Full time tranny

[cdona20]

I feel really bad for all the negativity in this thread. I'm sorry the transition for some of you has been so rocky. I have been living 24/7 for 10 months now and on HRT for 1 month. And even before living 24/7 I have practiced my feminine voice and walk for a year in preparation for living my life the way I wanted. It helped that I moved from one coast of the US to the other on the day I started going full time. It also helped That for a year and a half prior to that I was able to grow my hair long and have it be socially acceptable due to my age. The only people who know I'm trans are my fiancee, my endocrinologist and the HR manager at my place of employment. By the time I get a new job I'll have had my legal name changed and the gender flag on my ID changed to female.

At no point in the past months have I ever felt like a "tranny". I have not had a single incident where my status as transgendered has been revealed in public. The only comments I have received from others who don't know about me are either on how pretty I look (including an offer from a fashion design student to model for her at a runway show) or how someone loves my voice. My fiancee (who is significantly older than me) once had someone comment to her about how charming her "daughter" was.

So for the record, for some of us it is as easy as the hype makes it out to be. Though I'm sure that most for whom transition is easy do feel fortunate and grateful for the opportunities and gifts bestowed upon them by fate.

[stefan37]

cdona , I am glad your transition has gone so smoothly with no difficulties. That said I don't think the tone of this thread is negative , but points out the real challenges most of us will experience as we transition. You have transitioned at a young age before investing in a traditional male life. I do not know your age but would bet I have at least 2 1.2 decades on you.
I have children not much younger than you, I have a business, a wife of 29 years and will transition in place of work, friends and business clients. I will not be able to hide what I am going through. This thread has shown that transition especially in advanced year is serious business and real losses and pain are the result. That does not mean that in the long term it will not be worth it. I believe all those that have transitioned and have incurred that pain and those losses will say that in the end it was worth it. I am going through a period now where my marriage may or may not survive. To reconfigure a relationship with a person I have been so close to for over 35 years is devastating. The sadness I feel when I think that I am responsible for crushing the dreams and hopes my spouse had for our future has no bottom. The gut wrenching part is I feel exhilarated at the same time because I am feeling much more normal and fell I have a reason to live.

To sum up my thoughts I believe there has been some negativity but that has come form personalities clashing. The discussion of the difficulties and challenges we face as we transition at an older age after T has done its work and the aging process has taken hold along with the investment of a traditional male life has enormous value to anyone contemplating such a radical life changing experience. I found this thread to be a great resource and I am very glad the personality clashes has not caused it to get locked as so many valuable discussions do .

[Badtranny]

So for the record, for some of us it is as easy as the hype makes it out to be.

Good for you. Moving to where no one knew the old you is a HUGE advantage, and being naturally pretty is like winning the genetic lottery.

This thread is hardly negative. This thread is a positive step toward mental health for people that are struggling. Your post only underscores my point that we need to talk about the hard times because the occasional glowing report from the field needs to be balanced with all of the OTHER reports that show a much different picture.

It would be lovely to live in a world where no one knew my old name, but I chose to face it down rather than move. You pass as a beautiful young woman who is new in town, and I pass as "that's Melissa who used to be Bill and everybody's really cool with that".

[Saffron]

I wouldn't mistake being negative with being realistic, usually a TS will have problems during transition.

I wish all of us could have a smooth transition just like cdona.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

i wish all of us could be 25 years old again and be naturally feminine in appearance..

i'm happy for people that just slip easily into a woman's role in life....

saying "hey my transition was easy" is tone deaf in the context of this thread..it misunderstands the OP

[kimdl93]

I know this thread is directed at individuals who either have or are contemplating transition to full time. I have to say that I think its really important information for those contemplating transition, particularly those who may be a little unrealistic in their expectations. Certainly, transition can be easier for some than for others. And as we've witnessed, there can be major social, economic and physical challenges. The more realistic an individual is, the more likely they will be prepared to deal with problems as they come along. Think of it as risk management.

[angpai30]

Well Angela, I find your call for "working together" to be a bit cloying and definitely out of place on this particular thread.

If you can't have pointed discussions in a discussion forum, then where? Nobody uses Usenet anymore. :-(

Well first of all my comment wasn't out of place because I felt as I read through this thread that it was not a discussion or even a debate on the actual topic. But the thread as taken a turn and is now more on topic and so I do disagree about my statement being cloying and out of place on this particular thread.

Angela, I think that Misty tried to do just that ... be realistic about what to expect and I can't think of anything that is kinder, in the long run, than the truth. In fact, this is what has formed the basis of my chosen friendships with women, all my life. I want a friend who will tell me what she thinks, and who will be willing to point out to me something that I may not be able to see because I am mired in the middle of a difficult situation. The last thing I want is a friend who will say, "Yes dear, you're right and all the people who are causing you grief are wrong". How will I grow if I surround myself with sycophants?

I agree Reine and this is what the topic of this forum is about and I do compliment BadTranny for starting it because she is only trying to help our community to understand that being on that white cloud is harmful to us all. Not just to the person who is there, but to EVERYONE who is transitioning, which is why I brought the working together into the discussion. Even though most of us on this thread may have different opinions on the subject we all mostly do agree that one on the white cloud is oblivious to reality and because they are oblivious to reality they tend to think that the world will bow down to them when they transition. I have seen recently several attacks from trannies beating on someone because they called them a boy or said something derogatory. These kind of actions reflect on us all and are due to the white cloud syndrome.
You are right that I probably should have kept the "Being a Woman" out of the conversation, lol!! But, even with that said it still held some meaning and value to me because if it doesn't mean anything then why are we all transitioning? All who have posted as BadTranny stated "Have or Are" transitioning from MTF are transitioning to be women. So if there is nothing special about women then why is this discussion even taking place because we all consider ourselves "women". We may not be GG's, but women none the less.
Being a trans "Woman" is no cake calk and I have already been a witness to this several times now during my 6 months of HRT and have had some good and some bad reactions to it. I tend to follow along the friend guidelines that Reine pointed out that she wants among her friends and I tend to do that with mine all the time. The other day I pointed out to a GG friend of mine that her hair was really fried and inquired about what she was doing with her hair to make it look that way. I only wanted to help her fix her hair, but she took offense to it just because I tried to help and she hated the fact that I would even point something like that out. It really doesn't help her image in fact in makes her look really, really sick and she has pale skin. I have also heard several rumors from friends that people I work with are all thinking of trying to get me fired just because I'm transitioning and they don't like that I'm allowed to come to work as a woman. People don't like me just because I'm honest and straightforward about anything and everything that they ask me. But then I have made a lot of good friends that way and hope to make some more good friends to help me in this difficult journey.
Depression has hit me several times during my transition, but to be honest it only lasts about 10 minutes and then boom I'm back... I don't take any anti depressants because I don't find them useful because I normally bounce back fairly quickly from depression because my thought process happens and normally at the end I say to myself "why am I depressed again? Oh, That's stupid and not really worth being depressed about." I haven't had any real major depression, but depression does hit from time to time not often.
I was crying in the break room a few days ago because depression had hit and a friend of mine walks in and asks why I'm crying. I told her and she being a good friend said "Really?" that's what you are crying over? Why are you crying about people hating you and giving you the cold shoulder because they don't like you? If you are going to get anywhere you are going to have to toughen up girl.". What really threw me off guard was what she said after that and it cheered me up. "People will always hate you for being you, because there is something about you that they want and you have that they can't have; so they hate you for that and will not stop hating you now and in some cases "Never". Boy do I love good friends!!
I'm not quite sure how on topic I am so forgive me if I'm not.

Angela

[famousunknown]

So for the record, for some of us it is as easy as the hype makes it out to be. Though I'm sure that most for whom transition is easy do feel fortunate and grateful for the opportunities and gifts bestowed upon them by fate.

See? There's always some beautiful young thing who comes along and pees on the pumps of the road worn full time trannies. This is the life everyone wants yet can never have. This girl is the exception to the rule.

[Pamela Kay]

I don't want everyone to think there aren't good things happening too.

Today was my first day back in the classroom as myself. Did a two hour presentation in front of 28 people who had seen me at least two or more times as a guy teaching in the same classroom. There were only two or threee that said hello Pam when the class started and I didn't push things, just let it happen when they were comfortable. Talked to one guy yesterday who asked me some questions which I answered and today after my talk I had several questions about my topic and a couple even told me I did a good job.

We'll see what they say on the course evaluation at the end of the week but even with my questionable voice and everyone knowing who I was before I felt pretty good by the end of the day. So there are good times as well as bad but it just seems to be a lot more bad when you begin than good. You have to gain strength from those few good times to see you through the bad until the good outweighs the bad.

I know those good times will out number the bad one day, just trying to be honest and let others know what they may be in for before taking that next big step. I've gained so much from many of those posting in this thread as well as others on this site. I just want to try and pay it forward and do the same for someone else if I can.

[kellycan27]

See? There's always some beautiful young thing who comes along and pees on the pumps of the road worn full time trannies. This is the life everyone wants yet can never have. This girl is the exception to the rule.

10 months full time and a small circle of supporters ...kinda hard for someone to say that their transition has gone smoothly when they have barely begun to transition... Just saying

[famousunknown]

10 months full time and a small circle of supporters ...kinda hard for someone to say that their transition has gone smoothly when they have barely begun to transition... Just saying

So 10 months ain't gonna cut it, huh? RLE is only a year. There are all these unwritten rules to qualify for membership in the full time tranny club, even if one goes against the grain and doesn't happen to look like a tranny. The FTT's are tough, I tell you. Tough.

[kellycan27]

So 10 months ain't gonna cut it, huh? RLE is only a year. There are all these unwritten rules to qualify for membership in the full time tranny club, even if one goes against the grain and doesn't happen to look like a tranny. The FTT's are tough, I tell you. Tough.

I never said that this person didn't qualify as a full time transsexual.. What I am saying is that IMO with her limited experience ( we all have to start somewhere) she has yet to face much adversity. Looking the part and living the part are quite different.... The FTT's as you put it are not trying to be as tough as they are trying to be real. Some of us do speak with some experience behind us.

[Raquel June]

I feel really bad for all the negativity in this thread. I'm sorry the transition for some of you has been so rocky. I have been living 24/7 for 10 months now and on HRT for 1 month. And even before living 24/7 I have practiced my feminine voice and walk for a year in preparation for living my life the way I wanted. It helped that I moved from one coast of the US to the other on the day I started going full time. It also helped That for a year and a half prior to that I was able to grow my hair long and have it be socially acceptable due to my age. The only people who know I'm trans are my fiancee, my endocrinologist and the HR manager at my place of employment. By the time I get a new job I'll have had my legal name changed and the gender flag on my ID changed to female.

At no point in the past months have I ever felt like a "tranny". I have not had a single incident where my status as transgendered has been revealed in public. The only comments I have received from others who don't know about me are either on how pretty I look (including an offer from a fashion design student to model for her at a runway show) or how someone loves my voice. My fiancee (who is significantly older than me) once had someone comment to her about how charming her "daughter" was.

So for the record, for some of us it is as easy as the hype makes it out to be. Though I'm sure that most for whom transition is easy do feel fortunate and grateful for the opportunities and gifts bestowed upon them by fate.

You're beautiful, and it's smart that you worked on the walk/voice which can be the fastest giveaway of someone who has transitioned recently.

But you just don't sound like you're living in reality. The only comments you've gotten from anybody are offers to model and how much they love your voice? Seriously? Who says that? It's either exaggeration on your part or affectation on their part.

I'd put you in the top 3% for passability -- without knowing anything about the important factors like how socially normal you are and how good your voice/walk really are. But anybody with a gaydar (trans-dar?) can spot all of us pretty easily. Judging by the profile pic you've posted, a lot of people could put together the jaw, brow, upper arms, shoulders, and hidden temples of a trans woman. That's just the way it is.

Thankfully most people are totally cool. But when you get home and realize you've been walking around all day with your pants unzipped, that doesn't mean nobody noticed just because nobody said anything hateful.

[DeeDee1974]

My reality goes a little like this. I feel good about myself. There's definitely a conflict between perception and reality. When I go out with my gg female friends I see myself as one of them and imagine everyone in whatever establishment we are in also sees me as one of the girls. Then the reality comes in when the pictures of our night out are shared. Within the group we are stand around the same height and there's not much variation in weight, but I stand out because my body shape is just not that of a woman. It's in these pictures that I know others know.

Another example. Earlier this week I was walking down the street and a younger woman was approaching. She stared at me the whole time. Then after she got past me I could just feel her eyes still on me. I turn around and sure enough she's looking at me like "did I see what I thought I saw"?

That being said, I am comfortable with myself and my differences. Which I think liking ones self helps in the hard times.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

So 10 months ain't gonna cut it, huh? RLE is only a year. There are all these unwritten rules to qualify for membership in the full time tranny club, even if one goes against the grain and doesn't happen to look like a tranny. The FTT's are tough, I tell you. Tough.

everybody can post i guess... pee, pumps and trannies...nice

You have no idea what you are talking about but you need to post anyway.... why is it that all the people that post stuff like this show pictures of feet in their avatars?

[famousunknown]

why is it that all the people that post stuff like this show pictures of feet in their avatars?

Because feet in avatars are always cool.

[Bree-asaurus]

Because feet in avatars are always cool.

yes.... feet are alwa.... wait what?!?!?!?

Anyway, 10 months RLE isn't that long. I've been full-time for 6 months and I know that's just a drop in the bucket. Maybe she's been successful so far, but that's not the point. Some people are lucky. MOST aren't NEARLY that lucky. But membership? Club? I must not have seen the sign. I stopped defining who I am based on other people's perceptions.

[Nicole Erin]

You know what is sad?
Some post on here to put themselves and other TS down by saying, "Well let me tell you what society sees..." or "You are just beginning, you know nothing" and then the comments about "reality" striking when looking at photos of themselves with their GG friends. (whoever posted that)
Know what i read there? She has friends. She has a life. Seems her TS status and "passability" are not keeping her from living life or having good friends.

10 months isn't long enough to know if transition is going smooth? Hmm, 10 months in the real world, living as a woman day to day, passable or not, I imagine by now she has SOME idea of how to live full time in her new gender role.

So many TS sit there and pick themselves apart almost as if they don't want to move beyond their gender status and just live life. I guess some TS always wanting to discredit each other's passability doesn't help.
Let us say hypothetically that the majority of TS passed wonderfully. Then what would they sit there and bitch about?

What do a lot of TS really want?

I live day to day, work my job, hang out with friends, help around the house, do my best to look good. What I don't do is obsess over "someone might stare and have negative thoughts". If some clerk looks at me weird, i simply do not care. It does happen time to time. What doesn't happen is - walking into a restaurant or crowded place and everyone starts staring and whispering. I can just imagine it now - I walk in, the music stops, and comments whispered like "Is that a man or woman... that thing is going to hell... well I never..." and then the waitress comes over really nervous cause of the tranny monster sitting at the table.

Only time I get noticed is when I am showing off my sexy hot tanned shapely legs. *I* wish I could watch my legs walk so gracefully, I would be begging me for a date even though I am a pig and would want just one thing from me. I love me.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Nicole in making a fair point, you are way overstating your case

....while people have commented about the day to day occurences that happen to us and how you must be ready for them..nobody is saying it happens all the time, or that people drop their forks to stare at some of us...i have been whispered at...its no fun..i got used to it..in fact in your next to last paragraph you basically make the exact same point everybody else is making....

not counting worthless posts from people that have no standing or crediblity in this discussion,
the post's that got the negative attention were just not really responsive to melissa's op.. i guess you can say there is some over criticism, but not everybody can just take an F% the world attitude and be totally happy with how they are treated...

Melissa's post was making a tough love point about how expectations and transition usually don't mix..a person doing this should know that day one is not going to be a walk through the park in your sexy sundress on a sunny day..a better way to approach it is that you are gonna have to some hard work to steel yourself for your day to day life...just like you did..

and some people chose this thread as an opportunity to say "hey i pass" ...they got some flak...so what..they were basically off topic posts..

btw
i've had the exact EXACT feeling DeeDee talked about ... i had a great party night with my sisters friends ..they were wonderful...pictures all around...they get posted to face book...my head stood out like a soccer ball...lol...my heart sank...but like i imagine you have done, i've learned that there is nothing to do about that other than to sigh and move on...so i agree with you, and i think Dee Dee was sharing to say the same thing.did you read the last line of her post??

[Kathryn Martin]

In a sense this whole thread is making me crazy.

At the end of the day you have to answer these questions:

- what is your goal in transitioning?
- what does it mean to pass?
- how do you achieve passing?
- what does it take in reality to pass?

All those who believe that dressing, voice, body shape have anything to do with passing raise your hand

If you believe you can act the woman please raise your hand

If you believe that to transition means passing as a woman raise your hand

After you do I will have some things to say......

[Lorileah]

I am amazed this is still be"discussed". Maybe I misread Melissa's point from the start. All she was saying is, be prepared, things are not always as they seem. Life is not unicorns and rainbows. We all know that. Kudos to those who transition without a speed bump. Brava. Kudos to those who suck it up when they do hit the speed bump. There is not a TS on these boards who is not in some way a heroine to me.

Last night brought it back to me strongly. I get by and life is usually smooth. But I have "come out" to so many people who know me as the male. Half the time last night I was "he" "him" or called "Monte". Being tired (physically) made it much worse. I wanted to scream don't you see what I look like? I thought about the post here about moving cross country and starting over. The ideal isn't it? But it isn't the standard.

It was my take that all this was supposed to be was a reality check. Nothing more. That there will be times when things are not smooth. There will be times when you can fly high. My life is like that no matter what I look like on the outside.

[Rianna Humble]

Post withdrawn because I had seriously misinterpreted what Kaitly had written

[Bree-asaurus]

*sigh* Well let's just keep on arguing about it and then wonder why the thread gets closed

[josee]

I am one month on hormones, well into my facial hair removal and have penciled in going full time and transitioning at work late spring 2013. This is set to be after my baby (almost 18 yr old) boy graduates from high school and at the time of year when 90% of the hiring for my field happens (just in case).

I am under no illusions that transitioning is easy or even pleasant most of the time. I am already suffering big time in my relationship with my poor wife. I expect to loose my job shortly after coming out. I can't imagine what anyone would see as romantic about transitioning.
I still see that phony dude staring back at me in the mirror but if I squint a little am seeing more and more of the girl coming through.

When I go out and about running errands or shopping or whatever I fully expect to be followed by store security, have groups of teens point, stare and giggle and to be called sir by SA's. For the most part, none of these things have happened, that I have noticed as long as I pack my breast forms. My desire of course is to eventually pass 100% and have everyone I come across treat me as the chick I am.

I'm a little hard of hearing from my Punk Rock band days so I really don't hear whispers behind my back anyway. As long as I am not hassled, I really don't mind what anyone thinks right now. I know I'm doing the right thing.

Looking forward to "full time tranny" so I can finally really be myself.

Josee

[Nigella]

You know, human nature being what it is, too many people look for that one-upmanship.

The original post was a wake up call, a statement of fact. Having said that, that fact does not necessarily fit all, indeed, what a weird world we would be in if it did.

Every post from a TS is a valid post, whether that is an affirmation of the OP or a contradiction. One thing I did not read was Mellisa stating that this is true for one and all. What I do wonder is how many who are just starting this pathway will review their thinking 6 months or so down the line. Believe me I have, and I have had a very smooth ride along this road.