'why care what a GG thinks

[Julie Gaum]

To Moxie's last question which I believe is in the back of the minds of many GGs who are not fully, or mostly supportive of their SOs I think
I'm reading SOME of the posts that "protest too much", that are in a state of denial and don't realize it. How can a CD, or anyone for that matter, be able to measure whether their love, devotion and attention are less so or the same when part of their feelings and activities (sexual or daily living) is shared by their inner desires to cross dress for short or longer periods of time? Every individual has only so much to
give to another in love, attention and time based on their job requirements, their time at home, size of their family and so on. With that said,
overtime many in our community become worndown by the minimal support of their SO and some if not all interest in continuing to share their lives with another eats away their subconscious and denial of their developing feelings of being unloved or less loved creeps in.
To end what has become too long a post --- Yes, there are many CDs who do lose some or all interest under these circumstances and is inevitable for them. Are there exceptions? Of course.
I don't intend these comments to leave Moxie sitting on the fence but that's what makes living so complicated (and interesting).
Julie

[LaraPeterson]

I'm wondering why you think asking this question makes you a big thinker.

[KellyJameson]

I never cared for the name "doormat" because it felt manipulative and I like Moxie much better because it leaves the impression of someone who is not going to approach life like she is a victim but I would expand the name to "Mischievous Moxie"

It is so easy to "keep a man" and to "keep a man in love with you" but you have to be willing to get out of your own way to do it.

A woman draws a man to her by what she does with her own life that than attracts him to her.

How well have you been taking care of your own life? How well do you take care of your health? Your physical appearance? Personal development?

I look around at people who have given up on themselves and wonder what happened for them to lose their passion for life, a life that someday will be over with no gurantee of another.

Why are they killing themselves with junk food, alcohol and drugs?
Why do they spend there days in front of a televison instead of going for walks or reading a book?

The secret to being loved is to not stop loving yourself but many never even make an effort to begin learning how to love themselves because to love yourself is a "Hell of alot of WORK".

It means getting out of bed and going for a run before the sun is up if thats what it takes to become healthy again.
Going back to school to get that degree that was never finished.
Learning to not say anything if you cannot say something nice.
Throwing things out that you no longer need and not buying things that you don't

Love is about self discipline as an aspect of self respect.

People waste so much time trying to get others to love them and while they are doing this they completely forget to learn and practice what it means to love yourself.

Sorry for sticking my nose in your business but people have so much power to change their lives if they would only use it.

[Eryn]

I read often that GG's give friendly comments on how you look 'en femme' etc....Here's my question - what would change if I suggested that maybe we're just being polite??!!

I'd say "Thank you for that. Politeness is a very good trait."

Look, I have a mirror. I know that I'm not in the running for "Miss 6'+ America" or any other prize for attractiveness or femininity. We all make compliments even when the person we compliment has obvious deficiencies. It is human nature to do this, unless one is anti-social. We also take these compliments with a grain of salt.

Except for my legs. Mimi says I have "model's legs." And I do. They're great, long and lean, and I enjoy showing them off when appropriate. Pity that's not very often becuase they're attached to a rather frumpy fiftysomething upper half!

[docrobbysherry]

Moxie, I have a mirror. I know what I look like dressed or drab. Any compliments I receive MUST simply be polite conversation! Sherry also has mirrors. So, when she receives attention from men, CDs, and women, she takes it quite seriously!

As far as CD's dressing getting in the way of, or interfering with relationships, it CAN and DOES happen! I'm single now and Sherry stands firmly in the way of my beginning a new relationship with a GG!

I never cared for the name "doormat" because it felt manipulative and I like Moxie much better because it leaves the impression of someone who is not going to approach life like she is a victim but I would expand the name to "Mischievous Moxie"

It is so easy to "keep a man" and to "keep a man in love with you" but you have to be willing to get out of your own way to do it.

A woman draws a man to her by what she does with her own life that than attracts him to her.

How well have you been taking care of your own life? How well do you take care of your health? Your physical appearance? Personal development?

I look around at people who have given up on themselves and wonder what happened for them to lose their passion for life, a life that someday will be over with no gurantee of another.

Why are they killing themselves with junk food, alcohol and drugs?
Why do they spend there days in front of a televison instead of going for walks or reading a book?

The secret to being loved is to not stop loving yourself but many never even make an effort to begin learning how to love themselves because to love yourself is a "Hell of alot of WORK".

It means getting out of bed and going for a run before the sun is up if thats what it takes to become healthy again.
Going back to school to get that degree that was never finished.
Learning to not say anything if you cannot say something nice.
Throwing things out that you no longer need and not buying things that you don't

Love is about self discipline as an aspect of self respect.

People waste so much time trying to get others to love them and while they are doing this they completely forget to learn and practice what it means to love yourself.

Sorry for sticking my nose in your business but people have so much power to change their lives if they would only use it.

This is one of your most sage and penetrating posts, Kelly. What's so sad is those that mite benefit the most from your experience will probably skip over it!

[Vickie_CDTV]

I figured "doormat" meant that people were doing things to her, or asking her to do things, without any thought whatsoever to her feelings. I know about this too well, as my dear mother is also a "doormat" and is used and exploited by many without even a thank-you in return. Needless to say, it can cause one to build up an incredible amount of resentment.

[Miranda-E]

Here's my question - what would change if I suggested that maybe we're just being
polite??!!

What if I also asked WHY it's so important what GGs think at all? I mean, if you're truly just being your inner self, who cares what anyone else thinks?

It's not that important really.

Or...is there a sexual component after all, and it's a 'rush' to have a GG accept you?
xx Moxie

for many it is a rush and sexual thing. If women still accept the and are attracted to them, they can retain their masculinity or play lesbian.

[Moxie]

Thanks for the honest replies. I said I would ask one question as Moxie as I certainly bothered you all as Doormat, and I really do appreciate everyone's patience and kindness here.

As for the second, more personal part, yes this is a painful part of my marriage. I'm actually still an attractive, healthy woman who takes good care of all areas of life. I feel content in every part but the one where my husband fits. He used to be Mr Charming and now he's Mr Distant and while I can't blame CD entirely, I know it's playing a part. Maybe he senses my reluctance to engage this side of him, or maybe he's disappearing into his own world. At therapy we seem to discuss everything candidly, only to return home to silence.

But, this is possibly just another step on this journey and I'm sure it will work itself one way or another. I was just curious whether anyone here had pulled emotionally away from their wife at one time and it seems while some have, many haven't.

I guess only time and more therapy will tell.

Thanks again. I might not seem like the deepest thinker to some here (yes, I did catch that little dig) but I think enough about all this to know I'm slowly becoming an expert in something I didn't even consider five years ago! Life sure is a strange thing.

[Moxie]

No. Not even remotely related. My cross dressing is not a substitute for my wife in any way. Here's why you can believe this: I was a cross dresser before I met my wife and I worked to get her while i was still a cross dresser. Cross dressing is not a substitute for a relationship. I know it's me under that dress.

Thanks for this, Jennifer. This is honestly how I thought my husband was but of late his focus seems much less on us and far more on him.

Of course, I've been preoccupied here off and on, and have admittedly been a little distant too so I wonder if he's not just picking up on my weird vibe. I mean, I do feel a little weird at the moment! I talk about him to you all behind his back (he won't do forums anymore despite initially recommending this one a couple of years back, and would rather I didn't either), I probably know more about the inner workings of a CD than he does, and I actually think I accept many of you here more than my own husband!! Am I confused??

Hell yes!

I know I'm contributing to all this so I'm even starting to wonder now if less is more when it comes to CD information??

Too late now. Moxie/Doormat's brain is in overload. I need to take up drinking or something!

[ReineD]

Thanks for this, Jennifer. This is honestly how I thought my husband was but of late his focus seems much less on us and far more on him.

This will pass. He's in a pink fog. Doesn't mean you should sit by waiting patiently for it to end though. Let him know that you are feeling left behind and you feel as if you are losing him.

The sad part about pink fogs (BTW I hate that term with a passion), is that it causes distancing. Whether or not my own SO was going through one, I did perceive at the time that it didn't matter much whether I was involved in his life or not, since her priority was to go out, meet new people without me, make new friends, work on her wardrobe and accessories, etc. I understood the part about developing and expanding her feminine expression and outings, and I was supportive of this, but not at the expense of our relationship. Granted we were not living together, but I came to the conclusion that our relationship was not all that committed after all and I prepared to scale it back. I began making plans on my own that didn't involve him or her. I stopped calling every day. This was not meant as a punishment, but I compare it to having a friend that you call repeatedly to make plans for lunch but she never reciprocates. After awhile you come to the conclusion that she is not interested in the friendship and so you just stop calling.

Eventually, things fell back into place for my SO and I. But it was a low point in our relationship.

You can't stop calling or move out, you're married. But, you can start focusing on yourself and stop focusing on your husband. Start a new hobby, meet new people, get out of the house. Keep busy. Let your husband know that when he is ready to do things with you again, he should let you know. At the same time, I do recommend that you stretch your acceptance levels (if you're not there yet), at least to the point where you do not judge your husband negatively for his need to express femininity. And if you could even spend an occasional evening with him dressed (having dinner, or watching a movie or something), this might help things equalize faster. Hopefully.

[Crissy Kay]

To tell you the truth, I don"t care what they think.