Full time tranny

[Jorja]

I have some questions: Does age make a difference? For instance, do those who transition at puberty or even in their early 20s have it easier? Second, does it make it easier if you move to another town were people didn't know you as a guy? Because, Melissa, I know you transitioned "in place"—even at the same job. Didn't that give you a web of connections where people already knew you?

I transitioned at 23. The actual physical part of transition was a snap for me. The effects of testosterone were there but not that much of a problem. Kinda like I was always supposed to be this way. The crap I had to deal with from the public was a nightmare. Remember, that was 30 years ago. Being TS was still illegal in many places. I would say that today it is easier for a young TS. There are just so many variables to it all it is hard to say one way or the other.

As for moving to a new town, it is kind of a toss up on that one. I think a lot depends on what you look like. If you are still looking very much like a man in a dress, you are going to look like a man in a dress anyplace you go. If you make a reasonable presentation as a woman you have a 50/50 chance at success.

[melissaK]

Thank you all for this thread. You have no idea. It may sound counter-intuitive but its been inspiring.

Melissa you have validated every reason why I fought so hard to resist transitioning. I needed that. I paid a huge price.

Traci, telling me (once again) I have two choices, suicide or transition, validates all that I experienced, felt and came to believe after resisting broke me and took me to that point. Putting myself back together mentally has been hard. unsuccessful integration led to relapses but getting to the two choices happened faster and actually served to drive a successful integration.

Now I face unpleasant changes. I face a lot of unknowns. It's scary. Jorga's noble moral view about it is uplifting. I hadn't thought about it that way. I have stood my ground for many of my client's rights over the years of my career, and I think I need to do so for myself for a change.

Thanks again to all of you.

[arbon]

It is a difficult road to go down.

The only thing I can really say is that from the experience of transitioning I've become a much stronger, confident person than I ever thought I could be.

[Saffron]

About RLE, I think the biggest concern people have against it it's when they try to push you when you still don't feel ready.

Being at the start of my transition (no HRT), I've been trying to go out dressed periodically, and I just feel like a man in drag outside, so I can understand why people wants to be on HRT at least some months until trying things like RLE. At least in my situation I know I'm at the worst point, and that gives me hope.

I suspect that it does I was speaking directly from my experience as a late transitioner and to other people considering a later transition. Transitioning young admittedly changes everything in regard to my premise.

I'm not sure about that, at that age you have to deal with your parents and school or college can be a hell. Of course HRT effects would surely be better, but it didn't change the months or years during transition.

[Badtranny]

I'm not sure about that, at that age you have to deal with your parents and school or college can be a hell. Of course HRT effects would surely be better, but it didn't change the months or years during transition.

Well, all I know is what I know and I was never a young transitioner so I don't know. ;-)

[Raquel June]

Real life isn't like Mrs Doubtfire

LIES!

Apparently something about transition is perceived as romantic

Being a martyr is pretty romantic.

You may one day be a full-time woman but before you get there you first have to endure being a full-time tranny. Those are the dues, and I don't see a way around paying 'em.

Yeah, those are the dues. And there can be quite a disparity in how much we each have to pay. But when you come out the other side well-adjusted, you've gained some great friends, you've gained the self-respect to roll your eyes at the a-holes, and you've lost the fear of being read.

There are people out there who magically pass 98% of the time as soon as they transition.* But, speaking as one of the uglier chicks trying to turn lemons into whatever, it's kinda awesome to get through that (even though I'm on round two and not exactly all the way through it).

Because being read is like a magical window into people's souls. You don't even have to talk to someone to know if they're nice of if they're an a-hole.



* I really don't think there are that many people who pass as well as they think, though, and some of the nuttiest trannys are the ones who are convinced they're hot because they've developed some kind of defense where they tune out reality.

[famousunknown]

Sugar & Spice & Everything Nice?
Holy Crap, these girls are tough...TOUGH, I tell you!
I'm thinking maybe I should offer up my 5" heels to appease the Tranny Gods?

[Saffron]

At the end, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

I must say that since I've started my road to transition, I've meet a lot of wonderful people. And when you get to be threated like the woman you are, those are the best moments I can remember of my life.

[kellycan27]

I'm not sure about that, at that age you have to deal with your parents and school or college can be a hell. Of course HRT effects would surely be better, but it didn't change the months or years during transition.

As someone who started her RLE at age 20 I am going to have to disagree with you in regards to dealing with college and parents as "hell". Once my parents knew I really didn't care what other people thought.( Even though they were dead set against it) As for college, my peers were a lot more tolerant than I might have thought, and as for the adults.. they really didn't pay me much mind like it was some sort of fad I was going through like being goth or punk. I didn't start to physically transition until the age of 24 and that was more do to with circumstance rather than by design. I hadn't the resources so I needed to work and save

[ReineD]

Being at the start of my transition (no HRT), I've been trying to go out dressed periodically, and I just feel like a man in drag outside, so I can understand why people wants to be on HRT at least some months until trying things like RLE.

I must say that since I've started my road to transition, I've meet a lot of wonderful people. And when you get to be threated like the woman you are, those are the best moments I can remember of my life.

Would it matter if you met someone like me, someone who said, "I don't care if you haven't been on HRT long enough to look like a GG, or if you've had sufficient FFS or not. I believe who you say you are, I see who you are internally, and we will be friends."

[Debglam]

I think this is slightly drifting from the original post (sorry Melissa!) but Traci said something that I have been thinking about for awhile:

I have personally seen these souls. Some were physically beautiful, some were mediocre, and some were but ass ugly BUT ALL WHERE HAPPY AS WOMEN!

I used to work with a woman (GG) who by any objective standards was unattractive. BUT(!!!) being in her presence was like being in the presence of a movie star! She radiated a beauty and charm from the inside that made you feel like you were in the presence of a goddess. I don't really understand it, maybe I'm just weird (yeah, understatement ) but it happened.

I have been in the presence of a lot of transwomen and I see a similar thing. You look and talk to some and there is no doubt in your mind, in fact you don't even think about it, that you are in the presence of a woman. I don't think this is a matter of passing or some sort of "optical illusion" but simply that you are seeing who they are, like the woman I mentioned above. I believe that most people will see the real you.

However, I also think that there are mean spirited people out there who will never see you as you are. The people that are trying to read you or that would comment about it within earshot would do the same thing to someone in a wheelchair or with a visible birthmark, etc. I have felt this sting but freely admit that as a middle-pather I always have the option of retreat. You have to ride over these speed bumps to the best of your ability.

To bring it back to the OP, to you brave souls that KNOW who you are, know also that a lot (most) people will see that. Ignore the rest.

[Deborah_UK]

but you are not entitled to your own facts,

What???????? I refer the poster to my comment about the thought police - thanks you've confirmed it

but I'm also very interested in seeing such a magnificent creature

I have never claimed to be "a magnificent creature" but its nice to know the playground bully is still around, and well done Melissa you've bullied another victim.

If you had been on this forum for longer than 16 months you'd have seen some of my pics ....... oops nearly fell into the bully's trap of trying to justify myself to her.

[AudreyTN]

Transition is a trip and that first step is a real bitch.

I guess it depends on your attitude and your outlook. I had a little uncertainty, but no real doubts or fears about anyone seeing me dressed as a female. In fact I felt comfortable and 100% fine. it was everyone else who was feeling awkward but I ignored it.

My transition has been a blessing. I've heard the nasty comments, been called names, get stared at, been given dirty disapproving looks. I just blow it off. I go to school and I see people who knew me before staring in disbelief, not quite sure what to say or how to react. I certainly haven't "passed" yet, because I'm not naive enough to think I look convincingly feminine enough, but that just comes with the territory. but it's enough for me right now to get me through by knowing that I look better as a female, than I do as a male and I feel better emotionally, and so I don't really care that others might think I look awful or "like a tranny".

When I have those moments of anxiety, I simply click on Carmen Carrera's facebook page, and I look at her transition pics, and I reassure myself that in 2 years, the majority of my masculinity will be gone. masked by hormones replacement therapy, ffs, and breast implants. if I can make it through 4 1/2 years of college...by golly I can make it through this.

so, really my transition hasn't been that hard. For that I'm blessed, but to me it's just another sign that I am making the right decision because I haven't been this worry/stress free in my life, and I'm preparing for finals for this semester and I'm always usually stressed during finals, and I don't have any stress or anxiety right now.

it's whatever you choose to make it. you have the power, you're in control. you can be happy, and not worry about what people think and make it easier on yourself, or you can live in fear, and let fear control you, and make yourself miserable, angry, resentful and depressed.

I choose the first option, I've lived the 2nd for most of my life and I grew tired of that.

Remember, you'll never change what happened yesterday, but you control what you do today, so that tomorrow will be a blessed day.

[Pink Person]

I get read as a queer by everyone all of the time. Almost no one understands the correct nature of my queerness by looking at me. I manage to live with it nevertheless.

I don't disagree with many of the points that other people have already made. However, I do want to interject a message that doesn't get made enough in my opinion. There is nothing wrong with being TG or TS. When TG and TS people start acting like this is true, maybe everyone else will start to believe it too.

[Michelle.M]

I think this is slightly drifting from the original post . . .

I used to work with a woman (GG) who by any objective standards was unattractive. BUT(!!!) being in her presence was like being in the presence of a movie star! . . . I have been in the presence of a lot of transwomen and I see a similar thing.

No, I think that observation meshes quite neatly here.

THAT, in my uneducated opinion, is the essence of the transition to a new life that we seek. As I pointed out in my earlier post, too many girls put way too much emphasis on the external aspects of their ideal female life and don't pay enough attention to the internal transition needed to shed the old male socialization and settle into a previously foreign womanhood. And to be honest, haven't we all done that to some extent? I know I have.

For me, transition is mostly internal. Oh, of course my appearance requires adjustments, and as Misty and I both well know at times we need a full exterior overhaul. And in many cases (mine included) GRS will follow as well. And as important as these things are they're not what make me a woman. Once I claimed my own womanhood and learned to shed the old guy and became comfortable with the me that has been hidden inside me all these years THEN I began to truly live.

Learning to love oneself, to be comfortable in your womanhood - this is natural. And being at ease with myself makes others comfortable around me and minimizes the strife that I might otherwise expect from others and makes my daily life, well, normal!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

and that is the essence of melissa's OP... although framed as a bit of a warning, its really a message that if you want to do this...get ready

even if we believe that some people do not ever suffer the moments melissa talks about, everybody else does...

whether our internal dialogue steels our mind for transition by saying F*** them! the *******s won't keep me down, or whether we choose to attempt to use medical technology to blend, or whether we rise above by just being the best person we can (all of above is possible too btw!)...it doesnt matter nearly as much as the doing of it...

if you are doing it, you are rising above... if you can truly feel that way about yourself..thats a wonderful thing because if you truly feel that way, all the BS rolls off your back..
and if you can't feel that way about yourself...be REALLY CAREFUL because melissa's OP is a very realistic viewpoint of what happens..

[Inna]

OK, I think I have a pretty good idea of what is at hand, and will try not to hijack the thread but make certain clarification as to the nature of observations by individual transitioners.

As humans we carry certain constants and also quite a lot of diversity within the mechanism of being a human.

Some have much better tuned hearing, some way keener site, some can smell viruses, and then some this or that. These are all intrinsic set ups to our genetic coding, and so we will perceive the world we live in based on the tools we have been dealt at birth.

Transition is a heck of a ride, but over all, it is simply to finally become ONE with body and mind, and so the trip, and everything in-between will be absorbed through these different means of perception.

I am extremely visual person, I was a real good painter at age of 10, I was a top of my class while studying architecture, I had an excellent spacial visual perception, but also always tended to be keen on internal aspects of reality, spirituality and knowing of truth.

All these had an impact on how I approached my transition!!!

To me visual perception of an image of a woman was of most importance, I didn't want to become a transsexual ( well, not to everyone around me, since I already had that dealt to me at birth) but I needed to be seen and interacted with as a natural woman. Steep requirement when you are 44, lol

I already knew who I was, and as I always make clear, as I dreamed in my childhood and youth, I always dreamed of a day I am going to be a woman, not a tranny, not a social anomaly, not an outcast, but a natural, real woman!!!!!!!

Now, to someone who has a different set of keen sense of self, such visual ques may not need be as important as they were to me, so in the essence there are some constants within transition but then also, there are many factors which will be specific to individual perception!!!!

[Saffron]

Would it matter if you met someone like me, someone who said, "I don't care if you haven't been on HRT long enough to look like a GG, or if you've had sufficient FFS or not. I believe who you say you are, I see who you are internally, and we will be friends."

If all people were like this, passing would be anecdotal. I'm sure a lot of us won't even feel the need of transition.

[jennifer24]

I get exactly what you are describing. I am on the start of my journey and i have no illusions that my maleness will be with me for some time. Cruising around the general population I have observed most people have no clue or even pay attention.There are some tho that pay attention to their surroundings and either stare or some cases laugh
Not long ago i had a building inspector laugh in my face while i was filling out a permit application. He even walked around the counter to get a better look then laughed some more. I endure these encounters
ecause they prepare me for situations i will face aa i move forward. I also have observed men look with disdain or deriscion while women tend to be more open and friendly. As i contemplate the losses i may incur, I have no choice but to move forward based on tbe positive events in my life brought on by the mental changes of hrt and liberating feeling of finally being myself

Amen Stefan, I know it bothers some when they get read and hurts them emotionaly, sure we all want to pass as a women and not hear negitive comments or hear snickers as we walk away, but truth be told, that aint gonna stop.
For me though, I do not let other peoples negitive comments get me down, who cares about them? long as I`m happy with who I am I could give a D... what others think. I tend to look at all the positive things in life and move forward.
Just my 2 cents.

[Kathryn Martin]

Sorry, that may be true for some, but not for others. I could not imagine a circumstance in which I would not have felt the need to transition. For me this is not about acceptance but about who I am. Passing does not mean being perfectly dressed (surgically or otherwise) but about not being mistaken for something we are not on the most basic, visceral level.

If all people were like this, passing would be anecdotal. I'm sure a lot of us won't even feel the need of transition.

[Saffron]

Of course, that's why I didn't say everyone. But from what I've read, there's a lot of TS who don't.

[Bree-asaurus]

Of course, that's why I didn't say everyone. But from what I've read, there's a lot of TS who don't.

Well... THAT is most likely due to fear or not knowing what options you have.

If society didn't care about gender, then some transsexuals might not transition, but I'd think most would. But in a genderless society we wouldn't have to transition because we would be able to be ourselves from the get-go.

[Sally24]

Sorry, but not in my experience. Almost three years F/T and can only recall once where a party of four teenagers/early twenties made comments to each other. And I was told by a friend that a couple acted in a similar way when I walked by. I'm sorry if its been your experience, but you can't claim it as something that this is "real life".

Since you threw the first punch I don't see where you get off on the "thought police" comment. Anyone whose been on here for years knows that the experience you describe is NOT typical. Is it true, I'll have to take your word for it.

What???????? I refer the poster to my comment about the thought police - thanks you've confirmed it.

This should have had the whole quote from Melissa and not just a little snippet. Of course, then it would not have made your point.
"You are entitled to your opinion but you are not entitled to your own facts, and the fact is that the overwhelming majority of midlife transitioners have a rough go of it for at least the first year or two after transition. You cannot dispute that except anecdotally...."

I think threads like this one are essential to the discussion. It's hard enough to deal with these issues without having bad information to start with. I know how hard it is to live female part time. Just getting out the door sometimes is a trial. Dealing with that every minute of every day has got to be enormously harder. I have great respect for Melissa and others that make that commitment fully knowing that things won't be perfect on the other side. Wishes that we were all 16, skinny, and cute doesn't make it that way. Maybe the next generation will be as lucky as the children that see Dr. Spack in Boston. I'm hoping so anyway....


on a cheery note, I found this article from last year about a trans girl from my own state of Maine who is seeing Dr. Norman Spack in Boston with great results. Makes me very optimistic for the future.
http://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/201...xaL/story.html

[Aprilrain]

If all people were like this, passing would be anecdotal. I'm sure a lot of us won't even feel the need of transition.

I totally disagree, I transitioned for me not for some waiter or cashier.

[Bree-asaurus]

Since you threw the first punch I don't see where you get off on the "thought police" comment. Anyone whose been on here for years knows that the experience you describe is NOT typical. Is it true, I'll have to take your word for it.

This should have had the whole quote from Melissa and not just a little snippet. Of course, then it would not have made your point.
"You are entitled to your opinion but you are not entitled to your own facts, and the fact is that the overwhelming majority of midlife transitioners have a rough go of it for at least the first year or two after transition. You cannot dispute that except anecdotally...."[/B]

Thank you I was thinking this too, but didn't want to turn this into an argument over something silly... and I seem to be really good at fueling arguments lol!