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Thread: I am concerned that some think I'm an imposter.

  1. #26
    Junior Member
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    Hi Miss Joanne...I guess I was hoping for years that it would go away. But recently my hubby has asked if he can wear woman's underwear and nylons and I guess it made me realize that this is NOT going away. I love him too much to say flat out no. The only hard and fast rule that I have is that nobody find out...no going out of the house dressed. So if I can make things easier for him INSIDE our house, I want to do that. That's why I'm going to get him nighties for Christmas. For one, to show him that I do accept him for who he is, and for two, to give him another way to release his CD frustrations. I hope I'm right in doing this.

    Di





    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Joanne View Post
    Well, I am glad that you decided to stay. hands down this forum is the best source for support and making friends. Had I had something like this way back, I may have kept some of my now long gone sanity lol People say a lot of things and like someone above mentioned, it should be taken with a grain of salt. This forum offers great advice and support but mostly offers "opinions". You just take the opinions as needed and you'll be fine.

    I do , however, have a question that has been bugging me that I would like to ask you, While I have never thought that you may be an "imposter" I have wondered a bit since reading your posts as to why now?

    You have stated that you knew about your SO's lifestyle/CDing/???/whateverlabel BEFORE you got married, which was 20 years ago, why are you searching for answers now? If you have accepted this for 20+ years and not much has changed with the SO's dressing, why have you waited so long?

    Of coarse, you don't have to answer if you don't like, I am just curious Glad your sticking with us

  2. #27
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    Yes, there some nay-sayers around. If you don't like them here, get them voted into government so they don't have any time to be here anymore.....wait, that will not work either. It might give them more to nay-say about...LOL

    Please stay, we need your help also.

    Quote;
    Hi Miss Joanne...I guess I was hoping for years that it would go away. But recently my hubby has asked if he can wear woman's underwear and nylons and I guess it made me realize that this is NOT going away. I love him too much to say flat out no. The only hard and fast rule that I have is that nobody find out...no going out of the house dressed. So if I can make things easier for him INSIDE our house, I want to do that. That's why I'm going to get him nighties for Christmas. For one, to show him that I do accept him for who he is, and for two, to give him another way to release his CD frustrations. I hope I'm right in doing this.

    Di


    You are a very good woman and wife, he should get down on his knees and kiss your feet. The more my wife accepted me, and my quirks, the deeper my love for her grew.
    Last edited by Gillian Gigs; 11-30-2012 at 01:54 PM.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  3. #28
    My Ship has sailed? Barbara Ella's Avatar
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    Di. This is just a great example of the diversity of individuals we have here. I do really believe they are all sincerely honest individuals and just speak their mind. I know I am not the most tactful person, and continually edit what I say because I know it usually comes out poorly between my mind and the paper the first time. And on this site, who is really the imposter? I continually worry someone will figure out I am really a woman who dresses as a man to crossdress as a woman just to be here and chat with the wonderful girls here. I guess I am doomed.

    Barbara
    He (she) who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
    - Friedrich Nietzche -
    I may never get to fly like the other girls, but I do so want to dance, so I continue to climb.

  4. #29
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WIFE View Post
    Hi Miss Joanne...I guess I was hoping for years that it would go away. But recently my hubby has asked if he can wear woman's underwear and nylons and I guess it made me realize that this is NOT going away. I love him too much to say flat out no. The only hard and fast rule that I have is that nobody find out...no going out of the house dressed. So if I can make things easier for him INSIDE our house, I want to do that. That's why I'm going to get him nighties for Christmas. For one, to show him that I do accept him for who he is, and for two, to give him another way to release his CD frustrations. I hope I'm right in doing this.

    Di
    I don't see how you could be wrong I am amazed though that he hasn't worn those items in 20 + years and they are usually two of the first items a CD wears. then it usually grows from there.

    Believe me when I tell you that most of US thought this would go away too. We have purged time and time again out of the guilt of it all and not being able to ever find an answer to the question "why?". It's the one question that has many answer and none at the same time.

    I applaud you for making an effort to come to terms with all of this and hopefully we can do our best to help you along on your journey.
    Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!

  5. #30
    Aspiring Member JulieK1980's Avatar
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    I'm glad to see you are staying, and I'm happy to see you making an honest effort to understand your husband more. It's no easy task for a woman to understand crossdressing, as it goes so much against the norm of our society. Let's face it, gender socialization begins when a person is an infant, and it's very hard to comprehend why someone would go against that socialization. Heck, most of us here don't really fully understand it, we just know that we do.

    As for the jerks that are calling you an imposter, and generally harassing you, ignore them. If they get zero responses from you, they'll eventually lose interest. Usually people troll on the internet with the sole purpose of getting a reaction out of people, if they don't get it, they lose. There is also a block button on here, that you can hit, and you won't even see their replies.

  6. #31
    Aspiring Member kendra_gurl's Avatar
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    If this is considered a cross post and against the rules mods my delete it.

    I think its revelant to this threat as they are related

    Wife below is what I have posted in the other thread about what you have made this thread for. Just thought everyone envolved should see it




    Wife if you check you introduction thread you will see I was the very first to respond with a welcome. While your very first thread sounded a little suspicious at first you did answer the question about why after 20 years of knowing you are just now seeking answers. I even posted there with some advice.

    One thing you will come to learn on this or any other sight is that the longer your here the easier it is to obtain the "thick skin" it takes to survive.

    My OP was not in any way to single you or anyone else out but rather as the title says "think about it" just a caution to everyone here the possibility exist with the anonimity of the internet not to totally trust everyone untill your able to guage a reasonable opinion of them by reading varying responces they have made.

    Glad to see you have decided to stick around with us for awhile longer

  7. #32
    Gender Explorer Meghan's Avatar
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    I kind of look at it this way, either:

    1. You are an impostor and you'll get bored with this eventually

    or

    2. You really want to learn and will move past the negative comments to find value here

    or

    3. You'll stop posting

    I hope it's 2, but starting a "people think I might be an impostor thread" is exactly what an impostor might do after being on a message board for 3 days. Just sayin'. I REALLY hope it's the middle option though. The more GG perspectives, the better, IMHO, whatever they might be.

    Meghan
    "No matter how far you've gone down a wrong road, turn back."

    ~Turkish Proverb

  8. #33
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    Wife, Don't you dare leave us over a few that think you are an impostor. Please give the rest of us a chance to prove them very wrong.

    You are VERY much wanted here!

    No, you have in NO WAY failed as a woman! His cross dressing has NOTHING to do with you. Stick around and you will be made aware of this fact.

    And please, don't apologize! You did nothing wrong and everything right! You were open and honest. Some just can't stand tohear the truth. They live on a fantasy land known as the PINK FOG.

    Once agaiin WELCOME and whatever you do DON"T leave us!

  9. #34
    Just a girl at heart too Kerigirl2009's Avatar
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    I hope you stay and dont take offense to what some people say. Its always good to see GG on here giving their opinion and stories, I think they tend to be more truthful and more insightful. There are some really nice people here and of course their are a few that I choose not to read because I dont agree with them, But typically I can kp those opinions to myself. So again I hope you choose to stay and figure out who is worth getting to know and who you don't wish to know.
    I wish I had the courage to just be myself and live my life how I want

  10. #35
    Sweetie shawnsheila's Avatar
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    Di, we are very glad to have understanding wives like you here in the forum. Don't let a few prevent you from learning more about your husband. First of all know this, CDing has nothing to do with you and your femininity. Your husbands desire to CD has nothing to do with you at all. I know my wife feels the same way too. She thought something was wrong with her but, in fact, it had nothing to do with her at all. Stick with us, as you learn from us we will also learn from you

    XOXO

  11. #36
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
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    Hi Di,

    I am always cautious as to new/first time posters and agree with much of what Kendra said. Particularly, these lines

    1. "......the longer you're here the easier it is to obtain the "thick skin" it takes to survive".
    2. "......not to totally trust everyone untill your able to guage a reasonable opinion of them by reading varying responses they have made".

    I always think being a poster here is synonymous with being a duck at a shooting gallery. There are a few that will happily take random shots at you, but you just become more adept at ducking (pun intended). This site has been an invaluable source of learning for me and I just let the crap roll.

    Stay around, as GG input is invaluable too, especially from someone called the wife. You're not are you? Mine that is?

    Rebecca x
    Flying high under the spell of life!

    http://www.rebsweb.co.uk

  12. #37
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Why would someone pretend to be something they're not? Easy. They like drama. I know one guy at work that regularly trolls various forums, looking for opinionated folks, simply to disagree with them and get them riled up. Then he changes his screen name, and continues to push their buttons. Some people simply love to go out of their way to annoy other people. I guess it's because their own life isn't what they want, so they want to make everyone else miserable as well.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  13. #38
    Member AllyCDTV's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post
    Why would someone pretend to be something they're not? Easy. They like drama. I know one guy at work that regularly trolls various forums, looking for opinionated folks, simply to disagree with them and get them riled up. Then he changes his screen name, and continues to push their buttons. Some people simply love to go out of their way to annoy other people. I guess it's because their own life isn't what they want, so they want to make everyone else miserable as well.
    That is certainly what trolls do and as such, they are pretty easy to spot. Yet there was nothing of that kind of behavior in Wife or any of the other posters implied in the "impostors" thread. As far as the types of questions asked in those threads, they were all legitimate.

    Wife, I'm glad your staying. I learned a few things from your thread about myself. Just don't ask for Social Security numbers, bank accounts or credit card numbers and I'll be fine.
    "We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think." - The Buddha

  14. #39
    Aspiring Member Fiona K's Avatar
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    Wife, you might want also to read "My Husband Betty" by Helen Boyd. Better still, get it for your husband for Christmas he'll learn as much as you will.
    The lingerie can wait until St Valentines.....
    Girls who are boys, Who like boys to be girls, Who do boys like they're girls, Who do girls like they're boys, Always should be someone you really love

  15. #40
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Firstly we are 'accepting of outsiders' as we are all outsiders and this is where we find our peace.

    As for you failing as a woman...that's hogwash!!
    This has absolutely nothing to do with you or any other woman. This is about something in us that just feels right when we can express our femininity to the fullest. This for me began long before I had my first girlfriend, let alone a wife. It was not about any woman then and it's not about any woman now. It's about ME. It's about your husband!

    Obviously you are accepting and trying to be more so or you would not have come here seeking information. The best thing you can do is discuss all this with your mate. Discuss the questions you have from reading the posts here. Ask his feelings on the posts....TALK, TALK, TALK!!
    I know from my own experience that the one thing I wanted most all my life was someone to talk to about this, someone to share it with, someone who would try to understand me and what this means to me. Be that person for the one you love and you will get more in return than you can imagine.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  16. #41
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WIFE View Post
    I read in another thread that someone thinks I'm an imposter.
    You should absolutely be prepared, in a forum this size, to have one nay-sayer for every 10 to 20 positive responses. This is the reality of online forums everywhere. Please don't make the mistake of focusing just on one bad post. You'll be a lot happier if you just ignore the people who don't understand where you're coming from.

    Or, if their comment really bothers you, send them a PM and see if the two of you can't work it out privately. Sometimes it doesn't take much to clear up a misunderstanding. Who knows, they might even have been having a bad day and were looking at everything negatively at that moment, not just something that you said.
    Reine

  17. #42
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    I went back and reread the posts you started. I will agree with Meg. Even if you were an imposter (troll to some) you do raise very serious issues most, if not all men, have thought over the years. In your words I have heard the same thoughts my wife has had over our forty plus years of marriage.

    I'm sure there are numerous postings on this site that are total bullshit. In my professional career and personal life I've run across many people who feel the necessity to tell total falsehoods or accentuate their otherwise totally bland and boring lives.

    Hang in there! I'd say there are a lot of worthy responses from many people.

    And, at another post, maybe that negligee should wait until Valentine's Day after you and he sort out some boundaries.


    Quote Originally Posted by Meg East View Post
    It is your choice but consider your posts have generated many great thoughtful replies.

  18. #43
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    Di you're putting way to mush stock in what others may think.

  19. #44
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
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    Please do not leave this site,I myself am not married so I don't think I am eligable to reply to a majority of thresds but I know I've learned alot here.I think you can too.

    Lisa
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  20. #45
    Senior Member mikiSJ's Avatar
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    Some people are happy and helpful ALL of the time
    Some people are happy and helpful most of the time
    Some people are happy and helpful
    Some people are happy
    Some people are helpful
    Some people are unhappy
    Some people are unhappy and unhelpful
    Some people are unhappy and unhelpful most of the time
    Some people are unhappy and unhelpful ALL of the time

    I have only been around for a month or so and I have found most of the girls here are at least helpful.

    Just like in life in general, you keep somethings and you throw out somethings. Keep the good things you get here and ignore the rest.
    When writing the next chapter in your life, start with a pencil and eraser - my first page as Miki is full of eraser marks.

  21. #46
    Silver Member kristinacd55's Avatar
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    Hey Di, Let me be the last to welcome you to the forum lol.....anyway, have you ever read the book called "The Four Agreements"? GREAT book and if you take it to heart, none of that crap that was said about you would phase you. The four agreements are:
    1) Be impeccable with your word
    2) Don't take anything personally
    3) Don't make assumptions
    4) Always do your best
    This book should be required reading for everyone....again welcome!

  22. #47
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    You'll never please everybody, but the majority of us adore accepting wives. Stay!

  23. #48
    Silver Member noeleena's Avatar
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    Hi,

    To loveing Wife, Di.

    Email has been sent,

    ...noeleena...

  24. #49
    Banned Spammer
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    Please don't leave Di this place is by far the friendliest CD site I have been a part of.
    Many are filled with filth and porn which I will not tolerate.
    I got slammed here a few times at first because of the questions I asked and got accused of being a phony as well.
    99% here are some of the nicest people and you will see that the longer you remain here.
    How can you learn if you don't ask questions? Sure a few will be jerks that just goes with the territory pay no attention to them.

  25. #50
    Member MonctonGirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WIFE View Post
    I read in another thread that someone thinks I'm an imposter. I promise you, I am not. I'm a 50 something, overweight, worried wife of a CD'er. I am plagued by fears that this CD'ing will accelerate. I came here to see what I could do to be a more accepting wife and what I could do to understand this better.

    Part of me feels like I have failed as a woman also, that he needs this outlet.

    BUT, I don't want to be where I am not wanted. Why someone would pretend to be a wife of a CD'er is beyond me. It's not like you can't read the posts anyway without participating.

    Anyway, I'm sorry that I came to you all looking for help. There must be other CD sites that are more accepting of us "outsiders".

    Di
    We will help you - but you must accept the help we give, for it is the right stuff.

    There was no failure as a woman on your part, though he MAY feel he failed as a man and never admit that to you. Maybe if you compliment him regularly on manly things you will devert his interest somewhat.

    If you want to support him ... take him away to another city and set him up with a makeup session and such. Take lots of photos.

    Men feel women have it so easy. You can go to a salon to relax.
    He may feel he must stop being a man to relax.
    Dig it ... understand it... it may be all about pressure.

    Roll with it.

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