Th opposite problem....

[OKPink]

My wife has never said anything negative. In fact, she has done my makeup once, and occasionally shopped online. In fact, last night she even bought me a robe when she was buying some other stuff for herself.
But a part of me just doesn't buy into it. After all, my x-wife freaked out (which explains why she is my x).
Mind you, I am now married to an Asian from Asia, and I think there is a cultural difference. In Asia they just don't seem to be hung up on cross dressing (although ALL cross dressers are assumed gay in Asia). And, this wife knew before we got married I liked to dress.
Anyway, the problem is me. I just don't feel comfortable exposing more of this side of my life to her. Today she wants to go shopping, I want to go, but well, I probably won't go with her.
Anyone else have this problem?

[Stephanie47]

I think the primary issues lies with why do you cross dress. Is it a private activity? Does sharing negate the privacy? Also, maybe your experience with your ex-wife clouds your perception of acceptance by your current wife. I suspect once we are burned we are cautious in the future. Personally, I have no desire to have my wife participate in my cross dressing. If she were to decide I should dress for her, even at Halloween, I would feel she may do a complete 180 in the future. If she knew of your cross dressing before marriage, I would accept whatever participation she wants to engage in.

[Laura912]

Perhaps you need to root around in your psyche and find out why you have the problem. Does the additional exposure contain something that you wish to hide? Are you afraid that letting her see or learn more will make you more vulnerable? Are you still fairly recently wed and have not opened completely to each other? And finally, have you discussed this hesitancy with her?

[reshma]

well, most asians understand a person as a person. it is not the clothes that you wear or the brands you use, but what you are , that matters. its nice to know your wife accepts. mine accepts too. and we are both asian

[Sheren Kelly]

For me, I try hard to maintain the male image for my GF, and I would feel awkward to reverse and femme up for her (though she has seen pictures of me). Dressing femme is more of a personal (and very vulnerable) thing for me, and I am not confident that she would understand that this is truly an important part of me.

[Leslie Langford]

I don't mean to be unkind, but when you mention that your wife is an Asian from Asia - and assuming that you are a Caucasian American-born U.S. citizen - is this a case where she was the modern-day version of a mail-order bride, and unbeknownst to you, this is only a marriage of convenience for her in order to gain U.S. residency? If so, that would go a long way towards explaining her willingness to indulge you in your (ahem!) unusual "hobby", as there would definitely be something in it for her as well to keep you happy in this way.

Many foreign-born women use this tactic to gain entry into the U.S. to improve their economic situations, and lonely, elderly, single men are especially vulnerable to this type of come-on. The Philippines in particular are a major Southeast Asian source of these desperate women, as are some of the less well-off Eastern European countries such as Romania, Russia, and Ukraine.

[linda allen]

I don't mean to be unkind, but when you mention that your wife is an Asian from Asia - and assuming that you are a Caucasian American-born U.S. citizen - is this a case where she was the modern-day version of a mail-order bride, and unbeknownst to you, this is only a marriage of convenience for her in order to gain U.S. residency? If so, that would go a long way towards explaining her willingness to indulge you in your (ahem!) unusual "hobby", as there would definitely be something in it for her as well to keep you happy in this way.

Many foreign-born women use this tactic to gain entry into the U.S. to improve their economic situations, and lonely, elderly, single men are especially vulnerable to this type of come-on. The Philippines in particular are a major Southeast Asian source of these desperate women, as are some of the less well-off Eastern European countries such as Romania, Russia, and Ukraine.

That's a lot of reading between the lines and/or racial stereotyping. I didn't get that from the original post and I don't think anyone else did either.

To the OP, try to understand why you dress and if you feel guilty about it and why.

And go shopping with the one you love. I shop with my wife. I like to make her happy and she likes to make me happy.

[OKPink]

I met her at the mall 8 years ago. She has been in the USA twelve years. So no, not a MOB...
The stereotyping comes form when I have visited her country, or watch her TV, M2F crossdressing is an everyday sight. Which of course, is far different than here.
Like I said, the issue is perhaps MY cultural experience and beliefs about roles and stereotypes of men.
I did go shopping with her today. She picked out something nice for me
She seemed to have fun, as contrasted with my previous marriage.

[Tracii G]

You need to relax and just go with it, sounds to me you are the one with the hang up not her.
I went shopping with my GF yesterday and she made the comment " you know its funny I got two bras and a top and Tracii didn't get anything".That seems so wrong.LOL
I told her its OK nothing spoke to me.

[heatherdress]

OKPink - I think you should not worry. Trust your wife. Learn to accept and enjoy her interest and support. Go slow. Enjoy your experiences. You are fortunate.

[WillowWriter]

I'd say relax a ljttle bit. Have some fun going shopping with her. I could be a good gateway tomore things and could at differemt activities you and your wife can do

[JessicaMay]

Here's what I do.

I start before I get dressed (transition I call it) and make sure she understands that I can always change back in a moments notice, and should anything make her uncomfortable she can use the stop word to stop all the cross-acting (she's just started crossing as Chris ) so we can re-evaluate our boundaries.

On Saturday we went shopping. We had planned to go shopping all week, so it wasn't a spur of the moment thing. She was so excited, as was I of course. No more old hand-me-downs and stuff. Finally my own clothes! We however came up with a rule, for everything I bought for myself she had to get something too. If I bought a dress, she got a new one, etc.

It's exciting to go shopping for a couple reasons, firstly I don't care what people think about me. So yes I go into change rooms with bras, dresses, shirts and such. My wife was so very helpful in making sure the other items (we're about the same size) will fit properly. Then there was the lady that ran the change rooms, she was pleasant and very happy to help me. She ran off several times to bring back matching items to fill out an outfit, or improve what was underneath.

If she's okay with it, you're doing yourself a huge dis-service by not indulging her. It's a fun romantic experience. Do make it clear however that she comes first, and if she get's uncomfortable (or if you do too) you can always stop and re-evaluate how things are going.

[Beverley Sims]

I think it has been explained, your wife has grown up with acceptability unlike your previous wife who grew up to spurn the lifestyle.

[Tina B.]

It sounds like your hang up not hers, after all we are taught all of our lives to man up, and it can be hard to shake that training, Watch the movie, Beautiful Boxer, it may help you understand what you wife might be thinking, check out her mother and fathers attitude in the movie. If she is a Buddhist, maybe it's just your karma.
Talk to her about how you feel and she maybe able to help you over come your fear. Believe it, shopping with an accepting wife can be a very good time.

[kimdl93]

Not me. But I think I understand your problem. You may be less accepting of yourself than your wife is. Cultural differences aside, she is inviting you to participate in your own life. Your lingering self doubts and vestiges from a past marriage are holding you back. Let them go and open up!

[DonniDarkness]

DO you think that your previous marriage is causing you to shy away from being open because you still fear your new wife may do the same?

It sounds to me like shes on the same page, with who you are as a crossdresser. Dont sabotage yourself. Be honest and talk with her about your reservations, it will make you feel better.

Communicate with her.
-Donni-

[Krististeph]

Your defensiveness is over developed. So is mine. It's rather natural, and given the thing with your ex, understandable.

But understand that it is your mind, and minds remain plastic until death.

Perhaps start by having a few sessions with a councilor, they can help you approach the task of talking and opening up with your SO more in the correct way. When you are fearful of something, you do not always do the best thing, again understandable, but you have time on your side- use some of it to prepare properly.

Showing good manners to your spouse in the form of learning how to broach the subject will show her how much you value her acceptance and love.

IMO- I'd strongly NOT recommend saying anything to the effect of asking her not to participate as much- the most you might want to say is that sometimes you are not sure exactly how to react... this leaves the idea open and makes no judgement on her actions.

Spend time and work this one through, this is one of those important things- for you AND your wife.

IMO

-kristi

[larry]

Wow-A situation to die for..Just chat with her a little and insure all is well. Geez I actually feel stupid giving input to someone in your position. Iam SO jealous hehe

My wife has never said anything negative. In fact, she has done my makeup once, and occasionally shopped online. In fact, last night she even bought me a robe when she was buying some other stuff for herself.
But a part of me just doesn't buy into it. After all, my x-wife freaked out (which explains why she is my x).
Mind you, I am now married to an Asian from Asia, and I think there is a cultural difference. In Asia they just don't seem to be hung up on cross dressing (although ALL cross dressers are assumed gay in Asia). And, this wife knew before we got married I liked to dress.
Anyway, the problem is me. I just don't feel comfortable exposing more of this side of my life to her. Today she wants to go shopping, I want to go, but well, I probably won't go with her.
Anyone else have this problem?