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Thread: They say all good things must come to an end

  1. #1
    Breakin' social taboos TGMarla's Avatar
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    They say all good things must come to an end

    And such, it would seem, is the case for me. For years, I have benefitted by my wife's work schedule. At first she often worked until 10:00 at night. When that was cut back to 8:00, I still had plenty of time alone in which to indulge my feminine pursuits when I had the desire to do so, which was quite often. She also has worked on Saturdays for such a long time, I really don't remember ever not having them to myself.

    I'd use Satudays to my full advantage, since I had the whole day. It was on Saturdays that I'd dress fully, do my makeup to the fullest, and take pictures of myself in my latest aquisitions. Saturdays have been my femme days, and I've coveted them. But this is now all going to change. I'd thought for years about what it was going to be like when we both retired, and my wife and I would be home together most of the time. I'd wondered what would become of my crossdressing, and whether not being able to dress would begin to wear upon me. Well, I'm going to find out sooner than I'd expected.

    My wife's employer has been on this big push to get their employees to work from home. And come late November, my wife will begin working full time from our home. She will be here every day, all day, and will likely not be away from the house except for when she has a day off, and decides go get out and do something. My opportunities to dress will be minimal, and will likely dry up to nearly nothing. My vast wardrobe will just sit there, unused, and I'll be longing for any chance to slip into a pretty dress, even if for a very short time, should the occasion present itself.

    The ability to do this has been an ever-present part of me for many years now. I honestly don't know how I'm going to handle it. I've said for a very long time that crossdressing is a very selfish habit, and this change in my circumstances magnifies that opinion. On the one hand, I very much want my wife to be happier in her work situation. Her job as a customer service representative for a major health care network is gruelling and often thankless. I'd last about a week, if that, doing her job. Her ability to work from home will allow her to save wear and tear on her car, save hundreds of dollars a year on gasoline and car repairs, keep her from worrying about icy roads in the Winter and any inclement weather at other times, and eat her dinner at a reasonable hour as well. There are a lot of positives for her in all of this. I care about her mental well-being, and I see what her job does to her.

    There are also many negatives. Her employer is taking advantage of their employees in a most egregious way, in my opinion. They demand a workspace in the home, but they do not pay for it. They make the employee buy a desk, and they don't pay for it. They're going to use my internet, and they won't be paying for that either. It is a company sponsored intrusion into the home with no added benefit to the people who live there, save the added convenience to the employee. And it's all so they, the company, can save money now spent on a workspace for their own employees.

    But worst of all for me, the selfish crossdresser, who likes to "do it up to the nines" when I dress, I will quite simply not be able to enjoy this most integral and intimate part of my life all that often, if at all, any more. Please spare me the "you should have worked this out with her years ago" responses. One can talk with one's wife until one is blue in the face about issues like crossdressing, and still not get her to change her opinions regarding the issue. While she is tolerant of such behavior in others, understanding transgenderism to some degree, she doesn't want to deal with it in her own husband. I never disclosed it to her prior to our marriage, and she has her rights when it comes to what she wants in a husband. She doesn't want a woman. I understand that.

    So I'm grumpily unhappy about what the near future has in store for me. No more femme time. No more dresses, no more high heels. No long, pretty hair, no lipstick. No nylons or lacy slips. It will be like quitting a drug after years of pleasant addiction. And the desire to dress will likely never go away. And it will sometimes gnaw at me like a junkyard dog with a new bone full of meat.

    I have another month, maybe five weeks, at the most. Then it all goes away, maybe for good.


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  2. #2
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    Aw man Is there absolutely no possibility of working out some sort of compromise arrangement regarding your dressing, maybe designating one weekend a month or finding somewhere you can go to dress up?

  3. #3
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    You can also get to look at it from the other perspective Hon. Spending more time with your wife as her Hubby will no doubt bring the two of you closer and you will get to know one another better. You can be with someone all of your life and still learn something new about them every day. I would "kill" to be in your upcoming situation but that is just me. I do hope everything works out for you with the change.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  4. #4
    Silver Member linda allen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TGMarla View Post
    And such, it would seem, is the case for me. For years, I have benefitted by my wife's work schedule....
    I don't know if you're asking for advice or for pity. Does your wife know that you crossdress while she is away? Have you talked to her about your desire to crossdress? Or are you keeping it a secret because of comments she has made in the past?

    You have three choices here:

    1) Quit dressing and get rid of your stuff. Just like quitting smoking or alcohol, you can do this if you want to.

    2) Talk to her about your desire to dress as a woman. Start slow, perhaps just underdressing, then work up to a blouse, then breast forms, wig, etc. She may go for it, she may not. You won't know unless you ask her. It's all in how you bring it up.

    3) Leave her, get an appartment, and do what you wish.
    Last edited by Eryn; 10-22-2012 at 08:38 PM. Reason: Edited long quote
    [SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda

  5. #5
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Marla, Wow! That will be a change! Everything in this physical world is temporary, for sure. Crossdressing is a luxury for many. Unfortunately, this life is full of pain, and deprivations, and death, life and death. I would hate to not be able to put on those things you mentioned, and just have them in storage. i did that for a while, several months. A loving wife is very hard to find, as i am 58, still hoping forne, as a single. My dressing kind of replaces a wife i never had. I have heard it takes three weeks of abstinance, to stop a habit or addiction. I partly disagree with that, though. Crossdressing is a pull, that may or may not go away, probably not much, but, humans are very adapable. Men in prison, or military , have to quit dressing! I would think a serious illness or injury, would cause one to stop. For a loyal, loving wife, it is worth trying to stop, and relpace it somewhat with other hobbies, but, the thoughts, and pulls will likely not totally go away. I wis we could just flip a switch, and end the desire. I have mental emotional illness, and wish i could flip a switch and end it. Maybe you can dress up, when she does take a day off to go somewhere. Like you, i almost always dress "to the nines". I wonder where "dress to the nines" came from?!
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Working from home is a great alternative to the conventional office...granted, you provide a desk and internet - most likely you would have both anyway, right? Now you may be able to write off the internet as an unreimbursed expense.

    I understand why you're grumpy about the change as it impacts your life. I recently accepted an interim position that will oblige me to spend alternate weeks in male mode. It's a short term inconvenience, but I still mildly resent the change in my daily routine.

    At least you can be happy for your wife. And maybe, just maybe, you could begin a long series of conversations with her about your desire to dress. A compromise isn't beyond the realm of possibility. Best of luck.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 10-22-2012 at 10:58 AM. Reason: Additional comment.

  7. #7
    Momarie GG Momarie's Avatar
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    Well, at least you'll have a bunch of tax deductions.
    Save those receipts!
    [SIZE="4"]Momarie[/SIZE]

  8. #8
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    The selfish crossdresser syndrome will pass and another opportunity will open up.
    Usually to your advantage.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  9. #9
    Gold Member TxKimberly's Avatar
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    Awe, I wish I had advice for you on this one! This is one really good perk of my having a job that keeps me on the road.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Laura Evans's Avatar
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    Oh! Marla, I feel for you. This is going to be very difficult. Those are shoes I would not want to walk in. I would hope that some kind of compromise could be worked out but from your comments it does bode well. We are here for you.

  11. #11
    Life is for having fun. suzy1's Avatar
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    You are not selfish Maria! This is a need, a part of you as it is for many others here.
    I think you are facing a serious problem as it would only be human to start to resent the intrusion into this part of your life after so much time.

    It’s not about your love for your wife or her love for you, it’s the sudden change to a life style you have enjoyed but more importantly needed for many years.

    She is bound to notice the change in you as you get stressed out and the only way I can think of to help the situation is to tell her.

    If you don’t tell her the pressure on you will rob you of your happiness and put a strain on your marriage and yet telling her could harm the marriage also.

    A difficult situation with no easy answers.

  12. #12
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    Marla, I feel your pain, and understand completely where you are coming from...

    I am now semi-retired and do some consulting out of my home - but that was not my first choice and only happened because my former employer decided to pull the plug on me a month after my 60th birthday four years ago in the midst of the "Great He-cession" and global financial meltdown that hit all of us in mid-2008. I've never been able to fully bounce fully back from that event, and the only saving grace was that it not only gave me plenty of "Leslie" time - it also gave me the opportunity to connect with the ladies on this forum and to finally and truly accept myself as an "incorrigible" crossdresser. More to the point, it made me realize that not only was I fundamentally transgendered, there was also absolutely no shame in that either. And as you know from my DADT posts, the "Final Frontier" to this struggle is to finally get my wife fully on board with that as well...

    Not only am I facing the same challenge as you when my wife retires next year - I had a foretaste of that when my daughter and grandson moved back in with us temporarily last year when she separated from her husband and needed some time to get back on her feet. That put a severe crimp in my crossdressing activities at the time, but I put up with that inconvenience willingly as I am a parent, and that is just what you do for your kids when they need you, no matter what age they are....

    My solution to the impending "crunch" when my wife retires next year is to now no longer try to hide my crossdressing activities such as going out occasionally "en femme", talking openly about the fact that I am transgendered whenever to opportunity arises, and in general, acting as if that is just as normal a part of me as any other "guy" activity that I engage in. When she buys something new for herself, I not only make a point of noticing it but also commenting on it as a GG would. I have started to watch the daytime women's shows that she DVRs for nighttime viewing and often discuss the women's issues they talk about there with her to demonstrate both my understanding and empathy for them. And in 1,001 other similar and subtle ways, I have begun to relate to her the way that a girlfriend would while still being the man in the relationship in all other aspects. I am doing this slowly, deliberately, and in a non-threatening way, and she is gradually starting to respond to this in a positive manner.

    But most importantly - we have begun communicating openly and honestly over the last several months in a way that we haven't done for much of our marriage. That, and by exposing to each other deeply repressed insecurities, fears, and aspirations that we had both held under wraps for so many years because we are both fundamentally proud, independent and strong-willed people who hold ourselves to sometimes unreasonably high standards of behavior and were always concerned about "saving face". And putting my crossdressing/transgenderism squarely on the table has become a large part of this healing process and of us drawing closer together.

    Don't get me wrong, Marla - my wife is still fundamentally dedicated to DADT and still doesn't want to meet "Leslie" or see pictures of her. But she is no longer adamantly opposed to her existence either, recognizes that she is an integral part of my being, and is giving her a free rein to be herself in all other aspects, which has been a huge development in our relationship. I don't know if we will ever get to the point next year when my wife retires where I will be able to dress as openly as "Leslie" as I do now, but I do think that we will at least be able to come to some type of agreement where I will get the occasional "no strings attached" "Leslie" time when she will be out of the house with full knowledge of what I am doing, but also with no negative consequences arising out of that. But time will tell...

    But as for you, Marla, you have absolutely no reason to feel guilty for your crossdressing needs and how you have addressed them in the past. And while some may argue that you have gone slightly overboard here and become a bit self-indulgent as a result of the opportunities that have presented themselves to you with your wife's past frequent absences - the principle remains the same. You are who you are, you have no control over that, and to force you to completely deny this part of you in future will surely lead to mental health issues down the road (i.e. depression). Your wife - like mine - needs to understand this, and that despite all of her resistance to your crossdressing this is not negotiable - only the degree to which you indulge in this activity is.

    To think otherwise, stay in denial, and to try to prevail over you with this attitude despite all evidence to the contrary would be sheer folly on her part if she harbors any hope of preserving her marriage - and especially on her terms. Doing otherwise would simply invite the proverbial irresistible force to meet the immovable object in due course, and we can all pretty much guess what the outcome of that will be...and there will be no winners here.

  13. #13
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Sounds like for the most part you are happy in the marriage. And maybe she will see that allowing you some "me" time to dress is a good thing for both of you?


    I am not an accountant but here is what I understand about working from home. 1) if the space is dedicated to doing the job, it is a deductible expense (i e you can take x amount off what you pay for mortgage as work related) bu it has to be used for work solely. In other words you can't deduct a room that is used for other things (but maybe you can deduct a percentage on how much time? I don't know) 2) the office equipment when used for the business would be a business expense and depreciated over time. So, thus, the desk would eventually be repaid as an expense. Technically if you use anything for anything besides the business it has to be shown how much and then you can take a percentage. (that said I know many people who take cars off and rarely use them for business...which if they get caught will be really bad for them)

    If it were me I would seriously think about trying to work a deal with your wife and have her work a deal of compensation (more money) with her company
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  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by linda allen View Post
    I don't know if you're asking for advice or for pity.
    Do we have to be mean to Marla? She's one of us, and a very nice one of us, too. Whether she's asking for it not, she's got my sympathy. Now I wonder if I can help her out?

    Quote Originally Posted by linda allen View Post
    1) Quit dressing and get rid of your stuff. Just like quitting smoking or alcohol, you can do this if you want to.
    Quitting dressing is not like quitting smoking or alcohol. Tobacco and alcohol are not a part of your intrinsic makeup. TGism is.

    And Marla, I understand what you mean about "selfishness". I'm kind of in the reverse position from you. Up until recently my son was living downstairs from me, which meant he was free to walk into my place any time he wanted to, we had dinner together just about every day, etc. I wasn't out to him, and his presence was a serious hindrance to my dressing. I was considering coming out to him, and on certain days telling him, "Today is my day," and locking the door. Does that sound "selfish"? I love my son dearly, and I was glad to see him every day, but I need to be me. It's the bad thing about TGism. Sometimes it's hard to have both. And giving up dressing is giving up what you are--not like giving up cigarettes or booze.

    In the end my son got a job and moved away. He was happy. He needed a job, and he didn't like this house or town. And it meant I was free to dress as much as I liked. So I'm happy in that respect. But he's gone now. Wouldn't it be great if I could be myself around him? TGism is a problem, isn't it?

    Your problem is more difficult. I get the impression that your wife doesn't even want to be in the house with you when you're dressed. Does she even know you dress? One solution perhaps--if she can accept it--is for you to partition the house on days you want to dress. You stay in one part, she stays in another. That way she wouldn't have to see you. But that's awkward, and the layout of your house might not permit it.

    Another option--depending on how much money you have. Find an apartment to rent somewhere. It wouldn't matter how small, it wouldn't matter how much of a dump it is. It could even be like mine. But it would be your space to dress when you want to. Or on occasion, find a cheap hotel room.

    Unless you can reach some kind of understanding with her. It sounds to me like you're in a very tough spot because you're used to dressing often, and it's extremely important to you.

    And you're not being selfish. You're being TG. When women can stop being women and men can stop being men, then we transpeople can reasonably be expected to stop being trans.

    Best wishes, Annabelle

  15. #15
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    "They" are wrong. But ALL things will eventually change both good and bad. The deal would have been the same had your wife retired wouldn't it?

    Clearly you have been "spoiled" just by way of "good luck" that your wife was away so much. For sure, you and your wife are going to have to talk and reach some sort of compromise. May turn out she does NOT LIKE working from home. Many folks only tend to get out of the house FOR their job and simply can't handle being stuck at home to "work". Could be, that in time, if you are patient enough, your wife might learn to accept it a little better but also keep in mind that this may be very stressful for her also, especially in the beginning.

    It will be interesting to see how it works out, no doubt about it.
    Last edited by Wildaboutheels; 10-22-2012 at 11:20 AM. Reason: spelling

  16. #16
    Silver Member Babeba's Avatar
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    It sounds like she knows you dress - which is good- but wants no part of it and no knowledge. That's a bit tricky. I think you have to respect her wishes, but I also think she needs to respect that you will need time to do your own thing once in a while. If she doesn't want to acknowledge the reason why, that's fine - but it doesn't remove the need for you to have a bit of time.

    Being around someone 24/7 must be really tricky. I know there are a few people who divorce when they retire because they realize they can't stand that much time together. There are others who realize at that point they can't afford divorce so they find other things to fill their time out of the house in similar amounts so they don't have to deal with that stress of always being together. I think that even without the dressing, having your wife work from home would put a change in your relationship in some way.

    Is there any way you can have a discussion with your wife about how you need to have some solo time, without bringing up the dressing aspect? I think the other tricky thing is, with you dressing while she works your dressing doesn't take time away from your relationship whereas now it may do so. I think you may have to change your expectations of how long you can spend dressed at a single time, or even where you decide to do it. Is there a 'safe house' or transformation business of sorts nearby to where you live? Is there anywhere you can go to have a day dressed while your wife works, and then come home after?

  17. #17
    Breakin' social taboos TGMarla's Avatar
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    Well, I appreciate all the responses. It's a pickle, to be sure, and one that I don't yet know how I'll deal with.

    She's seen shows that involve transexual women, and has shown a great deal of empathy with them - almost an understanding. Yet only yesterday she saw an ad for that drag race show, with the overtly crossdressed drag queens, and had a very negative reaction to them. She said she had no understanding of their motives here, and said she thought it was totally wierd. So while we don't (yet) discuss my propensity to crossdress, she still seems completely against the idea. And as near as I can read her, she hasn't yet put two and two together and figured out that part of my aversion to this "work from home" change is that she will be putting a severe, if not complete, cramp in my opportunities to crossdress and enjoy my femme time.

    Kate - believe me, there is a big part of me that feels the very same way as you describe. But just becasue she'll be home does not mean I'll be able to spend more time with her. She'll be working, and will be remotely monitored on her work at all times. Such is the nature of call center jobs. They are completely stat driven, and she'll be cloistered in a spare room for the entiretly of her working hours, except when she steps out to eat or use the bathroom.

    Linda, we can rule out numbers one and three. That leaves number two, and we're still a long way from that. But life is all about challenges, and this is my next big challenge.

    Alice, I already have lots of other hobbies. None of them are a suitable replacement for this part of my life.

    Leslie, as always, your input is very valuable to me.

    Annabelle, thank you for your empathy.

    Wild - Yes, I've been spoiled. That fact has never been lost on me.

    And Babs, yes, I've thought about that whole 24/7 thing as well. They say familiarity breeds contempt, and they also say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'll be working hard to NOT allow any resentment into my sould over all of this. But I guarantee you that resentment will try to worm its way in.

    For all of you that suggest that this whole conversation finally be put on the table, you may be right. But it's simply not as easy to do as it is to say it should be done. I've only ever been crossdressed in front of her one time, and that was for Halloween, and was done at her suggestion. When it was finally disclosed that this was something I liked to do anyway, she hit the wall. We nearly divorced. The fervor to divorce subsided, however, and we settled into this "don't ask - don't tell" situation that has worked well for us for almost 14 years now. Frankly, I don't know how she'd react now. I know I'd feel extremely uncomfortable being dressed around her. It's very unlikely she'd want that anyway. And even if she were to seemingly embrace it all (won't happen), I'd always have my doubts as to her true feelings on this. And what would I be asking for? Time to dress while locked in an upstairs bedroom, posing in front of a mirror while she stewed about it downstairs? That's not an option. I'm sure I could steal an hour or so every now and then when she went to visit her sisters or her brother on an off-day. But I don't see any opportunities to fully dress, with all my makeup and accessories, for any prolonged period of time, if even for a few hours.

    In short, even having this conversation has the greater odds of not ending well. So I'm loath to even bring it up.

    Time will tell, but I'm not looking forward to this next chapter one bit.
    Last edited by TGMarla; 10-22-2012 at 11:39 AM.

    Any money found in the laundry is MINE!


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  18. #18
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Best of luck, Marla. Its not an easy situation by any stretch of the imagination.

  19. #19
    Duchess of Eyeliner Erica2Sweet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TGMarla View Post
    ...But worst of all for me, the selfish crossdresser, who likes to "do it up to the nines" when I dress, I will quite simply not be able to enjoy this most integral and intimate part of my life all that often, if at all, any more...
    If I understand this correctly, your crossdressing is the most integral and intimate part of your life, as opposed to time spent with your wife. If it were me who just typed that on a computer screen, I'd take a long, close look under the hood to see what went wrong and when.

    I cannot even comment regarding most of what my wife said when I showed her this moments ago...

  20. #20
    Breakin' social taboos TGMarla's Avatar
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    You're reading way too much into one line of type, Erica. And I'm sorry I've offended your wife.

    In this case, "most" means "very".

    Sheesh!

    Any money found in the laundry is MINE!


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  21. #21
    Member bridgetta's Avatar
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    I just think life is unfair. Its so random. We crossdressers need a political movement of our own. Pride. We need to be understood as people. Not inconveniences

  22. #22
    Duchess of Eyeliner Erica2Sweet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annabelle Larousse View Post
    ...And you're not being selfish. You're being TG...
    ...and on this note I completely disagree. This was BY FAR one of the most selfish attempts at gaining sympathy that I have ever seen on this site, and I offered absolutely no advise because, quite frankly, none is deserved.

  23. #23
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    I'm in a DADT with my wife. I am retired. She still works. During the summers she is home. I know after Labor Day Stephanie will be able to come out and play again. The knowledge I will be able to explore Stephanie after the summer keeps me on a even keel. My wife says she will work at least part time (full days) until age 70. I always think, "What will life be like when she does retired?"

    I suspect your wife knows you cross dress in her absence. She probably is weighing the consequences of working at home. My wife knows I cross dress, but, never says anything about it. Once in a while she find an article of clothing I failed to put away. She tells me where she put it, but, does not say more.

    I think a time will come when you and your wife will have to address the consequences of her new work schedule. If the last 'blow up' was fourteen years ago, she should have had a lot of time to assess the marital situation. Are you any different fourteen years later than the time before she became aware of Marla.

    I do not view my desire to cross dress as a hobby. If I did not have the opportunity to use cross dressing as a stress reliever, I suspect the customary issues of a marriage would be accentuated to a level they do not merit.

    I suspect sooner or later you and your wife will have to come to a mutual negotiated agreement.

  24. #24
    Texas gal sherri's Avatar
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    There is another option, one that many of us have to settle for, which is the occasional, even regular, femme outing. The fact that your wife doesn't want to be exposed to Marla shouldn't mean that Marla must cease to exist.

  25. #25
    Breakin' social taboos TGMarla's Avatar
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    Erica, you're awfully self-righteous, aren't you? I could not care less about your sympathy or anyone else's for that matter. This coming event in my home situation will constitute a huge change in my lifestyle and my entire situation. This is a support site, where many of us come to discuss things that pertain to our unique activities. This situation is one that I've not ever had to deal with before, so maybe - just maybe - some outside suggestions, ie. support, might be in order. I'll thank you to not bother corresponding with me or "contributing" to my threads anymore if you don't have some kind of positive input to offer. Who are you to determine what is "deserved"? As for you not offering any advice, based on your demeanor so far, I'll look upon that as a very good thing. Feel free to not chime in anymore. I'll not miss your responses.

    Any money found in the laundry is MINE!


    "This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"

    www.flickr.com/photos/tgmarla/

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