Are you just guessing?

[I Am Paula]

Please girls, don't take this as a rant. I read all over the forum "they would kill me in my town if they knew I CD". How do you know? Did they kill everyone else? Why do you still live there?
"My wife would disown me if she knew" Are you sure?
"I'd be fired if I wore women's socks" Is this written company policy?
Perhaps sometimes we have to sit back and decide what is paranoia, and what really holds water. IMHO the world is a gentler place than we give it credit (or blame) for.
I live, work and play, en femme in a conservative farming community, where men are men, so I stay out of the John Deere dealership, and bars called 'the stumbling bigot'. I only pass at distances greater than thirty feet, and talk in a man's voice, and I have no problem with anyone. Men ignore me, and women are usually curious, and friendly. I also go to downtown Toronto, now a megalopolis, and if I stay on the right side of the tracks, I'm treated with the respect due any other human.
"That's about all I've got to say about that"- Forest Gump
Just food for thought, Hugs Celeste

[GaleWarning]

I am a teacher in a country which is very accepting of gay and transgendered people.
Several gay and transgendered persons have served in both local and national politics.
At least one principal of a primary school is civil unioned to a former cabinet minister.
So there should be no problem opening up as being a CDer, right?
Wrong!!!!
Individual schools are run, not by government officials, but by boards of trustees who are local parents.
And some are extremely homophobic.
CDing is erroneously linked with paedophilia.
Males were certainly put off entering education by a well-publicised case back in the 1990s involving an ECE teacher named Peter Ellis.
Google his name and read the story.
In a country where the word of a child is deemed more trust-worthy than that of a committed teacher, there is no way that I am going to leave the closet.

BTW, Celeste, I aint no girl.
Please learn to use inclusive language on this forum.
Rant over.

[RedBaron]

I agree with Celeste. It took me a long time to get the courage to go out in skirts, but when I did, it was a non-event. Nothing happened, nobody said anything. I have worn skirts in public in several countries (USA, UK, Ireland, Germany, France, Australia), and never had a real problem anywhere. I wear skirts at company parties as well, no problem. Women in general are just curious. Men are more reluctant to talk about my skirts, but hardly ever say anything against me. I had maybe 3 instances where somebody said anything negative in the 10+years that I have been going out daily in skirts.

[I Am Paula]

Hi persons- I wasn't advocating for a minute that every humanoid that has ever donned panties go running down thier street in a ball gown. There are definately those who have every reason to stay closeted, and there are places (mostly other countries thank goodness) where CDing may actually cause you to be killed. I have the highest respect for teachers, and I think that if they CD this should be kept from children. I also think they have gotten the short end of the stick in some legal matters. I would have a hard time respecting a male police officer in a dress, or a judge with breast forms on. There is a time and place for everthing.
My post was strictly to make a few people who may have considered stretching their bounderies abit, to not always look at the pessimistic side as they make their choices.-Celeste

[Kimberly Long]

I was Chief of Police for 10 years in a large Texas town. I had to dress and stay in the house, their was no way I could go out side. I retired in 1998 and moved out of the town( (590 miles). For the past 3 years I have live as Kimberly with the help and support of my SO. Live is so wonderful. We just got back from a two week vacation to New Mexico, I was dressed the total trip and was treated with respect everywhere I went. I no longer have a men clothing and only present my self as the woman I am. I have had only one friend reject me. I live in a over 55 community and I am accepted as the woman I am.

[rita63]

Hi Celeste I live up or down the 401 from you in a medium sized city surrounded by conservative farm county, west of Toronto. Yes I have walked along Bloor and Young and Chrch streets en femme and been just like everybody else. I've even ridden the bus in my city in skinny jeans and a womens T earings and makeup going to support group meetings.
Last year two trans people, yes I know them, were filling in at an aroma therapy booth at a "farmers" market on the east edge of town. They were told to leave and never work there again, the ownner had to close the booth and the Human Rights Tribunal is sitting on its behind. Same summer in a small town near hear. Some trans people coming home from the beach on a summer day were told to leavre a Tim"s after a local pasto whot was there complained to the waitress. Another friend from my support group was beatedn baddly outside her apartment when dressed.
About half the people I work with, mainly women, come from the hinterland and they number enough loud mean visciouse gossips that I will never come out at work.
As a musician I assume you don't daily attend a work place in your community and don't have that connection to your community.
OK Ontario has come a long way from Hamilton (were I was brought up) and a former high school chum was beaten to death for coming out of a gay bar. But the hatred of trans and gay people hasn't gone away its still out there.
Sorry for the rant but I have lived here all my 63 years and I think I know the place.

hugs rita

[docrobbysherry]

I'm glad that's working for u, Celeste. But, as u can see by reading Rita's post, it doesn't for everyone!

When it comes to decisions like dressing and going out, I like to weigh the pro's and con's. I take a sheet of paper and list the POSSIBLE positives on the left side and POSSIBLE negatives on the other.

Here's my positives:

It may make me feel good.
It may build my confidence.
Someone may smile at me.

On the negative side my list was over 103 BAD things that mite happen, including these 3 that may reverse my positives:

I may feel terrible afterwards
I may never want to go out again
Someone may spit on me
Plus 100 others that r far worse!

[5150 Girl]

I live in a conservitive community, and untill I walked out the door for the first time, I allways thought with the high percentage of inbread rednecks arround here, it would be a death sentence. Now, I'm out and dressed more often than not, and haven't had any real trouble so far.

[Tina B.]

Why is it so important to some on here to convince those in the closet to come out, until you've walked a mile in there stilettos, how could you know what it would cost them.
I know it would hurt my wife, and cost me my son, and grandkids. and that's a price I'm not willing to pay, and or risk.

[Beverley Sims]

Like Tina says you have to consider the op's situation before going for it...
That being said I do encourage others to at least try going out, as far away from home as possible.
This engenders confidence and assists in not being closeted forever.
I do not challenge those that do it by choice, that is their perogative. I was happy doing that for a long time.
I only encourage those that want to throw off the shackles and go out.

[ChelseaErtel]

Actually I agree with you. But I would loose my wife. I am certain of that and am, at least now, not willing to part with her. She has been remote and we have stopped being intimate for over three years - change of life - but I'm patient. We'll see what happens. If we do part after 30 years of marriage, I'd go full time girl I'm pretty certain.

So, Chelsea will be a lone except for all the wonderful girls on this forum.

Good food by the way, thanks.

[Saffron]

Here it was illegal to do SRS until 1983 (doctors going to jail), TS and CD people were put in jail until 1979, my country was under a right-wing dictatorship until 1975, and nowadays you read about hate crimes or extreme religious groups which, for example, got access to the public healtcare list of TS patients, and made public on the internet the full list including operations.

So, there's a lot of good people in the world, but there's a lot of prejudices and dangerous people.

[Karren H]

No one in Pittsburgh cares what you wear.... as long as its black and gold!

[I Am Paula]

Saffron, I went to high school in Madrid during the Franco era (I moved away in 1977). Myself, and a couple of expat CD's were really careful, and really fearful of the Guardia Civil. Not a good time and place to be different. On my post-Franco visits, I saw it got much better, and I enjoyed some of the great new gay bars. Just thought I'd share.- Celeste

[linda allen]

Please girls, don't take this as a rant. I read all over the forum "they would kill me in my town if they knew I CD". How do you know? Did they kill everyone else? Why do you still live there? "My wife would disown me if she knew" Are you sure? "I'd be fired if I wore women's socks" .................

Most of us, especially as we grow older have learned how to reason and how to judge what would probably happen in a given circumstance. For example, I know I would be shocked if I stuck my finger in a light socket. I have deduced this from research, I don't have to actually experience it.

I'm no longer working, but it's easy for my to deduce that I would have had a very hard time of it if I had shown up for work one day in boobs and a skirt.

If nothing else, we have to think of our loved ones so even if I decided today that I didn't care what my friends and neighbors thought about me, I think of the embarassment it would cause my wife.

[kimdl93]

My expereiences have been very similar, Celeste. Men generally ignore me - unless they stop to open a door for me - and women are almost always very interested and friendly. I often think that women like the idea of us joining their team.

[NicoleScott]

It's another "I came out with good results, so you should, too" thread.
I know my family, friends, and job situation better than Celeste does, and I see coming out as bad for my situation.
When I lose my job, I'll be wondering how to pay the bills, and Celeste will just say, "huh, I guess I was wrong".

[Alicew]

I live in a small village just outside the major large town in north wales and as far as i can tell theres no one else like me in the village,theres three elderly transitioned ladies around 2 the source of endless ridicule and the other a successfull business women within the town so i can probably surmise that with me being very tall im not going to be to hard to read,andim just not comfortable enough with who i am to shoulder that ridicule YET.
At the moment just being immaculately groomed with slightly plucked eyebrows and longer than average male nails i get the usual gay jokes from my friends and family but thats par for the course with us,but when im finally ready to step out in to the daylight on my journey i have no doubt i will get read and ridiculed so yes im preety sure it will happen and im holding it back for as long as possible.

[EllieOPKS]

A bar called The Stumbling Bigot is a new classic. With your permission I will use it at the appropriate times and places.