Page 1 of 7 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 173

Thread: Full time tranny

  1. #1
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    SF Bay Area
    Posts
    2,728

    Full time tranny

    (note: I posted this as a response in another thread but somebody PM'd with a request that I move it to it's own thread)

    I've been thinking lately about people who want to transition and there is something that is rarely ever talked about; The intestinal fortitude required to live through the first few years after transition. Only a fortunate few get to experience visible stealthiness and fewer still experience it right away. The process literally takes years and in the meantime you look like a, well, ...you look like a tranny. Most trans women will pass sporadically and some will NEVER pass. Real life isn't like Mrs Doubtfire where everyone is totally fooled by ridiculous looking drag. That outfit wouldn't pass if the ball was on fire. (sports analogy grunt grunt) Real life is having everybody look at you when you walk into a room, or tap their buddy on the shoulder as you walk past, or giggle when you drive up to get your latte at Fourbucks. This is every single day with no end in sight. Do you think you're gonna breeze though transition because everybody at the dance club is always raving about how good you look? Think again. Do you think a few procedures will turn you into a woman? Think again.

    Apparently something about transition is perceived as romantic despite every T-girl who has done it saying it's tough. It is in fact the toughest thing you will ever do and it MAY be the most rewarding thing as well but let me tell you something, when you go full-time and change your name, it is ON like the break of dawn. How you look is how you look and there is no more hiding behind the "dude" when you just want a break from being a spectacle. You may one day be a full-time woman but before you get there you first have to endure being a full-time tranny. Those are the dues, and I don't see a way around paying 'em.

    Transition is a trip and that first step is a real bitch.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
    Melissa Hobbes
    www.badtranny.com

  2. #2
    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    1,350
    Wow, there's so much here I don't know where to begin.

    OK, let me start here - we all know how society characterizes and stereotypes the transgender experience. We all know it, and we wring our hands in frustration and emphatically claim "Hey, that's not us! We're different than what the media and critics say we are!" and we implore others to get to know us as people, because when they do they'll see that we're just not so grotesque after all. Because the root of the problem isn't so much the stereotype depiction itself but peoples' tendencies to believe them, to believe what they want to believe, and until they shatter those paradigms we're going to be misunderstood and reviled.

    But that's not us! Nope! No ma'am! We're conquering that brave new world of self, grappling with essential issues of identity and gender and we WILL NOT be shackled by stereotypes foisted on us by an oppressive society. WE will define ourselves as The New Woman and others will just have to accept that, by golly! We're not believing what we want to believe, we're embracing TRUTH!

    Oh, I wish it were so!

    One of the biggest realities we have to face is that this trip is not exactly as it was described in the brochure. Natalie Reed describes some of those misconceptions in her blog ( http://skepchick.org/2012/01/13-myth...omen-part-one/ ), and the one that comes to mind is this:

    "We’ve all seen it a million times. Bob goes into the hospital as a big, burly, manly dudely dude. Out walks Roberta in her heels and mini-skirt, with her D-cup breasts suddenly magically having appeared out of nowhere, her hair miraculously 12 inches longer, and goes swishing off to sleep with the first unsuspecting guy she can find."

    How many of us, pre-transition, had an image like this in our minds? Oh, sure, our rational brains would readily admit that it really wasn't like this, but who among us didn't spend so much time imagining ourselves living our own ideal of a woman's life that it never occurred to us what actually happens the first time you try to walk in heels, or how hard it can be to find clothes that fit well and look right, or that you'll hate your hair or struggle with debilitating doubt?

    We do it. We do it because we also fall victim to the hype, and a lot of that hype comes from within our own community. I see it all the time, and it almost always seems to be based in lifestyle and appearance issues. I see it in someone who thinks she's trans but doesn't want to transition if she can't be pretty. I see it in someone else who's frustrated because she's not fitting in with other women (somehow she rejects the notion that this is probably not because she still has a penis but because she has her male privilege in a death grip and won't let go). I know one girl whom I thought was a GG when I first met her - she looks like a woman and has a GREAT voice but is unhappy because she's seen that my FFS was successful and wants desperately to look like me.

    And yet, amazingly, we still hear girls saying that they don't think therapy is useful or RLE is necessary.

    Yes, that first step is a bitch. But you'd better make peace with that bitch, because you're gonna have to live with her. Just try to be better than her so you don't become a bitch, too.
    I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Inna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    2,488
    Do you take this prescription once or twice a day and are there any side effects??? LOL

    Yep, dose of reality like it really is.

    You run full steam, take up speed, open your wings and slowly take flight oh, how exhilarating it is to feel the wind pick you up and allow you to soar freely, oh what is that, OH NO, not another invisible wall......SLAM!
    Aching pride slides down the scratchy surface of the concrete wall of perception, that of an image stripped of its inflated hope and illusion.

    Tears run down the rouge powdered cheeks, flimsy surrendered stride towards the cave I make my way to retrieve, I am wounded and for a while I have given up, but each step, each dried tear, and each breath of same air through my glossy lip rejuvenates the ideal that it all is possible, that my blind trust in the impossible is at hand, is somewhere in the distance, perhaps horizon I cant yet see but it is promised there, I have promised it be there, I alone!

    Such was my story, wrapped with dreams and impossible striving towards reality which truly seemed unreal but inevitable or else I would have taken me of the edge of this world into the dream I had came from to dream the dream forever.

    So YES, transition sounds very finite, yet it isn't! as Melissa points out! It is the road paved with thorns, ready to pierce and bleed your soul of the only thing you hold dear. But for most, it is no choice, no fun ride in the park of gender, but harsh, stone cold reality of swaying THEIR perception, so that hopefully at one moment THEY will see a person already there for years but unable to be, JUST as they are, whole and true!

  4. #4
    . Aprilrain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Washington
    Posts
    2,749
    Not to mention trying to find shoes that actually fit!

  5. #5
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    6,367
    Well, I see you girls have been into the sacramental wine early today . I have to run off and do business right now but hopefully I will return early and give my $0.02 whether it is wanted or not.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    903
    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    [ Real life is having everybody look at you when you walk into a room, or tap their buddy on the shoulder as you walk past, or giggle when you drive up to get your latte at Fourbucks. This is every single day with no end in sight.
    Sorry, but not in my experience. Almost three years F/T and can only recall once where a party of four teenagers/early twenties made comments to each other. And I was told by a friend that a couple acted in a similar way when I walked by. I'm sorry if its been your experience, but you can't claim it as something that this is "real life".

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member TeresaL's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    666
    I'm still on the outside looking in, and what I'm seeing and hearing has really sobered me up. The phrase "don't transition if you don't have to," which is said here on occasion, IMO, must've originated from those who have done so, and yes, paid the price. So much effort, suffering, and birth pain. You have to be driven, and driven hard.

    I'm still on the sidelines, and support those brave souls who absolutely, without a preponderance of a doubt, must transition.

  8. #8
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    6,640
    Deborah you have posted in the past about a waiter saying "he"... its not neccessarily about being mocked , its being misidentified..its about people that see us not giving us the respect of "believing" we are women..
    ..and it can happen to the prettiest and most passable..

    Its true that a majority of people simply don't care and are ok with it...most people are "good" and don't like to mock or make others uncomfortable...it is inarguably healthy to have a strong internal confidence that allows a feeling of comfort..
    but we interact with everyone, all dad, every day...the minority are well represented in our daily lives..

    its right to feel that who cares what a saleslady or waiter thinks about me..or that guy walking past me smirking...not caring is a learned skill for most of us..

    but its just not true that we don't get looked at.....especially prior to ffs and/or a long period of learning to blend in...
    ...having the good sense and strong will to have valuable blinders on about how people react is different than people having no reaction..what melissa posted is true..michelle too..

    in any case, i'd rather make sure people thinking about this know what its really like and help people prepare for it..if you never get looked at then that's great too.

    ..hope for the best, expect the worst kind of thing.

  9. #9
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Denver
    Posts
    11,799
    Damn Melissa, I thought it was a cakewalk. You know where everyone just looks at me and whistles. After all, I can pass 100%.

    Since I know that people will stare, I just go with that. When someone says "no one noticed" it should come with the post script "who said or did anything". Oh, yes, I turn heads. And I see the quick look away or the lean into the friend. I hope what they are talking about is how much they would really like to be with me, take me to the French Riviera, but we know. In fact I do the same thing (usually the "OH my god, don't they have a mirror in their house?"). But I am not 24/7 so even though I see it often I don't get it daily like a transitioning TS would. I don't have the guts to do that (I am still holding onto the pool rim, debating if it is the right thing for me.).

    Real life; where when you are not in your routine environment, you get sized and dissected, chopped and scrutinized and then they place you in your box. Deborah may be one of the few who float through but honestly, most of us have features that will never change (there is no surgery that I know that will make your pelvic girdle wider...and if it did it would hurt like hell and you would have to walk with assistance). Most of us cannot be shorter. And that damn rib cage thing. Ya go with what ya got. I know TS's who are perfectly happy even though they get pegged on rare occasions (read that as having someone say or do something that shows they "know"...most people are adult enough to not make a reaction). I don't know any who don't get pegged but then again, that is what we would love to achieve and maybe they have faded into society and they are living the Stepford experience now. I think the best I can hope for is that people will just like me for me.
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
    Nez Perce



    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  10. #10
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    SF Bay Area
    Posts
    2,728
    Quote Originally Posted by Deborah_UK View Post
    Sorry, but not in my experience. Almost three years F/T and can only recall once where a party of four teenagers/early twenties made comments to each other. And I was told by a friend that a couple acted in a similar way when I walked by. I'm sorry if its been your experience, but you can't claim it as something that this is "real life".
    No offense but I want to see pics and a lot of them. I live in one of the best places in the world for tranny watching and as I am one myself I feel like my position is pretty well rooted in reality. There ARE exceptions but they are rare as exceptions tend to be. I think for trans women in my age range, (I'm 44 if you must know) they are even rarer.

    I am one of the lucky ones that presents pretty well and lives very naturally as a woman, yet I was noticeably getting read every single day up until just a few weeks ago when I stopped noticing it so much. I still notice it on occasion, but I'm also beginning to notice the experience of truly passing for the first time. The weird almost disembodied feeling of a strange man smiling at me and tripping over himself to grab the door. To be really seen is pretty amazing, but so far those feelings are pretty rare for me. Thankfully the feeling of being a spectacle is diminishing so maybe at some point the better experience will overtake the crummy one.

    I feel like I am one of the exceptions because I still believe (maybe optimistically) that I will be out of the woods in another six months. I have seen many T girls, some Post-op that I fear will never have an easy time of it.

    So Deb, I'm gonna put you on the spot. I post here because I want people to know the truth about my experience. I want to support transitioners but I want them to know the real deal as I see it before they make commitments they might regret. I've posted plenty of pictures on here and my blog (which is linked to every post). I have made no secret about where I live and what I do for a living, in fact I may be the least anonymous person on this forum. I don't have any choice but to stand behind what I say so if you're going to challenge my honest view of transition then you need to put up some pics over the last three years of your journey so we can see what a smooth ride it's been. You don't owe it to me, you owe that to the girls who are on the fence who just might be persuaded by your testimony.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
    Melissa Hobbes
    www.badtranny.com

  11. #11
    Senior Member stefan37's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Central NJ
    Posts
    1,159
    I get exactly what you are describing. I am on the start of my journey and i have no illusions that my maleness will be with me for some time. Cruising around the general population I have observed most people have no clue or even pay attention.There are some tho that pay attention to their surroundings and either stare or some cases laugh
    Not long ago i had a building inspector laugh in my face while i was filling out a permit application. He even walked around the counter to get a better look then laughed some more. I endure these encounters
    ecause they prepare me for situations i will face aa i move forward. I also have observed men look with disdain or deriscion while women tend to be more open and friendly. As i contemplate the losses i may incur, I have no choice but to move forward based on tbe positive events in my life brought on by the mental changes of hrt and liberating feeling of finally being myself

  12. #12
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    2,422
    Quote Originally Posted by Deborah_UK View Post
    Sorry, but not in my experience. Almost three years F/T and can only recall once where a party of four teenagers/early twenties made comments to each other. And I was told by a friend that a couple acted in a similar way when I walked by. I'm sorry if its been your experience, but you can't claim it as something that this is "real life".
    She very well can make that claim. It is real life for MANY transsexuals. You are either one of the lucky ones who passes 100% or you're oblivious to how people really see you. Be happy you are so lucky... and show some respect for the TONS of transitioned transsexuals who may never pass and DO have to deal with this kind of stuff for the rest of their lives.
    Last edited by Bree-asaurus; 11-28-2012 at 02:07 PM.

  13. #13
    I feel better now.

    "I'm not sure. But I'll never know unless I give it a shot."

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    903
    Oh dear, oh dear, I try to give my experience and because it doesn't fit in with others pre-conceived ideas of how this path in life should go and how hard it is so don't enter it without heeding the warnings.

    Kaitlynn, yes you're right I did get "sirred" by a waiter and it upset me at the time, but clearly it wasn't that traumatic because I'd forgotten all about it until you brought it up (guess you've been reading back through all my earlier posts to see where you could catch me out)

    Melissa, I really don't see why I have to prove myself to you by posting photos - I've had photos on here before, and only recently deleted them, because I was actually getting fed up with this place and considered stopping posting, but like to help where I can with MY experiences, which are clearly different to yours, and I have certainly given the benefit of my experience through the NHS system on the sticky at the top of this page.

    Bree-asaurus - yes, she can make that claim, but I was trying to point out that Melissa was (like most) being over generalistic, painting an awful picture, where in some (not all - I'd never be that presumptious) cases we are just allowed to get on with our lives. I also know some post op girls who have been verbally and physically attacked. I was merely pointing out MY experience.

    Guess I'm another who is out of step with the thought police, so hopefully I'll leave this place to those who know better than me. I'm clearly not worthy.

  15. #15
    Just Saying Hi Traci Elizabeth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    The World of Womanhood
    Posts
    2,358
    I see it all the time: I want to transition because I have a fetish. I want to transition because I get sexually aroused. I want to transition because girls/women are so cool and I would love to be like that. I want to transition to escape my past. I want to transition because... well, I don't know why... just because!

    Then once in a while you see: I want to transition because I want my outside to look like the woman I have always been on the inside. The soul that never fit into a "man's" world. The soul that always aliened itself with other girls/women whether openly displayed or not. The soul that has been tormented throughout it's existence. To those poor souls I say, when has transitioning been an option? To those souls there are only two roads to travel: transition or suicide. Those who choose the former, do so irrespective of societies acceptance of them. I have personally seen these souls. Some were physically beautiful, some were mediocre, and some were but ass ugly BUT ALL WHERE HAPPY AS WOMEN!

    Is it easy - Hell no!
    Is it expensive - Hell yes!
    Do you loose your wife/SO/GF, children, other family members, other loves, friends, church, jobs, professional associations/associates, careers - sometimes yes!
    Do you have a choice - NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!

    MY TAKE IS THIS - AND YOU ARE ALL FREE TO SCREAM "FOUL" or tell me I am full of shit. Neither will alter my feelings however when I say, "If ANY of these things stop you from transitioning, then you are not transsexual.

    If my "opinion" blows this thread wide-open to intelligent debate then that's great!


    Just call Me: "W - O - M - A - N"

    As King said: "I'm free at last, I'm free at last.
    Thank God Almighty I'm free at last!"

  16. #16
    GG ReineD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Samsara
    Posts
    21,377
    I can write from the viewpoint of an outsider who has met transwomen in RL.

    I agree with Melissa. Other than one petite TS that I've met who transitioned in her late teens, and another who has had multiple facial surgeries and who transitioned about 7 years ago, I also can tell if someone was born physically male. This has to do with a combination of several things that I won't list here. But, I think it is important to say that once I get to know her, she is not a male to me nor can she be compared to one. My brain does differentiate between a birth female and a transwoman, I cannot erase the knowledge that someone has transitioned vs. someone who was born with a female body, but if I am to choose a gender to classify her into, she is more female to me than male.

    Maybe some (or most?) people who serve the lattes, who serve the food, who take the money at the cash registers, or the people who do have a bias against this, the people who haven't taken the time to get to know and see the inner being, can't get beyond the stereotypes. To Deborah_UK, unless you are the exception to the rule, do not mistake people who keep their opinions to themselves as having a blind acceptance that you are a GG.

    But, when I think of everyone that I know, it is the aggregate of who they are that informs my overall impression of them. When I think of my close female and male friends, I do not primarily think of them as being male or female. It is the sum total of their characters and personalities that characterizes them in my mind: the easy to get along with person. The one who is always late. The type A personality. The creative one. The smart one. The quiet one. The one with a wicked sense of humor. The way they present is a big part of this (the bohemian one, the conservative one, the edgy one, the attractive one) and if you present as a woman then this gets tied to everything else that you are in your friends' minds. They will primarily think of you as who you are as a person and they will accept that you are a woman more than a man, in my opinion, or at least I do. I don't know if what I'm saying makes any sense or if it makes a difference.

    And I agree fully with the other points that you and Michelle make: I've sensed by reading many posts here (and on the other side of the forum), that there is an idealistic and romantic view of what life as a woman will be after transition: the beautiful woman who is adored and has multiple men falling at her feet. If the reason to transition is to live that dream, then the person does have a rude awakening ahead of her, not only because of the difficulty in erasing the male gender cues, but even when and if they are all erased, most of us GGs don't live that way. lol. Most of the men that I encounter in my daily life do not fall at my feet. They treat me as just a regular person.

    Thank you for starting this thread.
    Reine

  17. #17
    Just Saying Hi Traci Elizabeth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    The World of Womanhood
    Posts
    2,358
    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    I also can tell if someone was born physically male. This has to do with a combination of several things that I won't list here.
    You are talking the easy way out. When you make a comment like this in this section, don't you have an obligation to back it up with facts to enlighten all of us?

    Not all males have larger heads, protruding brows, larger feet or palms or short fingers and large fingernails. Nor do all men have beards, broad shoulders, budging Adam's apple, ruff skin, body hair, or flat butts. The list goes on but do dear enlighten to the sheep before we are lead to slaughter.


    Just call Me: "W - O - M - A - N"

    As King said: "I'm free at last, I'm free at last.
    Thank God Almighty I'm free at last!"

  18. #18
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    6,640
    all melissa is saying is that we need to prepare ourselves to be a brick wall against any and all obstacles..and a big obstacle is stepping out and being put in a position to feel bad about yourself and what you are doing..


    Deborah..

    I did read back because i remember something about that post...i felt bad about it at the time...i care about reading posts..

    I'm not critical of your ability to ignore moments that you choose, and i've seen your picture, you are right , you owe people nothing...
    i took my picture down too..(btw yours is still in the profile section)

    I have experienced both sides...i didn't pass prior to ffs...i looked ok i guess but not close to passing...i'm 6'2
    ...my ffs was very successful..i got a very natural outcome that suits me...i have small hands and i'm blessed with curves that i don't deserve... i have lived the difference... i got the sirs and the looks...i recall being called "buddy" quite mockingly once..they didn't happen "alot"...but i was always on my guard..these moments drove me to get over my phobias and submit to ffs....that was my choice and I accept this was only my own experience..but its consistent with every single transsexual person i have ever met...

    i think its important to specifically share honest moments ...altho melissa's comments were a generalization.. she has shared many specific moments over time, and so have you
    ...and both are consistent with melissa's general statement

    It's not thought police. its intellectually dishonest to take a position that something doesn't happen when it clearly does...especially when people so often have an idealistic view of what day to day life is going to be like someday..

    in the end, i hope everybody can make great decisions for themselves based on all the information and i guess in the end, people can read what we are both saying and decide for themselves..

  19. #19
    Silver Member Inna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    2,488
    We do usually focus on the centralism of transsexual condition within the aspects of folks we know from the small tight circle of friends both here and in Real Life experience. But we seldom discuss the girl at the counter at Panera bread, girl at Mc Donald's, Good looking yet short dude who just passed you in the mall without you making second eye contact. They do exist, they are all over, and if they them selves do not confront us with their past we would have never assumed.
    It is true that society have become way more tolerant and nearly every high school in the nation has transgender, gay/lesbian scholar within the crowd, and yes they are fully passable the younger they get, to the point no one can tell, regardless of features because of stopped puberty. The age of Old Farts such as yours trully is coming to the end, how wonderful of a thought!!!!!
    Yet, I truly believe, even though everything Melissa had said rings true and so not distant reality of mine, We are the architects of our reality, and even though it is extremely hard to bend such reality to our liking, I believe I have done it.
    From where I have started, I was sentenced by the default to life of regrets and painful remarks, yet, through blind focused determination I have bent my reality to that of totality.

    I am a woman, despite occasional mishaps of few months before, now I am taken without hesitation, despite my larger hands, feet, or height as a natural real tall blond woman. And YES I am a woman, what have changed is that my avatar now reflects whom I always was, yet deprived within onlooking eyes of strangers.

    I believe that life is pain, and our job is to learn how to turn pain into joy!!!!!

  20. #20
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    SF Bay Area
    Posts
    2,728
    Quote Originally Posted by Deborah_UK View Post
    Melissa, I really don't see why I have to prove myself to you by posting photos -.
    True, but the fact remains that I simply don't believe you. I could say I fly into work every day in a little Cessna 150 that my uncle gave me, but that doesn't make it true.

    You are entitled to your opinion but you are not entitled to your own facts, and the fact is that the overwhelming majority of midlife transitioners have a rough go of it for at least the first year or two after transition. You cannot dispute that except anecdotally and in the case of your example, I just can't help but be curious about what you must have looked like in that first year. I'm skeptical because it is so rare, but I'm also very interested in seeing such a magnificent creature.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
    Melissa Hobbes
    www.badtranny.com

  21. #21
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    6,367
    First, I have to say I agree with your assessments of the situation. Transition is rough for anyone who goes through it. It does take a great deal of intestinal fortitude to get through it. What so many do not understand is it also takes “moral courage" or acting in a way that enhances what one believes to be good in spite of social disapproval and possible backlash. Then we have to add in “psychological bravery” which means acting against one’s own natural inclinations and facing fears which might not have any societal moral implications. Then, we have to toss in a good dose of perseverance because it involves continuing along a path in the midst of and after having faced opposition and perhaps failure. Lest we not forget honesty and authenticity. They mean more than simply telling the truth. It involves integrity in all areas of one’s life and the ability to be true to oneself and one’s role in the world. It sounds to me that if anyone could survive all that, they should be honored as a national hero. I think if you go look at what constitutes a Medal of Honor or a Presidential Medal of Freedom recipient. They will have the same qualities instilled.

    Why then, do people think we are the scum of the earth? How do we get the general public to understand us? Why, still to this very day, does the media highlight the words crossdresser, transgender, transsexual in their stories as if it were the plague?

    To be fair, we can’t put all the blame on the public. We, in the transgender community, keep shooting ourselves in the foot quite often. Here is a recent example of that. http://www.wmur.com/political-scoop/...?absolute=true I am sure if you look you will find even more examples.

    I very rarely out myself but I have on occasion. When I hear someone senselessly bad mouthing us to feel….. superior to us. Have they ever actually met a trans woman in person before?

    I don’t know. I have been trying for 30 years to change the perception. It is like walking through thick mud. Things are improving though. We are slowly being accepted. It will be several more years before we become “mainstream”. I am not sure it will be in my lifetime but it will happen. The only thing we can do is keep working at it.
    Last edited by Jorja; 11-28-2012 at 07:59 PM.

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member Dawn cd's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    698
    I don't doubt Melissa's experience, and I suspect it is true of most transexuals. But I have some questions: Does age make a difference? For instance, do those who transition at puberty or even in their early 20s have it easier? Second, does it make it easier if you move to another town were people didn't know you as a guy? Because, Melissa, I know you transitioned "in place"—even at the same job. Didn't that give you a web of connections where people already knew you?

  23. #23
    GG ReineD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Samsara
    Posts
    21,377
    Quote Originally Posted by Traci Elizabeth View Post
    You are talking the easy way out. When you make a comment like this in this section, don't you have an obligation to back it up with facts to enlighten all of us?
    I didn't want to take this thread off topic since it is not about a listing of all the physiological differences between birth males and birth females. So, I've just PMed you with the details. If you feel they contribute to the topic, and if you check with Misty and she wants to conversation to veer that way, you have my permission to post my PM.
    Reine

  24. #24
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    SF Bay Area
    Posts
    2,728
    Quote Originally Posted by Dawn cd View Post
    Does age make a difference? For instance, do those who transition at puberty or even in their early 20s have it easier?
    I suspect that it does I was speaking directly from my experience as a late transitioner and to other people considering a later transition. Transitioning young admittedly changes everything in regard to my premise.

    Second, does it make it easier if you move to another town were people didn't know you as a guy?
    For the sake of my position, I say no. I'm talking specifically about how we look and I submit that the first year or two after going full-time is a very challenging time BECAUSE we look a little odd and I don't think it matters if people know your history or not. You may indeed be a woman for all they know but you LOOK like a tranny.
    Michelle.M can answer that better than I though since that is exactly what she did.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
    Melissa Hobbes
    www.badtranny.com

  25. #25
    Silver Member Kathryn Martin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    2,433
    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle.M View Post
    We do it because we also fall victim to the hype, and a lot of that hype comes from within our own community.
    This is the worst disservice this community does to itself. All the hype comes from our community. You cannot buy being a woman from a can, surgery or in the apparel store. The likelihood that you will "become" a woman is almost zero. This is why it is so crucial to diagnose your condition correctly. This why RLE is crucial, to determine if you can either pass absolutely or if you can survive the reality of being a not so passable woman with a transsexual history.

    This is not about being Sir'ed, not at all about acceptance, it about being whole. It is about being unnoticed, integrated and living a fulfilling life. And anyone who walks down that path at any age whatsoever, "will do" will never do. The community is plastered with lonely, unsatisfied, unloved people who tried and failed. If someone says to you "you go girl" when you say you think that you may be a transsexual you should run. It's nonsense and is in most cases only a justification for the persons own failings in the hope to find some protection in the group. You can't learn to walk like a woman or talk like one unless you are one. You can unlearn talking like a guy to protect you in those years where you hid behind your male facade.

    If someone tells you that they accept you, or tells you that they admire you, understand the subtext: they talk about your guts to present as a woman but not that you are one. If your girlfriend tells you that her sister told her yesterday when talking about you: "did you see what she was wearing, I would not be caught dead in that" then, and only then have you made it. Or when a woman get pissy with you because her man flirted with you at a party, then you are seen for who you are. If your school principle asks you to be chaperone for the girls next school trip, then you are trusted.
    Last edited by Kathryn Martin; 11-28-2012 at 07:14 PM.
    "Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State