My motto is now, "Not out? Don't tell"!
I told an old girlfriend. We're both single now and have been close for over 30 years. She's educated and liberal leaning, accepting, and open minded. I thot, "Why not?"
It ruined our relationship! THAT'S why not!
Before u tell anyone, think of all the GOOD things that can result from you're opening up. Now, list every possible BAD thing that could happen. Then, see which list is longer and more gruesome!
Last edited by docrobbysherry; 12-03-2012 at 10:15 PM.
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Might I suggest a therapist? It's usually covered by employee assistance programs nowadays by many employers, but the best thing is you can tell someone without having to worry about how it could come back to bite you in the posterior region.
Had to tell others.....started with my best friend (female) and cascaded to others and some of my family members. Never anyone I didn't think wouldn't need to know or care.
I have let everyone here know of my activities.
There is a saying, birds don't crap in their own nest.
Meaning, if I am close to home I do not go out dressed too often or tell other people close to me.
When I am away I am more outgoing. I feel free then.
But one day!
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
This is something that I have started to do in the last month! I have to admit, it feels good! I'm starting with people that I "know" , but not closely-- people that I deal with at work, but, don't work with me. Example--I go to the post office regularly, and went in dressed, and got a nice "wave",from a familiar face there! She did recognize me, and we'll go from there!
"And if you want some fun, sing Ob-Bla-Di-Bla-Da!"
I told my kids and there spouse's. There are of course many sales people around the world and quite a few wait personen in restaurants who know.
as my wife shared with her close friends I've taken steps along the way to share with others. A few at work, and other friends, although selective it is getting easier and easier. And very liberating as I have told my sister and niece. One day over a dinner I quickly came out to my daughter, only in the phrase " Yeah back in the day when I used to crossdress." Her mom my ex is gay so, I figured my daughter could put two and two together.
Of course. Its natural to want to share something important about yourself - and I suppose it also reflects our need for acceptance. I know that both motivations were at work when I came out to my best GG friend...a former co-worker. I didn't want to hide from her anymore, and I am sure I was seeking out her acceptance. But there's a question that nagged me for weeks before I came out - and that is, am I imposing this on her. I struggled with that for a long time before I could bring myself to tell her. In the end, I decided that we were very close friends, and it was OK to share this.
dont ask, i'll tell
I have never had a great urge to tell anyone about my hobby horse (ridden frequently), but I did tell a member of a club i belong to.
There was no problem, as he is a member of a LGBT group, which my wife encouraged me to join after attending a transexual lecture. He simply asked me something like why was I in the club. Without thinking, I said I was a CD., figuring it was was better than his claim of being an interested non-participant.
My answer got around the club quicker than a bra unsnap, I was greeted with knowing smiles. Someone said "The clothes are soft, aren't they."
I guess this slip of the tongue about my slips etc., uttered to the right gossip, was quite beneficial to me.
My hobby is fixing stuff. I don't tell anyone about it though cause then they want me to fix THEIR junk which I have no time for.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
Yes, I have wanted to, and yes I have done so. I told a sales assistant when I went shopping for some clothing, and it has remained confidentially between us. We see each other from time to time and have a brief chat over what clothes are available in my size, and what might look good on me. That's about it. Nothing more than that. Just a friendly, helpful, and respectful relationship between us. On the day I first met her, I told her that I told my wife about my CD'ing and that she was accepting of this in me, but did not understand, nor did she want any part of it. From there, I could see that the SA respected me, and thus was friendly and helpful to me. On my second time shopping she was welcoming and took the initiative to show me some new things they had just gotten into the store. I look forward to going shopping there as I am now comfortable there as well.
Di
Last year, when the only love of my life, my wife of 27 years, decided to find another "man", I told just about everyone. Why? Because I thought it was an evil addiction and I needed family and friends to hold me accountable. My wife said, "If I stay with you, I might as will be a lesbian." I was in counseling at that time, so I could learn to control this "addiction". She was fed up and didn't care. I decided, even if she never comes back, I can never CD again.
For some, it may be just a hobby. If this were just a hobby for me, I wouldn't be doing it now. Wanting to be feminine is a part of me that I have been denying for over 40 years. So I'm done denying who I am. Well just as I don't tell everyone my middle name, I won't tell everyone about my CDing. Yet, if someone really wants to know my middle name, they can find out. Just like if they really want to know what I do after work, they can find out. So, just not gonna worry about it anymore.
There is someone different I want to tell, but have some reservation - my dermatologist. She diagnosed me with discoid lupus (the mild non life threatening skin autoimmune disorder). However lupus is mostly a "woman's disease". The way my mind works, I thought, "If I'm gonna have a woman's disease, I may as well play the part." That thought along with many others pushed me back into CDing after 15 months abstaining. I don't regret it though.
Anyway, I want to tell dermo doc, to see 1) if there's a medical correlation to lupus and desire to be fem, and 2) how how can doc help get skin to be more feminine with aggravating lupus. Got appointment in 2 weeks.
Last edited by AnneB1nderful; 12-04-2012 at 04:58 PM.
Living and Loving in God's Grace,
Anne
I told my sister 30 years ago that I wore panties. Her advice was that things like that tend to advance and can get out of hand. Her IQ wasn't high, but she had wisdom sometimes. A few years later she asked me if was still wearing bikinis lol.
Now days I'm thinking the lady at the wig store and the SA at the shoe store have a pretty good idea.
Last edited by Ressie; 12-04-2012 at 09:00 PM.
That story almost makes a girl cry!!!! That was a wonderful way to put it!!! Loves!!!!!!!
Told my sister 6 years ago and said it was her fault that I dressed ... enjoyed wearing her dresses too much aged around 7. Told my grown daughter around the same time.
Both times I wanted to share and expected understanding and support. Nope!! Thankfully both think it is behind me and I'm reformed so my dressing doesn't come up.
You'd have thought that I would have learned from those experiences when thinking about telling my wife this year. Nope!! What do they say about the person who doesn't learn from their mistakes?
I have heard too many horror stories to ever tell a co worker. I think some people just have a compelling need to not keep a secret.
Yes I've been dying to tell one of my friends.
Funny, another one of my friends is half op FTM and I just recently told him and he said he already knew. I was like how?!?! He said he just "knew" kinda like gaydar but tsdar
I have told my nuclear family, and all of them are accepting! The funny thing is, I'm the most uncomfortable with wearing things around the house! For some reason they really don't care at all. I've started wearing bras stuffed with socks around, I'm easing into it.
Some family and friends know most either don't want to know or think about it. In the past I have hidden it from some of them but am always glad when they find out without me having to tell them. Nothing I would like more than to turn up at a pre-arranged meal en-femme as any female family member or friend would.
Maria
I imagine it must be very hard to be amongst family even semi-en-femme living an ordinary CD life. I would be concious of it as I'm sure you are even more than the people around you.Originally Posted by FrozenShiela
Maria
There are three people in the world who know I cross dress. My wife, my therapist, and Bernie at Le Dame Footwear. I would love to be able to share Rachel with more people and perhaps someday I will. But it is so helpful to have somebody in your corner. I am super lucky to have my wife.
My wife, daughters and doctor know about me. My daughters found out when my youngest was snooping around and told her older sisters. I believe that if someone needs to know, then I'll tell them otherwise no one needs to know. It is simpler that way.
I've thought about telling an old female friend, but I think that she would have a hard time with it.
Dana Ryan
Cross dressing is something I share exclusively with my wife. It is a fun little secret we both enjoy. The extent of my coming out was joining this forum. I would feel like I am taking away something special that only my wife and I participate in if I told others. Also I think my profession would suffer a great deal if I was outed.
Yes, I have wanted to tell others but I can't see much of an upside vs the possible downside. When I go out with other cross dressers, I do tell my story, so the say, and that is close to coming out. For now I am happy being totally open to my wife. Being able to talk to her about anything has made all this fun.
When I was single again, I told three women friends (no romantic relationship), just friends. I don't know why, maybe I was looking for some kind of validation. Soon after I told, I moved away, and all contact was lost, so I don't know how it would have turned out for me in the long run.
After I married and told my wife (in that order. My bad.) we agreed to keep it private. And I have.
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