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Thread: If CD'ing isn't about sex, then why....

  1. #1
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    If CD'ing isn't about sex, then why....

    Why does my husband get "excited" when he dresses. You know what I'm trying to say, right? Certain things increase in size.

    I've read that CD'ing doesn't have anything to do with sex, but then, it must, mustn't it? Otherwise why the sexual stimulation and excitement.

    Can anyone explain this to me?

    Di

  2. #2
    Aspiring Overlord Bree Wagner's Avatar
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    Any question that starts with "Why" and contains crosdressing in it is really tough to answer. There certainly isn't a right answer and once again it's different for every individual.

    With that said, for many of us there is definitely a sexual component. It seems to vary greatly as to how much the sexual component makes up the overall urge to crossdress. Also, it can change over time. As a teenager it was a huge part of it for me but it's changed as I've 'grown up'. I'll admit that component is still there, but it's not the primary driver anymore. For your husband the sexual component is there and it may be just like any other fantasy. When you get to act on your fantasies it can be very stimulating.

    Is it all he cares about? Almost certainly not, but that's probably for you to discuss with him.

    Good luck,
    Bree

  3. #3
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
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    You have to keep in mind that CDing is different from girl to girl. To some this is a fetish. To some this is who they feel they are. to some this is a release without being sexual, to some .....the list goes on and on.

    When I started dressing, It was more fetish. At this point, many many years later, it's more about being content. Since I have accepted this side of my personality, I am more content, less stressed, and less judgmental. I do not need sexual release when dressed.

    Your SO on the other hand may. I think you should be asking him more questions at this point hon. I think for whatever reason there has become a lack of communication in your marriage. Only your SO can provide you with these answers. Everyone else is just speculation and opinions. Have a sit down and discuss what is on your mind in a clam and relaxed manner.
    Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!

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    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    For some CDers, it isn't about sex, so dressing doesn't excite them. For them, it's about having some degree of internal feminine identity. For others, crossdressing (and/or different and separate aspects of it) is exciting and arousing. Men that like to dress up for excitement.
    But we don't fit into labeled boxes. We're all different, with different intensities and combinations of femininity, masculinity, interest, style, excitement, comfort, drive, etc.

  5. #5
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, being turned by being dressed or by our female image is a large part of dressing for most of us, Wife. I say "unfortunately", not because I don't enjoy that part of dressing. But, because I enjoy it too much and that is the most embarrassing part of dressing. I could tell family and friends that dressing is simply about expressing my "female side". But, I can't tell them it's consistently arousing!

    Many here have passed that embarrassing, "getting turned on by dressing" stage. But, VERY FEW have not experienced it at one time or another! Whether they'll admit it or not.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  6. #6
    In transmission whowhatwhen's Avatar
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    Penises have a mind of their own and while putting on a dress for you may be nothing, for someone growing up male there are a lot of different factors that could be the reason Mr. Boners gets up.

  7. #7
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    At age 7 when I started I didn't even know what sex was..... just that I had to wear female clothes..... nothings changed.... obviously I should have been a nun! lol
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  8. #8
    Member Matia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WIFE View Post
    Why does my husband get "excited" when he dresses. You know what I'm trying to say, right? Certain things increase in size.

    I've read that CD'ing doesn't have anything to do with sex, but then, it must, mustn't it? Otherwise why the sexual stimulation and excitement.

    Can anyone explain this to me?

    Di
    It is definitely sexual for me - but it doesn't mean it's -only- sexual. Sexual arousal with crossdressing is refered as fetishist transvestism . I think the only problem here, is how western society often sees anything sexual as dirty or perverted. We are all different with different kinks, dressing is what makes many crossdressers tick. If you embrace it and loose prejudice it can be a lot of fun and improves quality and happiness of crossdressers life significantly. I personally see crossdressing as kind of "sexual orientation" I see many things that people of this orientation have in common - interest in tight/shiny things, similar fantasies etc - I had all that before I found about internet and saw how many other people share the same fantasies. It was shocking but liberating as well. I discovered that it is not something I can "choose" it's something you are born with, it is your software - probably even hardware that you cannot change.

    If you love your husband, you can help him out and he will love you that much more, if you try to change him it won't work - the same way as how gay people cannot change who they are

    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    At age 7 when I started I didn't even know what sex was..... just that I had to wear female clothes..... nothings changed.... obviously I should have been a nun! lol
    I had the same desire, and the same way I didn't know what sex was. But at the same time, with experience now, I can say that the excitment and actually even some kind of disgust towards lingerie or female clothing I felt - was simply because I was too young to bear such sexual energy and was definitely not ready for it yet.. Then since about 12 years old up I started having sexual "accidents" with clothing - only later I found out what it really was. It definitely grew on me . The thing is, the kids experience sexuality to some degree wheter we like it or not, it is a tabu topic but kids from the young age are interested in opposite sex - and in some periods even in the same sex. It's not like all of a sudden we become sexual beings, we are like that from the early age we just get more ready and experienced in time
    Last edited by Sandra; 11-29-2012 at 02:45 PM. Reason: merged consecutive posts use the edit/multiquote function, multi posting is not allowed

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member TeresaL's Avatar
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    Men are stimulated through the eye gate. Magazines, photos, lingerie catalogues, and other like images usually suffice. CDs have an "extra" and very often utilize that for eyecandy. It worked for me for a long time.

  10. #10
    Silver Member Annaliese's Avatar
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    For some women when they dress to the nines they also get aroused, The truth is we don't come with an instruction book for a lot of us we can't tell you Why it is, it is just part of our make up. To tell us not to dress or not to shave it is like telling a fish not to swim up stream. The fish do not know why they swim up stream they just do.

  11. #11
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    Di,
    Most, but not all, will tell you that they started young and that sexual release was part of their early interest. I have a belief that self-esteem is usually low in CDers and the tight feeling of feminine clothing and feeling of being more attractive (to themselves) in their own mind (many use the term "sexy"), is a sexual stimulant. Some stay in this phase. Most move on to dressing to look more like a normal woman and the sexual component decreases (allegory intended). If you were to see you husband dressed, you might see for yourself.If he still does it for sexual gratification, he would likely be embarrassed and less likely to say so.

  12. #12
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Crossdressing is not a point on a map. It is a line, so that everyone who is on that line is different. It is true that frequently, especially when young, the sexual component is strong. Men are visual for one thing so seeing wheat we have been taught is sexy elicits a sexual response. It isn't really much different than seeing a naked women in am magazine (or when men are young breathing can do that). The feel of certain things can do it too. Soft and silky reminds men of the softness a woman portrays.

    To say that "Crossdressing isn't a sexual thing" as a blanket statement would be wrong, but for the majority it is no longer sexual or it never was. Why your husband reacts as he does is normal. It is good (trust me on this there may come a time when the reaction is virtually impossible no matter how hard we want.)

    Think this way, when you were just reaching puberty, so much of what you wore was directed at sex (I know you didn't want sex, but really, women are looking for sexual mates). This isn't far off from what a new CD feels. While women don't get to show it visually, you know that when you wore a certain article of clothing you felt sexy. Men have difficulty in hiding this reaction. Women soon realize that in general clothing is just clothing but it is still a visual thing for sex. CDs often grow to this level also.

    So when the posters here say it isn't sexual, they are mostly correct. It is sexual in that they are working to be attractive. It isn't because usually the physical reaction wears off. If the CD gets to live their hope, to wear what they want when they want without concern, the "physical" part becomes just as common as a woman who gets that sexy dress for teh party. It is there but less common
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  13. #13
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    When younger and around girls I was aroused with my dressing.
    I still find it stimulating but having dressed regularly other interests do take precedence.
    Dressing for me always led to an intimate association with women that was always returned.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  14. #14
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Like others here, I started cross dressing way before anything sexual had popped into my head. When puberty came along, lingerie was a large visual turn on for me. Still is. Did not matter whether it was on me or my SO. Being a lot older at this point and raging hormones being long gone, I am still excited by lingerie and women's clothing, but there is also a relaxation aspect to it. I hope my perspective helps.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member MsRenee's Avatar
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    When I started dressing, It was more fetish. At this point, many many years later, it's more about being content. Since I have accepted this side of my personality, I am more content, less stressed, and less judgmental. I do not need sexual release when dressed.

    I so agree with Miss Joanne on this. Sounds like me when I first started and now its to the point were it puts me in a happy place just to deal with everyday life.
    Renee

  16. #16
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    You have to remember that men are simply far more sexual beings. Testosterone is a crazy hormone. Just THINKING about my wife wearing certain articles of clothing will get me going. And this is not necessarily a prelude to sex. It can be the line of a calf muscle in high heels, perfume, almost anything. It doesn't take much to get us up.

    Getting dressed used to have that affect but over the years it I have moved from excitement by the taboo to a simple feeling of being satisfied. with my presentation or appearance. And yet, there are some cross dressers for whom sex IS the reason to dress. It's impossible to diagnose your husband but as I always recommend, talk about it. He'll be embarrassed for sure, but that is no excuse to not talk.

  17. #17
    Sweetie shawnsheila's Avatar
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    Hmm, it was sexual for a while until I was able to come to grip that I was a cross dresser (and acceptance from my wife) Now it is much less sexual for me and more of a feeling good in my own skin type of deal. There are still occasional sexual components for it but not as it was when I was restricted from dressing up.

  18. #18
    MIDI warrior princess Amy Fakley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    At age 7 when I started I didn't even know what sex was..... just that I had to wear female clothes...
    I can't tell you about your husband, but my experience was very similar to Karen's in that CD'ing was a non-sexual thing from about 7 or 8 until I hit puberty ... then it became sexual from about 12 through my late 20's.

    At some point it just stopped being about that. That's not to say the ol' boy won't get excited now and then. That does happen from time to time, but not a majority of the time, It's certainly not centered around the sexual aspect, though for a time it seemed like that was the case. Honestly I think it was just a normal young man's hormones through the prism of my trans-tastic brain.

    This is a complicated business. It's wrapped up in all sorts of layers of shame & guilt which for the most part are unwarranted. Getting a straight answer from your husband on this point might be difficult, but there's no other way to know than to just ask him :-)
    "Why shouldn't art be pretty? There are enough unpleasant things in the world." -Pierre-Auguste Renoir

  19. #19
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    You are a sharp cookie WIFE as you have already figured out THE key to the vast majority of CDing. It just is rarely talked about at this site, but almost all at this site admit to STARTING OUT THAT WAY in one thread or another. It would not take much digging at all to come up with a whole page of quotes to that effect. Apparently at most of the other sites, the sexual aspect is THE main topic. I'll bet you, that the vast majority on other sites are generally much younger people than at this site and I will also bet very few have ever felt any guilt about using women's clothing as a means to an end and probably never stay dressed for more than a half hour. Do the math here. Almost ALL here are either STILL ashamed" or "disgusted" or feel "guilty" to some degree OR did at one time...

    For men to feel guilty about a man's most basic programming, I find simply "odd". A man's VISION is an elegantly simple solution devised by EVOLUTION to enable him to impregnate as many females as possible - HIS most basic programming. It enables him to "get ready" literally in seconds. Women don't suffer from this as it would not be in their best interests. Their most basic programming is to also have kids BUT to find a "successful" man to have sex with, so visual presentation is way down a woman's list. A "successful" man would have greater odds of being able to contribute "stuff" to/for the child. Add in MOST female's much tougher/ L O N G E R time to even achieving orgasm with a man and all the pieces bgin to fit. A man's ability to give a woman an orgasm is simply ANOTHER screening mechanism for women developed by good ol Mother Nature over tens of thousands of years [one theory by the EXPERTS who study these things] It makes absolutely perfect sense and fits/solves the puzzle that few folks ever even consider.

    IS there anything more "fun" than an orgasm? Apparently many men lose a "lot of/most" interest in sex as they get "older". Much of it is self induced, by weight gain, cigarettes, alchohol, diabetes, high blood pressure, job stress, family stress and on and on it goes. I think you will recognise [even] from this thread alone, that dressing often escalates in general as men get older. Dressing fully at least puts one back in the frame of the younger/more orgasm friendly days and also most likely serves to somewhat subdue the guilty feelings most have always felt about it. It all fits.

    Look at the unbelievable amounts of money spent on porn and men's magazines becauase men ARE VISUAL. Women do not need such stuff. Does NOT WORK for them to "get ready" for battle. They NEED to be slow about warming up so they don't pick a bad partner/possible BAD father for any possible offspring. Jumping into bed for them at the drop of a hat every time they were VISUALLY excited goes against her most basic programming to find a "good" father. VISUAL APPEAL n a man tells nothing about his ability to possibly be a good father.

    In essence, dressing provocatively is no different than porn or magazines. It serves as a quick, easy way for a man to "get ready" for the big O. Even if he "dresses" without having one, there will likely always be that mental connection by association of the FEEL and SIGHT of the clothing.

    As far as the big O and a man's vision. IF a man does not get "one", GAME OVER for him. No possible way to impregnate ANY females and pass on his genes. Women, on the other hand DON'T need an orgasm to get pregnant, period, end of story.[Although some newer recent studies show indications that a woman having one MIGHT increase the odds in that particular batch of sperm.]

    In other words WE as men, don't control our "equipment". For the most part our vision DOES. We are designed that way by EVOLUTION. Women's minds simply don't operate the same which makes it very difficult for most women to get a grip on this CDing "thing".

    My "guess" is that a large portion of "accepting" wives are also far more "visually" oriented than the average woman.

    One last thing. So many here want or need to "pass". Look at the popularity of the photo gallery too. IF a man can pass OR get good feedback, surely it "helps" tell him that he is not crazy about possibly being "turned on" when he looks at the GIRL in his mirror?
    Last edited by Wildaboutheels; 11-29-2012 at 03:11 PM. Reason: spelling

  20. #20
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    Some very good answers here. I think Bree pretty much nailed it. And if you wanted a broad range as to "why" Bree gave the best answer in my opinion. It does usually start at the age when boys go through puberty and are just starting to get interested in girls sexually. It is very sexually stimulating at those tender years of exploring and getting to know ourselves sexually. It can remain the main focus for years to come. In my case, I'd say that I was in my early thirties before the stimulation or arousing stage diminished and took a back seat to other reasons. but like Bree said, the arousing part is a constant, but to a far less degree.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Jana's Avatar
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    Di, CDing does different things to different people. Some get sexually aroused, some don't. Seems like your husband falls with the former bunch. This response can be attributed to several things, but I don't want to get off topic. Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss this further.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lorileah View Post
    Crossdressing is not a point on a map. It is a line, so that everyone who is on that line is different. It is true that frequently, especially when young, the sexual component is strong. Men are visual for one thing so seeing wheat we have been taught is sexy elicits a sexual response. It isn't really much different than seeing a naked women in am magazine (or when men are young breathing can do that). The feel of certain things can do it too. Soft and silky reminds men of the softness a woman portrays.

    To say that "Crossdressing isn't a sexual thing" as a blanket statement would be wrong, but for the majority it is no longer sexual or it never was. Why your husband reacts as he does is normal. It is good (trust me on this there may come a time when the reaction is virtually impossible no matter how hard we want.)

    Think this way, when you were just reaching puberty, so much of what you wore was directed at sex (I know you didn't want sex, but really, women are looking for sexual mates). This isn't far off from what a new CD feels. While women don't get to show it visually, you know that when you wore a certain article of clothing you felt sexy. Men have difficulty in hiding this reaction. Women soon realize that in general clothing is just clothing but it is still a visual thing for sex. CDs often grow to this level also.

    So when the posters here say it isn't sexual, they are mostly correct. It is sexual in that they are working to be attractive. It isn't because usually the physical reaction wears off. If the CD gets to live their hope, to wear what they want when they want without concern, the "physical" part becomes just as common as a woman who gets that sexy dress for teh party. It is there but less common
    This

    But I also wanted to share a little tidbit.

    We have a cockatiel. When he's happy or excited (like when we wake up and he gets to have attention) he masturbates. He's not attracted to humans, but he's just so thrilled to be in our company that he gets aroused and... well... he's learned how to take care of that lol.

    My boyfriend used to work with chimps. He was a good friend to the chimps and they loved hanging out with him and interacting with him. There's one chimp that would get so excited if you let him groom you, he would get a little too excited and start... you know...

    Anyway, my point is that just because someone gets aroused by something doesn't mean it's a sexual thing. But once they're aroused, that in itself kind of leads to... sexual stuff lol.

    And even if it is a sexual thing for him, so what? Is it any worse than having any other kink, like bondage or talking dirty or even watching porn? As long as you're both fulfilled sexually what's wrong with him liking what he likes? Some people are so silly and think that if a man gets aroused by someone or something besides them, that it is somehow replacing them... and that's just nuts. Don't be that girl :P

    What you should take away from this? Just be happy his junk works so you can use it :P
    Last edited by Bree-asaurus; 11-29-2012 at 03:26 PM.

  23. #23
    Silver Member Angela Campbell's Avatar
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    I too started long before I knew anything about sexual excitement, and at that time (4 or 5) it had no sexual connection whatsoever. As I entered puberty it became a sexual thing, but at that age almost everything is. You see I was enamoured with the female. I adored them, I worshiped them. Anything that has to do with them excited me. Especially the forbidden things like panties, slips and other underclothes that boys are not supposed to see or know anything about. If it had to do with girls it was exciting. This was the case with me for a while into young adulthood. Eventually as life went on it returned to what it was in the beginning. It was for me the desire to be a girl. I have always had it, I have always hid it and I always knew it. I recently accepted it. There is no sexual stimulation in dressing for me at all now. It is just my way of looking the way I want to look. If I cannot be a girl at least I can look like one at times.

    Wife, if the underclothes excite him then you do too, because it is the femininity that causes it and the clothes are never quite as feminine as the real thing.
    Last edited by Angela Campbell; 11-29-2012 at 03:32 PM.
    All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?

  24. #24
    The Girl will Out! Kaz's Avatar
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    I tend to agree with many here. Puberty has a lot to answer for! It is when we become fascinated by this 'other world' but at the same time we are going through a massive emotional, psychological and hormonal upheaval. Maybe this is where it all gets cemented in... who knows. I sometimes get aroused by being dressed, but most often this is not the issue. I certainly do not get 'dressed' in order to be aroused... never have. But men do get aroused by all sorts of crazy things. We joke about the trouser snake having a mind of its own and it does! It even surprises ourselves on numerous occasions... hence the term 'c**k up'!!
    Kaz xx

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  25. #25
    Junior Member jodie k's Avatar
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    don't question it...take advantage of it...

    oh my, spoken like a man, i must run and get my liipstick and fingernail polish.
    aha, just found the gender difference

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