Neither being a TG or gay is a choice. But everything that needs to be said is said in the posts before mine. Seeking resolution with your predicament and coming clean is the honest thing to do. Your wife and kids will find a way.
Neither being a TG or gay is a choice. But everything that needs to be said is said in the posts before mine. Seeking resolution with your predicament and coming clean is the honest thing to do. Your wife and kids will find a way.
Well, that beats the Hell out of the cold, in the ground, on the wrong side of the grass, variety.Originally Posted by Bobbielikes
From my observation, I don't think you have touched on an issue that hasn't been discussed here at some point. Right now I think what you're feeling is that every way you turn, there seems to be a wall. There doesn't seem to be a way to move forward, but that is likely not the reality. Some problems do, in fact, look like the walls in a concrete bunker. Those you just have to settle in for the long haul and continue to work of them. Time and grade, basically. However, there are other walls that only appear to be so. Sometimes when we are faced with so much information and such intense feelings at the same time, we fail to see the detail that reminds up our situation is not hopeless. I think this is where you are now where everything you touch and look at seems like it's ready to blow up.
But you know, that may just not be the case...
First, you need to do is stop cheating and doing this stuff behind her back. No excuses from here on out... you don't sneak around behind her back.
Second, you two need to have some serious conversations about what you two need out of this marriage for it to survive... or if you two would be better off separating.
As far as the liking men thing... it doesn't matter what your sexuality is if you are in a monogamous relationship. You're with her and that's that. You can watch whatever porn you like, but if you're with her, that means you AREN'T WITH ANYONE ELSE MALE OR FEMALE. If your in a monogamish relationship, you two can discuss what each of you are allowed to do with others and thats where your bisexuality would come into play. But you two both need to be mature adults to handle the responsibility of a monogamish relationship and be able to be honest and respectful of each other... something you clearly haven't been capable of.
So TALK TO HER!!!!!!!! (I'm not saying go tell her you cheated on her ten friggin times... *sigh* but tell her how you feel. Start by being honest RIGHT NOW)
Last edited by Bree-asaurus; 11-29-2012 at 03:11 PM.
Right. I don't know if this came through my prior posts, but your sexual preference does not matter and should not be judged. It is what it is. The "wrongness" is in lying about it and pretending that you are monogamous when you are not.
Reine
It did... in my eyes lol. But it never hurts to BEAT SOMEONE OVER THE HEAD with it so we make sure they understand
Sometimes things need to be said more than once for someone to realize it's serious.
google for TG therapist in your area, dial the number, talk as you describe what you feel on this here forum, set up an appointment.
Something tells me, your feelings are battled up and ready to explode when the cap is removed, you may indeed be a transsexual or slew of other possibilities at hand, but it sounds to me, you need to share this with a bit more learned audience!!!
Amen Bobbie: You are not only a lying cheating bisexual crossdressing husband, you are mostly a sex addict. Your sexual addiction is the main driving force that keeps you doing these things you know are wrong and unhealthy. For this you owe it to your self and everyone you care about to seek Professional Therapy
Your confessions here are a start but far far far from the professional counseling you need. Just make the appointment
Last edited by kendra_gurl; 11-29-2012 at 03:44 PM.
~My First Wife took on other mates while we were married. I felt real crappy. Some of her mates were female, I still felt terrible.
What I dealt with after was her lying. If there was forensics for emotional wounds she would have seen that the lies almost killed me.
~As a investigation X'pert~ Well this doesn't take one to see. Butt I will use me as my example. I had a secret, (me) The what or whom is me. Now while young I had to hide this from everyone. This took me to lie lie lie. To over compensate at times too.
~My lies about me started a strange trend. I started to lie in my realationships from a very early age. I thought I had to. By the time I really took note a lifestyle of convenient lying and cheating was left in my wake. I Loathed me.
~It wasn't a far leap for me to see the reality of my situation. I had choices I also knew what to do. I started to rearange my life, be honest with me & I started to unload my closet of so called skeletons. Now This next move was key for my life plan for me to actually work. I chose open minded folks to be my close friends. Sure when I was open about me I did lose many friends Butt Lordie the Friends I Gained! Priceless.
~ I Stepped out of the dishonest lifestyle that I put myself in trying to hide me. This made me 100000 Times Happier.
~ I hope I do not sound preachy. That was not the reason for my reply. I replied because I believe I could feel incredible pain in your humour~ This oddly resonated with me back to a time when I Thought I was a true dichotomy-A ill enigma. That was the mindset that started my unhealthy perception of me.& my abuse in abusing others trust.
~I wish you well~I hope you will see your first step to a resolution lies in the truth. The Web of deciet is a lonely confusing road.
~~said with love for you~
I wasn't trying to cop out or justify what I've done i was just being honest and spilling some stuff ive never said out loud. This thread got way out of hand. I appreciate all the advice. All if what you are saying is 100% right. But it's never as easy as you think. Just go just tell her, if I could I would. I can't everyday is wish I could. Every second I wish I was a better person. That said a few of you implied I'm a sex addict. I disagree I'm not out there every night dressed up and on the prowl. I look at porn when I can cus it's enjoyable to me, which isn't even once a day. I'm actually too busy most days to even worry about sex or my sexuality. I have other hobbies healthy hobbies and kids. Zero times cheating is absolutely what it should be I agree... It's not in my case because I made some poor decisions. Im not perfect I've messed up and I do the best I can to mot mess up again. I do think you could make a case I am addicted but I repress it and bottle it up til it explodes and I do bad things. I could agree with that. What's plainly obvious to me is that most of you are straight, which I don't understand but I think is awesome. Especially that your SOs are cool with it. I thought CDs were mostly like me (gay or bisexual). Guess I was way off on that.
Bobbielikes you are already relizing things about yourself you don't want to admit. That is a good start.
A little clarification about addiction. Not all are the same of course but so many people can easily become addicted to something and not relize it because they are only able to satisfy that addiction when the oppertunity comes up.
Test yourself: as for porn, next time your alone and surfin the internet just see if you can not visit your favorite porn site. Will that be easy or will you struggle with it trying to rationalize that your an adult and if you enjoy porn and no one knows your not hurting anyone so your gonna look at it anyway.
That is just one of many forms of addiction that can take control of your life if you allow it. Feeling justified in doing what you want even if you know your shouldn't.
Even a closet smoker can go a very long time without a smoke untill they are alone and the oppertunity presentes itself then they can't wait to light up
Last edited by kendra_gurl; 11-29-2012 at 05:14 PM. Reason: Additional
Obviously status quo is not working out. You can feel it. You need to make some changes which are in the best interests of everyone involved. Continuing on the path you are will just make things even worse in the long run. I would think you're gonna need some help with this. As a first step, I would suggest getting together a family counselor, explaining your situation and coming up with a plan. I would not suggest just going and telling your wife on your own because it will be an emotionally charged situation that could really get out of hand big time. In the mean time, get control of your behavior so that things don't get any worse than they already are. Stop your sexual behavior outside of marriage. It might be tough but it doesn't matter. It is time that you fix this situation once and for all.
"We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think." - The Buddha
I think I made it seem like its controlling my life, it doesn't. I work st a computer all day. A surf the Internet alone all the time and look at guitar videos and woodworking and zombie games and hockey scores. Do I watch porn and masturbate occasionally... You bet. But I'm in no means the perv/jerk you guys are making me out to be. I know I've messed up in the past. I know I have issues. This thread didn't really bring them to light for me it just put them out there for you guys to judge. I don't mean that in a "leave me alone you meanies" way. I think the more I open my mouth on here thinking giving you more of my story the more you will understand. I'm actually glad you guys are offended by my actions, it gives me hope for the world and myself.
I meant this thread merely as an observation/ question as to homosexual vs heterosexual CDs. I'm obviously more of a homosexual when I dress but most of you aren't. I was hoping to understand you guys better and make friends with people who understand me. Fail on both accounts.
Agree on most accounts and the family counselor is a great idea. That said I doubt anyone here will believe me but I am gonna really try to never cheat again. But I am not ready to tell my wife or family. I'm not sure I ever will. Anonymous people ill never meet or shrinks maybe but I'm too much of a coward. Judge all you want, believe me I want to... I just can't.
Last edited by Eryn; 11-29-2012 at 09:27 PM. Reason: Merged two consecutive posts. Please use the multiquote button at the bottom right of each post to put all your replys in one post.
Damn................STOP This madness before you give your wife some disease that she will never recover from fool
Last edited by Eryn; 11-29-2012 at 09:34 PM. Reason: The OP clearly stated her orientation and you misstated it in your post.
I think the sex addict idea was a bit out there and I didn't gather that from your posts at all. Just wanted to say that. Cheating often occurs for reasons other than sex.
But anyway...
I see you saying "CAN'T" a lot. It's not that you can't, it's that you are afraid... Which is kinda... normal... lol. I think you need to do quite a bit of self exploration... delving into your soul and finding out what makes you tick. But while you're doing that, show your wife a little respect and stop the cheating. When I said before that you need to talk with your wife about this, I didn't mean like... right at this moment. You need to be ready and you need to know what it is you need to talk about lol. That's going to take quite a bit of work on your part, but you need to progress in the right direction.
A therapist is an awesome idea. And remember that you might need to see a few before you find one that's open and understanding to people who do not fit the sexual and gender 'norms'.
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