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Thread: 'why care what a GG thinks

  1. #26
    Senior Age Member sissystephanie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    Thanks for answering another nosey question

    I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

    What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

    Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

    Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman
    The question you ask about crossdressing may be a hard one for many crossdressers to answer. If they are a crossdresser who wishes to be a woman in reality, their answer would be totally different from mine! I have never wanted to actually be a woman in the 60 plus years that I have crossdressed! I am very happy to be a man, but I do like to wear feminine clothes. I told my late wife that I was a crossdresser when I proposed to her and she accepted me "as is!" We had almost 50 happy years together before cancer took her! Since she was much better at it than I was, she always did my makeup and fixed my wig when I went out in public as Stephanie. And many times she went out with me! We had a good life together, because she was much more important to me than crossdressing, and even though she is now deceased she is still that important to me!!
    Stephanie

    Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

  2. #27
    Member GG7irish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    Thanks for answering another nosey question

    I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

    What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

    Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

    Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman
    This is a question that is probably in our minds at one time or another.
    I know my SO has to deal with my insecurities, luckily he is patient and listens and answers me.
    But Moxie we all need to be accepted no matter what form.
    The hardest lesson I had to learn was to accept myself first and be happy with who I am before I could ever be open enough to even accept anyone else. Sadly this is something that I still have to work on daily.

    But to your original question, if our SO ask our opinion, I hope we have a good enough relationship to be honest and and say yes you look good or perhaps it would be better like this etc. Now luckily we are nicer than my girlfriends who tell me i look like a crappy old woman
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]----Live....Laugh....Love------SO of Cassandra Lynn.

  3. #28
    Member sheilagirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sissystephanie View Post
    The question you ask about crossdressing may be a hard one for many crossdressers to answer. If they are a crossdresser who wishes to be a woman in reality, their answer would be totally different from mine! I have never wanted to actually be a woman in the 60 plus years that I have crossdressed! I am very happy to be a man, but I do like to wear feminine clothes. I told my late wife that I was a crossdresser when I proposed to her and she accepted me "as is!" We had almost 50 happy years together before cancer took her! Since she was much better at it than I was, she always did my makeup and fixed my wig when I went out in public as Stephanie. And many times she went out with me! We had a good life together, because she was much more important to me than crossdressing, and even though she is now deceased she is still that important to me!!
    Sad but Beautiful story to start the day with. You had/have your priorities VERY straight. Have a Beautiful Day, Stephanie.

  4. #29
    Gender Explorer Meghan's Avatar
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    We're humans and we're biased. I am sure I look much goofier than I appear to myself, but there's always a chance that I don't.

    I would say "needing" positive feedback is a stretch, but it sure helps. Even if you are "just being polite" so what? As humans, that's a way we relate to each other. Most people don't look beyond the surface compliments anyway, so just being polite is fine. I don't walk the earth looking for "real truth" from every interaction.

    A compliment is much better than a sideways look of disgust! Maybe a compliment is good because it's not a form of rejection.

    Meghan
    "No matter how far you've gone down a wrong road, turn back."

    ~Turkish Proverb

  5. #30
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    Hi moxie, this idea of "women are just being polite" has been brought up often. Only the delusional think a comment means they are passing. Some may find it a sort of acceptance when in fact it's just social circumstance.

    I can't connect the sexual component, however. Being "accepted" by a woman or believing you are passing or blending in, is not a sexual thing. I believe it is a validation of sorts of this female part of us. As for "why do we care what anyone thinks?" Well, even we cross dressers are humans. Humans are social animals and being part of group is in our nature. I think all humans want to be liked/accepted. We can deal,with it when it does not happen, but we prefer it. Imagine you get all dolled up for a play or something and when entering you get a "that dress looks like crap and you're fat," from some guy. Probably not the reaction you were hoping for. But why should you care? You shouldn't but you do.

  6. #31
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    NO! Not at all Moxie. If anything, it increases my love, admiration and devotion to her. Get bored with a real woman in the house???? NEVER!!! Sadly, I live alone and have for the past 3 years. It might be hard for some to believe, but my desire or need to dress has diminished since living alone. I don't know, maybe I need the sight, the smell, the awareness of a woman around me to put me in the mood more. Or is it the estrogen that gets released into the air that makes me want to dress more? LOL

    It's my admiration and devotion to her that perhaps made me want to dress more. The love is not part of it, but I did love my SO very much. Cross dressing could never take away from that. In fact, no doubt enhanced my loving her and her acceptance.

  7. #32
    I just Love being a Gurl! bobbimo's Avatar
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    The biggest reason to look for the GG's input is because the SEE the little details that we as lady-wannabes, never notice.
    Like matching colors, the wrong shoes, the wrong purse, you walk like a pole climber.
    GG's have been doing this all their natural lives and its a blessing they come here to help and support us.
    Bobbi
    Aint nothin gonna happen that aint supposed too!

  8. #33
    Silver Member Annaliese's Avatar
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    Not at all, in fact I have more love/admiration/devotion to my wife than when we were first married, she has become my best friend.

  9. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    :

    Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

    Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman
    No. Not even remotely related. My cross dressing is not a substitute for my wife in any way. Here's why you can believe this: I was a cross dresser before I met my wife and I worked to get her while i was still a cross dresser. Cross dressing is not a substitute for a relationship. I know it's me under that dress.

  10. #35
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    Fair questions. Let me give you my answers. 1I usually assume people, GGs included, are just being polite, when they compliment me. Deep inside, I never really believe it, but wish that it were true. Its important for me to feel somewhat accepted, and such kind remarks do just that. I think that's true for all of us. When two women compliment each other on how they look, its not a sexual thing, but both politeness and I'm sure often a sincere intention.

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member Dawn cd's Avatar
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    On reflection, Moxie, you've been acting like a hit-and-run driver—always threatening to leave after raising painful questions. The pain is present because you're feeling pain right now, and many people in this forum are taking it seriously and trying to respond to it. It's a demonstration of human kindness—which is pretty much the same reason why we say nice things to a CD who is clearly not passing. We can't really answer for your SO's behavior (every human being is different), but we know pain when we hear it. Why not hang around for a while?

  12. #37
    Carole carhill2mn's Avatar
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    As usual, there is no one "right" answer to your question as to why a GGs opinion is important to us. For some of us it is pleasing to hear nice comments from anyone. As for me, I really enjoy recieving a positive comment from a GG as they are more likely to (IMHO) have a better sense of whether I look am presenting well as a woman or not. I do hope that they are responding to me "woman to woman" and not woman to CD.

    Much of social conversation is just "being polite". This is a social skill which most of us learn in order to get along in society.
    So, even a "polite" comment is welcomed by me.
    Hugs, Carole

  13. #38
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    After a rather tumultuous patch involving much thought (and cursing!) I've decided not to quit until Moxie (aka: Doormat) has asked at least one question that will annoy the paranoid few here.
    Please don't leave. I can't fight this battle alone! Please please stay!



    I read often that GG's give friendly comments on how you look 'en femme' etc. Those who hear these comments immediately assume one of three things: they look convincing and everyone sees them 'as one of the girls'; they're attractive, fashionable women and GGs are jealous and want advice or friendship; we are HOT for you.
    None of the above, I just think they like my outfit or whatever and do not assume anything more

    Here's my question - what would change if I suggested that maybe we're just being
    polite??!!
    you would be just like a man??

    What if I also asked WHY it's so important what GGs think at all? I mean, if you're truly just being your inner self, who cares what anyone else thinks? Or...is there a sexual component after all, and it's a 'rush' to have a GG accept you?
    because I am human, sort of, and I want the approval and opinions of others. I will never say there is no sexual component because most start as totally sexual, but I still thrill to compliments...no not with a physical reaction, but it makes my heart swell and I feel good.

    most of you seem like very kind, considerate and attentive partners and I would kill for a husband like that right about now. I had one once...
    Oh, that does not sound good. Um...can I throw a positive in here? Usually the self centered angry defensive thoughtless part fades. And many times you get a better partner in the end. If it doesn't you are seeing the "real" man you married anyway. So I expect you will get the very kind, considerate and attentive partner back again.

    And I would be very honored to be in the group you ask the questions of....is that a dangling participle? For which you ask the question? Ah heck, go ahead and ask

    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    Thanks for answering another nosey question

    I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

    What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

    Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

    Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman
    If it did, I would not be a very nice person would lI (fishing for that compliment...here). I have said it before but I will repeat "Love don't leave". I have never fallen OUT of love ever ever ever. I always admire my loved one. Now I have had partners who were totally physical or monetary or whatever, but I would NEVER marry them.

    As far as if the wife is not totally accepting, I don't know. My wife accepted it with caveats and we stayed together for 35 years (28 married). My GF knew before we even got involved and it was a requisite that she know. She accepted it 100% and i was the one who had issues, feeling I was somehow dragging her down. I was wrong (wasn't he first time won't be the last), she loved both parts of me equally. So as to answering if it would cause the love to fade, I don't have a good perspective. My opinion would be though that if this was the reason they faded away, you are better off without them.

    (Sorry, I had to add this because I didn't read the whole thread the first time )
    Last edited by Lorileah; 12-05-2012 at 01:47 PM.
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
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    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  14. #39
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    I agree with others here. We all like compliments. I mean men and women like compliments from others. So many of us though, do want to present and look the best and passable as possible. So many of us fall short of that goal. There's two kinds of compliments though, some can be directed towards our personality, like "you're so kind and thoughtful" or "I love the awesome way you tell a story".Those compliments have nothing to do with our appearance.The other kind of compliment would be of our appearance. We all fall somewhere on the scale from one to ten on our ability to pass as a GG, which is our goal. It really does make a cd feel very good when they get compliments on how good we are doing from the standpoint of that scale. Compliments from other cd's are just as refreshing to us as from GG's.

    So sometimes cd's will not wait for a compliment, I and maybe other cd's do this thing that I do that sometimes annoys my wife. And that is, when I spend so long to get ready, shower, shave, take my sweet time doing the make up, choose the right clothes, etc. I go to her and ask her so sweetly, honey how do I look?
    When I ask this, I'm speaking with a blue tongue but yet she hears with pink ears. I got that from Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs's book, "Love & Respect". So when I ask her how do I look? Her interpretation of the question may be, "do I look desirable?" but what I really mean from those 4 words, "how do I look?" I am asking
    "how close to passing am I?" She thinks I'm being narcissistic, but I'm looking for validation on the passing scale.

    You ask "WHY is it so important what GG's think at all?" For since we need that validation from you, for you see us as we are when you look upon us when we're doing our best to and of emulating a woman. Sometimes when we look in the mirror at ourselves, we see a different image than a wife does. CD's can often see what we feel inside, but she see's what is really on the outside.

    On your other question in post #14 "Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

    It does sometimes cause a wife or SO to actually feel this way. To feel like she is being replaced with another woman. For you are the real woman as you said. And with considering what oftentimes seems like cd's are loving themselves with mirror admiring like admiring the woman they see in the mirror and pictures they take of themselves. I can see how this can make a wife begin to feel like his/her love and affection leans more to his/her own womanly image. But it really isn't that way at all.That is just a misunderstood interpretation from usual activities from a cd. But keep in mind, we are not all alike. Some of us are similar to each other, and some of us are so very different form the other. But actually, with the acceptance from our wives, and acceptance being in so many varying degrees, it brings us closer to her, it does awaken new loving feelings for a wife. Not all marriages are alike in this. There's not one answer fits all. It depends on many things, like how much or how little a cd wants to do or be? There's so many variables of how much or how little a wife going to accept? The more she accepts, the happier the cd will be,which is a positive thing, and maybe less happy a wife will be which will be a negative thing. So each spouse has to do some give and take.

    If you give your husband a compliment on her/his efforts in cd'ing, let it be truthful and honest, and not because you may feel that a wonderful uplifting compliment is what he/she wants to hear, but give it from the heart because you can "see" with your eyes what she "feels" in her heart.
    I.t may sound strange, but my cross dressing has brought my wife and I closer in so many ways

  15. #40
    Just a girl at heart too Kerigirl2009's Avatar
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    I don't put alot of stock in what anyone says, I know I can and will be clocked, and I don't care. I might even be recgonized. but it is what it is. I just appreciate honesty, but I also expect the people to keep rude opinions to themselves. All I ever want is acceptance and if I cant have that then be nice and leave me to be me.
    I wish I had the courage to just be myself and live my life how I want

  16. #41
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    Here's my question - what would change if I suggested that maybe we're just being
    polite??!!
    Hi Moxie,

    Being a Brit, polite does it for me, but I expect that for some GGs, the compliments are genuine. However, on the whole, I think you may be right. Pleasant makes the world go round but sometimes a little brutal honesty wouldn't go amiss either, but that is best delivered by a good friend rather than an unknown.

    Akin to telling someone that have B.O. The ultimate lead balloon.

    Oh, and another thing.......stop thinking too much!

    Rebecca
    Flying high under the spell of life!

    http://www.rebsweb.co.uk

  17. #42
    Member adrienner99's Avatar
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    I do not believe any CD anywhere thinks GGs are "jealous" of the way they look. I just don't buy it...

    What GGs think of me does have importance, but it's not like their opinions are critical to my survival...I value what they think--positive or negative, because what I am trying to do (look like a woman) is incredibly hard, and important to my soul. Honest feedback is what I need, and if it happens to be positive it gives me great joy because it means I am succeding....

    And yes, we know that sometimes you are just being polite. I don't find it helpful.

  18. #43
    Just a touch of class Lynn Marie's Avatar
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    [SIZE="4"]I often get compliments from gg's and men alike. I also give out lots of compliments to gg's and men alike. I really don't see it as anything more than being a friendly and contributing member of society. I'm not insecure, and don't need my ego inflated. I have enough testosterone so there's no confusion as to who I am, nor do I need to show off to get attention. I like myself and I like people. They seem to like me too, and that's just delightful. Now there are a few people out there who don't like me, and that's okay too. I have broad shoulders, actually a little too broad.[/SIZE]

  19. #44
    Member AllyCDTV's Avatar
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    I'm pretty indifferent to what GG's think in terms of me crossdressing. I'm more interested in honest comment from other CD's. I feel it's kinda like peer review.

    As good as some CD's may look, we will never be in the same class as GG's. There are just too many subtle differences for me to think we can really compare to GG's. It's almost like trying to compare people that play paintball to Navy SEAL's. Frankly I'm surprised that GG's aren't more often than not, offended by some of our attempts.
    "We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think." - The Buddha

  20. #45
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Hey, thanks for the compliments. We like attention, in all its forms. If the compliments were insincere, well, that's not my problem.

  21. #46
    Miriam
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    Moxie ... a much nicer name and pretty appropriate. Gotta love a lady with moxie.

    On your first question ... I value the opinion of one GG especially, my wife, because I consider her to be my resident expert on feminine appearance. She helps me to recognize and address the factors that help and prevent me to blend in with others of your kind. I suppose if others join the circle of those who know me in feminine form I'll value their opinions as well, but primarily as experts. I really have far too little experience to know more than a teenager about how to blend, and start with some major disadvantages (like hair in all the wrong places).

    My crossdressing has greatly increased my love and appreciation for my wife, even beyond the natural tendency I have for it (perhaps attached to the crossdressing gene). We've worked together to improve my wardrobe and appearance through the years, which is wonderfully bonding.

    Miriam

  22. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    Thanks for answering another nosey question

    I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

    What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

    Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

    Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman
    My love, admiration, devotion is based on loving and being loved for the person I am. Gender identity wise I may be a little - oh ok a lot confused - but after being just a paycheck and being faithful and devoted only to be used I too wish to find someone (woman) to whom I can devote myself to. Relationships mature but for me if that spark is there the potential for a real forest fire exsits.

  23. #48
    The Girl will Out! Kaz's Avatar
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    OK Moxie...

    Choice time... should I stay or should I go?

    I think you have gathered by now that we want you to stay. Your views are highly valued and you challenge appropriately. In fact many will have come to like you a lot!

    I hope you can rationalise it all and come to terms with it. Why do it? No idea. Am I gay? No. Am I crazy? Possibly. You have read the responses...

    I have really valued and learned from your posts - I hope you stay and challenge me more.
    Kaz xx

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    This Woman Within is Flying without Wings

  24. #49
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    NOTHING would change. I can't read MINDS like most here. Don't know for sure if ALL the compliments I have received over the years in all of the places I go... were genuine or not. I can read eyes though. I'm quite good at that. As the Eagles said, "There ain't no way to hide those lyin eyes" and I concur completely. I have yet to see any Lyin eyes. Smiling faces? Sometimes, they don't tell the truth.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wKyXA_nMVQ

    And in my case, It's NOT important what ANY GG thinks of me, unless I become involved in a "romantic" relationship with her. I learned long ago that sharp people quickly figure out that the wrapping paper on a package is just that - wrapping paper.

    MOST folks will never figure it out, and I am perfectly OK with that.
    Last edited by Wildaboutheels; 12-05-2012 at 08:27 PM. Reason: last line added

  25. #50
    Silver Member justmetoo's Avatar
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    I agree with many others - I enjoy the compliments for what they are, the ones that seem genuine. I don't look for any ulterior motives behind them (although I'm sure many of the compliments from sale people are about making a sale). It doesn't really matter though. I certainly don't think it means I'm passing or that they want to have any kind of relationship with me. I do value the comments from GGs I am close to, who I know well enough to know their motives and when they're being truthful vs. being nice or polite. I value the comments from GGs more than from men for obvious reasons, like the GGs can be more specific and speak from experience and greater knowledge of what looks good, etc.

    I'm single and not looking for a sexual relationship with anyone, so I could only answer your second question from a hypothetical standpoint. I have been in and am open to romantic relationships with women. If I were in such a relationship with a woman who accepted me and loved me as I would expect to do in return I couldn't see me becoming less interested, or withdrawing from, or valuing her less over time. I would hope, with increased knowledge of each other over time, shared experiences, etc., that the relationship would become stronger. But I can't know for sure that's how it would be.

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