Better Keep My Mouth Shut

[linda allen]

My wife and I went to dinner with another couple, good friends. I was sitting across from the other woman, my wife across from the other man. The other woman commented about my earrings (little gold balls, the starter or piercing earrings). They had seen them before so it was no big deal this time.

She was wearing a nice pair of dangle earrings, probably 1 1/2 " long. I started to tell her how nice they looked, but I thought to myself that I better not say anything about them. "Guys" don't notice things like that and certainly wouldn't say anything about them.

[Sally24]

I enjoy that kind of interchange because it helps me feel more in touch with my feminine side between outings. Women appreciate compliments and not all men that notice are gay or trans.

[EllenJo]

Awe go ahead and tell her. She had started the conversation by noticing your earrings, so complimenting hers woudl have been appropriate. So what if you were in guy mode.

[suchacutie]

How many times have you heard women complain (or joke about, derisively) that men don't notice anything? One of the advantages of being transgendered is that we do notice. It's a plus for us if used well. ]

For example: My wife got her nails done for the first time in years using the new shellac technique. They were (are) terrific. The women in the salon were kidding my wife that her husband (me) was probably like their men and would never notice. My wife responded that, "of course he will notice...he notices everything", and the women were incredulous. They were also a bit envious. Two weeks later that same crew wanted to know if I had noticed and when she said, "of course" and went on to tell about my commentary on her lovely nails and my hope that she would continue to have them done there was still disbelief but a wish that the other SOs would notice stuff like that.

So, be subtle, don't go overboard, but casual compliments will be met with smiles and good will. Maybe it's time we all stepped back a bit and reassessed our situation in terms of the advantages we have instead of always looking at the negatives? Maybe our glass is more than half full?

[linda allen]

If it had just been me and the two women, I might have said something. Her male companion, SO, or whatever is a little too quick to suggest that anything like that would be a sign of "gayness". He's fine as a friend in other respects, it's just that "macho" thing he has going. Every time he comments on my earrings I tell him he ought to get his done also just to stir him up.

[Beverley Sims]

It is interesting that you can make GG's do cartwheels if you notice some of the most mundane things they are working on at the time.
I had a really good night one time because I liked a particular necklace my girlfriend was wearing.

[Cheryl T]

I would have commented on her earrings. Not worrying about "guys don't notice such things", but because a woman enjoys a compliment now and then. I know I would enjoy hearing someone comment on my earrings.

[Barbra P]

. . . Her male companion, SO, or whatever is a little too quick to suggest that anything like that would be a sign of "gayness". He's fine as a friend in other respects, it's just that "macho" thing he has going. Every time he comments on my earrings I tell him he ought to get his done also just to stir him up.

On more than one occasion when some one’s over-the-top “macho” attitude begins to wear on me I have resorted to quoting Shakespeare or more precisely misquoting Shakespeare. “The lady doth protest too much, methinks” is from Shakespeare’s Hamlit, most often misquoted as “Methinks the lady protest too much.” Once when confronted by a particularly obnoxious, macho, Neanderthal I responded with “Methinks you protest too much, usually a sign of some latent feelings you are trying to suppress.” It took this person a few moments to comprehend what I had just insinuated, he was never considered the sharpest tack in the box. He retorted with some lame comeback and when a couple of the others present chuckled I could tell he wanted to take a swing at me. Won’t say it was the end of a budding friendship because we weren’t friends and we were never destined to be friends but he pretty much avoided me after that, much to my relief.

I’ve commented to women on their nails, their jewelry, their shoes, and their clothing, being careful to keep the compliments non-sexual. Once in Sam’s Club I spotted a woman in a very lovely flowered sun dress, reminiscent of something out of the Fifties and I made it a point to tell her how much I liked her dress and that I found it colorful and very pretty and that it reminded me of the summer dresses that my Mother wore when I was young; her face lit up like a light bulb and she replied “Oh thank you, you just made my day.”

[Tracii G]

I tend to compliment women a lot about the little things like that and always get a thanks followed by a nice smile.

[Joanna41]

I would have entertained her with an earring conversation. You already have some so one would presume you have a style of your own. Nothing gay about chit chat.

Joanna

[sherib]

I always compliment any GG that I know if she has a new hair cut, on nicely dressed and expsepcially if she has on a nice pair of heels. The only thing they ever say is "Thank you" or "Thank you for noticing"

[linda allen]

I think a few of the responses indicate a misunderstanding of the sitution:

Both the man and the woman are my friends as well as friends of my wife. The guy is not a "particularly obnoxious, macho, Neanderthal", he's a normal 50+ year old ex military guy. I don't feel any desire or obligation to try to change his outlook on life and I suspect there is more bark than bite here.

Saying something like "You look nice today" would have been fine. Commenting on individual wardrobe items would have been a bit over the top in this situation.

[franlee]

I have been guilty many times of complimenting GG friends and even strangers on rare occassions on the clothes, hair, jewely and even shoes and bag. I can't remember doing so on overall makeup, though I am guilty of it when they have exceptional eyes! I have considered this issue before and even thought that it may be a bit of a give-away to my CDing, but I never really worried about it and have been well thought of by most of the GG's that I took the effort to make those ovservations. I know because they have told me so, and never has my CDing been even hinted at. I feel that in most cases we over think things and display an overly protective amount of paranoia, and that within it's own right can draw attention and speculation.

[Tracii G]

Franlee I am guilty of commenting on eye make up.
In a good way mind you as a compliment always noting more.I have found women do appreciate make up compliments.
I get a puzzled look at first then a smile and a comment like oh wow thank you most guys never say that.

[Carmen]

I have been glared at many times by someones husband or boyfriend only because I can always come up with an interesting story or an intelligent joke. A lot of guys can't get past football, beer, guns or cars.
Just making their wife or date laugh and smile like they have not been able to do makes them jealous and I can see it in their eyes.

[kimdl93]

Oh heck, Linda, live dangerously and comment when you want. A few months ago my wife and I went shopping at DSW. I Found the perfect pumps to match her dress, and she made a point of telling her girlfriends that I'd picked them out. I figure I earned some girl points there.

[Tina B.]

Linda seeing as she commented on your earrings, you had an opening to notice hers, at that point you could have commented on them without anyone thinking anything of it, as long as you didn't get to gushy about it.
Linda keep commenting, after all some of us do get it! Others just act like guys.