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Thread: I am concerned that some think I'm an imposter.

  1. #1
    Junior Member
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    I am concerned that some think I'm an imposter.

    I read in another thread that someone thinks I'm an imposter. I promise you, I am not. I'm a 50 something, overweight, worried wife of a CD'er. I am plagued by fears that this CD'ing will accelerate. I came here to see what I could do to be a more accepting wife and what I could do to understand this better.

    Part of me feels like I have failed as a woman also, that he needs this outlet.

    BUT, I don't want to be where I am not wanted. Why someone would pretend to be a wife of a CD'er is beyond me. It's not like you can't read the posts anyway without participating.

    Anyway, I'm sorry that I came to you all looking for help. There must be other CD sites that are more accepting of us "outsiders".

    Di
    Last edited by Eryn; 11-30-2012 at 01:01 PM. Reason: Changed title as leaving threads are not allowed.

  2. #2
    Junior Member JohnnieCD's Avatar
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    hopefully you have learned from the wealth of information here that no one blames their wife for them wanting to crossdress!

  3. #3
    Silver Member ClosetED's Avatar
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    Di, please don't. As many have said, you will get varied opinions here. I think the issues you have brought up and the posts that followed are very valuable. Don't let one person's fears force you to do what you feel is the right thing. That is wrong on so many levels!

  4. #4
    Silver Member linda allen's Avatar
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    Don't leave because of what one or two people have posted. Internet forums bring out the "jerk" in some people. They act like they wouldn't dare to in person. Stick around, there are some pretty caring people here.
    [SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member MsRenee's Avatar
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    Dont let one person determine you leaving . There is more good here than you can know . we all grow off of each others knowledge here. There is no way on this planet thats its your fault about him wanting to dress and you have not failed him. Shes very lucky to have you there wanting to learn more. Please stick around hun as we can all help each other. If someones givin you issues just report them. They have thier own issues if there saying that to you.
    Hugs
    Renee

  6. #6
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    That is a shame....... I've left here a number of times because of what people said..... or did..... but I realized that they were idiots and I really don't give a rats ass what they said.... Take what anyone says here with a grain of salt..... at best you can learn something or teach something..... at worst.... its cheap entertainment!
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  7. #7
    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    Would strongly encourage you to stay. It is human nature that we can get thousands of compliments, but one negative will send us off into a downward spiral. Also, realize that there are those here that are so guarded that they look askance at everything.

  8. #8
    Junior Member JohnnieCD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by linda allen View Post
    Don't leave because of what one or two people have posted. Internet forums bring out the "jerk" in some people. They act like they wouldn't dare to in person. Stick around, there are some pretty caring people here.
    I'll go back in closet...i haven't any friends and if you speak your mind you are called a jerk..

  9. #9
    Senior Member Barbra P's Avatar
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    Leaving is your choice but prior to this thread you started three threads and received well over one-hundred responses, the vast majority of them friendly and supportive. Every forum, and I mean every last forum regardless of the subject matter, has its 10%. The ten-percent is a Marine Corps term, it means that in any group of people there are approximately 10% who just can’t seem to get with the program, and seem intent on alienating or ruining things for the other 90%. For years I was pretty heavily into photography and my forum of choice always had a few members always eager to stir up trouble, argue about trivial choice of words, accuse new members of being Trolls if they didn’t like their initial posts; this site is no different. Many forums allow you to ignore posts from individual members, as far as I know there is no way to do that on this forum, and that may actually be for the good. I’ve been unhappy, possibly even offended, by someone’s reply and had I selected to ignore that person altogether I would have later missed postings that completely changed my mind about them.
    My point is, don’t let one post persuade you, ignore that post and concentrate on all the others here that are willing to help you. Also keep in mind that forums are very different from talking with a group of people face-to-face and with no facial-expressions or body-language it all too easy to misinterpret what someone posts. I’m not saying this particular offending post was humorous or sarcastic but those are two emotions that can be very difficult to convey in a post and someone reading the post may completely miss the humor and take offense.
    Babs

  10. #10
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    Dear Di,

    there are a lot of people here - and its entirely possible that some may have mistaken opinions. I would not let that deter you. Please consider joining the FAB and and participate in the loved ones forum. This is an open forum. Please don't judge everyone by the behavior of a few.

    Please also try to let go of that "failed woman" thing. I can speak for most CDrs. This is something about us - it isn't any reflection on our wives in any respect. I was literally born this way. You didn't cause this and your husband didn't "choose" to be a CD. We were, for what ever reason, chosen by fate. Undertanding this is difficult, but its a reality that all of us, CDrs and our spouses and significant others eventually have to accept.

    Best wishes - Please stay!

  11. #11
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    Thank you for the kindness you all have shown me. I got some very nice private messages also. I do appreciate it. I guess I will stick around, because I do have so much to learn.

    Thank you again...all of you...for your support.

    Di

  12. #12
    MIDI warrior princess Amy Fakley's Avatar
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    I hope you don't let one or two opinionated nut-jobs run you off the site. This has been an incredibly warm and welcoming group of people in my experience.
    As far as being an "imposter" ... this accusation completely blows my mind.

    This site is completely full of people who live a double life .. and for the vast majority of us half of that double life is hidden better than Iraq's nukes.
    How in the blue hell anyone on this site could accuse you of being an "imposter" with a straight face ... ROFL. So what if you are? 99% of us are too in one way or another.

    Stick around. We've got one or two a-holes ... but on the whole this community is so warm, accepting, informative ... and rewarding to be a part of :-)
    "Why shouldn't art be pretty? There are enough unpleasant things in the world." -Pierre-Auguste Renoir

  13. #13
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    Don't go so fast. Remember we are in cyber space, not in a room speaking openly to one another. Comments can be blurted out and a lot of us here are paraniod too....

    I have also said things in the past that weren't cool.

    I guarantee that you have not failed as a woman.

    There are other sites out there. I was a member of them and even though they accepted men in the forum there was just non stop bitching going on. I would try to ask a question so I could get a perspective from them on what my wife was going through with me and would get 1 word answers at best. I was sympathetic to what they were going through but dialoge was unproductive
    Last edited by Launa; 11-30-2012 at 11:39 AM.

  14. #14
    Junior Member JohnnieCD's Avatar
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    i know I am an imposter, i've been living a double life for 45 years and always thought something was wrong with me...thanks for the confirmation..

  15. #15
    Member biggirlsarah's Avatar
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    Dear wife , I personally hope you find the help and understanding that you deserve, nobody asks to be a cd'r the same as nobody asks to be male of female or gay or straight it just happens that way , personally I think it helps define who I am and I wouldn't change it for a minute. in every walk of life you get the nice people the bad people the jerk's , the think they know it all's who normally turn out to be know nothing at all's, there are a lot of caring supportive people on this forum , you just have to spend a little time and sift out the not so genuine and get to the genuine people who care , they are there and you will find them , good luck in the future with your relationship , love and hugs Sarah xxx

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Lady Catherine's Avatar
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    If you are learning what you need to learn, or getting ANY useful information, stay with us and keep learning. If a few people here can't handle it, that's their problem. Be strong and keep learning.
    I know enough to know I don't know enough.

    Peace

  17. #17
    Member Meg East's Avatar
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    It is your choice but consider your posts have generated many great thoughtful replies.

  18. #18
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Impostor? Me maybe, but not u, Di. Glad you're staying and not letting "THEM" win! Thot u had too much character to let that to happen!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member Ceri Anne's Avatar
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    Please don't leave, with a site like this there will always be the chance of someone not accepting, but that doesn't speak for the rest of us. I saw your post about getting your hubby a night gown for Christmas and fell in love. I wish my wife would respond that way. I know its very challenging when something like this appears in a relationship, but as someone else said, It has nothing to do with you being a good wife, its his inner need to express other aspects of his personality. There are couples here that have embraced CD, others have not. But look at it this way.........you now have a husband for a best friend AND a best girlfriend all in one!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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  20. #20
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Ignore the naysayers. Hang around you will soon see who is positive and who has sand in their panties. I know who you are referring to and I don't usually agree with them either. As I mentioned in a different thread, we should welcome those who want to learn from us, not try and dissuade them.
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
    Chief Joseph
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    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Jenny Gurl's Avatar
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    I can't say much more than has already been said. I will add that this web site is THE best discussion forum for the topic. There are many here who will help you gain an understanding of the many variations of crossdressers. Even if you shop around for another site, make sure you keep this one bookmarked because most come back to it. Welcome, I hope you find the answers you are seeking.

  22. #22
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
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    Well, I am glad that you decided to stay. hands down this forum is the best source for support and making friends. Had I had something like this way back, I may have kept some of my now long gone sanity lol People say a lot of things and like someone above mentioned, it should be taken with a grain of salt. This forum offers great advice and support but mostly offers "opinions". You just take the opinions as needed and you'll be fine.

    I do , however, have a question that has been bugging me that I would like to ask you, While I have never thought that you may be an "imposter" I have wondered a bit since reading your posts as to why now?

    You have stated that you knew about your SO's lifestyle/CDing/???/whateverlabel BEFORE you got married, which was 20 years ago, why are you searching for answers now? If you have accepted this for 20+ years and not much has changed with the SO's dressing, why have you waited so long?

    Of coarse, you don't have to answer if you don't like, I am just curious Glad your sticking with us
    Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!

  23. #23
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Rest assured that I never thought you were an imposter Hon. My instincts and intuition tell me you are a loving wife who wants the best for her husband. 'Nuff said!
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  24. #24
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    Di, I'll add my voice to the chorus: Please stick around!

  25. #25
    Senior Member Stephanie Miller's Avatar
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    Glad your staying. Everyone has a kneejerk reaction to what others say. It's the good people that take a moment and think them out and alter thier initial reaction if needed. Don't let one bad apple ruin the bunch.

    Me? Nope. Just to mentaly slow to know I should change. If I get a response from someone that ticks me off - I pay em' back by sticking around longer. Kind of the burr in the saddle type

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