Stash was found out, what should i do...

[Jenniferathome]

Well,the cats out of the bag. I recommend you come clean. The whole truth. It will be weird but it will be behind you. I think you should tell your brother first,alone. It will do two things for you: 1) give you practice with someone less judgmental than your parents and 2) experience the reaction from him which I will bet is far more low key than you expect.

You will be embarrassed but then it's done. With him on your side, you come out to the parents. Be ready for the "are you gay" and "do you want to be a woman" questions. Have material ready for them, like this site or better yet, TriEss or other independent organizations.

Lying is not an option. No story will,make sense now. Odd as this will be, it will be liberating. Good luck.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I'll be the voice of dissension here. If them knowing about you will cause you really burn bridges with them, I would not tell them; tell them they belong to a girl you had living there or something. Odds are given your age, and the fact we are in the worst economy since the Great Depression, you will have to ask them for help in some form sometime in the future. It is very common for people your age to move back home or have to ask their parents for money. It is a good idea to have someone to turn to, don't burn any bridges unless you absolutely can't avoid it.

[Jenniferathome]

I am entitled to my own privacy.

Rachel, this comment is true,but it is not about privacy anymore. "It's out there" now and that elephant cannot be ignored. Your brother will have questions. You OWE them no explanation but ignoring this will just make everyone uncomfortable every time you are together.

Lorileah has the right approach. Admonish the snooping, but you are outgoing to hide in your own home. Once you can talk about it, everyone will be more relaxed, love it or hate it.

[Kerigirl2009]

Thats a tough situation to be in for sure. What I would do is just OWN it and admit that yes they are mine, because I am not ashamed of who I am, ANYMORE. But if you dont want to admit to it, say it came with the apartment, or you had a girl leave her laundry and she asked you to hold it, but neither of those sound right so I wish you the best and I hope your mom does not throw them out on you

[ClosetED]

I think you still have the option of saying nothing and letting them come up with their own ideas. If they can't imagine you crossdress, their imagination will come up with a past GF or even a female friend you are holding stuff for. If they can imagine you crossdress, then let them suggest it and then come clean. You can say things like "I have a private life that I don't feel like sharing. I share this place with my brother and you can ask him that nothing strange has been going on while he is here."

[kimdl93]

Well, your silence and hiding in your room pretty well confirmed whatever your mom's concerns are. I think you have no choice but to speak privately with your mother and tell her that you are a cross dresser. Telll her that you love her and your dad, and hope they can accept this about you. You need not say anything more. If she asks about your sexual preference, take a moment to explain that Cding and sexuality are separate issues. I don't know your preference, and its your choice to decide if you want to share that with her.

I think Lorileah covered the topic pretty well. You're an adult and self supporting. Despite their opinions and homophobia, they are just going to have to come to grips with reality too.

[Danielle_cder]

Well,the cats out of the bag. I recommend you come clean. The whole truth. It will be weird but it will be behind you. I think you should tell your brother first,alone. It will do two things for you: 1) give you practice with someone less judgmental than your parents and 2) experience the reaction from him which I will bet is far more low key than you expect.

You will be embarrassed but then it's done. With him on your side, you come out to the parents. Be ready for the "are you gay" and "do you want to be a woman" questions. Have material ready for them, like this site or better yet, TriEss or other independent organizations.

Lying is not an option. No story will,make sense now. Odd as this will be, it will be liberating. Good luck.

Jenn nailed it. Trying to beat around and say it is this or that will be even harder. Being honest is defiantly the ticket you will feel better about it.

Oh and thnx Lorileah!

This is a gr8 community

[Joann Smith]

Rachle pull up on yourself a bit....Take it from a parent of a kid thats about your age....No matter how bad a kid pisses us off we cannot unborn one 25 years after the fact ..Too bad abortion is not retroactive and belive you me sometimes kids take you there.. sorry got 3 in that age range...and if the worst thing i found out bout on was that one of my boys was that he was a CD i would be tickled to death!! OK i know ...in my case this is not the same thing ... But still there is a billion things that would been far worse to find to in a kids closet...

So what you like to CD and the family is gonna look at ya funny now... And they are... so you might as well roll with it let them be pissed or what ever and they will... but eventually life will resume... So the most imporant thing for you to do right now is to talk to them about and DO NOT! let them think you are some kind of crazy kid whos is gonna end up on world news tonight in a wedding dress and a assult rifle..And thats the kinda stuff that goes through our heads when kids hide s..t from us !! Most the time parents can deal with a kids that don't turn out quite like we have it planned...few do.... We just blame it on each others side of the family and deal with it ...


BTW is this a older or younger brother? ....and who can whip who? ...

Joann

[gabimartini]

Rachel, if coming out is not an option, and you don't want to go along with the mysterious GF lie, then pray the Mayans were right about the world ending today...

But seriously now. I think honesty is best, because then you don't have to remember what you said to whom. But if you absolutely must keep your secret, then come up with anything. It won't matter, as it'll be a lie anyway and your mother just seems to want an explanation, ANY explanation. So give her what she wants, say it was a previous tenant that never came to pick them up, an ex-GF that left in the middle of the night, etc, etc, etc.

Good luck!

[Ressie]

Usually it's possible to answer a question with a question and turn things around, taking the pressure off of you and putting it on the one interrogating. "I'm on my own now, do you think it's any of your business?" "Did you dress me in girls clothes when I was a baby?" "Are you trying to embarrass me in front of my brother?"

Pick one or come up with your own.

[Beverley Sims]

You could ride it out three weeks and say nothing, let your parents believe what they want to believe.
Tell your brother after they have gone.
Let them believe you have a secret girlfriend if it goes that way.
The hardest is tell the truth.
That does not have to happen.
I explain it like this because I never let my parents know.
I just let their imaginations run wild.
They drew conclusions and was happy with what they thought .

[Lorileah]

I'm 25, and I have a job that pay all my bills, I'm completely independent. I can even afford to live by myself, which I was already planning on doing so for some time, it looks like it is a good time to make that plan happen.

Wow you can afford to have your own place in the Bay area?!? Mom-Dad your kid is doing well. Kwicthersnoopinandleaveheralone!

Three weeks??????? Are you kidding me????? I'd be getting them a hotel!!!!!! Get out of my space people!!!!!!!

After three days fish and guests.... I agree

[Dawn cd]

Looking through someone's bureau and closets and like looking through a diary or personal journal that you came across. First of all, you have no right to open it. Second, if you do open it "by mistake," you have no right to mention its contents to its owner or anyone else.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

I agree. There will never be a better time. The elephant is already in the room, as you said. Rachel, the desires won't go away as you get older. You mentioned you were about to purge your stash. Well, until this past weekend, I never had a stash. That's because I repressed the desire for so many years. When I was 23 and in the Army, I had a girlfriend that was quite tall, and for the first time had access to clothing that fit. For a few weeks I was in heaven and she even encouraged me. When we split up, I lost access to the clothing and in the homophobic armed forces there was no way I was going to acquire my own stuff. Paratroopers aren't supposed to wear stilettos and sheer stockings, after all.

A few years later, in the mid-late 90's, I had a fiancee that was a hairdresser. I figured she would be tolerant as she associated with many people that were androgynous or even flamboyant. It turns out I was wrong; she let me try it once but said it was a turn off. That was in the days before the internet. I'm 45 now and since that time have repressed the desire and never purchased an item of clothing. Then I met my wife and figured there was no way she would accept that side of me, and besides, she's a petite 5'7", 130 lbs and I am 5'11" 220 lbs. Her shoe size is women's 8.5 while I am men's 10, so the idea of ever borrowing her clothes or shoes was out of the question.

So, for 15 years or so I dreamed about dressing but never did anything about it. Obviously the internet was a boon for closeted TV's like me, which was my only release. I felt very alone, and though I had seen this forum I didn't join because I felt like a coward for never doing anything about my desires.

All that has changed just in the last week. I know my situation is different than yours...wife vs. brother and parents, but I can tell you that once somebody you care about finally knows who you really are and what you enjoy, it feels like freedom. No more hiding. As another poster mentioned, as soon as she knew, I forwarded some web links to her that clearly explained that most TV's do not progress to TG or are gay, etc. Those articles helped her understand.

They suspect something already--you know that. Think about what a relief it would be, and how down the road if you take it further or find an SO how much easier it would be to have people around you for support. Clearly I don't know your family but I don't think you will ever get another opportunity as blatant as this to come out.

Good luck and my thoughts are with you.

[Debra Russell]

Maybe you mother always wanted a daughted - well it could happen ! Just show them Rachel , wa'laaa all her dreams come true.... ......................Debra

[erika_kerrie]

Hi Rachel, so sorry to hear about your incident. I don't have any advice really, but I just wanted to say my mother is the exact same way. I know for a fact that she found my "stuff" one day, she's not the greatest at respecting other privacy, she always use the excuse of "cleaning up." We have never spoken about it, but I told myself if it ever came up, I would just deal with it and tell her that this is what happens when you snoop, and throw it back on her.

Anyway good luck with everything.

Cheers,

Erika

[Nichola]

That's awful. I feel for you, just ask them to drop it & see how it works from there....good luck

[Tamara Croft]

Moreover, my family is in general very homophobic...

What's that got to do with CD'ing? that's like saying all CD's are gay, which we know isn't true. If you're not gay, not a problem, your a CD, it's not the same thing, not in the same league etc...

You've told your mum not to go snooping, she keeps doing it, where are you going to draw the line? Yes you might upset her, but this is your home that you pay for, it's none of her business what items you have in your own home. If she asks you again, tell her it's absolutely none of her business, if she doesn't like your answer, that isn't your problem, she might not like it, she has to respect it. Would she like it if you went to her home and went through all of her private things? I'm pretty sure she wouldn't like it.

Your brother however is a different issue, it's a different bond, depends how close you are and if you think you'd lose him over it, but all the same, the clothes are in your room, your private room and it's actually none of his business either, you owe no one an explaination, you're a grown man/woman

[AllieSF]

Gee Rachel, everyone has given you some great advice. Now, you just need to decide which if any you will heed. You seem like you have a great head on your shoulders, so I am sure that over the long run you will get through all this. I can see that your family means a lot to you and I like that.

On another note, when you are ready to walk out the door for a day or evening out dressed, let me know! San Francisco is a great place to explore and enjoy, even during these cold rainy months. Good luck.

[mikiSJ]

When I was your age, after two years in 'Nam and no longer living in my parents house, my mother felt it necessary to be involved in every aspect of my life. She would visit at very inconvenient times. When I anwered the phone in my apartement (pre-cell days) she would pick up the extension. She would open my mail.

I told her I didn't want her intrusion, and when she wouldn't give it up, I "divorced" her. While we continued to see each other on holidays, she was never allowed to visit me, let alone go through my stuff.

It sounds like you aren't there yet, but absent un-pickable locks on your bedroom door, you need to do something! You are an adult and your mother's ability to be in your life ended when you moved out.

[Gillian Gigs]

Sounds like the excuse is to either look for a pillow, or clean your room. I would call it like it is, someone is being nosy and intrusive. If you are 25 like you said, then you have a life of your own and you need to keep the relatives at "arms length". Next time they come to town, tell them about this hotel just up the road from you, she should have an easier time finding the pillows!

[abbyleigh001]

Hi Rachel,
At the appropriate time there needs to be conversation between you and "MOM"... First and foremost your privacy must be sacrosanct and that point must be firmly established... Secondly thank "MOM" for her role in your life... Certainly providing you with a core of good life values... Tell her that you love her and thank her for being "MOM". However your life is yours and should you wish to include her into your chosen gender lifestyle... Please feel comfortable... However... Caveat... Be honest... Time permitting MOM will accept her daughter...

[gennee]

[SIZE="3"]Yes, you are entitled to your privacy.
I would tell the truth about your dressing. It may be uncomfortable but it puts the ball in their court. [/SIZE]

[MssHyde]

I know it won't help, but you would be a cute girl!

[Carmen]

I would not lie to them, nor would I have offered an explanation to them. I would have told them that while under my roof They will respect me and my home and act like visitors. If pressed about something they found while snooping I would sternly tell them it is none of their business. Then I would pick up my mothers purse and start going through it just to show her how it feels.

Right on!
Another step would be to INSTALL A LOCK ON YOUR DOOR!
I don't keep any of my things in the house, but I have a lot of valuables and collectable items that I don't want people to mess with. And in the past we have had money dissapear.
I have a younger brother who would stop in for a 'visit'. He knew that we have a guestroom and would just open the door and jump in bed. I installed a lock and instructed my wife to not unlock that room if he was to show up again. Well one day he did show up and after checking the fridge went for the room, tried the door and asked why it was locked and if she would open it. She replied with a simple "No, that room is for out of town guests only". Then he tried the door to my private media studio, same result. Next was the spare 'junk' room, no access. He got the message. And we have no sofa to nap on.

Excuse my rant.
Yeah family is family but they must respect your privacy as an adult...period.
There are a lot worse things you could be doing than crossdressing.
BTW how small are those extra pilows to be so well hidden?