Wise words...and true !!! Life is not the movies...Guess each of us, having different personalities and dealing with life in our own way...has our "own bitch" to live with ?
But live with we have too !
Nothing in life that is really worth it...comes EASY ??? !!!
What does not kill us makes us stronger !
kind of responding to your whole post...i must not have been clear..there are worthless posts...there are people that have an agenda to wait for threads and then jump on people that are here trying to help(for better or worse)..they don't care about me or you or anyone here...one of those posters is on this thread....you seem to be saying that i'm attacking a whole group of posters and i would never do that..Originally Posted by Rianna Humble
as far as the other points, i'm ok disagreeing around the margins.....i respect your opinion alot, but i didn't put down anybody except that one person...whether my opinion on a post is on or off topic is not putting down anybody...you may be right and i may be wrong..its all good..
I do hope that anyone starting down or already on this path stops and reviews their thinking many times during the process. I hope they question each and every little step they take. It is a dangerous and scary path to be taking but none of us would be here if we didn't need to be.
This thread shows that there is no one simple "cute little package" way to transition. If it works for you, fine. That is just what you needed or at least you got away with it. For those that had an easy time of transition, I applaud you. That is the way it should be for everyone.
Unfortunately, it isn’t for many. For those having problems with the snickers and comments, and stares, can you imagine going through transition 20-40-60 years ago? Believe me, it was hell. And those that went before me had it even harder. But many of us got through it. Many of us went on to live a “normal” quiet and productive life as the person we needed so desperately to be. It may not seem like it now but you will too.
Last edited by Jorja; 12-06-2012 at 04:16 PM.
I misinterpreted your words and for that I am truly sorry. You are one of the most helpful and considerate people I have come across in my time on crossdressers.com
Last edited by Rianna Humble; 12-06-2012 at 05:14 PM. Reason: I was not clear enough that I was wrong
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
Not sure what the original post was a response to. I'm quite sure however, that none of us start this journey without a great deal of thought about the length and breadth of the road and the obstacles that may lay ahead. Should people let said obstacles get in the way of their ultimate goals? I think not.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Speaking of intestinal fortitude after transition? What about the strength people show through the trial and tribulations DURING transition, there is no flip-switch fireworks display at the 'end' of it all, it's a long and difficult process that takes place over a period of time and during that period of time, surely you gain valuable experience and emotional strength that helps prepare you for life thereafter?
Kittie, I like your quote, it's a thought provoking point of view, echoed at various times in the posts of others such as accounts of Transwomen who despite a lack of feminine beauty still win people over by their determined spirit to be happy. And I found BadTranny's OP a wonderful display of the intestinal fortitude you talk about.
I am long in the game of being TS, and new in the game of actually coming out and over coming obstacles to being myself in front of others. My own road to this point has been arduous. This thread remains inspiring.
Hugs,
'lissa
"The second life isn't like the first one, is it?"
"Sometimes, it's even better."
~ Elektra Natchios & Stick, Elektra (Movie) 2005, R. Metzner, S. Zicherman, Z. Penn
This is an exact summary of my original post. Sooooo we are in agreement then?
I agree Melissa.
Just had the thought, we do bell curves at work for student grades at the end of a course. Strikes me that transition starts the same way as far as the difficulty level goes, low at the start and climbing as you progress. You peak out for awhile then as things begin to settle down and become more normal the difficulty curve begins to go down and at some point level back out.
Since I'm up at the top (by the bell hanger) I'm only assuming the curve after this point. There will be a few up's and down's along the way but on a whole you get the picture. Some of you that are way farther down the road than me can tell me if I'm all wet or not.
I also believe the new baseline at the end will still always be higher than at the start.
Pam
"I am a stronger woman than I ever was a man." Living full time since Oct 14th 2012.
Perhaps I misread but it looked like your post was implying that someone who had gone from beginning to end would not have the strength to deal with the issues that they have indeed fought through already, by going through with it. It's true strength is required nonetheless and each of us have it within us, be it hidden, or undiscovered. Else many of us would not be where we are today.
Great post, Melissa and one that hit home with my own thoughts. This is a great blog about body differences that will never change in MTF TS's:
http://annierichards.com/skeleton.htm
Yes. When I was 11 or 12, I could pass as a pretty girl. By the time I was 15, I was 6 foot tall, weight 140 lbs, and had a booming bass singing voice, and still talked with a high pitched voice in the hope that I could someday transition.
30 suicide attempts and 10 years later, I met a woman who claimed she accepted my dressing, and I did my best to be a good husband and father, and failed. Had I not been going to AA and NA meetings, sometimes 2-3 meetings per day, I probably would have tried to kill myself then too. Fortunately, I had good support in coming out as Debbie and a marriage counselor who saw that I was transsexual and referred me to a therapist who helped me through the early phases of transition.
At 35, I finally came out, started living full-time, and there were no pretenses that I was fooling anyone, but people who got to know me as both Rex and Debbie realized that I was so much happier, that they just liked Debbie, often MORE than they liked Rex. The more I went out as Debbie, the more satisfied I was with my life, I met a GF who loved Debbie, and invited her GF and the 3 of us lived together - which made everybody's life better. Soon I ONLY went to work as Rex, and even then it was obvious that I was transitioning.
When my ex threatened to have ALL of my parental rights revoked unless I stopped transition, and provided evidence that this was a credible threat, I had to stop. A decision I regret to this day. I did start back into transition again, but without the support of others close to me on a daily basis, it was too easy to focus on the costs and consequences, and lose focus on the benefits.
20 years later, I've had a stroke, two heart attacks, and spinal damage due to side effects of NOT transitioning.
The one good thing about being 56 years old, is that I can go full femme, dress age and situation appropriate, and pass very easily. That's because a 50 year old woman (Debbie looks about 10 years younger than Rex) who looks like a 50 year old woman - isn't that interesting to most people. In fact, Rex gets more attention (negative) than Debbie does.
Yes, I had always wanted to be like Myra Breckenridge - going in looking and sounding like Rex Reed, and coming out looking like Raquel Welch, but even in the movie, it's obvious that the whole thing was a fantasy, a dream, that had zero basis in fact. They were even played by two different people.
I'm still a girl, trapped in an old man's body. I still like to go out looking pretty, and I still want to transition, but I'm afraid that if I did transition, and ended up becoming the old lady that nobody knows or likes, that I probably would want to end it quickly. I can hope for reincarnation, but can't commit suicide because I might end up as a woman in Africa or an Islamic country where they practice mutilation of women.
Damned if I do, Damned if I don't.
If I could go back in the time machine and send a message to myself, it would be to my 18 year old self, telling me to come out of the closet then, when I was in high school, enrolled to start an almost all-girl school, and 2/3rds of my friends were gay and/or thought I was gay.
Gee Debbie, if I thought that no one liked me just because I'm aging, I'd shoot myself too.
No one can avoid aging, not even a GG. You just need to change your lifestyle, and age gracefully. Start playing Bingo with the other old ladies and feed pigeons at the park or something.
Better yet, volunteer in your community and stop worrying about graying hair and wrinkles.
Reine
I did myself a lot of damage with this sort of thinking. It made me put off my transition for a very long time. In the end, I got to the stage where I could not live another day as Robert. Now, approaching my 57th birthday and into the 3rd year as Rianna, I find that more rather than fewer people want to know me for myself. I have a wider circle of friends and people have said that I am nicer to know than Robert was.
Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.
This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any
Galileo said "You cannot teach a man anything" and they accuse ME of being sexist
Never ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by sheer stupidity
OK, most people here would say that is being superficial and it's missing the whole point of transition, but there is an aspect of your concern that's worth noting; transition is difficult and the more roadblocks to acceptance that can be reduced or eliminated (such as a masculine appearance) the more successful your transition will be. But as I see from your post, your worries about being old and unliked appear to baseless -
And apparently you seem to be happy with your appearance and finding acceptance isn't as big a problem as you seem to think -
So what's the real issue?
Rianna has said very well what the rest of us in transition have discovered. I'll be 55 in a few months and will have my GRS next year. Obviously, age isn't stopping her or me or many of the other girls on this forum.
And here's the really bad thing about putting your transition on hold. Your gender dissonance just gets worse, you just get older and you pile on the regrets. You can't go back in time and there will always be a reason not to go forward. Who needs that kind of paralysis?
Nobody's trying to talk you into transitioning, but you might want to consider out just how you'd like to live the rest of your life.
I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.
Yup... If you don't need to transition, don't... and be happy about it! If you do need to transition, age and looks aren't going to stop you, and you'll realize it in time.
Just find out what you gotta do to be happy.
Sounds easy but in practice it can be really hard to find out!
"I'm not sure. But I'll never know unless I give it a shot."
I've been there myself
I am about to find out for myself. I have chosen (she says with some tiny feelings of wanting to backpedal) that now is the time, and being as old as I am, I am not certain of my prospects of passing fully ever, but that, while it scares me, does not scare me enough to throw away the opportunity to be me before I get to old to appreciate being me. My full time transition date is set and at about the same time, I am off to a University Summer Language School. The enrolments people have been wonderful to me, I know not everyone will be, but the time has come.
As you gain confidence of living day to day in your new role, you will not even think about all that TS stuff. Confidence may or may not help one "pass" but it does keep people off your case. You just have to develop the attitude of "this is who I am".
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
...and it doesn't hurt if everyone knows you gonna cut a bitch.
Ehh I don't know, I just don't have many problems anymore. Though people tend to say I have this dominant personality and a couple of my good friends say I am a smart ass.
BTW folks - if Melissa's avatar is still of her holding a cup, it shows the truth -
Not FFS, not HRT, not even makeup, but COFFEE is her secret to looking beautiful each day. As i don't drink coffee, I will allow Melissa to explain the hidden powers that turn one from demon to pretty woman.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
Same here, but my days are numbered. I only go out and about two or three days of the week. Retired and home alone most of the one.
Someone who knows me can ID me though. I've had that before with an FtM member from my support group. I was in drab, and he walked right up and started talking to me without a hitch. So i evidentially look the same in either mode. Maybe I pass because I look like a man when I presenting as a woman. I'll see him today and ask.
Last edited by TeresaL; 12-14-2012 at 08:58 AM.
This has been a very enlightening thread for me. This for me sums up a lot of stuff that's been said here.
I'm out full-time for all of five weeks now, and already I'm thinking about "Where to now?" This thread has confirmed for me what I already suspected--that I really need to do some hard thinking.
This is what five weeks out in the world has taught me. Not a bad thing to learn, and even at this early date I can't see me ever going back to my old life. I don't know where I'm going, but this thread has given me lots to think about.
Annabelle
Well, YES ... But look what it did to her hair!
Lea
Hey! I just woke up! I should at least get some credit for not having any makeup on. :-`Well, YES ... But look what it did to her hair!
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