have to tell my so soon

[jules]

Had to go outside for a smoke and put the pants on and coat. And for a min all I wanted to do was walk out on the deck and smoke and not worry about anybody. I have hit the point in my life where i know what i want and who i am i will have to sit her down and talk to her and tell her everything.
She also thinks there is something going on because I have been cooking and cleaning. What do you say? Hey honey ive been cooking and cleaning because I do it as a women and I enjoy it . Having her walk in the house knowing Im a CD and be good with it would mean the world to me . One of these days.

Just thinking out load
Love
Jules

[kimdl93]

It is a big step, and fraught with risk. Prepare yourself to answer some common questions and allow her time to digest this. Good luck!

[Kaz]

Just go slow in your thought processes and don't think of you; think of her. What does she need to hear, what does she want to hear, etc... Do not rush into things.

I have always cleaned and cooked so that was never an issue. I didn't see that as a female role... I did it as a guy at college... it is what anyone does. She may see it as that... you doing it dressed as a woman is different and if presented as that could be spooky? I want to clean and cook dressed as a woman? Interesting message to send... Think about it. Think about how the messages you are wanting to send will land...

[Jenniferathome]

Jules, in my signature is how I told my wife. I reached the point where hiding was worse than not, so I told. It was not easy. Do remember, when you tell her, the conversation is abut HER, not you. Crossdressing is an intrusion on what was her normal life. I am the better for telling her. My situation turned out wonderfully. Not all do. Good luck

[jackie_p]

Having her walk in the house knowing Im a CD and be good with it would mean the world to me . One of these days.

Jules: I wouldn't assume that she will be good with it. Many SO are not, especially when it was previously hidden. When I told my wife,
she was far from OK with it. It will be 4 years in February as she understands that it is not something I had a choice in, but she doesn't
really like it and doesn't ever want to see it for herself. I would say she is definitely not OK with it. However, the thing she has the most
trouble with even years later was that I hide it from her. Be very careful if you choose to open up and tell her, prepare for the worst, and
hope for the best.

Hugs
Jackie

[jules]

I know we all have a dream . And it would be all about her it has to be about her and I have to be carefull how I word things. I know my SO and the first thing she is going to think is I'm gay. No ifs ands or butts. It is a long and winding road I know that. And Jennifer I read your story and I am taking everything in from everybody. My so is a smart cookie very smart. I have this bad feeling that she is going to figger things out on here own. And I got to beat her to it but carefully . Thanks for all the advice I will take every thing you have. :-)

Love
Jules

[Dawn cd]

You don't say much abut your marriage. I had been married 40 years, raised two kids. Our marriage is as solid as rock. So when I told her, she just smiled. No problem. I hope you are as lucky.

[ChelseaErtel]

Jules:

I told my wife on November 1st, 2012. A little over a week ago. Now, I'm a transsexual so depending might be worse. I asked her if I was just (no offense) a CD, would that make a difference and she said no. She has been totally supportive and we are talking all the time. She's getting used to it slowly. At first she didn't want to hear anything. Just a second ago when she was asking our 13 year old daughter what her friend wanted for her birthday, I looked over to her and my wife tugged her ear indicating that she knows I REALLY want to get my ears pierced.

I had expected, and would have bet big money I'd be out of the house right now. After I told her, the next day I had a TG social to go to. I told my wife a few weeks ago it was a retirement get together. So, since we now had no secrets, I told her what it was.

She asked how I was to get there and dress. The short of it is she took our daughter out of the house so I could get dressed and leave, then unlocked the basement door so I could get in, change, go back out and drive into the garage. Amazing.

Of course, one doesn't know how things will turn out for you as everyone is different. But telling her will relieve her suspicions and I hope she understands how difficult it is to tell her. It's not easy, but oh my what a weight will come off of your shoulders.

I'd tell her. Read JenniferatHome's letter, read through other coming out threads (mine if you like, lipstick on the mug one) and mold your coming out to your situation. I was planning my coming out the following week and had to tell her sooner and I am glad I did.

It is your family, your SO, your life and only you can figure out the way and timing. But the old saying, "honesty is the best policy" is in fact true.

On a side note, my psychologist is sure that the fatigue (it's all gone now) I was experiencing (it was getting worse over time) was a result of hiding my dressing. I absolutely think she is correct.

Good luck to you, you will be in our thoughts. It's not your fault you are this way remember, it is who you are, you are hardwired this way.

[jules]

We been married for 21 years. Our marriage was rough starting off because we only knew each other for 6 months . I was engaged 2 1/2 years before to a psycho . That's another story. So I said the he'll with the long relationship and asked her to marry me . We are like mud and water but we both have very strong personallys. We both hate to give in and we hate to admit when we are wrong. About a couple of years ago we almost broke up. Had started talking to a women on line because we were fighting so much I need someone to talk to. No I don't have friends or family that I could talk to. She found out by reading a text on my phone Christmas eve. She never said anything till Christmas day after my son opened his gifts. She was mad and heartbroken. We talked and I opened up about we both felt and the road we were heading down. She listened and so did I. Our marriage for the last 1 1/2 has been awesome we talk we share our doubts and fears. And we don't hold anything in and let it fester. I love my wife so much and I did not remember till that day. And we always kiss each other goodnight and good morning. And say how much we love each other every day. That is my marriage dawn. It's had its rough moments.I always tell her we will be together forever. Or until you kick me out and she says never just so you know :-)


Love Jules

[Lorileah]

Good luck, but it will be a good thing for both of you. Carrying a secret around and sneaking around is always stressful. And when your SO sees you stressed and she knows it isn't work or something similar, she suspects the worst; another woman. Go slow after the discussion, be willing to answer everything honestly. Be prepared for anger and tears.

[Beverley Sims]

Tell her you have a confused mind and feel all mixed up by all means.
Try and find out a little of her feelings about X dressing and other abnormal activities.
Read how others have broached the subject and most of all try and not talk about your problem, it will be your SO's problem as well.
She needs all the consideration.

[jules]

Sorry I take so long to reply. And I would like to thank everybody's response on this tread.
I have been doing a lot of research on crossdressing and why we do it. There is a lot of different types of crossdressers out there and I need to know what one am I .
Femmiphile

This is the most common form of crossdresser. In it’s simplicity, the femmiphile is a person who has a love for what our society considers to be feminine and a very strong desire to associate themselves with the feminine. Femmiphiles have high admiration for the female and wish to emulate them as much as possible.
That is who I am. I have to do the research because when she asks me questions I need the right answers and know what I am talking about. She is a very smart and strong women and when we disagree it like talking to a lawyer. I don't stand a chance . I do have trouble wording things the right way a lot of times. I can be cold and uncaring at times and selfish beyond belief. I know this but I have started to let my fimin side out a lot. I have taken this from a site I was on
why crossdressing?If all men have this girl within them, then why don’t all men crossdress? While all men do have a feminine side, only a small percentage, currently estimated to be about one to three percent of the male population, express this side by crossdressing. When crossdressers are asked why, most say that it relaxes them. Crossdressers when dressed usually try to emanate the female as much as possible. They take on a feminine name, they dress in total feminine garments, In essence they attempt to become a totally different person, one who does not have the problems and worries that their male counterpart has. It can be said that they attempt to develop a feminine personality.But very few crossdressers live totally*en femme, Most spend the majority of their lives in their everyday masculine role. When the crossdresser returns to their normal everyday masculine role, the feminine personality integrated along with their masculine personality to help form a more complete person out of him, one who is more caring and sensitive and considerate of others. This is so true I'm a iron worker and being a coldhearted prick is something I have to do every day or be walked over by others. What kind of people are crossdressers?Crossdressers in their quest to gain the positive qualities of the female are generally more caring and sensitive, are more feeling and have a desire and need to share feelings. They participate in many community projects and are more open to the needs of others.Are most crossdressers married?To this we can answer a resounding*YES. In one survey of crossdressers it was found that about seventy percent of them were in fact married, and about seventy percent of those had children.What about their wives?Because crossdressing is socially unacceptable, many crossdressers do not tell their wives about their crossdressing needs. This often results in marital disharmony. Many crossdressers are afraid that the wife will not understand and will leave upon finding out about her husbands feminine desires. Where the wife is aware of her husbands feminine side and has decided to accept and even assist her crossdressing husband in becoming more feminine the marriage has in fact been strengthened. Wives have found their crossdressing husbands more willing to do household chores and to be more loving, sympathetic, and compassionate. These are some things I have been reading and they make a lot of scene to me.
Can crossdressing be cured?While many years ago psychologist did attempt to cure crossdressers, today most have recognized that crossdressing is lifelong and find that better results can be obtained by teaching the crossdresser to accept their feminine side. While most crossdressers can control their urge to crossdress,*there is no cure. Crossdressing is lifelong.
I have read a lot of comments about stop crossdressing and how ( I quoit) my life is so much better now that I have stopped and so can you . My life has meaning and I don't feel so ashamed ( I a nutshell) .
Come on really ! How can you live with yourself knowing you live a lie ? How can you be honest with your wife? Keeping that part of you hidden will do more damage over the long run then telling her.
I grew up in a small community where you dare not be different or your life would be misery. I dare not say anything to my parents about what I was going through. As I grew up I dressed off and on but felt so ashamed . I started drinking when I was 13 started doing drugs not much older then that. I buried it as deep as I could but it always resurfaced. I kept this up for years never told anybody. I know my parents knew something but nothing was never said. I think they thought I was gay. I got engaged for 2.5 years never dressed that j could remember but I was drinking every day and stoned. We broke up met the wife and got married after 6 months ( no it was not a shotgun wedding) I stopped drinking as much did not do drugs anymore. As the years went by the urge to crossdress came back I would dress up every now and when when I had the time. God I have typing on a phone . Just lost a bunch of stuff. I have put my wife through a lot over the years. We've had our ups and downs. But we have grow stronger over the last two years.
When I said (that I have to tell her soon ) it's not because I want to walk around in a dress. It's because I don't want to lie to her anymore. She found a worsens shirt a few years back and thought I was cheating on her. ( I was not) I lied and said it must have got mixed up with the mens rack. I almost said something then but I clammed up. I think about that lie every day seeing thru hurt in her face and the mistrust.
I am slowly falling apart and as each day go's by I sink deeper and deeper . I had thoughts of killing myself because it eats away at me day I don't tell her. I picture the look in her eyes of disgust and wondering what she married. I have myself so convinced of this I find it hard to say anything.
Am I depressed? Yes I am and I know it. We had a argument in the garage a few months ago. Just your normal married thing. I broke down and told her my thoughts about how I have been having thoughts . I pushed her away I said I dig myself out every time I will do it again. How could I tell her about me. She asked me to talk to her but I couldn't. I keep my feelings very close to me and never let anybody close to me know how I am feeling.

Jules

[Diversity]

I'd suggest making sure that you let your SO know when the time is right (where you believe she will be receptive to a long open and honest discussion). If you have reached to point where you absolutely need to go on living as the real you, then I believe you need to let your SO know. It's not easy, but you may find that she will be receptive to your honesty. Good luck!
Di

[Jana]

It's generally better to come out on your own terms than to be outted. I'm not saying it is easy, but try not to procrastinate too much. Today is as good a day as any. Good luck!

[jules]

Today is not a good day. I'm on night shift. Everything I have read states that you have to be carefull. It's not you you have to worry about its your S/O she is the person that is going to be hurt, angry, and betrayed. Yes Jennifer I took your advice. I am still a man that has a bad habbet of screwing things up as soon as he opens his mouth. Not one of my most endearing qualities.
The only people that I talk to are you ladies. I am sharing my hopes , fears and dreams with you. Like I said I have great trouble opening up its takes a lot.
All I ask is for you to be there when I need you.

P.s just wanted to say thank you to the rest of the women for there advice.

Jules.

[Alice B]

Do what I did. Print out all the research that applies to who you are and your position and give her the material to read after the first talk. Be open, honest and listen to what her fears are.

[ClosetED]

You do need to have the talk. I agree, based on what you said, that you should have printed material and a letter to her about how much you love her and what this means to you and to both of you. This way if your tongue gets tied or she wants to rush off and think, she can take that with her. And wait for the right time. Having her come in while you are dressed would not be it, even if you are in a sexy French maid outfit doing all the house chores!

[I Am Paula]

So much good advice here, I won't just re-iterate, so I'll add just two things.
I started the conversation in a supermarket. I knew she wouldn't kick up too much of a fuss in such a public place. It gave her some time to mull it over before we were alone.

As part of your prepared sales job, don't try to quote statistics. (but honey, 9 out of 10 dentists wear victorias secret).

I've been out to my wife since before marriage. It has worked for us, but I would not dare to suggest it will work for everybody. good luck-Celeste

[Rhonda Ann]

Be prepared! Think very carefully before you tell her anything, make sure you know what you are say and how you say it. Be prepared for her response, make sure you are ready for the worst. Prepare for the worst and pray for the best.

[jules]

I like doing research. I need to to know why and how about things. I will not give her facts but just be honest with her. And prepare for the worst. Before I left for work I was writing down info on a piece of paper and left it on the floor. Thank god she never looked at it. I would have been mortified. Think I would have melted into the floor and never came back out.
We were talking last night and I almost said something but the timing has to be right. She is under to much stress at work and she don't need this right now.


Jules