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Thread: "Backstories" -- fudging past experiences

  1. #1
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    "Backstories" -- fudging past experiences

    So I grew up male, and learned some things as a boy that most girls of the same age wouldn't have learned. And that in turn implies that there were things that girls learned that I wouldn't have, but which if I transitioned I might be expected to relate to and talk about. But what, and how to "fake it" or fudge it or answer-without-answering or say "I prefer not to talk about it" without being rude ?

    The boy experiences I had as a boy were nothing special, they were just boy experiences. Playing with plastic soldiers. Toy graters and dump-trucks. Cubs (an exercise in failing at badges). Being taught to hitch-hike. Friends and I finding a Playboy in a garbage and looking at it wide-eyed. Chemistry sets. Wood-working and home repairs with my father. Flipping (tossing) baseball and hockey cards. Red Rover, and British Bulldogs.

    I never did have any "first date" or "first car" or "first 'getting to first base'" or "making out at a drive-in" kind of experiences. "First Junior Math Olympiad" doesn't have the same ring to it. I don't recall any (overnight) Youth Camps either.

    I did have "crushes" along the way, on girls. Guess I have a bit of wiggle room there as I still like women and back in those days in our school, a girl was unlikely to admit to a crush on another girl.

    I don't know if I could fake liking the boy bands of the era, such as The Monkeys. And I have a lousy memory of which Top 40 singles the girls of those days would have liked. Probably not "I don't like spiders and snakes", I guess.
    Last edited by Nigella; 12-01-2012 at 12:11 PM. Reason: We don't discuss them here either

  2. #2
    Member kathtx's Avatar
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    How about "Believe it or not, I was such a total tomboy"

  3. #3
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Heh. But I wasn't even close to a tomboy! My idea of fun at school (outside of class) was days it was too cold to go out for recess, when we were allowed to go to the school library, and I would get to browse through the encyclopedia.

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    I dunno... I just plan on being honest and leaving out pronouns or my transition. Unless somebody asks me "When did you stop being a dude" my life was my life regardless of my gender.

    Maybe I don't quite understand???
    Last edited by Nigella; 12-01-2012 at 12:12 PM. Reason: They are not a topic for this forum

  5. #5
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Too many people know about me for me to try to "fudge" anything.

    In a recent conversation, I noticed that I had said "when I was a little girl" so, as the other person knew about me, I added "at that time I had to pretend to be a boy". I wasn't trying to deceive and it told me something about where I am at the moment.
    Last edited by Nigella; 12-01-2012 at 12:13 PM. Reason: Womens issues are not a topic for this forum
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  6. #6
    :) Post-Op Hippie Chick CharleneT's Avatar
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    Most women talk about their current life and yours. Don't worry, it actually works out more easily than you might think. The main thing ( like Bree said above ), keep pronouns out of your descriptions of the past.... most won't even notice you did.
    Last edited by Nigella; 12-01-2012 at 12:14 PM. Reason: Not a topic for this forum
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  7. #7
    Member ColleenA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sandra-leigh View Post
    So I grew up male, and ... there were things that girls learned that I wouldn't have
    Quote Originally Posted by kathtx View Post
    How about (saying) "Believe it or not, I was such a total tomboy"
    Quote Originally Posted by sandra-leigh View Post
    Heh. But I wasn't even close to a tomboy!

    Um, excuse me, but this thread, per your title, is about fudging.

    SO FUDGE!


    Besides
    Quote Originally Posted by sandra-leigh View Post
    The boy experiences I had as a boy were nothing special, they were just boy experiences. Playing with plastic soldiers. Toy graters and dump-trucks. ... Wood-working and home repairs with my father ...
    Those experiences sound like nothing special IF YOU WERE A BOY!
    But what you list here sounds pretty darn tomboy-like FOR A GIRL!

    Plastic soldiers? Played with by boys or tomboys - not girls in frilly dresses.
    Graters and dump trucks? Boys and tomboys - not girls in frilly dresses.
    Wood-working with dad? Boys and tomboys - not girls in frilly dresses.

    So tell me, how were you not even close to being a tomboy?

    Also, did you ever (even once):
    climb a tree?
    ride your bike further from home than Mom would have allowed had she known?
    try to win a foot race?
    wish you could go on one of the Apollo missions to space?
    watch Mission Impossible, Hawaii 5-0, or Starsky and Hutch?
    sneak outside to play when you should have been cleaning your room?

    Guess what - many of the girls doing those things could be described as tomboys.


    So you go with the minor fudging of using your actual experiences to imply you were a tomboy

    or
    you go with major fudging by making up a backstory that involves frilly dresses, tea parties, slumber parties

    or
    you don't fudge at all and come clean with everyone about why you didn't have the customary childhood experiences familiar to most women.

    Which will it be?
    Last edited by Nigella; 12-01-2012 at 12:15 PM. Reason: Not a topic for this forum
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  8. #8
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    yep, its another reality of lving a blended life..

    there is no right or wrong..its situational and the less you say about it the better because regardless of whether you fudge or outright make up stuff it can cause anxiety

    one time when i trained for a retail franchise i opened the store with two girls that were early twenties and i heard a litany of women issues that made my tender sensibilities blush...i just didn't say anything
    Last edited by Nigella; 12-01-2012 at 12:16 PM. Reason: Changed wording as other wording is not for discussion/topic

  9. #9
    Senior Member melissaK's Avatar
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    Leigh Sweetie, don't worry. Just don't talk about things you don't know about. Skip over them. If someone asks a narrowed question, just evade and give a truthful response about an entirely different question - people do it in depositions all the time!

    And remember, there were nerdy girls in library reading the encyclopedia too.
    Hugs,
    'lissa

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