Do You Regret Crossdressing?

[KateSpade83]

I regret ever starting crossdressing; first premonitions that it was bad happened when I shopped for my first skirt [HS], skirt suit [Jr year college], and during my college years. It caused my Project partners to try to blackmail me and result in a C in Sr Design Class, - I fear this affect my Mech Eng career.

And it hurt me in many jobs. I lost many jobs, job interviews, and didn't go temp to perm because of it. So life sucks. I feel I would have had a stellar career with hardly any gay discrimination if I was never a crossdresser. I think I could have been rich if I wasn't a crossdresser, and that I could get more jobs through networking, connections, or just people being favorable to you.

And then the social life hurts too. I don't hang around or have any gay friends, and straight people don't want to associate with you if they know you're a crossdresser. I notice I get shunned by the in crowd and connection because they know about me. They wipe their hands across their chest as a signal / insult that I crossdress.

They just can't seem to accept that some people just want to enjoy wearing the other sex's clothes. They then associate you with being gay.

So the only reward I get from crossdressing is the feel of wearing the clothes, the fetish, and going out and passing as a woman.

Do you regret crossdressing? How has it hurt your life?

[Taylor186]

I'm sure I would have regretted or at least questioned the impact of crossdressing on my career and social life if I were as open about it as you seem to be. I'm not and thus have no concerns about crossdressing affecting my career and friends.

[Danni Renee]

I cannot say at this point in my life that I regret crossdressing at all but I too am not very open yet. I am not sure you can second guess how your life would have been if you had done something versus doing something else, whether it is crossdressing or drinking alcohol. What I am finding as important to me is how I feel inside: am I happy with myself. When I refused to admit how I felt and who I was, I was never happy. Now that I have admitted who I am I feel better.

I spent a lot of time second guessing myself and wondering how my life would be if I had been more open about who I am earlier in life but I cannot change it, I can only work to be happy now. I hope you can work through your regrets and find a place where you can be happy.

Danni

[Jess Marie]

I refer you to one of my favorite quotes, "I'd rather live a life of 'oh wells' than a life of 'what ifs'"

[Jenniferathome]

First, no I do not regret it at all. It is part of me. Second, has it occurred to you that maybe there are numerous other possibilities besides crossdressing that are cause for you not reaching your expected goals? Introspection with objectivity will be your salvation.

[Kathi Lake]

Kate, just as I do when people say, "She left me because of crossdressing. It was the only problem in our marriage" i have to say baloney. Kate, the problems in your life are not in one single area. Unless you told each and every person at school and each place you worked, the problem wasn't that you were a crossdresser. The problem is how you view yourself.

I think it's time to find either another hobby, or something - anything - that can bring you happiness and some self-esteem.

Kathi

[sissystephanie]

I will have to agree with Kathi on this thread. I have been a crossdresser for close to 70 years, and have been crossdressed out in public for almost 60 of those years. I have never had any of the experiences that you had, Kate! My late wife accepted me as a crossdresser, and I accepted myself!! As a rule, I don't hang out with CD's or gays, but I know some of each and do spend some time with them. A lot of my friends know I crossdress and don't care! They have seen me dressed enfemme and in drab!! Some of them actually prefer me to be enfemme!!

As Kathi said, your problem is how you view yourself!!

[Jamie001]

Kate,

How did crossdressing affect your career? Did you openly crossdress at work?

[Jamie001]

I will have to agree with Kathi on this thread. I have been a crossdresser for close to 70 years, and have been crossdressed out in public for almost 60 of those years. I have never had any of the experiences that you had, Kate! My late wife accepted me as a crossdresser, and I accepted myself!! As a rule, I don't hang out with CD's or gays, but I know some of each and do spend some time with them. A lot of my friends know I crossdress and don't care! They have seen me dressed enfemme and in drab!! Some of them actually prefer me to be enfemme!!

As Kathi said, your problem is how you view yourself!!

Sissy Stephanis is correct and and lives in a redneck area of the USA where you would think crossdressing would be more difficult. It is all about attitude and how to project/present yourself. If you act guilty or like a scared rabbit, folks will know that something is up and will treat you accordingly. On the other hand, if you present a very positive and confident self-image people will treat you will respect. There is a lot of truth to the old saying "you reap what you sew".

[Jamie001]

For some folks like myself, crossdressing is necessary to ensure my mental health. If I were to give-up my feminine personality, I would be so badly depressed that it would not be controllable with anti-depressant medication. Crossdressing harms no-one and is alot better than being constantly depressed.

[heatherdress]

Kate - too bad your crossdressing caused: blackmail; C grade; loss of mech engineering career; job loses; job interview loses; perm jobs; gay discrimination; inability for a rich life; lack of a stellar career; networking problems; favorable people impressions; bad social life; lack of gay friends; lack of straight friends; shunning by in crowd; bad hand signals accross the chest; and insults. And you are even thought to be gay! You must really like to crossdress, even if a few things haven't gone right for you. At least you pass.

I am not rich either and I do not regret that I crossdress.

[Leann68]

I would have to say I do not regret cross dressing. It is something I enjoy, the feeling I get when I am out presenting as a female is a real pleasure that I have not found a equal to.
I do have compassion for any one who cross dressing has caused hurt in their life. For my self I am very comfortable with where I am at in life, and have made life a positive experience.

[Eryn]

Moderator Hat On:

Folks, I had to delete several posts that were abusive toward a forum member. Let's talk about the ideas, not each other.

Moderator Hat Off.

[toriwilliams]

No regrets. No one at my work knows about my dressing. And none co-workers who suspect or know and don't approve of my dressing, well that is not my problem.

[Nataliebabe]

The only thing that I regret about crossdressing is not EMABRACING it sooner.

[Cynthia Anne]

Plain and simple I regret that I have to crossdress to be who I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tracii G]

No regrets here its something that helps me.
Having a male and female side is a blessing IMO.
To make a long story short I'm a much nicer person now because I finally accepted myself.

[noeleena]

Hi,

I dont have to be a dresser, to have issues & problems that mard my life from birth, yes im different , & it was more than just clothes that effected myself,

Being different caused a lot of issues, i wont detail them enough to make you go insane, yet through it all i got to where i am now age 65. so who could i blame do i look at others & wish i were like them you know the bees knees, can i blame school work those i tryed to get along with,

or just look at myself as a social outcast, a loner & prefered being by myself because of lack of self assurance self esteem self worth. hated how i looked, not a good prospect,

I had to accept the way i was & learn to love myself as a person. as i grow & find myself, i was able to see i did have something worth more than money & i could live as myself getting there took a while yet all my hardships were to forge in myself what i needed to have, to equpe myself to get to be the person im ment to be,

Pointing the finger is just a lack of takeing ownership of ones self, & it takes you down,

When the time was right i got off my backside & went out found friends many id known for years others are new, & allowed them into my life & told them what i was & was doing.

Maybe my friends are real people & who can accept us as being different yet they have stayed with me & yes i call them real friends ,

I could blame my dyslixa, okay ill look it up. Dyslexia learning disablitys, not understanding things abused at school no social skills could not write or read, till age 12, & lack of memory till age 6 = 7 . & work its a wonder i was still working hated being around men. & i mean really hated ....

I will not pass the blame , this was my training ground & a good one though very hard at the time, so think what would it be like for a female in all this yet could not say so,
Well i am & i got through it all. & i have more now than i could before, & i worked hard to be where i am now as well.

...noeleena...

[Jenniferpl]

Regret crossdressing? No.

It has been an amazing journey of self discovery. Learning to live with it has been a challenge. One of my mottos is never say "would've, should've, could've". On the other hand all crossdressing seems to have done is complicate my life.

[Cheryl T]

I don't regret it...I regret not accepting myself sooner and allowing myself to be free of the guilt and self-loathing that was the baggage I carried.

I'm curious though...how did all these people and employers know about you? Did you advertise the fact or were you outed all through your life. Only those that I have told are aware and that's always been the case with me. I've encountered none of the discrimination you speak of and none of the loss of opportunity.

Yes, as Jenniferpl said, this has complicated my life...but it's the life I've lived and been productive and successful at.

[Noel Chimes]

Hi Kate. To answer your question, no I do not regret being a cross dresser. It has been the one place i have found peace in an all too crazy world. The problems, resentment, and personal setbacks you have suffered are unfortunate. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it. You can still have a wonderful life. The blows you have taken for the sake of who you are have not killed you so let them make you stronger. Don't give up on making a career in your chosen field. Just leave personal feelings out of the workplace. Let your love of dressing be your sanctuary from the insanity of the world. And as for people who are adversely opposed to dressing aren't the people you would want as friends anyway. "Be who you is, not who you is not. Those that do this are the happiest lot".

[TeriAnn]

The only thing I regret about being a crossdresser is the fact that I didn't have the SRS surgery when I was 19 or 20. It has not affected my work life in any way people know about me and do not shunn me at all. I love being a cder and don't care if folks think I am gay or bi. I know who I am and what I am about. There are many things and jobs that life has to offer. If one thing doesn't work out move on to something else. Life is to short to worry about if people like you are not. If they feel that way about you maybe they weren't friends at all. Of course this is my thoughts only.

[Kate Simmons]

Not one iota Kate. I'm who I am today partly due to CDing.

[ThiHi]

I understand the pain, I understand the shame. I felt it for years, a piece of me is still there, but since I've accepted who I am (ok,mostly) I'm SO much happier. So I wear my Mary Janes, my open shirts with my Camisoles showing, my rings, whatever I feel like, well, mostly. I do get, very occasionally, comments such as "Are those women's shoes?" I reply, "They're my shoes, I love 'em!"

So no, no regrets. Yes, I do wish I had embraced this MUCH earlier in my life, but what's past is past. Today is a good day.

[rachael.davis]

Why, man, he stands on top of the narrow world
Like the Colossus of Rhodes, and we little men
Walk under his huge legs and peep about
To find ourselves disgraceful graves.
Sometimes, men are masters of their fates.
The mistake, dear Brutus, isn’t in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings.

You build your own life