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Thread: 'why care what a GG thinks

  1. #1
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    Question 'why care what a GG thinks

    After a rather tumultuous patch involving much thought (and cursing!) I've decided not to quit until Moxie (aka: Doormat) has asked at least one question that will annoy the paranoid few here.

    Hey, I promised!

    So here it is (and yes, this one really confuses me!)

    I read often that GG's give friendly comments on how you look 'en femme' etc. Those who hear these comments immediately assume one of three things: they look convincing and everyone sees them 'as one of the girls'; they're attractive, fashionable women and GGs are jealous and want advice or friendship; we are HOT for you.

    Here's my question - what would change if I suggested that maybe we're just being
    polite??!!

    What if I also asked WHY it's so important what GGs think at all? I mean, if you're truly just being your inner self, who cares what anyone else thinks? Or...is there a sexual component after all, and it's a 'rush' to have a GG accept you?

    See...Moxie can still bring the tough questions, lol. And NO...no research papers. Im just a big thinker all the dang time. Though, I have a very personal question coming after this one; unrelated to dressing and I'll probably just ask my friends here. But let's just say that despite all the questions I ask and thoughts I post, ultimately most of you seem like very kind, considerate and attentive partners and I would kill for a husband like that right about now. I had one once...

    xx Moxie
    Last edited by Moxie; 12-05-2012 at 04:45 AM.

  2. #2
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    Its beacuse it is numan nature to want to be excepted. It is how we are wired. I know that I don't care what people think but it makes me feel good to get a complement..any. Now I have never been seen in public but I can tell you that if GG were to some what except the look then I know that I am not making a fool of them or myself. It is like when a group of GG get together and start talking about every other GG in the room. The people they are talking about just want to be accepted also.. We are just wired that way.. and to get good reviews from our peers just feels good.

  3. #3
    Member Carrie R's Avatar
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    I care what GGs think about me mostly because I don't really care what guys think about me. I like honesty and the few GG friends I have will let me know if I screw something up.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Hi Moxie and I am glad you changed your name and also came back.
    Too much temptation, or whatever. I hope you like the buzz and can get into it.
    I find the forum enjoyable and like fresh questions.
    Questions like,
    "What color are your panties"? No thanks It can be phrased better. "Why do you choose to wear the color panties you are wearing?"
    Same question different intro.
    Getting off track here, your previous name, Doormat sounded like people were walking over you.
    To answer the question....
    I value girls comments more than guys because I am prepared to integrate with them more than males.
    I can detect an untruthful comment and I will bail a person up and tell them they are being nice when I want a true statement.
    If I am told I do not make the grade I am not disappointed I will ask how I can improve my position.
    I sometimes do not reply to threads here because the truth does hurt and I can be insensitive.
    A bit like Melissa Hobbes aka "Bad Tranny." Outspoken but truthful.
    I do like genuine compliments and I like to be accepted into a girls circle of friends.
    It is nice to be able to talk amongst women and have them forget what I am.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  5. #5
    Member Lady Slipper's Avatar
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    Bring your tough questions, Moxie. We are not afraid. Acceptance by our "peers" is a universal human condition. I'm glad your here Moxie!

    Hugs,
    Stephanie
    "Fear is the mind killer." Frank Herbert, Dune

    "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Ferris Bueler

    "I make a GREAT team!"

  6. #6
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    It's NOT important to me what GG's think about my dressing or that they make nice comments for any reason.
    What is important is that people treat me respectfully (as I treat them) when I go out. My encounters with women have all been positive in that way and I appreciate that. I would never comment to them negatively about their appearance for any reason unless it was a friend and I was trying to provide my opinion to benefit them.
    Can you see the REAL Me?

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    I read often that GG's give friendly comments on how you look 'en femme' etc. Those who hear these comments immediately assume one of three things: they look convincing and everyone sees them 'as one of the girls'; they're attractive, fashionable women and GGs are jealous and want advice or friendship; we are HOT for you.
    Some people in general (not just those who dress) take a complement and then run too far with it.

    Folks you see do that may be struggling to pass and desperately want validation. Some may be terribly lonely and hope that a complement might mean a GG finds them attractive. As for thinking GGs are jealous of them and they could teach them how to be better at being a woman... well... that is delusional.

  8. #8
    Silver Member noeleena's Avatar
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    Hi.

    Because im a Female / Woman , why would i care, because im involved with women in our groups one is our Edwardian group we dress in the 1900 to 1914 time . we talk about what looks right for the time style & what we are makeing,

    Today was no different as we had 37 for our end of year luncheon / dinner. all dressed in our finery bonnits & all. was a lovely day & the food was just so good. most of us are women with 6 men . was a neat day,

    I get comments as to what i make & wear. so im allways on the look out for fabric or hats to make my Bonnits,

    In my day to day life i work with a few of these women we are friends i do things for & with them. do we care.. oh yes we do,

    Now im not this Feminine looking female, though i am female, , im not a feminine looking woman yet i am a woman who is a real woman. because i dont have the ...look... or not a beautyfull woman, do my women friends care, well no .

    im involved with a large women only group, over 2,000 . plus many other groups with in our membership of 1000 people 800 are women .

    you see its not how i look or dress i dont have to dress in my womens clothes to be seen & known as noeleena. even over the ditch im known by many in Australia, im treated as a normal woman only because i am one, so yes its different for myself,

    Clothes dont have a bearing on who i am. Now where it changes is those who dont know me will think am i a woman or a male, thats fair enough i dont have an issue with that, what will change is when they talk with me & see i am a woman the acceptaince is then given. interacton my manisims & just my bearing as a woman,

    As my close women friends have said not all of us women have that look about us that says this is a woman , getting to know us says we are, just our facial features say different. yet many have said i just thought you are a woman no 2nd quessing,

    So just wearing our womens clothes or other does not make us woman what does is in being born female then grow in to being a woman.

    Jos & i have talked about this many times, Jos accepts i am a woman & like my friends going back 55 years yes that is right 55 they allso accept i am a woman no ? from them saying im not,

    I know this is directed to dresser's or crossdresser's, & maybe trans people, i dont fit ether, as an intersexed person its a little different, a reason i have come in contact with is i have what some wish for, so we are not accepted quite in the same way. for some we are thrown out as inferor .

    Hope this helps , its another side view of difference,

    ...noeleena...

  9. #9
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Sometimes we are being too polite as well.."What do you think of this?" ..as I am getting my shoulderbag and heading for the door...Too late to change it at that point! lol I only ask people that have an eye for clothes and style and do value their opinions,but that doesn't mean I will instantly act on it.
    It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !

  10. #10
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    I dunno, acceptance as a person is more important to me than acceptance as a woman. The fact is I get along with women because they are more accepting of others in general, have more people skills and are generally more empathetic. Now, that is something worthy of emulating. I doubt we would have half the problems we have in the world if everyone felt and acted like women.We can learn a lot from that if we really pay attention.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  11. #11
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    After a rather tumultuous patch involving much thought (and cursing!) I've decided not to quit until Moxie (aka: Doormat) has asked at least one question that will annoy the paranoid few here.

    Hey, I promised!

    So here it is (and yes, this one really confuses me!)

    I read often that GG's give friendly comments on how you look 'en femme' etc. Those who hear these comments immediately assume one of three things: they look convincing and everyone sees them 'as one of the girls'; they're attractive, fashionable women and GGs are jealous and want advice or friendship; we are HOT for you.

    Here's my question - what would change if I suggested that maybe we're just being
    polite??!!

    First, to answer your question, I can only respond with a simple answer. Everyone likes compliments. Not just us CD'ers. I'm sure all GG's like them too. And if the compliment was just to be polite, that's Ok too. Nothing wrong with being polite. Of course, I can usually tell if the compliment was just to be polite. I then of course take it with a grain of salt.
    I have had sincere compliments from GG's while out to a function where we that dress are welcome and expected to be there. I don't go out otherwise. You won't see me out shopping or socializing in the general society.

    The compliments from the few GG's that are friends and not lovers or SO, I know some were sincere while a few were just being polite. When it comes to my SO (when I had one), the compliments were perhaps equal to the corrective advised about the way I looked. Honestly, I welcomed those comments as much as a compliment. As far as it being important


    What if I also asked WHY it's so important what GGs think at all? I mean, if you're truly just being your inner self, who cares what anyone else thinks? Or...is there a sexual component after all, and it's a 'rush' to have a GG accept you?

    It's only important to me to hear compliments from an SO. Not so important to hear it from strangers. Nice to hear from my GG friends. No, there is no sexual component for me to simply hear a compliment. Don't even see how it could be. True, there is a sexual component to my dressing, but not to having a GG accept me...even an SO. No real rush felt by me. Just nice, as if they were complimenting me on my siging karaoke LOL

    See...Moxie can still bring the tough questions, lol. And NO...no research papers. Im just a big thinker all the dang time. Though, I have a very personal question coming after this one; unrelated to dressing and I'll probably just ask my friends here. But let's just say that despite all the questions I ask and thoughts I post, ultimately most of you seem like very kind, considerate and attentive partners and I would kill for a husband like that right about now. I had one once...

    xx Moxie
    Hi Moxie, I hope I'm one of those friends you ask that question of in private. I'd love to help. It bothers me to think your husband is not kind, considerate, or attentive because of his dressing. Ther has got to be more to it than just his dressing.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Jana's Avatar
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    Moxie, I think you can ask anybody these questions, woman, man, transgender or not. After all, who doesn't like to get noticed and complimented? Who doesn't wonder what other people think of them? Yes, we shouldn't care about what other people think but most human beings do, not just CDers. Have you never sought validation and feedback from your husband, a friend, or a family member?

    BTW, I'm glad to see you changed your name. Made me smile.

    PS: And what is the question that you REALLY want to ask?

  13. #13
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    Thanks for answering another nosey question

    I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

    What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

    Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

    Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman
    Last edited by Moxie; 12-05-2012 at 07:52 AM.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member Lady Catherine's Avatar
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    You know, I've often wondered what the big deal was myself, as I've never really cared what others have thought. I just like to go about my business and be left alone. I don't go to bars and such (in either mode) so I'm not looking for validation. I. do it for ME. it's what I want to do.

    That said, some of the answers given by others make some since for what they are looking for.
    I know enough to know I don't know enough.

    Peace

  15. #15
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Crossdressing can become a jealous, self absorbing process if we let it become that. It can also take away from the reality of a relationship if we allow it to. The difference between it becoming managable or all consuming is if we hold the reains or not.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Lady Catherine's Avatar
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    Dressing in no way what so ever changes the way I feel about my finance. her acceptence has made my feelings even stronger. I. can't. answer in regards to an unaccepting SO because mine has been behind me ever since I told her. I truly hope you find what you are looking for and or work things out with your husband. Peace, love.
    I know enough to know I don't know enough.

    Peace

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member Jana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?
    I can only answer for myself: not in the least. And mind you, my wife isn't fully accepting. I'm sorry you have to go through this, Moxie.

  18. #18
    Silver Member Angela Campbell's Avatar
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    I don't have a wife right now. I do not get many compliments from GG's because few know me dressed, but it would mean a lot to me if they gave me one because I kind of idolize women and even if they are just being polite it makes me feel like I was at least noticed. I also would kill for a kind, considerate and attentive partner but so far I have never had one. Every one I have been with was showered with affection, attention and romance and nothing was ever returned. After a while that takes a toll on a relationship i guess.

    Anyway I think most of the time a compliment from most people is a politeness type of thing, and a polite interaction is always welcome in my book.
    All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?

  19. #19
    Member Dana3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    Thanks for answering another nosey question

    I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

    What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

    Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

    Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman
    Crossdressing along with most and any of my own personal needs and wants comes in dead last (By Choice) to those of the DF, the children, and the grandchildren. I work hard to be the best that I can at the "traditional" roles that are expected of a man, SO, husband, BF etc. I fully admitt that crossdressing can be a selfish, self centered, egocentric "Hobby" ~ as can anything else. And its been my experience thus far in life that in general women don't do well to taking the back to seat the affection and attention of the men in their lives.

    Factoring CD'ing out of the equation ~ along with most if not all the trappings of feminity, I try and help out in and around the house, with the cookng, cleaning, washing etc. Which can be hard to do since Mrs. Dana comes from an religious (Southern) "old school" background, and taking care of her man/husband and the household is one of the ways she expresses her love and devotion to me.

    I've long noticed a lack of references here at this site to such items as being romantic, books of that nature ~ such as "Light Her Fire", "Romance 101" "1001 Ways To Be Romantic" and "1001 Ways to be More Romantic" An such sites as "Marriage Builders" and "Divorce Busting" along with many others. Seems to me if the individuals would emphasis on taking care of the basis of the relationship? That taking care and nuturing each others needs would fall into place

  20. #20
    Junior Member SandraV's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

    Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman
    Speaking for myself, not in the least. The feelings that drive me to express my fem side by CDing have absolutely nothing to do with my wife. In my case, this is something that has always been there in my head. It something that I attempted to ignore/deny/supress, you name it, over many years. I've only recently opened up to my wife about this. Even though she is not entirely accepting in the sense that she prefers not to be directly involved, it means tge world to me that she is slowly coming around to be more accepting abd understanding.

    PS, sorry for my spelling. Typing on my phone.

  21. #21
    Senior Member rachael.davis's Avatar
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    I have to break this gently, since this an internet forum, but I really no longer have 1/8 of a gram of damn to waste on anyone else's opinion or annoying (your words) questions. I take a compliment as given, and am pretty happy about it.

  22. #22
    MIDI warrior princess Amy Fakley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    Thanks for answering another nosey question

    I suspect it might be one of my last as I've asked just about everything and hurt everyone's head in the process!!

    What is the real question that I've been losing sleep over as Jana mentioned? The one making me feel very lonely? I wanted to ask this in private but I guess it's important here too:

    Does crossdressing take away any of the love/admiration/devotion you initially had for your wife? Do you slowly get bored of the real woman in the house? Is this inevitable, if the wife isn't fully accepting?

    Tough question for me to ask...given I am this real woman
    Short answer: NO. It's really about me, and what's inside my head needing to come out into the physical world for a little while. It's not about my wife in the slightest, it really really isn't. I know on the surface of it, that seems hard to believe, but then ... I mean what about this situation would you find easy to believe? LOL ... we're some weird cats, sista.

    'course, I'm speaking only for myself ... I strongly suspect there are quite a few who here who would agree with this but then again, I'm sure there's also a few who wouldn't. We're also a diverse crowd, as well. It's a little different for each of us.
    "Why shouldn't art be pretty? There are enough unpleasant things in the world." -Pierre-Auguste Renoir

  23. #23
    Silver Member Annaliese's Avatar
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    Are you saying that it is not important for a GG to get comments from other GG on how they look, and If a GG comments you on how you look they want you. Doesn't everyone want acceptance. No it is just being polite and it is nice to be noticing and feel good about one self. I have gotten positive comments on my pictures, that I have posted here it make me feel good when that happens. Is there anything wrong about wanting to feel good about one self.
    I don't think you are trying to understand us and then understand your husband but find fault in every thing we do to put us down. To take out your frustration on us because you can't accept your husband for what he is. I can't tell you why I dress, what I can tell you is I can't help it, it is who I am. Like everything in my life I do the best I can from being a good husband, father, grandfather and yes and being the best crossdresser I can.

  24. #24
    Member sheilagirl's Avatar
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    Great answer, Steph. Who doesn't LOVE a compliment. Hell, I feel awesome when a salesclerk compliments me on a dress or blouse I'm purchasing, saying things like "your girfriend or wife is going to love it" I just smile and say Thank You!
    Quote Originally Posted by StephBrown View Post
    Its beacuse it is numan nature to want to be excepted. It is how we are wired. I know that I don't care what people think but it makes me feel good to get a complement..any. Now I have never been seen in public but I can tell you that if GG were to some what except the look then I know that I am not making a fool of them or myself. It is like when a group of GG get together and start talking about every other GG in the room. The people they are talking about just want to be accepted also.. We are just wired that way.. and to get good reviews from our peers just feels good.

  25. #25
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    I have no illusions about the compliments that I get from GG's when I am out and about as "Leslie", and that it is often no more than a "social lubricant" and a device that women typically employ to connect on a personal level with others in a way that most men rarely do.

    Still, it is human nature to appreciate a compliment, and the way I see it, in a situation such as this, the GG has the option to either say nothing at all or else make a favorable comment. Just by choosing the latter option is a form of validation as far as I am concerned, and I am perfectly O.K. with that. And since I always aim to look as presentable and as "passable" as I can when out in public, I see that as an a positive acknowledgement of my efforts, even if the GG suspects deep down inside that I am not that I appear to be.

    As to why it is so important what GG's think at all? Frankly, it is because I like women as people first and foremost, and independently of any physical or sexual attraction that might sometimes accompany that. I really don't care what men think about most issues (including fashion or appearance in this case), because if you scratch deeply enough beneath the surface, most of them are condemned by their biology and socialization to be knuckle-dragging Neanderthals.

    Women, in general, are much more caring, nurturing, attentive, empathetic, supportive, and selfless creatures who are more in tune with other peoples' needs, and that is what I so admire about them.

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