'why care what a GG thinks

[Moxie]

After a rather tumultuous patch involving much thought (and cursing!) I've decided not to quit until Moxie (aka: Doormat) has asked at least one question that will annoy the paranoid few here.

Hey, I promised!

So here it is (and yes, this one really confuses me!)

I read often that GG's give friendly comments on how you look 'en femme' etc. Those who hear these comments immediately assume one of three things: they look convincing and everyone sees them 'as one of the girls'; they're attractive, fashionable women and GGs are jealous and want advice or friendship; we are HOT for you.

Here's my question - what would change if I suggested that maybe we're just being
polite??!!

What if I also asked WHY it's so important what GGs think at all? I mean, if you're truly just being your inner self, who cares what anyone else thinks? Or...is there a sexual component after all, and it's a 'rush' to have a GG accept you?

See...Moxie can still bring the tough questions, lol. And NO...no research papers. Im just a big thinker all the dang time. Though, I have a very personal question coming after this one; unrelated to dressing and I'll probably just ask my friends here. But let's just say that despite all the questions I ask and thoughts I post, ultimately most of you seem like very kind, considerate and attentive partners and I would kill for a husband like that right about now. I had one once...

xx Moxie

[GabbiSophia]

Its beacuse it is numan nature to want to be excepted. It is how we are wired. I know that I don't care what people think but it makes me feel good to get a complement..any. Now I have never been seen in public but I can tell you that if GG were to some what except the look then I know that I am not making a fool of them or myself. It is like when a group of GG get together and start talking about every other GG in the room. The people they are talking about just want to be accepted also.. We are just wired that way.. and to get good reviews from our peers just feels good.

[Carrie R]

I care what GGs think about me mostly because I don't really care what guys think about me. I like honesty and the few GG friends I have will let me know if I screw something up.

[Lady Slipper]

Bring your tough questions, Moxie. We are not afraid. Acceptance by our "peers" is a universal human condition. I'm glad your here Moxie!

Hugs,
Stephanie

[Cheryl T]

It's NOT important to me what GG's think about my dressing or that they make nice comments for any reason.
What is important is that people treat me respectfully (as I treat them) when I go out. My encounters with women have all been positive in that way and I appreciate that. I would never comment to them negatively about their appearance for any reason unless it was a friend and I was trying to provide my opinion to benefit them.

[noeleena]

Hi.

Because im a Female / Woman , why would i care, because im involved with women in our groups one is our Edwardian group we dress in the 1900 to 1914 time . we talk about what looks right for the time style & what we are makeing,

Today was no different as we had 37 for our end of year luncheon / dinner. all dressed in our finery bonnits & all. was a lovely day & the food was just so good. most of us are women with 6 men . was a neat day,

I get comments as to what i make & wear. so im allways on the look out for fabric or hats to make my Bonnits,

In my day to day life i work with a few of these women we are friends i do things for & with them. do we care.. oh yes we do,

Now im not this Feminine looking female, though i am female, , im not a feminine looking woman yet i am a woman who is a real woman. because i dont have the ...look... or not a beautyfull woman, do my women friends care, well no .

im involved with a large women only group, over 2,000 . plus many other groups with in our membership of 1000 people 800 are women .

you see its not how i look or dress i dont have to dress in my womens clothes to be seen & known as noeleena. even over the ditch im known by many in Australia, im treated as a normal woman only because i am one, so yes its different for myself,

Clothes dont have a bearing on who i am. Now where it changes is those who dont know me will think am i a woman or a male, thats fair enough i dont have an issue with that, what will change is when they talk with me & see i am a woman the acceptaince is then given. interacton my manisims & just my bearing as a woman,

As my close women friends have said not all of us women have that look about us that says this is a woman , getting to know us says we are, just our facial features say different. yet many have said i just thought you are a woman no 2nd quessing,

So just wearing our womens clothes or other does not make us woman what does is in being born female then grow in to being a woman.

Jos & i have talked about this many times, Jos accepts i am a woman & like my friends going back 55 years yes that is right 55 they allso accept i am a woman no ? from them saying im not,

I know this is directed to dresser's or crossdresser's, & maybe trans people, i dont fit ether, as an intersexed person its a little different, a reason i have come in contact with is i have what some wish for, so we are not accepted quite in the same way. for some we are thrown out as inferor .

Hope this helps , its another side view of difference,

...noeleena...

[Rogina B]

Sometimes we are being too polite as well.."What do you think of this?" ..as I am getting my shoulderbag and heading for the door...Too late to change it at that point! lol I only ask people that have an eye for clothes and style and do value their opinions,but that doesn't mean I will instantly act on it.

[Kate Simmons]

I dunno, acceptance as a person is more important to me than acceptance as a woman. The fact is I get along with women because they are more accepting of others in general, have more people skills and are generally more empathetic. Now, that is something worthy of emulating. I doubt we would have half the problems we have in the world if everyone felt and acted like women.We can learn a lot from that if we really pay attention.

[sheilagirl]

Great answer, Steph. Who doesn't LOVE a compliment. Hell, I feel awesome when a salesclerk compliments me on a dress or blouse I'm purchasing, saying things like "your girfriend or wife is going to love it" I just smile and say Thank You!

Its beacuse it is numan nature to want to be excepted. It is how we are wired. I know that I don't care what people think but it makes me feel good to get a complement..any. Now I have never been seen in public but I can tell you that if GG were to some what except the look then I know that I am not making a fool of them or myself. It is like when a group of GG get together and start talking about every other GG in the room. The people they are talking about just want to be accepted also.. We are just wired that way.. and to get good reviews from our peers just feels good.

[Meghan]

We're humans and we're biased. I am sure I look much goofier than I appear to myself, but there's always a chance that I don't.

I would say "needing" positive feedback is a stretch, but it sure helps. Even if you are "just being polite" so what? As humans, that's a way we relate to each other. Most people don't look beyond the surface compliments anyway, so just being polite is fine. I don't walk the earth looking for "real truth" from every interaction.

A compliment is much better than a sideways look of disgust! Maybe a compliment is good because it's not a form of rejection.

Meghan

[bobbimo]

The biggest reason to look for the GG's input is because the SEE the little details that we as lady-wannabes, never notice.
Like matching colors, the wrong shoes, the wrong purse, you walk like a pole climber.
GG's have been doing this all their natural lives and its a blessing they come here to help and support us.
Bobbi

[Dawn cd]

On reflection, Moxie, you've been acting like a hit-and-run driver—always threatening to leave after raising painful questions. The pain is present because you're feeling pain right now, and many people in this forum are taking it seriously and trying to respond to it. It's a demonstration of human kindness—which is pretty much the same reason why we say nice things to a CD who is clearly not passing. We can't really answer for your SO's behavior (every human being is different), but we know pain when we hear it. Why not hang around for a while?

[Beverley Sims]

Hi Moxie and I am glad you changed your name and also came back.
Too much temptation, or whatever. I hope you like the buzz and can get into it.
I find the forum enjoyable and like fresh questions.
Questions like,
"What color are your panties"? No thanks It can be phrased better. "Why do you choose to wear the color panties you are wearing?"
Same question different intro.
Getting off track here, your previous name, Doormat sounded like people were walking over you.
To answer the question....
I value girls comments more than guys because I am prepared to integrate with them more than males.
I can detect an untruthful comment and I will bail a person up and tell them they are being nice when I want a true statement.
If I am told I do not make the grade I am not disappointed I will ask how I can improve my position.
I sometimes do not reply to threads here because the truth does hurt and I can be insensitive.
A bit like Melissa Hobbes aka "Bad Tranny." Outspoken but truthful.
I do like genuine compliments and I like to be accepted into a girls circle of friends.
It is nice to be able to talk amongst women and have them forget what I am.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I read often that GG's give friendly comments on how you look 'en femme' etc. Those who hear these comments immediately assume one of three things: they look convincing and everyone sees them 'as one of the girls'; they're attractive, fashionable women and GGs are jealous and want advice or friendship; we are HOT for you.

Some people in general (not just those who dress) take a complement and then run too far with it.

Folks you see do that may be struggling to pass and desperately want validation. Some may be terribly lonely and hope that a complement might mean a GG finds them attractive. As for thinking GGs are jealous of them and they could teach them how to be better at being a woman... well... that is delusional.

[BRANDYJ]

After a rather tumultuous patch involving much thought (and cursing!) I've decided not to quit until Moxie (aka: Doormat) has asked at least one question that will annoy the paranoid few here.

Hey, I promised!

So here it is (and yes, this one really confuses me!)

I read often that GG's give friendly comments on how you look 'en femme' etc. Those who hear these comments immediately assume one of three things: they look convincing and everyone sees them 'as one of the girls'; they're attractive, fashionable women and GGs are jealous and want advice or friendship; we are HOT for you.

Here's my question - what would change if I suggested that maybe we're just being
polite??!!

First, to answer your question, I can only respond with a simple answer. Everyone likes compliments. Not just us CD'ers. I'm sure all GG's like them too. And if the compliment was just to be polite, that's Ok too. Nothing wrong with being polite. Of course, I can usually tell if the compliment was just to be polite. I then of course take it with a grain of salt.
I have had sincere compliments from GG's while out to a function where we that dress are welcome and expected to be there. I don't go out otherwise. You won't see me out shopping or socializing in the general society.

The compliments from the few GG's that are friends and not lovers or SO, I know some were sincere while a few were just being polite. When it comes to my SO (when I had one), the compliments were perhaps equal to the corrective advised about the way I looked. Honestly, I welcomed those comments as much as a compliment. As far as it being important

What if I also asked WHY it's so important what GGs think at all? I mean, if you're truly just being your inner self, who cares what anyone else thinks? Or...is there a sexual component after all, and it's a 'rush' to have a GG accept you?

It's only important to me to hear compliments from an SO. Not so important to hear it from strangers. Nice to hear from my GG friends. No, there is no sexual component for me to simply hear a compliment. Don't even see how it could be. True, there is a sexual component to my dressing, but not to having a GG accept me...even an SO. No real rush felt by me. Just nice, as if they were complimenting me on my siging karaoke LOL

See...Moxie can still bring the tough questions, lol. And NO...no research papers. Im just a big thinker all the dang time. Though, I have a very personal question coming after this one; unrelated to dressing and I'll probably just ask my friends here. But let's just say that despite all the questions I ask and thoughts I post, ultimately most of you seem like very kind, considerate and attentive partners and I would kill for a husband like that right about now. I had one once...

xx Moxie

Hi Moxie, I hope I'm one of those friends you ask that question of in private. I'd love to help. It bothers me to think your husband is not kind, considerate, or attentive because of his dressing. Ther has got to be more to it than just his dressing.

[Jana]

Moxie, I think you can ask anybody these questions, woman, man, transgender or not. After all, who doesn't like to get noticed and complimented? Who doesn't wonder what other people think of them? Yes, we shouldn't care about what other people think but most human beings do, not just CDers. Have you never sought validation and feedback from your husband, a friend, or a family member?

BTW, I'm glad to see you changed your name. Made me smile.

PS: And what is the question that you REALLY want to ask?

[Moxie]

Thanks for answering another nosey question

I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman

[Kate Simmons]

Crossdressing can become a jealous, self absorbing process if we let it become that. It can also take away from the reality of a relationship if we allow it to. The difference between it becoming managable or all consuming is if we hold the reains or not.

[Jana]

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

I can only answer for myself: not in the least. And mind you, my wife isn't fully accepting. I'm sorry you have to go through this, Moxie.

[Dana3]

Thanks for answering another nosey question

I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman

Crossdressing along with most and any of my own personal needs and wants comes in dead last (By Choice) to those of the DF, the children, and the grandchildren. I work hard to be the best that I can at the "traditional" roles that are expected of a man, SO, husband, BF etc. I fully admitt that crossdressing can be a selfish, self centered, egocentric "Hobby" ~ as can anything else. And its been my experience thus far in life that in general women don't do well to taking the back to seat the affection and attention of the men in their lives.

Factoring CD'ing out of the equation ~ along with most if not all the trappings of feminity, I try and help out in and around the house, with the cookng, cleaning, washing etc. Which can be hard to do since Mrs. Dana comes from an religious (Southern) "old school" background, and taking care of her man/husband and the household is one of the ways she expresses her love and devotion to me.

I've long noticed a lack of references here at this site to such items as being romantic, books of that nature ~ such as "Light Her Fire", "Romance 101" "1001 Ways To Be Romantic" and "1001 Ways to be More Romantic" An such sites as "Marriage Builders" and "Divorce Busting" along with many others. Seems to me if the individuals would emphasis on taking care of the basis of the relationship? That taking care and nuturing each others needs would fall into place

[AllyCDTV]

I'm pretty indifferent to what GG's think in terms of me crossdressing. I'm more interested in honest comment from other CD's. I feel it's kinda like peer review.

As good as some CD's may look, we will never be in the same class as GG's. There are just too many subtle differences for me to think we can really compare to GG's. It's almost like trying to compare people that play paintball to Navy SEAL's. Frankly I'm surprised that GG's aren't more often than not, offended by some of our attempts.

[NicoleScott]

Hey, thanks for the compliments. We like attention, in all its forms. If the compliments were insincere, well, that's not my problem.

[Miriam-J]

Moxie ... a much nicer name and pretty appropriate. Gotta love a lady with moxie.

On your first question ... I value the opinion of one GG especially, my wife, because I consider her to be my resident expert on feminine appearance. She helps me to recognize and address the factors that help and prevent me to blend in with others of your kind. I suppose if others join the circle of those who know me in feminine form I'll value their opinions as well, but primarily as experts. I really have far too little experience to know more than a teenager about how to blend, and start with some major disadvantages (like hair in all the wrong places).

My crossdressing has greatly increased my love and appreciation for my wife, even beyond the natural tendency I have for it (perhaps attached to the crossdressing gene). We've worked together to improve my wardrobe and appearance through the years, which is wonderfully bonding.

Miriam

[SandraV]

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman

Speaking for myself, not in the least. The feelings that drive me to express my fem side by CDing have absolutely nothing to do with my wife. In my case, this is something that has always been there in my head. It something that I attempted to ignore/deny/supress, you name it, over many years. I've only recently opened up to my wife about this. Even though she is not entirely accepting in the sense that she prefers not to be directly involved, it means tge world to me that she is slowly coming around to be more accepting abd understanding.

PS, sorry for my spelling. Typing on my phone.

[Amy Fakley]

Thanks for answering another nosey question

I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman

Short answer: NO. It's really about me, and what's inside my head needing to come out into the physical world for a little while. It's not about my wife in the slightest, it really really isn't. I know on the surface of it, that seems hard to believe, but then ... I mean what about this situation would you find easy to believe? LOL ... we're some weird cats, sista.

'course, I'm speaking only for myself ... I strongly suspect there are quite a few who here who would agree with this but then again, I'm sure there's also a few who wouldn't. We're also a diverse crowd, as well. It's a little different for each of us.