I don’t really see the bully aspect. Some people just don’t want to see the reality of this. I think we need to really try and understand these girls who have gone under the knife take this position because they can usually smell BS a mile away. They’ve heard it all and been thru it all before. Face it, it’s somewhat of a $hit sandwich unless you’re under 20 years of age and really cute, which most of us aren’t.Originally Posted by Deborah_UK
So in the spirit of this "full time tranny" thread, I'm not out to but three people. My wife is weighing her feelings. And this morning as we're getting ready for work we're also having a heart felt discussion about transitioning (we're busy, morning chats are our time together) and she looks at me as I'm toweling off and says:
"Look at you! I don't know what you are!"
"Ouch" I said. "I own a mirror. Can't you at least lie to me?"
Yea. I can't wait to come out so people who don't love me can get their comments in.
Hugs,
'lissa
"The second life isn't like the first one, is it?"
"Sometimes, it's even better."
~ Elektra Natchios & Stick, Elektra (Movie) 2005, R. Metzner, S. Zicherman, Z. Penn
LOLYea. I can't wait to come out so people who don't love me can get their comments in.
It's a hell of a thing.
You know, I don't wish the bad stuff on anybody. I would love it if I was an anomaly and most T-girls were just cake walking through transition. I would be jealous as ****, but it would be nice to know that the world as a whole was not just accepting but inviting. The truth is that some people are accepting and some people aren't, but even our allies will embarrass us by accident sometimes. It is very difficult for people to KNOW what we are but pretend we are not. Pretending is second nature to most of us because we've spent a good bit of our lives pretending to be dudes. Or pretending not to like dudes. Or pretending we don't understand women. I have had enough of pretending personally and I'm not gonna pretend that transition is wonderful just for the sake of somebody's fantasy. Transition is a bitch, plain and simple. The question at the end of the day is; Is it worth it? For me the answer is yes, but for others it won't be. My life IS getting better. I am slowly assimilating into mainstream society and I can foresee a day when people might be shocked to find out I was born a dude. The problem is that day is at LEAST a year in the future and I am one of the LUCKY ones. Questioning girls need to know that there is gonna be a few months or even a couple of years that are going to be very uncomfortable. Yes there ARE exceptions but they are as rare as a masculine top. There is nothing for me to gain by stating this. It doesn't matter to me one little bit if somebody thinks there's a vagina at the end of the rainbow. I've already done it. My name and gender have been legally changed. I'm on the other side now doing my 12 month RLE so I can complete the journey with SRS/GCS if I so decide. What the hell do I care if somebody wants to transition?
I care because I got some bad advice 20 years ago and some good advice 3 years ago. This forum saved my life (draaama!) and I am here to pay it forward. I am here to report on MY experience, and I back it up with pictures and by meeting people who will attest that I am for real. I just met an absolutely adorable girl (Diane Maple) a few days ago as a matter of fact. Don't ya think that of all the forum members I've met, at least one of them might call me out? I am absolutely for real and I have no reason to be here exposing myself like this except to help people who are at the end of their rope just like I was. There's a lot of people that say a lot of stuff here, but most of them are hiding behind a cartoon avatar or a fake name. That's fine for them but I respect transitioners. I take this stuff seriously and when I hear people romanticizing transition I can't help but think of the hardcore CD's (like some of my friends) or the fetish dressers (nothing wrong with that) and how unfair it is to make them think that transition ain't all that bad. It IS bad. That's the truth. There IS a long period of being "different", and it IS soul crushing. Are people accepting? Hell yes they are. People are great for the most part but just because they accept you doesn't mean they don't know what you are or how to deal with you. I live in the San Francisco Bay Area! There couldn't be a more liberal place in the world, but I am relegated to a single unisex bathroom in our warehouse at work. Is it illegal? Maybe, but overall things are pretty good so what do I do? What do the girls who live in Arkansas do? This thread is about letting the fence sitters know that a successful transition may indeed be possible, but even in the best case, it's a long process and the hurtful moments are measured in the hundreds and not the dozens.
you mean like when someone says "He can do that"? when you are standing there fully decked out? And you want to say "Hey!" but you don't because just you are embarrassed, doesn't mean you need to embarrass someone else? Yeah, it happens but we roll with it don't we?And anyone who thinks it is a skate will have a hard fall when and yes I said WHEN they get called out. Gawd bless those who can just disappear.Transition is a bitch, plain and simple.
I care because I got some bad advice 20 years ago and some good advice 3 years ago. This forum saved my life (draaama!) and I am here to pay it forward. I am here to report on MY experience, and I back it up with pictures and by meeting people who will attest that I am for real. I just met an absolutely adorable girl (Diane Maple) a few days ago as a matter of fact. Don't ya think that of all the forum members I've met, at least one of them might call me out? I am absolutely for real and I have no reason to be here exposing myself like this except to help people who are at the end of their rope just like I was.But yet there are those who will say that you should not help those behind you, let them fend for themselves. Don't share your experience and only say nice things about them. Lie about how they are really pretty or sexy or will have in problem in real life. We are here for support but sometimes support says, you don't look that good. I hope that something I say will trigger one person to evaluate where they are. Not everyone on this road is going the same place and the ones with experience with land mines who try and help are often shouted down. It is like poker, if yo can read the tells, you cam mark the pigeon. And trust me the tells are blatant early on. But as you get better at the game, you can fake more.There's a lot of people that say a lot of stuff here, but most of them are hiding behind a cartoon avatar or a fake name. That's fine for them but I respect transitioners. I take this stuff seriously and when I hear people romanticizing transition I can't help but think of the hardcore CD's (like some of my friends) or the fetish dressers (nothing wrong with that) and how unfair it is to make them think that transition ain't all that bad.
My one huge purpose here that someday I will say something and someone will say "Hey! Good advice! Thank you" Well and to start fights with certain TSs
It is an uphill battle, both ways and I for one am not fighting it at this time. But I know what to expect either way, Lifetime commitment is the least.
Hugs for all my TS friends who have more cahones than I do. at least up until surgery.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Spoken like a true transwoman. I say "transwoman" because we're here and we're talking about transition, but if I met you in RL I would think of you as a woman and not trans.
Anyway, the reason I said "true" is not to signify "better" or "worse", and I'm not even sure that "true" is the correct word to use to describe something that is significantly different among some transwomen. The difference is, that women like you find any hint of maleness in your bodies as a gross birth defect that must be corrected and if it isn't then surely it is not worth living. I don't know if I'm using the right words to describe the urgency and the dire need for transition, but your motive to live as who you are and to correct your body was not borne out of an idealistic view that being a "woman" would be more fun or more exciting somehow, or that your sexuality as a woman would hold a great deal of power over men. You did not seek to become a woman. You sought to rid your woman's body of something that was unsightly and that did not belong. If in the beginning someone called you Sir, you have the strength of knowledge of who you are to not allow this to destroy your internal landscape.
Other transwomen who are also living full time and have had name changes maybe don't feel the same distaste or horror (if I can use a word this strong) over their male anatomies. They may just see those body parts as a useless appendage which surely must become useless after years of HRT. At any rate, the appendage is not something worth thinking about, especially if she never uses it and she doesn't have the funds to get rid of it, or she can't have SRS for medical reasons, or she is patiently waiting until such time as she can get rid of it. These TSs also are not seeking to "become" women. They are women who also know who they are, even if the presence of the appendage is not as disturbing as it was for you.
And then there are transwomen who also live full time and have had name changes, who also know who they are, their motive to transition wasn't a titillating desire to hold power over men or to be admired as women, but they have a greater acceptance of their body parts. I see them as women as well, albeit of the non-binary variety. I personally would never dream of judging such a TS and tell her she is not a woman, not after she has put herself out there as a woman in her daily life, has changed her name, and well, is a product of our modern society that says that it is OK to not fit into old boxes with regards to a part of her anatomy that no one sees except her most intimate partners. I rather admire her. Her daily expectations of life as a woman are just as real as they are to someone who must have SRS.
But then there are the group of transwomen who want to "become" women and they are more into all the beauty trappings of womanhood than anything else, although it is obviously important for everyone to look the part. But these TSs feel that the beauty trappings are tools to become the sexy women they want to be. They would not want to be an ordinary woman who never gets glanced at twice, and who is ignored by men. There are many "ordinary" GGs who don't see themselves as having a power over men (I'd say a large majority), who find a mate, get married, have kids, have careers, are happy, but who live a life that such a TS might find boring, since there is no focus whatsoever on using "womanly" charms to get their way. None. They don't have a nightlife, they don't expect to be whistled at or even looked at, since this has not been their life experience. These are the GGs who seldom wear makeup, don't pay much attention to their hair, who buy things for their homes rather than clothes and shoes, who save their money for their kids or to go on family vacations. Anyway, I'm not quite sure what to make of such transwomen who cannot imagine being an ordinary woman ... if they really do feel they are women or if they are attracted by what they perceive is a woman's power over men. No one can reach deep into their psyches to determine how happy they will be, once they discover after transition and years of HRT that when they go into the grocery store or the bank, IF they manage to reach stealthness, men won't be falling at their feet (unless they are 10s on the attractiveness scale, which is rare for anyone). Are these the people that you (and also Michelle_M) were referring to Misty, the people who have an idealistic outlook on what it is like to live as a woman?
Sorry for the length of my post everyone. I was indulging in my tendency to clarify, not every single person here, but the major differences between some of the people we've seen post in this section over the years. I'm sure I missed a few.
Reine
Reine - no worries about the length, your post absolutely ROCKS !
Well said, thank you !
There is a road—no simple highway—between the dawn and the dark of night.
And if you go no one may follow. That path is for your steps alone.
Thank you for this thread. Far from being discouraging, I have found it encouraging. It gives me strength and hope that I will be able to transition.
I want to do HRT, but I've only told my wife and she needs time to adjust. The eventual outcome is yet to be known, but we both have hope and a great deal of love for each other. I'm hopeful.
My little appendage had been tucked away, useless, unwanted, and ignored 24/7 for over a year. I'd love the damn things gone, they are very annoying and in the way. But at 52 SRS is scary, and I think HRT and some minor FFS will work for me. I have a fairly feminine face and with HRT I think that the changes will be enough for me. I don't want to be a hot young thing. I just want to look my age and not stand out as a man in drag. I'd even consider a modified SRS that just go rid of my member and made look (but not operate) like a woman down there (but who knows what I'll think later).
Thank you for posting, it's not too long, and thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I have found them ENORMOUSLY helpful.
Hugs and kisses to you all, Chelsea
curing gender dysphoria is the neccessary condition ...everything else is gravy..
when you are faced with gender dypshoria you are simultaneously faced with an impossible problem and you are the most vulnerable you've ever been..
to cure your gender dypshoria you absolutely have to be right with yourself.. all this stuff must be irrelevant to your self esteem... there is no doubt passing and looking female was important to me..and it helped my self esteem and now that i am fully confident and comfortable in my own skin.."passing" doesn't matter anymore...see what i'm saying? its like you have to look at it from the other angle....the way I got here is going to be different than for you.. but we can both get there if we are smart and committed..
its moving from "am i ok?" "how do i look" "do they know/care?"...to it's "i'm ok"."how do i look"..."oh look they're staring"......(i know...the how do i look part is kind of a constant!!)
if you come into it with idealistic notions of how you will be accepted, especially as it relates to appearance..you are going to get hit hard and hit often with cold water that will sorely test your ability to get to that wonderful place where you literally get up everyday and your gender is a non issue in your day to day life...your gender just is......
Thank You for saying this. I had not yet come up with the correct words this morning to say it myself.
BINGO! One gets to the point in life that one knows who they are (in my case a woman) and one goes about living their life caring less if someone sometime might question their gender. I think that is where every TS should get too. Keep one's head up high, own the moment, be positive and self-assured and no one is going to question your gender; and if they did, you could care less.
Just call Me: "W - O - M - A - N"
As King said: "I'm free at last, I'm free at last.
Thank God Almighty I'm free at last!"
OMG! I just spewed coffee all over my computer screen when I read that!
The issue of body parts is problematic, and as I go on I find myself becoming more understanding of those girls who are card-carrying members of the Penis Haters Club. I, however, am not a member. For me this just goes back to that issue of putting too much emphasis on body parts and ignoring the psychic parts that really deserve the most attention. I'm not saying that if a girl is hung up on her willie she's being superficial, I'm just saying that the penis does not have as much power as we have been led to believe. The sooner we realize that the sooner we can move on to more important matters.
Me? Never bugged me all that much. Oh, sure, that rascal has to go! In fact, I just sent off a letter yesterday to my surgeon of choice to ask for a GRS date. But as much as I want Mr Happy to take a permanent vacation his continued presence is more irksome than troublesome. If men had 10 fingers and women only had 9 I'd want to lose a finger as soon as possible, but in the meantime I'll just soldier on.
Still, body-to-soul mismatch is the central issue of gender dissonance. I can see a woman in my mind all I want but if what I see in the mirror doesn't match that only makes the problem worse, internally (ie: my actual physical presence is at odds my psychological view of myself) and externally (ie: with respect to how society sees me and thus continues to treat me as male). For me, I just made a plan to take care of those physical things that I could modify and did it / am doing it, but the real work with the highest payoff is what happens on the inside.
And there are GGs with that outlook as well, and they always seem to be unhappy with themselves, with others, with life itself.
A big part of this has to do with how we see women, not having lived as one for most of our lives. In my opinion this is based in how we see our transition! If I think I am transitioning from MALE to FEMALE then I will have to identify a feminine ideal to shoot for. If I think (as I do) that I am transitioning from the world GENDERING ME AS MALE to being GENDERED AS FEMALE, if I take the position that I am not BECOMING a woman but that I always was a woman and am now merely making corrections so I can live accordingly then I don't have to be any more preoccupied with grooming and wardrobe than any other woman. I just need to update my wardrobe and pick up some different grooming products.
Fundamentally it's this - is my self-esteem based on my appearance and the adoration of others? If so, then my conflating this problem with gender transition is counterproductive to my journey, and my self-esteem may actually be the biggest issue in my life that needs attention before I can successfully get anywhere with my gender journey.
Good observation! Again, this goes back to how we define womanhood and what we expect out of life. I often find myself reminding other girls that if people see you as a woman then that's exactly what you wanted, so quit complaining!
The problem comes when we compare ourselves to others. Yes, I do have a [sporadic] night life, I do get looked at and whistled at, and my FFS was far more successful than I had bargained for and I do get a lot of attention. But none of that really changes my life, which is really not too different than the lives of many of the women I know. I still have to go to the supermarket, maintain my friendships, fulfill my obligations, clean my house (no, I do NOT do it in a pretty dress and heels!) and do all of those other mundane things that we call life.
One thing I constantly hear is the "If only . . . " strain that seems so common among transwomen (mostly among those just starting their transitions). "If only I could start HRT, things would be better" "If only I could have GRS, my life would be complete" "If only I could have FFS, I'd pass better", etc. Sure, these things are great, wonderful, and some are critically important. Others, not so much. But as long as the internal changes are not happening then it doesn't matter a whit if ANY of the external things happen; our girl still is not in transition.
Yes, exactly!
In my opinion, THAT is the essence of a successful transition!
Last edited by Michelle.M; 11-30-2012 at 12:02 PM.
I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.
Wow !!Wish I could have have said all that so well ! Way'to 'go Melissa for telling the real truth ....
Linda
twitter : @ lindaesj
Michelle, your words echo in ways those of Teri Hatcher in her book, "Burnt Toast." She knows people typically look at her and think she must lived a charmed life, yet she has to live with the day-to-day realities of shopping, cleaning the house, raising her daughter, etc.
She relates an incident (pardon me if I don't get the details exactly right, it's been a few years since I read the book) when she was out jogging in the hills near her home and came across two other women out walking or jogging. At the time, she was going through a divorce and felt drawn to them for some girl support/bonding time. Yet she sensed that when they saw who she was, they put up a wall because of her "beauty queen" status. It bothered her that she was treated differently because of their perceptions.
If only our families and friends could be as supportive as our bras!
Just have to comment... I love reading threads like this which paint the important and realistic picture of transitioning with all it entails. If anything, this confirms my decision to start down the transition path. I'm under no illusions about the difficulty involved, and long lasting impacts. So knowing this, to still *need* to correct the physical and social gender I was born with is very reassuring.
Thank you all so much, especially Melissa and Reine.
To summarise, prepare for and expect the worst, hope for the best.
Thanks for the props Quad, but I totally disagree with the prepare for the worst sentiment. I am really glad you said it though because it gives me an opportunity to say this;
I never prepare for or expect the worst of anything. Transitioners have a tough road in front of them, but so does everybody in their own way. Sure I've had some bad experiences so far and I've been embarrassed, and mortified, and scared stiff, but I expect things to get BETTER. I am a big believer in carefully managing your transition and coordinating decisions with your available resources but please don't prepare for the worst. Plan for the best. Look forward to the best. Believe that you will achieve the best and it will be better than you can ever imagine. Put a rainbow in your heart and carry it all the way to the end with a smile and a skip in your step.
Just don't expect it to be EASY.
I don't write about my bad experiences to scare you. I write about them to educate you. When I say my thinner hair on top was giving me away, I hope that people read that and consider their own hair and how to avoid that mistake. When I write about being directed past two ladies rooms to the "family" restroom up on the next floor, I'm hoping that you understand that it happens to ALL of us and not just you. I don't want transitioners to think that they alone are getting clocked left and right. Or they alone are being watched like a hawk when there are kids around. I write about my experiences because a lot of bad stuff DOES happen, but that does NOT mean that everything is awful and you should steel yourself for the worst humankind has to offer. I write because I want you to think that if I can do it, than so can you.
There are a ton of things I would do different if I could start over, but the best I can do is help others try to avoid my mistakes.
I would pay all the money in the world just to be an ordinary woman, nothing less, nothing more...Anyway, I'm not quite sure what to make of such transwomen who cannot imagine being an ordinary woman . . .
"I'm not sure. But I'll never know unless I give it a shot."
Hon.....once you would get there, and settle, for a while it would be awesome and great, but soon enough awesome would wear off and dynamite would be sought after. After all, progress is an intrinsic part of life, to strive for greater weather blind pursuit or justified greatness, it all is just one big growth. I believe it is safe to say that every girl dreams of being a princess, I know cause I did too, but the realities of life bring us down from the clouds to the dusty realities of living. Well, time came when I had enough, and I set out on the most impossible journey there was, first to just be the girl I knew I was. Just that seemed impossible on its own. Then when I got there, I wanted to be an attractive girl as well, because the universe owed me that much!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have missed out on the whole life, so there would be no more missing out on anything else!!!!
Guess what??? I have asked, and I have received, it is that simple! Except when you do ask be prepared to give everything you've got to get it, cause it ain't cheap,
i've used that term before Quad... in hindsight i'd probably take it back reading what melissa is saying...you go melissa!!!
ISo i think I'll change my version just say this is really hard, but its actually very doable! if i can do it, you can do it..that's for sure..
Well, to each her own! My personal philosophy is "EXPECT the best and prepare for the worst." This was borne from my years as an Army ops officer having to plan and execute overseas operations. Every contingency must be planned for if one desires success. And you know what? As many times as I prepared for the worst it never came! But the process taught me so much about getting the big picture, and I still manage my transition, and even my life, with that same philosophy.To summarise, prepare for and expect the worst, hope for the best.
And I suppose that brings up yet one more fine point - find your own path to transition and get on it! Your transition is as unique as you are, and although others can give you tips and insight ultimately you must make your own decisions. But make them! And although you will stumble at times it will all work out if you hang in there and don't let setbacks knock you down for the count.
I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.
I am at the point of just going full time name change underway out and about as me 24/7. I get all the whispers and stares and other derisions that any other transwoman gets. I'm growing a thicker skin and am comfortable just knowing I'm being true to meself. It does get better? please keep telling me it does. I have hell telling people my name over and over and correcting them when they forget or use my old name on purpose. I am doing the same job I did before for pertty much the same people in the same town I go to the grocery store or the supply house or the tire store as Morgan not Hal and I'm at least tolerated for the most part. Passing? not likely. Happy definately. My family can't accept me for the most part. my wife and myself separated and I'm thankfull for her friendship. I've been kicked out of a bible study I'd gone to for 7 years. That seemed really hard as I thought I knew them well and trusted them. Life is better just different than I would have thought. There is no way anyone could have told me what I would be up against untill I was in it. I'm sure its a little different for each but as Melissa said too we all go thru the same things.
Right and we owe it to each other to talk about the hard parts. This part of the forum should be distinguished from the other by the depictions of hard lessons rather than glowing reports of "passing". I have learned so much in the last three years and much of it was stuff I didn't even want to learn. I remember caring much more about passing back in 2010, now I'm happy to just be left the F alone. I really have no idea anymore if I get read, (unless I actually HEAR the whispers) it is nowhere near the concern that it once was. Becoming a woman to the world is a long process that takes a hell of a lot more than makeup and panties. I love reading the CD'rs crowing about their outings and how they passed so well, and I actually feel envious of their perspective. Three years of transition will bend your enthusiasm into an unrecognizable shape.
Morgan, I feel you on the wrong name deal. I still get the he's and the him's as well as the Bill's a lot more frequently than I would care to. The only remedy is time. ...and pepper spray.
Morgan, when they use the word "courageous" to describe girls in transition you are the one that will come to my mind!
Yes, it gets better, and you'll find that out sooner than most because YOU are already making it better for yourself by adopting a healthy attitude about life, about transition and about yourself.
I am one of the fortunate ones in that my son and my brother both accept me. I don't really care about anyone else, but their understanding has made this a truly wonderful year for me and their love has made it possible for me to give the mental finger to the others. For those of us who deal with rejection there is no hurt quite like that.
Thank God you were thrown out of that bible study. Real christians don't do that. Consider it a message from God that you were planted in the wrong garden and some other group is dying to have you with them. This I know from experience.
Well, that's it then! By realizing that you've got the hard part behind you, now just get on with tackling everyday life and enjoy your new future with all of the difficulties and challenges it brings.
Or an electric cattle prod. But pepper spray fits into your purse better.
Last edited by Michelle.M; 12-02-2012 at 02:38 PM.
I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.
I want to thank Melissa for posting this thread and want to thank all of you that have are going through this process for exposing the challenges we will face as we travel this road. Hormones have been a blessing for me and confirmed the fact they were needed by my brain. I am in the best possible and mental shape ever in my entire life. The positive effects they have had confirm I am traveling in the right direction.
I have no illusions about my passibility in the short term. At my age T has done it's work and will take a long time and surgical intervention and even then I am not to confident. My budget is limited and electro is taking forever and my funds are depleting rapidly. Due to events that have occurred in the past few years I am well past caring what strangers, business clients, employees, friends and even some family members think about my appearance or demeanor.
Since my decision to transition I have had very few fears but one. The loss of the person I have known for more than 1/2 of my life. My wife is the one thing causing me the greatest anguish and sadness. Knowing that I am responsible for shattering her hopes and dreams of our lives and our plans for the future is heartbreaking. We are now in the process of exploring how we will navigate and resolve this issue. (She knew of my need to crossdress before we married almost 30years ago). Still the decision to transition has rocked her world to say the least.
Reading other member's experiences and the fact they have overcome the difficult challenges that we face gives me hope
that someday I will be able to experience the same and enjoy inner peace even though I may experience devastating loss and pain.
Again I want to thank all of you that have shared the difficult challenges you have had to endure and conquer.
Thanks to badtranny for starting this thread, and to the contributors. If anyone's hurt by the dose of reality, well, the pain is a sign you needed the dose.
DON'T TRANSITION UNLESS YOU HAVE TO needs to be said over and over again.
I think the key phrase here is "lie to themselves". There's nothing wrong in itself with being part-time as long as one owns the choice and lives life in the moment, not in some fantasy transition that's always a year or two in the future.
For me, transition progress stopped because my wife developed health problems that had to take priority over anything else. Over a decade later the health problems are gone but I've never gotten "back on track" to transition, and most likely never will. Somewhere along the line I realized that I don't *need* to transition. I'm lucky: I've got a wife who loves me as her wife no matter the anatomy, I've got friends who're cool with the gender ambiguity, and though to much of the day-to-day outside world I'm seen as male, so what? Living being seen as an outward male much of the time sucks, and living *all* of the time with mind-body dissonance sucks, but that's the curve life threw me. It sucks, but it could be worse.
A good word I learned from a Buddhist friend (himself a non-transitioned FTM) is equanimity. There's a hell of a lot of pain in life, not all of it having to to with gender dysphoria, and when we can't make it go away we have to learn to live well in the presence of pain. My one sentence summary of badtranny's whole thread is this: transition or not, life ain't gonna be a bed of roses.
Oh good God, what is the big deal about living as a woman anyways?
Let me tell you something - I pass sporadically, I live it day to day, present as a woman at work, and everyone who associates with me knows my gender status. Strangers who might nudge or laugh - I don't give a damn. There is not room in my psyche or schedule to care.
Once in a while it IS annoying to be called "sir" and all that but one just has to get over it.
My daily life? Let's see - well right now I am kind of obsessed with fixing things around the house (mainly digging deep into some electrical issues), I drag my ass to the gym when the mood hits, I work my job that is as exciting as a bowl taint hair clippings, I hang with friends now and then, I pay bills, make sure I have enough cancer sticks...
No where do I sit around and obsess over passing or any of that silly junk.
Yes it is hard to get to this point but after a time, you just kind of quit thinking about it. I really wonder if those TS who still obsess over all this junk are needing something else, something besides just "wanting to be a woman".
I wasn't able to do a lot with my looks, there is nothing I can do about my build, so basically I am as far as I can really go given my build and lack of funds. So I decided to move on to other things.
LAdies lemme ask you this - suppose one day you woke up as this perfectly passable woman and all that crap, say you even became a GG - do you honestly think life would be so much more exciting? About the only excitement that would come is when the CDs on this forum would cheer each time you farted.
Look, if you cannot be happy with what you have, nothing is gonna make it better. Your problems and insecurities are not gonna vanish just cause you get a new vajayjay. No, then you will find something else to say "If only". Anytime "there" becomes "here", you will just find a new "there" to wish for.
The point is, don't run out of cigarettes. I have done that and it really sucks.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
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