Perhaps therapy is a good thing here. It will help them discover more about you and perhaps come to understand that this is not something that "goes away" but that is part of what makes us who we are.
Perhaps therapy is a good thing here. It will help them discover more about you and perhaps come to understand that this is not something that "goes away" but that is part of what makes us who we are.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
I fear that your Son got involved in A Classic Dilemma that we normally see with divorced couples.
During their conversation, Mom probably sent The Message: "If you love me, you have to decide that your Father is bad! There is no Choice!" It's a "forced choice" and the relationship between the two of you, and his relationship with his Mother are two different things. But, I'm betting she pushed him into making that choice. He's 19, and technically an adult, but he's probably ill-equipped to make such an adult decision as "separating behaviors from love and acceptance of The Whole Person." And, realizing that you are not a perfect human being.
You already got The Best Advise. Try to find a Therapist skilled in Gender Issues. But, I warn you that it will probably have one of two outcomes. I have a feeling that once other people find out it's not about playing The Blame Game, they will either change their opinion, or behave like children and walk away from trying to work out The Problems.
Peace and Love, Joanie
Last edited by sterling12; 11-05-2012 at 01:41 PM.
Without question the therapy will be helpfull, but only if they attend and get the education they really need.
Jenniferathome had a simple and great reply. I look at my son and daughter and know I would be in for some of the same initial reactions. My son is extreemly conservative, my daughter conservative herself, but accepting of others. I think whe you are seeing at the moment is initial reaction, from being startled by what your wife told them. She may have been well meaning, may have been trying to force you to stop. Either way, a therapist that specialzes in transgender issues is your best bet, and getting them involved at the proper time also. Best wishes going ahead
My sincere thanks to you all for your words of encouragement and advice. I have started the search for a good therapist with transgender experience (seems there are many in my area). I'm sure that the results will NOT be what my wife would like, and we'll have to deal with that as it comes. I've come too far to go backwards now, I really need to be true to myself and hopefully do as little harm as possible to my loved ones.
Jenn
Hey Jenny,
Therapies ok, but it certainly will NOT stop you from dressing! Your son needs to get over the disgusting bit too and realize this is who you are and how you express yourself. I wish you a lot of luck with it, it's not an easy road but it's one that's definitely worthwhile for you.
And that's the problem with therapists and counselors. You believe it's OK to crossdress, your wife does not. If the therapist seems to take your side, your wife will tune him or her out. If the therapist seems to take her side, you will tune him or her out.Originally Posted by Jenniferx
Basically, you're looking for a therapist to convince your wife that it's OK to crossdress. She will be looking for one who says it's not.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
Sorry to hear you son took it the way he did, but I would be taking my anger out on the wife, that no business telling him in the first place. I'd be looking for a good lawyer not a therapist, but then that may come later after your wife learns that therapy will not "cure" you, but make you even more open and honest with yourself. Even my ex wife would not do a thing like that!
Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.
Hi Linda,
Well not exactly. After all I have been at this journey a long time. Crossdressing while I love it (obviously), it has cost me so much in terms of lost relationships with people I care deeply about. WE can say it's all on them, screw them if they can't except, but it's not so black and white. So I don't expect the therapist to try to side one way or another, I can't stop, 50 years of this has taught me that. My wife and son may get some clarity I can't give them, I don't know....my wife may decide to leave if I can't be cured, I don't know, my son may forever hold me in his disgust, I just don't know. But I do know I will feel better to have talked to someone about all this, my buried pain from disappointing loved ones just being the beginning. I also know I'm not the type of person that hates, I don't abandon, I will love my wife and son, even for all their in tolerances, even for her conspiring to stop me. They are not mean people, they just want something that can't happen.
BTW- my wife has known about my desire to crossdress since before we married, she is not supportive and very against it. She has caught me several times, she has left me and come back many times too. My son like wise has caught me as a teen, found my clothes etc. So it wasn't as if my wife outed me, he knew already. I've been trying to find some way for my wife to accept even some little part of me, so I'm sure she reacted to it by trying to gain my son's support with her thinking. I don't think she was happy with my son's attack however.
Jenn
Last edited by Jenniferx; 11-07-2012 at 05:46 PM.
It wasn't her place to tell your son about your crossdressing. It should have come from you when you felt were ready to.
Perhaps therapy is the best thing so that the three of you can sit together and talk this through so you can hear it from all sides and then they will hopefully see that this is a part of who you are and not something you can just forget about in a flash.
I havent dressed in a year and a half since i purged last year down to pressure from my family but this is a part of me and i still think about it all the time.
Give your son a bit of time though as he is still young and probably struggling to come to terms that his father who he has looked up to all his life likes to dress as a woman and feels like he is losing you which is not true at all. Everyone no matter who they are has both a masculine and a feminine side.
I wish you all the best
Jen xxx
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Jenn,
You are right that there are some good gender therapists in your area. I met one at the Tri-Ess meeting when I lived in Michigan. The leader of the Tri-Ess group was studying for a MSW with emphasis on gender issues so she could also help you find one. PM me if you want more information.
I would suggest that the key is for you to get you and your wife in couple's therapy with a gender therapist. If you need or want to see a therapist for alone for your own good, it should be a different therapist. The couples therapist should help you and your wife understand each other's issues and hopefully come to a mutual understanding so you can stay married.
Good luck.
Leann
Leann
Enjoy who you are but stay safe.
Hello Jennifier,
As is my usual practice, I will call things as I see them.
It sounds to me that there are problems with your marriage. That was a dirty trick by your wife. She may be trying to hang a guilt trip on you about the crossdressing.
I would agree to therapy, provided the therapist has previous experience with gender issues, and everybody participates.
This is a family issue, and nobody is exempt from responsibility. The crossdressing issue may be a convenient scapegoat for other problems.
I think most of us know that crossdressing cessation therapy is unlikely to be successful in the long term. I wouldn't put up with any reparative therapy, as this is proven to be ineffectual, often doing more harm than good. In fact, would go as far as asking for proof of efficacy (does it work?) in the form of peer-reviewed research papers from a therapist who practises this kind of 'therapy'.
Someone or a group of people has/have convinced your son that crossdressing is disgusting. His reaction to your crossdressing is prejudice, which, as I have mentioned in other threads, is entirely a learned behavior.
You would have to have done something wrong to disappoint a loved onemy buried pain from disappointing loved ones
You have done nothing wrong
You should be disappointed in your wife's actions and your sons reaction
I fear that agreeing to therapy would be taken as admitting you have done something wrong
maybe your wife and son should go to diversity acceptance therapy first
Best of luck to you
I have marriage problems and a wife that threatens to out me to my sons and friends
I may be also in your situation in the near future
It sounds to me like your wife simply recruited an ally in her war on your crossdressing and egged him into attacking you with his statement.
Counseling is only useful if all persons involved are willing to listen. I very much doubt that your wife and son are willing. They might seem willing, but as soon as they find out that the goal isn't to "cure" you they will find a reason to drop out.
What is your son's status in your household? Are you supporting him? He's an adult, but if you're paying the bills then he can't find you too "disgusting!"
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
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