I just read Chelsea's post with sadness and Chelsea I hope you can find a better path, for both you and your wife. Chelsea's post prompted me to write about how I solved an issue with my wife that recently threatened our relationship.
When I first joined this forum several months ago I posted that my wife of 37 years knew from the start about my dressing and while she was not totally accepting, she was very tolerant. I kept my dressing to the house when it was only the two of us and to our bedroom if we were not alone. This worked up until last month.
I was "retired" last May and my current situation has given me more than enough time to think about the rest of my life and I have decided I wanted to take my dressing to another level. I want to be with other girls in the area, to share our common experiences and simply be friends.
When I approached my wife with my new desires she became unglued and we had one of our worst arguments ever, and it nearly resulted in the two of us splitting.
She was concerned about privacy and how it would embarrass her to have me be seen dressed and besides, 37 years ago I told her I wouldn't ever go out of the house dressed. I told her that was 37 years ago and things change, for both of us.
When the atmosphere finally settled she asked me to see a therapist and I found a very experienced individual locally and started to see her. I told the therapist part of my goal was for her to be able to sit with my wife, one to one, and sort of act as a mediator, or at least act as a filter for my wife's and my concerns. The therapist was somewhat reluctant to do so, but relented and met with my wife just before the holidays.
The therapist was taking time off at the end of the year and Monday was the first time she could see me. We had a good conversation and I discovered the main issue my wife had was she couldn't imagine me leaving the house dressed in front of our adult children (who do not know) and our neighbors, and ultimately having her employer discover my dressing. That would be a boundary that couldn't be crossed.
When I returned home and we had a chance to talk (civilly). I told her I wanted to be able to be dressed, not necessarily at home and not when leaving home, but when I was in the midst of whatever group I wanted to join. I also told her I wanted to be able to go to a place like Carla's in San Jose and simply spend the afternoon or evening dressed while I worked on some computer related project or simply chatted with the other girls that may be there.
She asked me how would I get to these events and I said I would probably rent a hotel/motel room to dress in, attend the event and then return to the room to clean up and get back into drab mode. In Carla's case, Aejaie has a locker room for girls like us to use while we are at her facility.
Once I explained to my wife that I did not want to embarrass her, that I wanted to remain as anonymous as possible. That I wanted to be involved with the local girls because I needed to have friends, she started to understand; to understand that I did not want to be a threat to her.
She became curious as to what groups I was interested in and I told her I have joined, on line, with the River City Gems in Sacramento, and the Diablo Valley Girls in Walnut Creek. I even mentioned that the RCG group was having an event this Friday and that it would be in a private home. I told her this would be the type of event I would like to attend and my wife suggested I should go. (I will, but in drab this first time!) I told my wife that I had previously attended a "Drab Gab" in Sacramento.
I guess what I am trying to say is that communication is key. I almost lost my love because I did not explain what was happening in my life, and my wife heard something very threatening to her and neither of us took the time or had the skills to sit down and understand each other.
So, I have my wife and best friend back, I am able to explore "Miki" with my wife's understanding and acceptance. My experience is my experience and I am not sure I can offer any good advice to Chelsea and other girls here that are not as lucky as I am. I also don't want to have to explain to some of the girls here that I am willing to compromise with my wife and not to demand total acceptance.
Every relationship with a wife or SO is different and the needs of each partner are different. While what we do, dress, may be perfectly normal for us, it is not always so for our partners. Knowing how to give and when to take needs skill and time.
And this is my good news!
Originally Posted by mikiarata
Gaby
