How to Make Homely Beautiful?

[LelaK]

I shot myself yesterday so I could have an avatar to display. I first tried shooting myself with a bare midriff, but I noticed that it looked too flabby, so I covered it to hide that. I started doing the plank exercise lately (propping up horizontally on the forearms and toes while holding the body straight like a plank for a few minues, or seconds anyway), which I hope will eliminate the flab before long. I may also need to change my diet somewhat.

But my main homely feature is my face and I despair of ever being able to beautify it. It's too long and rather gaunt. Improving my diet may reduce the gauntness, but not the longness. Actually, I don't think I even look good as male. I'm embarrassed to be seen in public even dressed as a guy, just because of my face.

I've always been self-conscious. I was embarrassed about my looks in my grade school years, but I got better looking in high school. Until the last few years I looked okay, so I wasn't so self-conscious then, but now I feel about as bad as I used to feel in grade school, maybe worse.

I guess I'll have to try some kind of makeup, which I've never done so far. I'm kind of afraid to try makeup, because I heard a woman named Ann Martin, I think, on the radio in the 90s say that most makeup is made from road kill, at least in part, because it's cheap (That's what society has come down to, I think: use the cheapest junk available for ingredients and charge outrageous prices for the processed final product, like with the junk food industry, drug industry, etc). And other sources, like Dr. Mercola, I think, warn of toxic ingredients in many such products.

Are there suppliers of organic makeup or cosmetics? I guess I'll do a net search on that. Anyway, what's the best cheap makeup to use? Is it possible to make a long face look shorter? Do you have to wear a big wig? I don't have any wigs yet. My nose is too big too. Ug. But my cheeks being too gaunt are the main problem. I was wondering if the breast enhancement procedure could fatten up the cheeks a bit too. I suppose sunglasses might help. Are there beauticians who help CDs? I guess I should try to talk to some, if I can afford it.

Thank you for listening or sharing.

[Mikaela]

Ultimately, you may need to come to terms with how you look. We all struggle(d) with it to one degree or another.

Makeup can have a variety of ingredients and when you really get into it, some can be a little...odd. Lanolin, in many lotions, shampoos, shaving creams, lipsticks, etc is derived from the oils on sheep wool. So if you are looking for Organic, well, that's organic, and there are others. in fact, most of the 'gross' things that no one thinks about ARE organic.

Some colors/dyes can be toxic, but most have been regulated out. There are slightly different rules for cosmetics that are for eyes and lips, versus face for this reason. All in all, it's not something you really need to worry about.

Best cheap? ELF is ok. There are all sorts of drug store types that routinely do well. Also, there are really only so many cosmetic manufaturers and many brands just re-purpose and re-label. There are websites about makeup 'dupes.' My girlfriend, a makeup artist, will use MAC and Smashbox, but also Revlon Colorstay and Profusion and Milani if the pigments hold up and it goes on right. She LOVES to find stuff at the dollar store.

Yes, you can make a long face shorter. I'm guessing hair style will play a part in that (bangs?), too. You'd need to look on youtube or check out a tutorial somewhere.

No, you don't need a big wig. I started going out with the Alia wig from Jon Renau. I also have a short black bob with purple streaks.

Don't try any cosmetic procedures just yet.

And yes, my girlfriend is a makeup artist who helps TG people, so I guess I lucked out on that one.

[GeminaRenee]

I started doing the plank exercise lately (propping up horizontally on the forearms and toes while holding the body straight like a plank for a few minues, or seconds anyway), which I hope will eliminate the flab before long. I may also need to change my diet somewhat.

Doing planks will not make you lose flab. The only thing planks (or any other core exercise) will do is strengthen the muscles under your flab. If what you want is to lose flab, you need to perform an exercise regimen that will increase your metabolism over time (like light weight or body weight strength training, plus cardio). And, you will probably, as you surmised, need to change your diet. Cutting out added sugar (get rid of sweets and soda) and eating more vegetables is a good way to go about that.

[kimdl93]

What Mikaela said +1

[Jaymees22]

Hi Lela, I'm no raving beauty either, but I try to do the best with what I,ve got. I wear body shapers (they feel great too)to help hold everything in place and create a girlish figure, with a little breast improvement from Walmart. My face is long and thin too, so bangs seem to help it look better. I have some other tricks, if you write me privately I'll share them. Check out my homepage link, I have many pictures and one of Angelica Houston, an inspiration to all us long faced girls. Good luck and Hugs Jaymee

[ReineD]

But my main homely feature is my face and I despair of ever being able to beautify it. It's too long and rather gaunt. Improving my diet may reduce the gauntness, but not the longness. Actually, I don't think I even look good as male. I'm embarrassed to be seen in public even dressed as a guy, just because of my face.

If this begins to impact your life negatively, if you begin to not go out because of the embarrassment or if you begin to focus on how your face looks and continue to be embarrassed about it, this could become problematic. You might want to read about Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and perhaps talk to a professional about this, if only to rule it out:

http://consults.blogs.nytimes.com/20...is-your-enemy/

I don't know if this will help, but I've actually thought about what my eyes see when I interact with people. If they are strangers, I can't help but notice their physical appearance since I don't really have any other points of reference to classify them with. But, as I get to know someone and once I know them really well, it is not their physical appearance I see, but who they are as a person. If this makes sense. This is why inwardly beautiful people who are low on the attractiveness scale by the media standards are loved by their friends and families, and narcissistic/cruel/selfish people who score Tens on the attractiveness scale don't have many friends once people get to know them.

[LelaK]

Thanks, you guys. I suppose it's not healthy to be so self-conscious and I don't understand what's behind it exactly. But I love beauty and I like to beautify things around me somewhat. And, of course, beautiful personality is what's most important. If I had an ugly car, that wouldn't bother me, and, since my body is just a vehicle too, it seems it shouldn't bother me either. But my "identity" is wrapped up in my facial appearance and I wish I could change that without it seeming artificial or foreign. Oh, I remember now, one problem is that if I change my appearance significantly my identity will seem to change to others, so that they will feel they no longer know me, which might make me or them sad. Well, I guess this won't be too hard a problem to solve.

I appreciate the tips: like wear bangs; exercise tips; and so on. Thanks much. Jaymees' pics seem to be helpful for comparison of different styles.

I suppose I should have posted this in the Beauty section, but I didn't think of it when I posted.

[Beverley Sims]

I also agree with Mikaela's post and try to beat that low self esteem and being over critical of yourself.

[ReineD]

one problem is that if I change my appearance significantly my identity will seem to change to others

The people who know and love you will always see you for who you are inside. If you remove gender from the equation for a moment, a wife can have breast enlargement, a face lift, a nose job, her hooded eyes removed, she can look 15 years younger yet her husband will not love her more, nor will he think she is a different person. Or, she could get into a horrible accident and become disfigured and after a period of adjustment (most of us do react negatively to gross disfigurement and we need time to get used to it), her husband will not lover her less, nor will he think that she is any different than before.

If you are transsexual and you tell your family that you need to transition plus you present as a woman all the time (not just with facial feminization surgery), if they are supportive they will try to think of you as your new gender. But your personality won't change, your preferences won't change, you will still have the same sense of humor, the same talents, the same things will still annoy you, and internally you will still be the same person. In this sense, your loved ones will not think that you are a different person.

[betty1253]

LelaK, here is the technical suggestion. Try not looking directly at the camera. Aim one of you shoulders at the camera, you can even hide one of your arms. Angle your head. Your avatar pic will be so small that it will hide a ton of apprehension.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Your 2nd & 3rd sentence, is as youv said as a male . okay, i hated how iv looked for 55 years, hated being in front of people being in large groups of people, could not speak to people & no social skills could not string two lines together let alone talk to large groups if a camara was around i was off >>>> gone. i was more than just embarrassed,

To day compleatly different. yet one detail remains the same, stand in front of 1000' of people talked to 100's & i do the photos , i have a failing, & im not a male, my detail i have very masculine facial features ,& dont look like a female, so i should have all the hall marks not to be accepted, let alone be accepted as a woman.

You know what, my looks are a non event to those who know me.

Today two friends from our womens group with another friend & young child she was about 7. came to get some , a lot of pot plants for a garden group , so we talked a while & we talked as just women . was nice,

Later another friend from our Edwardian group rang to see if her husband could pick up a big noticeboard after lunch. hes our mayor i get on well with him.

Afternoon time i went around to another Edwardian members home to do some work fix some leaking taps .

So all up a nice day so whats this to do with me. or my friends,

Im a female / woman who does not look like one ,no makeup. just my normal day to day wear, if you saw me youd think a male, so , the thing is i may not look the part, yet im accepted for who i am ....NOT .... based on my looks well lack of,

Because people need to see the real person its our beauty with in , well it has to be for this kid, so dont dispare because of your looks , if my friends who number in the 1000's can accept myself i think youll find they can accept you.

You of cause have to do your part, be open friendly listen while talking & get to know others, some times we for get to get off our back sides & take time in getting to know others , join some groups like i have , for my self women only as well as mixed,

I know what its like sitting on the fence got a sore bum from that so i got off & did something ,you know what it payed off ,

I thought no one will accept me that was my worst fear, how wrong i was, yes im very different from what my friends would normaly see or have any thing to do with, , yet they accepted my difference & i could not wish for a better lovely group of people to have as friends, & i meet more all the time,

...noeleena...

[Sarah Doepner]

You are not alone with this one. It seems to me that most crossdressers are some level of unhappy with how they look and only a few ever really accept and become comfortable with their male looks showing through the makeup, wigs and clothing. I keep wishing for a major windfall that will allow me to make changes in how I look, but even if that happened I'd still be too tall and money wouldn't make me any younger. Always something to be dissatisfied with I guess.

But beyond that there are multiple industries that have been built around convincing genetic women that they don't look enough like a female either. At some point, when we have done our exercise, practiced with modifying our appearance and adjusted our attitude, we kind of have to accept that this is as good as it's going to get and be happy with it. As others have noted, the look is a bridge to a feeling and if you can get that feeling, the look begins to matter less. Good luck and anything you do to be more healthy is a good choice regardless of the reason.

[ReineD]

But beyond that there are multiple industries that have been built around convincing genetic women that they don't look enough like a female either.

It's interesting that you put it that way. As a GG, all my life I've been subjected to the barrage of media ads, fashion catalogs, seeing actresses on TV shows & in the movies that score higher on the attractiveness scale than the average woman, plus a slew of other media messages, beginning with that first "ideal" female body represented by a Barbie doll when I was six years old. And I agree, the message that I and scores of other women get, is that we don't measure up: we are not skinny enough, tall enough, beautiful enough, our breasts aren't big enough or perky enough, our skin isn't clear enough, our hair isn't perfect enough.

But, I've got to say that I never felt I was being told that I didn't look enough like a female ... just that I wasn't pretty enough or didn't have a perfect enough body. GGs know that they look like females.

So I'm wondering how you see things ... do you think that women who are not model/actress caliber do not look enough like females? In other words, do you think that the average GG who doesn't look like a model or actress looks masculine?

[Tracii G]

Don't feel alone Lela I'm no prize in male mode and pretty rough IMO.
There are so many other factors as to how people see you a smile can do wonders or maybe get on to a facial plan clean and moisturize you skin daily that is one thing that helped me a lot.
The body is secondary and clothing choices make a big difference too in your overall presentation.
I had a huge struggle with my self esteem like you but you can overcome it trust me.
All the GG's suggestion are right on the money as they always are.

[Inna]

first of, you may be hypercritical as it always seems the case within TG community. Post a pic in a safe picture and video section of CD forum, only members have the in! And as you already like to have an avatar, I believe you are fine with you pic being out there in the first place anyway.
Then many can tell you straight what corrections they would prescribe, mind you, most will be slightly sugarcoating....
and then you will decipher what could work and try those suggestions. Otherwise is like trying to describe a silk flower if it is rather convincing without seeing it in a picture.

[LelaK]

RD: So I'm wondering how you see things ... do you think that women who are not model/actress caliber do not look enough like females? In other words, do you think that the average GG who doesn't look like a model or actress looks masculine?

For my part I don't mind much at all how others look. I only want to feel more attractive to me, so I don't feel like a leper. If I need to change my thinking to help do that, I'll try to. I think that about 90% or more of the people are more attractive physically than I am. I mean facially. I like my body fine.

Although I'm sure my thinking is partly faulty, I think my homeliness is partly a health matter, because I think I looked quite a bit better a few years ago. The gauntness of my face or cheeks seems likely to be due to protein shortage, due to insufficient digestive enzymes for quite a few years, which I wasn't aware of until this past spring or early summer. I improved my nutrition since then, but I'm a bit worried that the gauntness won't improve further, but I hope it will.

Another problem is that it seems that I look worse in the mirror at one distance than another and I look worse in pictures and on the webcam than in the mirror. So it's hard for me to tell which image is most realistic, but I suppose my pictures must be, unfortunately.

Well, writing this just produced a blessed event for me, which is so precious that I think I need to post it on a new thread. Okay, I did now and here's the link.

Meanwhile:

TG: The body is secondary and clothing choices make a big difference too in your overall presentation.
I had a huge struggle with my self esteem like you but you can overcome it trust me.

That was very prescient of you to say. So, now I do trust you on that.

Inna: Post a pic in a safe picture and video section of CD forum

Thanks for video and suggestion. Those transwomen are very beautiful. I wish it showed the pricetag for each of them. I'm a cheapskate, but I often find ways to do things cheap that most people pay big bucks for. So I won't regard those looks as totally out of my reach, though I may have to make them a low priority. I'll see what happens though.

[LelaK]

I'm moving the other message back here, since no one is responding to it.
A Blessed Outcome re Shame

I'm playing on the word "outcome" there. I was writing about my problem of being so self-conscious on my previous thread at this link, then I decided to post part of what I had started writing on this new thread, because it seems very important to me. Here below is what I experienced while writing. I'm sorry it sounds a bit disjointed and confusing. Maybe I'll be able to express myself better later.

This (subject of making my homely self beautiful) is a bit hard to discuss, because I still feel self-conscious just talking about this (being self-conscious about my homeliness and getting readers' attention). I like interaction, but I fear attention. It seems that this fear comes from my fear of Dad when I was a kid. I felt so suppressed and unaccepted for my emotions and femininity. My mascara would be running now if I were wearing any. I didn't realize I felt so suppressed. I knew I felt like a prisoner and a slave in my youth, but I didn't realize I felt that my femininity was suppressed. That's an eye-opener.

It seems that I never had the chance to cry about that before. It's a relief to finally be free to cry. I had no idea what I was getting into by joining this forum a few days ago. I'm sure glad now that I did. Starting to feel a little self-conscious again, but it's not strong now, very diminished. Wow. Well, there you have quite a change in emotions in just a few sentences. I believe I'll cherish this.

I posted an image of a girl crying a few days ago (which was removed; here's the link), which I said reminded me of me, but I didn't realize quite why exactly. I've noticed in recent years that I was fond of a mental image of a girl crying and that I wanted to be that girl. Now I think I understand my fondness for it. I already was and am that girl, only now my tears are becoming joyful. I'm shivering. When I posted the image of her, I must have subconsciously already known all this. My sadness is transforming. I've long sensed that sadness is destined to transform into joy. I'm so glad it's true.

I just now had to go blow my nose. I read recently that women's tears have an attractive physiological effect on men. I wonder now if MtFs' tears have the same effect on men, or on other MtF's, or for that matter on oneself. Sorry, that's off-topic, ha.

Dad had a big influence on my life. He had quite a bit of positive influence, but what I remember usually is the negative influence he had on me. I suppose it was magnified for me compared to my younger siblings, because I was so sensitive. It seems that sensitive people must be easier to suppress than others. I guess by sensitive in this case I mean fearful of feeling unloved or despised. Both of my folks suppressed my emotions, but Dad used much more severe punishment than did Mom. There was love in my childhood home, but not enough to counter the disapproval and suppression of my emotions and femininity by harsh language and sometimes physical beatings.

I mentioned in another thread lately that until I was about 6 I used to cry a lot and couldn't help it. Sometimes I was spanked painfully for crying. So, when I was about 6, I proudly told Mom one day that it had been a whole week since I last cried. It surprised me at that time that I was finally able to suppress my crying. I remember an occasion before that that I was hiding behind the house so I could cry in peace. Of course, suppressing my emotions was not an accomplishment, but Mom was proud of me too, I believe. Now I'm proud or at least happy to be getting my emotions and femininity back. I actually stopped suppressing my emotions decades ago, but I continued to suppress my femininity, without realizing it, until now

[Barbara Ella]

You have received a lot of excellent suggestions that you will enjoy doing for one reason or another. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and when the beholder is herself, that is the worst possible critiquer. Many of us will never get close to what we wish. That in no way detracts from the enjoyment of trying, which is why I keep on keeping on. Key is to never quit, and keep having fun. Eventually it may move beyond enjoyment and become a serious life necessity. Until then, I keep pursuing the dream, as I suspect you are also. Just don't worry about it, and let it develop.

Barbara