Hi, Everyone!
I have a whole slew of questions and doubts—nothing new there.
It’s a commonplace on this forum that FTM TG people are more accepted in society than MTF’s. The explanation usually given for this is that, since men are perceived to be better and more valuable than women, an MTF is lowering himself/herself by becoming a woman, whereas an FTM is doing the opposite.
It’s also a commonplace on this forum that women are more accepting of transpeople than men. The reason usually suggested for this is that men are men—that is, less sensitive and accepting than women.
And yet I have doubts. For one thing, something like acceptance is extremely hard to measure, and it comes in lots of different degrees. Also, I know that many (if not all) FTM’s will challenge the notion that they’re more accepted anyway. I have seen testimony from FTM’s to the effect that they find acceptance extremely hard to come by. Their stories are often virtually identical to ours.
I know that FTM’s will also challenge the notion that women are more accepting of transpeople than men. I’ve seen testimony here and there from FTM’s to the effect that men are more accepting of them.
The problem that I have is that I have next to no scientifically-gathered data on these questions. I myself am largely operating in the dark here. If anyone knows of studies that shed light on these questions, I’d be grateful if you could put me on to them.
I could see why a cisgender man could feel very uncomfortable with MTF’s without being an insensitive person. If we’re speculating about men’s reasons and emotions, it’s not hard to imagine what a man could feel deep inside him on seeing an MTF: he vaguely imagines, without perhaps being fully conscious of it, the same thing being done to him that the MTF has done to herself. A wig is put on him, makeup, a bra (horror of horrors!) with forms, a pretty dress and high heels. What could be more horrifying than that to a cisgender guy with normal cisgender feelings? It’s easy to see why he would be uncomfortable, even repulsed, and there’s no need to speculate that he might feel insecure about his masculinity.
But an FTM isn’t a challenge to his masculinity in this way. If we consider the process that an FTM undergoes, the opposite of what an MTF will embark on, we could see that that would be a confirmation of, rather than a challenge to, a guy’s masculinity. In fact, perhaps the only study I’ve ever seen in this area was a survey among FTM’s, the majority of whom agreed that they found men more accepting of them than women. It’s easy (though perhaps incorrect) to speculate that people would be more comfortable with those who are joining their team than with those who are abandoning it.
On this forum we have a pretty good idea of the reaction of women to MTF’s. Some women react against us very strongly. They’re women who like a manly man. Not hard to understand that—especially when a woman finds herself married to an MTF. There are some women who are accepting. Some simply find the idea of a man dressed as a woman funny. Then there are those who enjoy dressing a guy up, and sometimes I get the impression they enjoy “playing dolls” with a guy, so to speak. And then there are some women who are accepting simply because they’re accepting, understanding people. And there could be a whole range of other reasons for their acceptance or non-acceptance.
What we don’t see any of on our forum, of course, is the way women react, favourably or otherwise, to FTM’s.
In other words, I find all of this a very grey area. I myself don’t have any good data to work with on these questions, and I wonder if anyone else does.
But what I do feel is that when we find cispeople reacting against us, we shouldn’t automatically assume that they’re bad, insensitive people. They’re faced with something that taps into some very deep and strong feelings that they have, and it can be a big struggle requiring a lot of time for them to get comfortable with us, if that’s possible at all. There’s also the fact that if they don’t go out of their way to do us any actual harm, regardless of their feelings, they’re doing quite a lot. Becoming an accepting person isn’t easy for anybody.
Best wishes, Annabelle
