when will we be accepted??

[jsunic_1978]

I was at this store just now just wearing women's uggs, jeans and a flanney. I was a guy (Jeff) there was 2 girls working and a gay guy, they were polite, but even the gay man (kid) was uncomfortable. do we have to pretend we are gay? if we do that, THEN WE REALLY ARE TRANSPARENT. Gay people are COOL, but what I dont understand, women LOVE THE GUY THATS GAY and just ignore us, totally. any advice? when a guy, just wear all guy clothes? women do find it strange, as a guy when i complement there shoes also. what kind of part time job can I get that allows social interaction on the job and just let EVREY BODY get to know me, then they wont have to try to understand, itll just click.

[TxKimberly]

Honestly? I dont think that the problem lies with other people most of the time - it's US.
When you are nervous and uncomfortable yourself, it makes people nervous and uncomfortable to be around you. If you are bold as hell and dont give a shit, most people will treat you well.

[Kate Simmons]

I'm expecting progress to pick up next year if we make it through 12/21/12. That is the wild card.

[franlee]

I don't look for it in my life-time! And at the rate things are deteriating in America this is gona be a luxury most of us won't be able to afford anyway. We may be the last of the Mohegans.

[Kelley]

I think Kimberly has it correct. Sometimes I think we are like shadow people.

[I Am Paula]

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with you on this one. In normal day to day interaction with the public, I've found women love me, and flock around me. All the SA's want to help me, the manicure girls all want to see the finished product, I get unsolicited compliments, etc. Sure, alot of it is curiousity, but at least it's never hostile. I have a group of GG friends that meet at our coffee shop every morning, and the subject of gay friends has come up. The concensus was 'not for them'. Men, on the other hand, just ignore me. I prefer the company of women anyway.- Celeste
P.S. -please don't for a minute think I'm saying we are universally accepted. Still a long, long way to go there. I'm just glad to have my little corner of that universe. Let's just always be ladies, and charm our way into their hearts one at a time.

[Barbara Ella]

One question for a comparison here. Jsunic you appear to be dressed as a guy in girl clothes, presenting as a guy. Celeste, do you refer to your experiences as dressed enfemme, presenting female. i suspect Kimberly is referring to being enfemme, and presenting female. In my opinion the ambiguous presentation is what confuses people and makes them more uncomfortable than a pure female presentation. One they understand more than the other. That does not detract from your statement that even this should be accepted, but I fear it is just harder.

Barbara

[Ashley Allison]

Gays are accepted because they are mainstream now. Transgendered people on the other hand do not get as much exposure. When we do, it generally bad. People don't know how to react to us because there's no blueprint of behavior for them to follow.

[Brianna612]

I often go out with jeans, blouse and heals with no makeup. I really don't like makeup. I sometimes get looks but for the most part am treated just like anyone else. I really don't care just want to be me and I think it is all in the attitude. We won't be accepted until we get out there and are seen. People are only afraid of what they don't know and since we tend to hide, we are, for the most part unknown to the general public.

[Wildaboutheels]

Well, either an awful lot of folks here are lying about being totally "accepted" [as in seldom IF EVER had a bad experience out in public no matter how "completely" they choose to present as a female... [Personally I have not had even one bad experience in 10+ years and I am in no way trying to present as a female]

Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, you don't read many threads?

How about a third option. Both?

[Kerstin]

I think Kimberly made a really great point. In many ways it's down to transgender people to help change people's perception. (Not that I'm doing much in that regard.)

But I would like to add that in terms of general acceptance and public awareness I believe crossdressers are many years behind gay people (transsexual awareness seems to be growing, slowly maybe but something's better than nothing!). In fact I don't think it will ever be 'normal' for men to wear women's clothes, i.e. something that wouldn't even be worthy of a passing comment by people who've clocked you in a bar or something. At least not in the West within its current culture. Best you can do is smile, present a positive image and not give a shit.

[Badtranny]

and the subject of gay friends has come up. The concensus was 'not for them'.

I agree with the tone of your post and most of the content but wtf with this comment? If the consensus among your friends is they wouldn't have any gay friends then that's a little sad. What if I said the consensus among my GG friends is they wouldn't want any CD friends?

Besides I'll bet you a buck that they already have gay friends, they just don't know it.

[Leah Lynn]

If every city ran an ad campaign like Wash. D.C., has going, we would have exposure, at least as a class. Hopefully, that's successful. I do get treated well by all the SA's where I've purchased wigs.

[Jamie001]

Honestly? I dont think that the problem lies with other people most of the time - it's US.
When you are nervous and uncomfortable yourself, it makes people nervous and uncomfortable to be around you. If you are bold as hell and dont give a shit, most people will treat you well.

This is 100 percent reality! Sissy Stephanie is a great example of a a guy that wears feminine clothing and doesn't try to pass himself off as a woman. He is treated with respect and dignity because he is quite comfortable with himself and has a "don't give a crap attitude". If you act like a scared rabbit, folks will wonder what you are up to and will treat you badly.

One question for a comparison here. Jsunic you appear to be dressed as a guy in girl clothes, presenting as a guy. Celeste, do you refer to your experiences as dressed enfemme, presenting female. i suspect Kimberly is referring to being enfemme, and presenting female. In my opinion the ambiguous presentation is what confuses people and makes them more uncomfortable than a pure female presentation. One they understand more than the other. That does not detract from your statement that even this should be accepted, but I fear it is just harder.

Barbara

I believe that folks that choose to appear as a man in a skirt are more easily accepted than a crossdresser that doesn't pass. On the other hand, the person that passes as a woman because of completely passing.

Gays are accepted because they are mainstream now. Transgendered people on the other hand do not get as much exposure. When we do, it generally bad. People don't know how to react to us because there's no blueprint of behavior for them to follow.

There is no blueprint for how to react to use because unlike gays, we simply hide and cower in the closet waiting for society to become a more accepting place. This is the reason that we don't make progress!! Our gay brothers and sisters had the guts to get out there and show folks that they are proud of who and what they are. Why can't we transgendered folks do that same?

I often go out with jeans, blouse and heals with no makeup. I really don't like makeup. I sometimes get looks but for the most part am treated just like anyone else. I really don't care just want to be me and I think it is all in the attitude. We won't be accepted until we get out there and are seen. People are only afraid of what they don't know and since we tend to hide, we are, for the most part unknown to the general public.

Amen! Get out there an be seen as a man in a skirt, heels, makeup, etc. That is the only way to invoke change.

[Ashley Allison]

I agree that getting while dressed is the best way to gain acceptance.

Gender is for most people a way to determine the appropriate interactions that one can have with others. If we show people that we are predictable in our behavior, we can gain their acceptance.

[Kerstin]

There is no blueprint for how to react to use because unlike gays, we simply hide and cower in the closet waiting for society to become a more accepting place. This is the reason that we don't make progress!! Our gay brothers and sisters had the guts to get out there and show folks that they are proud of who and what they are. Why can't we transgendered folks do that same?

I think it's probably easier - and more convenient - for a crossdresser to keep their dressing secret than it is for a gay person to keep their sexuality secret.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I fully agree with the people who are saying that a huge part of it is how we behave. If we are very confident and comfortable, people tend to be confident and comfortable around us. I cannot tell you how many times I've been in a situation where it dawned on me that everyone around me was at least subconsciously waiting to see how I was going to behave before they knew how to act around me. The more at ease I am, and even when I'm willing to joke about it, the more relaxed others are.

The thing to remember is that we've had our whole lives to get accustomed to this, and a lot of times we're still conflicted about it, so there should be some degree of slack cut to those who are just now being exposed to it. And the more public we are and the more positive we are when we do that, the better for us all in the long run.

Are there bad eggs out there who will always be negative? Sure. Of course. And it's the same for gay people, women, Jewish people, African Americans, Latinos, et al. All we can do is rise above.

[PretzelGirl]

Gay people are COOL

And so are we!

Honestly? I dont think that the problem lies with other people most of the time - it's US.
When you are nervous and uncomfortable yourself, it makes people nervous and uncomfortable to be around you. If you are bold as hell and dont give a shit, most people will treat you well.

That wraps it all up to me. If you are confident in who you are, then people accept you for who you are. I know it is a tough thing for many of us, so I am not saying there is a magic light switch. There are a lot of parts to getting to that point. But as you read through everything here, the stories of those who are okay with who they are and go out don't normally have bad situations in those stories.

[RADER]

I'm expecting progress to pick up next year if we make it through 12/21/12. That is the wild card.

Kate; I will bet you a whole nickle that the sun comes up on 12/22/2012. Don't ask me why, but I have this
premonition about the sun still dong what it has been doing for a long time now. If you remember back when
we went from 1999 to 2000, some one said the world would stop. Well we survived that one, and I think we
will survive this one. Besides, the government is broke, and if the world ended, we would not have to pay taxes,
so you see, the world just can not quit like that; The governments of the world would not like the loss of income.
LOL\Rader

[Kate Simmons]

I know what things appear to be Rader but there are things going on in the background and at higher levels that most are not privy to. I have some insights in that direction and my purpose here is to point others in a pragmatic direction.

[NatalieGirl]

I say, let's not sweat it.

Get dolled up. Go out. Have a good time.

[Lorileah]

About the same time any minority is accepted.

Kimberly has it right. I own it when I am out and so far in the last 6 months---maybe 6 people said something I could consider negative (and most of those were just ignorance and maybe more clumsy ways of trying to be nice). Any minority that physically is distinguishable will always have someone who has to either be afraid or has to try and somehow make themselves feel above the rest of us. But, we have to be willing to be out and seen. We have to not be afraid of ourselves. One of the major issues we have with ourselves is that we can disappear whenever things get rough and if you read the posts here you see that happens a lot.

"The Gays" did not get what little respect they have by hiding out. And don't think they have it easy (just look how many here scream from the top of the mountain "I AM NOT GAY!!!!"...like it is a bad thing. You want acceptance, accept everyone else).

[ArleneRaquel]

Just be yourself hon, waiting for the general publics acceptance is like waiting for for tomorrow. Just be confident and express yourself being confident and you ill be happy.

[susie evans]

relax and enjoy who you are most people don't care if you are confident and except your self first ,every thing else will fall into place there are allways those who don't even like them selfs

susie

[Meghan]

I prefer the company of women anyway.

I could not agree with you more! My doctor, optometrist, financial planner, dentist, relator, best friends, personal trainer, wife, favorite cat and every friend I have are all female. I simply don't find men interesting in any real way.

I had to stop playing softball because I simply could not relate to the guys on my team.

Why spend my time dealing with guys when I could be learning from women?

Meghan