funniest thing I've heard in a whileOriginally Posted by rogina garter
funniest thing I've heard in a while
Mindy
Member of the "Pulled Over When Dressed Club"
If I can get out there, you can too
That is by far the best advice - impartial yet accurate.
I never dressed in front of my kids. My daughter saw me in pantyhose a few times and asked mommy why I wear them...she didnt' really answer her I guess and the daughter has never brought it up again. Son and daughter have both seen me on wool or cotton tights in the winter. I dont really believe the tights are big deal. They know I wear those for warmth under my pants in winter when it's really cold or for after skiing walking around the resorts.
This is something that I have long researched and the primary reason why I got on these forums. I too have a child that is around 8 months old and my wife is fine with my CDing. After much research here is a few things that I found:
You had better be comfortable with the fact that your own flesh and blood will "out" you to your friends one day on accident (or purposefully as it so happens).
Teaching your children about acceptance is actually good for the child and will learn to not be as narrow minded towards people.
Try not to confuse your child. One day they WILL try to place the distinctions between the differences in men and women. This isn't as much of a worry for a fully transitioned father since they will always present female. However, for those CD'rs who are still in the closet, you should still dress, but you may have to put away those breast forms and that wig for a time.
There's more but I will stop here for now unless you all want more information.
Oh and to answer the OPs question. I think it's fine to dress in front of your child as long as you are prepared to educate them on acceptance and privacy (for closet cd'rs)
Last edited by Aylineira; 12-12-2012 at 04:42 PM.
Years ago, when my daughter was around 2 yrs. old, I thought it was safe to dress in her presence. I came into the room, she looked up and said "Mommy's dress". Recently I tried the same with my granddaughter. She (about same age) just looked at me in an odd way. So no more dressing around her.
Oh, how I wish....
Thanks everyone who responded. I'm not worried about being Outed to anybody, my son doesn't even talk yet (except to ask for "more" food...). I don't really think he'll even start to question why Daddy is in a dress, but I guess better to go the safe route. Its not a full time thing, or sexual. If it was sexual, there would be no way I would do it around the kids. I just don't want to jeopardize putting my children through this, which is a blessing and a curse in one.
Unless they have a need to know I would not tell them or let them see it. It may not scar them but why take chances. I never told anyone in my family.
All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?
My daughter just turned 2 and is starting to really communicate with us. You can tell she's forming ideas about stuff. I am scared to death about this very thing and what the future will hold. Not just the practical stuff like where will I hide my things? But also that I've gotten used to being able to express it around my wife and now that is gone. How will I adjust?
I under no circumstances want her to see her Daddy dressed. To me it might change her opinion of me in a negative way.
If you need to cope,you can wear what you want under your bathrobe,PJ's,etc??? If you don't need to dress THAT badly,perhaps you will be satisfied by partially doing it.
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
Children will innocently say things about the "wrong" subject at the "wrong" time. You could very easily be outed by a child.
I have full custody of my boys, 6yr and 8yr. I won't get dressed when I know they are around. For me its a two fold issue, one I don't want them to have to deal with the idea that Daddy is a little bit of a Girl sometimes. Two, if word got back to their mother's side of the family I fear that they could come after me for custody rights over it. I wouldn't dare chance that at all.
And as far as it affecting the kids. I hope that someday when they are old enough to understand, that I can let them know about this. But I won't allow that until they are much older. I also hope that I can raise them to be accepting and embrace others differences in this crazy world.
"Oh my God, I realized, it's not that we're screwed up; it's just that we've been trained to thnk so."
~Rick Novic, Alice in Genderland
I don't feel it's good to CD around kids, even toddlers see, learn and remember. I wouldn't do it at all around a child of any age, that's just me.
Amy R Lynn, I love your out take on this, I feel the same way. You are right it's not worth the risk of losing your boys. "Been there, done that", except mine was a girl. Would have risked it for the world.
Last edited by Rhonda Ann; 12-12-2012 at 11:03 PM.
I agree with this.
Children whose parents are of the same sex adapt to their environment. I'm not an expert, but I don't see a crossdressing parent being different.
As usual, it's other children and adult bullies that do the damage, not the same-sex relationship or crossdressing per se. The critical issue is the parent's relationship is stable and healthy.
Chances are good there will be questions at some point about why daddy likes to wear mommy's clothes. The best way to answer is the truth in an age appropriate and respectful manner. Children are very sensitive and inquisitive, and will be able to read nonverbal messages from the responses to their questions.
For all practical purposes no later than Eighteen Months.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I have 2 out of the house (college and adult) and 2 HS freshman - all boys. I have slowly started wearing not so obvious clothes and light makeup. approaching "full time" at home - within these parameters.
I dress only on Halloween in front of the kids and they only see me when I'm finsihed getting ready and only for a few minutes. I think its important to do this because they enjoy it and it is an education thing...gets rid of the shock factor later too! Its also something cool they can talk about with their friends, but its in the context of having fun so nobody gets teased (except me). I think if you feel shame and hide too much that's when the bullying can be a problem, but if you can stand up with a straight face and say, yup, did it! So what? Then the bully has no power over you. But, there is a line in the sand when they are younger like with other things, you teach them in little increments about life as they grow up. I live the typical father role all the other times. I think its important to be honest and sharing who you are with your kids too otherwise someday they might feel excuded. About bullying, the solution is to expose it. My kid was told a while ago that one of the other kids was going to hit them if another friend was not part of their club...so we had the kid report it to the teacher who told them they were brave and the other kid got in trouble....well mostly educated, but the point is, you have to speak up and expose them because most kids are too scared to do it (all the friends would not talk to the teacher), but it works. Apparenlty most kids are too scared of the one kid, but once they are exposed, I think others will come forward if there continues to be a problem. ...of course this is in Canada where our kids typically only push each other around a bit.
Chickie
No, the solution is to prevent it. I feel so strongly about this because I have seen it.
The children are going to go through their entire school life with this hanging over their heads.
This is the real world not a world we wish for.
Children come first.
See #3
Last edited by suzy1; 02-15-2013 at 04:10 PM.
Then on the other hand are you reinforcing the negativity of being a TG when you hide? You are basically saying that what you are doing is "wrong" and you have to hide it from the children, like drinking? Isn't it better to teach children at a young age that the world is diverse? That not everyone comes out of the same cookie cutter? That they should be proud of who they are and not follow along blindly? My experience in this (as I was reminded of by a certain Admin a few years ago) is from the outside looking in. I don't have children. But I have been where children were and i was fully dressed. In those instances two children said something. One said "Mommy, look!" and her mom said, "Yeah isn't that cool?" and one said "You a guy or a girl?" His mom said "she is what she looks like." Both kids accepted those answers and went off to something else. Gee I hope I didn't ruin the psyche of the future President or the person who would have invented a cure for cancer...just because they saw me dressed
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Hiding from others is the result of shame. Whether you admit it or not. Being called out on it only has power over you if shame controls you. If that is true then shame is what you have to deal with not the CDing.
My kids have known since they were young and now the grand kids know too and I dont feel the least shameful about it, I dont hide it from anyone. But then I live in a tolerant part of the US (Pacific Northwest) and I have not had any negative experiences from people out in town. My church has put me into their leadership program so that tells you a little about them.
Those who use shame to control others are evil. Those who accept being shamed need to find other acquaintances.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. Mark Twain
Lorileah, you are talking about one instance, I am talking about the time they start school through to the time the leave as a teenager.
I don’t care about “reinforcing negativity” some things in life are more important and children are one of them.
Lorileah, you say you don’t have children. Then I am compelled to say you can’t know what it feels like to have your own children suffer. I know you meen well and a good and feeling person.
It’s got nothing to do with shame celeste, and everything to do with the good of the children.
Last edited by suzy1; 02-15-2013 at 04:34 PM.
Just pointing out that there are really more facets to this than what everyone here is saying.
This does concern me though. Basically you are saying that if the kids at school say things about another kid because he is from the poor side of town or has a physical problem or is from another ethnicity, you don't care what they say? Your argument has been used for centuries to reinforce people feeling somehow better than another. We have to protect the children from...(choose your ethnicity or color or religion or disability)
And no it isn't just one or two times I have been around children, it has been years worth. But then I do live where people take people for who they are not how they think they should be
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
I am simply saying that if someone is a crossdresser that is going out in public dressed and they have children that are approaching school age then they should think about what is going to happen to them. The misery that will be there school days because ‘there dad wears a dress’
I would never put my children through that for anything!
And I have seen this happen with my own eyes.
I will not post in this thread again because I will get a bit heated.
No offence to you Lorileah. I do respect your views.
When my kids were younger I decided there was simply no need to tell my kids about my dressing. First of all I didn't do it all the time, I had no desire to dress around them nor did my dressing involve them in any way. So it simply came down to a need to know, it had nothing to do with shame. Younger kids will frequently bring things up when you least expect it not because they are trying to be vindictive, but because they don't know any better. I was very involved in my kids school and I didn't need for the whole school or staff to know.
Later on when my kids were older (mid teen years) I contemplated telling them then. I even went as far as discussing this topic on another board with someone ahead of my kids in age. After that discussion I decided even more not to tell them. First of all my dressing still had no impact on their lives and they still had no need to know. But more importantly one of the people that i had discussed (on a different CD board) this with had said it caused her quite a bit of discomfort and even though this was quite a few years later still was not something that she understood or accepted (which was one of the reasons she was on this other board). She said it was something that frequently came up in the course of the typical teen age parent child blow ups that are bound to happen. I decided this was the most compelling reason not to bring it up to them. Everyone always discusses how this will effect the kids but it is always in a speculative manner, but I finally had spoken to someone who would have been in a similar situation to what my kids would have.
I understand completely where you are coming from, but this as an argument just doesn't sound right.
Bullying somebody because his or her dad dress as a woman, is not something that is OK to ridicule anymore.
And if there are people who should understand it in the first place , it's us, also we should be the example and some kind of education
for others, to show that despite our difference we are as good or bad people as any other people.
If kids want to bully other, they will always find some reason - big nose, bad hair color.. you name it.
Following this argument, gays should never have right to take care of children etc..
We should be proud for who we are , and I don't mean shove it in other people's faces, but just standing our ground.
Kids won't really care , and if they do, I'm pretty sure it's not crossdressing that bothers them or making their life bad,
it's something more serious than that
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