The cross dressers fashion dilemma

[Beverley Sims]

I do dress age appropriate, in so much as I rarely show my midriff.
I have low cut tops just enough to show I have cleavage and boobs.
I dress seriously so as not to be read if possible.
I wear skirts and dresses appropriate to the occasion and usually flats to the mall.
Often no stockings as there is no hair to hide on a reasonably shapely leg.
Always clean shaven and a little makeup. No I do not need much.

[mikiSJ]

If the guy or GG you just walked by says "yuck", instead of "that's a guy", then you blew the fashion contest.

[Cheryl T]

I agree that age appropriate is necessary if we wish to be a part of society and not the "fringe" element. That being said it doesn't mean that you must dress your "Chronological" age. By that I mean that as my wife tells me, when I dress I look about 45 and not my true age. Therefore I dress for that age, not 18, not 63, not 30. If you "appear" younger than you really are (and what woman doesn't strive to do that) then you should dress for that age if you hope to be seen as a person and not as an oddity.

Yes, hemlines drop as we age, but if you still have the legs then go for it....within reason. I still like my skirts a bit shorter (1 or 2" above the knee) and I'm told I have the legs to wear skirts that short. I would not however wear one that I couldn't sit in for fear of displaying my reality...so to speak.

At home...anything goes when the shades are down and the doors are closed.

[Kate Simmons]

It is what it is and the consequences (both positive and negative) should be obvious. When all is said and done, however, we can't control how any one else dresses, only ourselves.

[Erica Marie]

I believe in age appropriate. Even for a gg. Depending on the venue you may be able to at times get away with trying to capture your youth but out and about in every day public in order to blend in I would dress accordingly. Actually that is my first project after the holidays. My time is here. Most of my pics have been of outfits that look cute but are not practical for everyday. I would like to find a place to shop were I can find a gg or sales associate to help me pick out an outfit or two that will put me in the public eye without drawing attention.

[kimdl93]

I agree with you Jennifer. While I don't care what others wear at home, I strongly believe that if we dress in an age and situation-appropriate manner, we are more likely to blend in; and, when we are read, are more likely to evoke positive reactions from others. Certainly, there are places where one can dress "over the top", but the mall, the grocery, the local Starbucks or the city streets are not such places.

[Claire Cook]

I agree with you Jennifer. While I don't care what others wear at home, I strongly believe that if we dress in an age and situation-appropriate manner, we are more likely to blend in; and, when we are read, are more likely to evoke positive reactions from others. Certainly, there are places where one can dress "over the top", but the mall, the grocery, the local Starbucks or the city streets are not such places.

Kim has nailed it for me. When I'm out and about, I'd like to look and be treated as other women of my age. Well, maybe 10 years less (but isn't that how many women feel?).

Well, maybe 15????

[linda allen]

Well, it only makes sense and I agree 100%, dress your age. And dress for the situation. For most of us that means never wearing those 6" stripper heels outside of the house.

[Leslie Langford]

Interestingly enough, this article was posted on today's Yahoo Canada web page, and is very timely with respect to this discussion:

59 is the Age Women Should Stop Wearing Red Lipstick, Heavy Makeup, Study Finds

"There is a time to start aging gracefully, and UK beauty product company Nurture Replenish Skincare surveyed 2,000 women age 45-plus and found out that most of you think that's at age 59. This is the age that women thought it was time to ditch high heels, red lipstick, tight clothes and false nails and try to look "more natural."

"The results of our studies are often quite surprising," Nurture Replenish Skincare spokeswoman told Yahoo! Shine. "We think middle aged is supposed to be later, but women are saying that in the early 40s a lot of things need to be toned down."

Women shouldn't wear baseball caps or apply a fake tan after age 40, respondents said. Miniskirts and leather pants are off the rack at 41, knee-high boots and even conservative tight tops should be retired by age 45. And tattoos start to look bad by the mid-50s.

Every woman has had her own moments of confronting age in fashion and beauty trends. We'd say that some looks expire much earlier than 40--such as braids (only in your earlier 20s), maxi skirts, pants that say "pink," or anything, for that matter, on the butt, certain light, short, flimsy dresses as the upper thighs...change...with age, and so on.

And we've all seen the stereotype of of the too-youthful older woman, in leather pants, animal prints, a mask of heavy makeup, giant jewelry and--this is the worst violation in our opinion--wrinkled cleavage. Still, we at Shine like to see appropriately dressed older women with bright lipstick, bright nails and beautiful fabrics and colors. Appropriate being the key word."

And in a related story, this from realbuz.com:

10 Surprising Things That Age You

"While ageing is an inevitable part of life, how quickly or well you age depends on many different factors. Although there are some obvious causes of premature ageing, there are many seemingly harmless things that can also add on the years.

1: Watching TV

While we all know that spending hours in front of the television is bad for your waistline, you may not know that it can also shorten your lifespan. Researchers from the University of Queensland found that for every hour you watch TV you may shorten your life by as much 22 minutes. Furthermore, research has suggested that watching TV could increase your risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease.

Watching TV can shorten your lifespan and increase your risk of developing Alzheimer's disease.

2: Drinking from bottles and through straws

You probably know that what you drink can affect your looks, but you may be surprised to hear that how you drink can also influence how well you age. In fact, sucking on straws and drinking out of sports bottles causes the same pursing action – and therefore the same fine lines and wrinkles around the mouth – as smoking. Try drinking directly from the glass whenever you can to help keep the wrinkles at bay.

3: Too little (or too much) exercise

The benefits of exercise are immeasurable for keeping you looking and feeling young. Not only does a lack of exercise shorten your life and increase risk of obesity and heart disease, but exercise can also keep your brain young by protecting against Alzheimer’s, boosting your mood and leaving you feeling alert and energized. Furthermore, increased blood flow to your skin can help keep your complexion clear, bright and youthful-looking. On the flip-side, while we should all make an effort to stay active, too much exercise can cause stiffness in joints and increase risk of arthritis.

4: Central heating

Many of us spend a fortune on anti-ageing skin products, yet we may regularly accelerate skin ageing without even being aware of it. The central heating and air conditioning systems that many of us use at home and at work can severely dry out skin, leading to premature ageing and wrinkles. To help keep skin youthful and soft, try turning down the heating and wearing more layers to stay warm. Keeping a glass of water in the room can also increase humidity, while wearing a protective face cream can help relieve dryness.

5: Sugar

Eating too much sugar is clearly bad news for your waistline; however sugar consumption is also up there with sun exposure and smoking when it comes to the major causes of wrinkles. When blood sugar levels are high, a process called glycation occurs which damages the collagen in your skin. Once damaged, the normally springy collagen hardens, leading to wrinkles and sagging.

6: Listening to an iPod

Hearing loss is a common symptom of ageing, yet many of us may suffer from diminished hearing early on due to listening to loud music through headphones. While listening to music sparingly and at a moderate volume is unlikely to do you much harm, a study has shown that listening to music on headphones for an hour can temporarily affect people’s hearing, while some researchers have suggested that listening at full volume could put you at risk of permanent damage.

Listening to loud music through headphones could damage your hearing.

7: Your job

While having a job is pretty essential for most of us, it can also be one of the biggest causes of premature ageing. Firstly, work is a big source of stress for many people, which research has found can increase risk of heart disease and speed up cell ageing. Secondly, spending too many hours in the workplace can mean you have little time for essentials such as exercise, proper meals and sleep. To help minimize damage, try to avoid working exceptionally long hours and make the most of your evenings and weekends as times to relax.

8: Soap

While you may think that soap is your skin’s best friend, this is actually not the case. The reason for this is that your skin has an acid mantle which is a natural protective barrier of the skin. When you wash with soap – which is generally alkaline – it can remove this protective layer of oils and dry out the skin, eventually leading to wrinkles. While it is not advisable to stop washing entirely, try swapping the soap for a PH-neutral and chemical-free cleanser, and bear in mind that there is such a thing as over-cleansing your skin.

9: Your pillowcase

You may think you’re indulging in a bit of beauty sleep when you hit the hay at night; however the opposite could in fact be true. If you regularly sleep with the same side of your face pressed against a cotton pillow case this may cause creases on the skin which can eventually turn to fine lines and wrinkles. To help stay youthful overnight try sleeping on your back instead, or switch to a silk or satin pillowcase to create less compression wrinkles and help maintain skin’s moisture levels.

10: Low fat diets

Many of us switch to low fat diets to help shed excess pounds. However, cutting out good, healthy fats such as omega-3 fatty acids could negatively affect the speed and way in which you age. Omega-3 fatty acids – present in oily fish, walnuts and flax seeds – are essential for keeping you looking and feeling young. Not only do they help keep skin supple and wrinkle-free, but they help boost brain health, keep your heart in good condition, and can even increase your lifespan."

And there you have it - feedback from the ultimate authority on this subject - GG's .

[NicoleScott]

I don't think that anyone here is trying to tell others how they should dress.

We'll have to disagree on this one, Reine. On previous threads many have voiced their opinion that if you can't dress appropriately, stay home.
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There's a lot of hipocracy going on here. People who don't want to be told to dress appropriately (you're a guy - dress like one), want to tell other crossdressers to dress to blend if they go out, otherwise stay home. And those trying to draw closeted crossdressers out then want to dictate how they should present. All this is for their own benefit, not mine.
Women don't all dress age- and body-appropriate, or dress to blend. Are they told to stay home?

[I Am Paula]

Age and venue appropriate. If you're stepping out to a gay bar or to a drag show, a leather mini is okay. At the mall, the same skirt is gonna get you stares. If you're 55 years old, even I will laugh at you in low rise shorts and a Hello Kitty top. C'mon, don't you stare at GG's dressed completely inappropriately (and there's lots)-Celeste

[Leslie Langford]

Nicole, the operative word here is "blend in"

A 60-year-old woman who goes out in public dressed like Dolly Parton is almost as likely to attract negative attention as the aging crossdresser prancing around in fishnets, a miniskirt, and 6" stilettos.

The former diminishes other women by projecting a pathetic "bimbo" image that most other women wouldn't want to be associated with, whereas the latter just reinforces the negative stereotype that crossdressers are fetishistic deviants that many still hold, and justifies their sometimes violent opposition towards us.

Call me "old school", but I still believe that if we want to be taken seriously as crossdressers and get the general public to accept us unconditionally, we also need to act responsibly and not figuratively poke a finger in society's eyes. I realize that this flies in the face of the Hippie Generation's "Do your own thing" mantra, but we also live in the real world and swimming against the stream does have consequences, proving yet again that life is not fair.

By the same token, the people in the Gay Pride Parades who sport @ssless chaps or flaunt their nudity in the name of being "out, loud, and proud" don't do their community as a whole any great favours either in terms of having their otherwise legitimate aspirations for equal treatment being taken seriously.

Like it or not, we are all ultimately part of a larger collective and sometimes we have to abide by the "rules" - arbitrary as they might be at times - so as to better fit in and not be perpetual outcasts.

[heather1968]

I agree 100%. I want to also add that men's pants belted below the waist / hips with boxers/ BC showing is sad at any age!!!

[LaraPeterson]

I like what Lady Catherine said, "wear what you can pull off." And I think the quoted Canadian poll is just like every other poll, useless. Don't tell me how to dress and don't suggest how I should dress. Trying to flip morality and appropriateness into a discussion of CDer's clothing is just stupid. And I don't get this blending thing either. If I spend an hour on makeup and another half hour putting together an outfit to go out for the evening, you better believe I want to get noticed.

If you want to stay home or go out and blend in, that's your business. If I don't, that's my business. BTW, most of the time, I do blend in. I travel internationally all the time completely en femme and nobody says a word. But I've got this wild hair when I get to some of my destinations; it's a wild hair that just isn't going to get pulled out. I can pull off a short dress and 5" heels, shiny hose, and red lipstick. So I do. If you don't like it, turn your head, but keep your mouth shut. Oh yeah, my daddy, God rest his soul, always told me, "If you can't say something nice about somebody, keep your dirty mouth shut." We'd do well to remember that.

[Sarah Doepner]

It's beginning to sound like people have different basic goals and levels of comfort when they crossdress and those shape their opinion on this topic. There are going to be variations in the mix, I'm sure, but in broad brush strokes this may be what we see. Those who have the goal of blending in and want crossdressing to be accepted as normal in society are the ones who believe in age, body and situation appropriate clothing choices. Those who are more focused on their own experience and are comfortable regardless of outside approval/criticism say wear what makes you feel good. Both work for those individuals but I'm thinking it will be difficult to find a full consensus on this one.

[AllyCDTV]

I don't think that anyone here is trying to tell others how they should dress. I'm not. But I can speak of the impression that others will get. Whether we like it or not, there are tacit social norms about appearance (the entire fashion industry is built on this). Most people do want to make a good impression.

I should think the last thing you'd want would be for people to think when they see you, "OMG, how tacky ... she shouldn't wear that at her age and/or with her body". But, if you don't care what others think or how you are seen, then have at it!

We are guys in dresses. We will never look as good in public as GG's do. We will always be tacky, age appropriate or not so why worry about it? Let everyone express themselves without judgement. It is up to everyone to dress the way they feel like. If they don't care what impression they make, why should anyone else? And yes there is a subtle, or maybe not so subtle underlying theme here of people trying to impose their standards on others.

[ReineD]

We are guys in dresses. We will never look as good in public as GG's do. We will always be tacky, age appropriate or not so why worry about it?

Oh, I disagree. My SO who is middle-aged is anything but tacky when she goes out. She does not wear super tight clothes, skirts or dresses that look good on a size 4 college girl, or stilettos (aka f***k-me shoes). lol. I think it's entirely possible to dress in a way that blends, while at the same time indulging in a love of fashion, since there are so many fashion choices out there.

Just so you know, none of my female friends dress like this either and I would also not be caught dead in a getup like that. I did go through a phase of dressing like that (two or three times) early in our relationship when my SO and I were going to drag shows, but this was at a night club and not in the mainstream, also it was short lived. It just wasn't me.

[minalost]

I agree that age appropriate is necessary if we wish to be a part of society and not the "fringe" element. That being said it doesn't mean that you must dress your "Chronological" age. By that I mean that as my wife tells me, when I dress I look about 45 and not my true age. Therefore I dress for that age, not 18, not 63, not 30. If you "appear" younger than you really are (and what woman doesn't strive to do that) then you should dress for that age if you hope to be seen as a person and not as an oddity.

Yes, hemlines drop as we age, but if you still have the legs then go for it....within reason. I still like my skirts a bit shorter (1 or 2" above the knee) and I'm told I have the legs to wear skirts that short. I would not however wear one that I couldn't sit in for fear of displaying my reality...so to speak.

At home...anything goes when the shades are down and the doors are closed.

This - but I would add that the venue you are dressing for is also important. What works at a night club is not the same as what works at the mall...

[Leslie Langford]

I take exception to the word "tacky" used within this context, as this is far too broad of a generalization.

I, for one, have never dressed "tacky" when out in "Leslie" mode, and have received far too may compliments from GG's while out and about that will attest to that. And from some of the pictures that I have seen on this forum, there are plenty of other ladies here who also have a great fashion sense and dress far better than many GG's out there. We may not always get away with not being "read" as males beneath all that finery, but those of us who make the attempt often get rewarded with the type of acceptance and "A" for effort that we often thought was unattainable.

Perhaps what you actually meant to say was that the best most of us can hope for is to "blend in" even while still giving off hints that we are not actually GG's, and as opposed to "passing" unconditionally. That wouldn't be my definition of "tacky", Ally, so maybe you're just being too hard on yourself and others here...

[Jenniferathome]

I expected a lively debate and that's a good thing. To those who didn't understand the question, there is no prescribed mandate. No "handbook" being written. Rather, the question is about "if you care to blend in, in public what is best?"

I hope that the closeted cross dressers out there who are thinking about going out and have read this thread reach some perspective on the issue.

[ReineD]

I take exception to the word "tacky" used within this context, as this is far too broad of a generalization.

I, for one, have never dressed "tacky" when out in "Leslie" mode,

It's true that "tacky" (not to be confused with "kitschy") is subjective and the description changes depending on someone's socio-economic background, but I think it's safe to say that most people know when they see "tacky". It's when the clothes don't suit the person's age or body type, if the message is "look at me, I'm so sexy".

The above "tacky" pic link was taken from this site, "5 Great Ways To Wear A Mini Dress".

[Sometimes Steffi]

For me, it's more important to dress for the venue than to dress my age. So, I'm more likely wear jeans to the mall rather than a skirt or dress, because that is more typical. And if I'm clubbing, I would wear a skirt or dress, perhaps with a sparkly top.

I do try to dress my age, but only approximately. I'm almost 60 and I wouldn't go out of the house in daisy duke short shorts, but I may go out attempting to look 45 not 60.

My biggest problem is my unwillingness to shave my body hair which limits how much skin I'm willing to expose. I also can't walk in high heels, so I opt for lower clunkier heels.

Without trying to brag, my weight (150 lbs) is proportional to my height, (5' 9") which not every 60 yo GG can claim, so I think that allows me to dress somewhat younger. And while I'm on the tall side for a GG, I think my size is more or less in line with typcal GGs.

[julia marie]

I look for clothes that I like, that fit my body type, that I think others might find attractive, and that are comfortable (which, with winter here I realize includes somewhat warm). I find myself looking at what GGs who are (as others have mentioned 10 or so years younger than me) are wearing and look good with, and I try to translate their selections into something that would fit me appropriately. No worries, I won't be walking the streets looking like a street walker. If others like that look, good luck.

[AllyCDTV]

Oh, I disagree. My SO who is middle-aged is anything but tacky when she goes out. She does not wear super tight clothes, skirts or dresses that look good on a size 4 college girl, or stilettos (aka f***k-me shoes). lol. I think it's entirely possible to dress in a way that blends, while at the same time indulging in a love of fashion, since there are so many fashion choices out there.

While many of us try to dress to blend in, there are just some things that will always betray us, such as facial features, a 5 o' clock shadow, our height, the size of our hands, the way we walk, stand or talk. Those will always give us away and ruin the illusion. In my thinking, once the illusion is blown, the clothes make no difference. And thinking about it, I also take exception to the word "tachy" and should not have used it in my reply. It is judgmental, demeaning and inappropriate.

[Aylineira]

I agree with the OP.

This is actually the reason why I don't go out en femme lots of times since the clothes I like to wear are too dressy.