as you said it is a "last straw". Honestly, this could have been anything, like leaving the seat up on the toilet. Kind of a Clint Eastwood moment..."Just give me a reason".
I guess counseling is a good idea. I don't see that if there are so many issues that finding your clothes in a closet is a last straw thing. But here is my take.
First "Love don't leave". That has been my mantra for years. Love doesn't choose fights. Love doesn't bring back up (the pastor who you KNOW already has a negative opinion of what you are doing). Love tries to reason and discuss. But love never walks away. Love doesn't demand a divorce although love can accept a divorce when it knows that both parties will be happier. I like that you don't want to give up but stop and consider what this will cost YOU emotionally. It sounds like she wants out. Do you want her to stay and be unhappy?
Second, you are in a no win situation. You need to take the best offer here. If you stop dressing, what are the other issues? Do you sit there and take what she throws? That isn't a marriage. Seems there was something about for better or worse ...yadayada. I don't remember the part where you said "I will be your puppet, I will give up who I am, I will become whatever you want" Works both ways. Turn it around a bit. What if you demand she live with who you are and your dressing? You don't even think in that manner...why should she get the control? This is a partnership not a monarchy. Equal, fair right? If she gets her way totally, how are you going to feel? Is this a "I'd rather be miserable with you than be happy alone" things?
OK go see a counselor, a NEUTRAL counselor. Not the pastor (let him tend the flock and not worry about you). Not someone someone recommends here who is a gender therapist. Not clergy. Someone who does not have a vested interest in you at first. You be fair, she be fair. Level playing field.
Personally I don't see a good end here. But you want to try. Never say you didn't try, but know when you need to quit and be your own best friend. You should not live in misery with someone who doesn't want to be your equal or be with you. Life is short, don't make it shorter