who make fun and bully that have their own insecurities about the subject. Don't be that guy/girl.

But I'm out... so I defend anyway.

[Beverley Sims]

Depending on the mood of the group I will probably throw in my 30 pieces of silver.

A rewrite here...
If it is a debilitating joke I will defend the people made fun of.
If it is genuinely funny I will laugh and if not I will remain silent.
Remember it is a group I am not out to yet.