Trouble with dual roles

[Delila]

Recently I have found that I have had a rough time dealing with both male and female roles in my life. Sometimes I am purely male and I never even think about dressing. The rest of the time I am mostly female dressing whenever possible. My issue is that when I am in female mode I have a hard time traversing the line to managing male things such as home repairs and other masculine things. While this may not be an issue normally my female side has decided that she wants a few months out at a time where my male side only really needs a couple of weeks out of a season. My primary concern is that my wife is going to become tired of the fact that female me is the most available where male me only comes around when it is absolutely required. Has anyone here encountered a similar issue? How do you manage the male and female roles in your life?

[Cheryl T]

I let him work and take care of the dirty, greasy chores...I do the rest...lol

[Kaz]

Hi Delila,

Yeah... I totally understand. Welcome to our world! Some of us don't have a problem with this, but I know I do. At the moment the gardens need tidying up and there are jobs that need doing and my wife has decided that she is not going to do them! Traditionally I get the tree and all that - this year she beat me to it as I had left it 'too long'!

I am trying to work on how to compartmentalise things so I can get the male stuff done. I tend to find it comes in small 'batches'. I enjoy it when I am into it, but it is so hard to start!

[suzy1]

I can see why your wife might have a problem with that. You sound a little ‘mixed up’ Delila.
If you are having a rough time deleing with this then you do have a problem. It’s interfering with your life. Can I be blunt here and say I feel sorry for your wife!
I rarely [if ever] say get help from a counsellor but this time it could help.

I personally don’t have a problem because I am Suzy. It’s a permanent part of who I am.

[GabbiSophia]

I find myself in male mode but mentally being female at any job. I always say you know I know how to do this but why can't I do it with long finger nails? I guess I am not at the point in my life where I see a difference in the two. I think well a women can does this too.. let me show you!!!

Good luck with this Delila !

Steph

[Robbin_Sinclair]

I let him work and take care of the dirty, greasy chores...I do the rest...lol

I love that reply. I decided that I am androgynous. Whatever works for me in accepting myself will have to be. I can't come out because of two people whom I love and would never want to hurt. If I'm playing to manly male, I remember it as a role, not me. Same as a female. I have to float between the two. The alternative is to drop everything important to me, move to SanFran and light up a doobie. It just ain't in the cards. Not now. xr

[ChelseaErtel]

I would prefer to do everything in female mode. I don't ever want to be in male mode. But being in female mode does not stop me from doing the things that are traditionally male. Women can do anything that the set their minds to and should not be limited by what is considered normal. I'd love to do the lawn, change the oil en femme. Oooooh that would be a delight.

[Kate Simmons]

I've done pretty much everything in both modes. The only difference is that in male mode I don't have to be as elegant.

[AimeeG]

Hate to sound like a feminist, but this is almost 2013! Can't women do almost anything a man can (even combat). Do you all of a sudden (in female mode) start cleaning toilets, vacuum, dust, and cooking dinner? Bring a martini to your SO after a hard day of work? With few exceptions, I expect my GG workers to do the same thing the boys do. Perhaps you need to review your opinions of gender roles. 1...2...3...4 OK, I'm alright.

[kimdl93]

Not so much. I think that's because I don't make overt efforts to pretend to be someone I"m not, whether I"m dressed as male or female. Its not a shift from one to the other.

[bobbimo]

I wrestle with this problem all the time.
Basically, you gotta do what ya gotta do.
If the grass and garden, and cars all need to be tended too. Then Bob does what has to be done. Personally I hate to get my girl things all messy, and Bob gets to get sweaty and greasy. Its not a problem for me to wear boy clothes and dig in. Then shower and primp and Bobbi is out for the evening.
Most of this past summer I was in Boy mode and it took awhile for Bobbi to come back. Happily she is back most of the time now.
What really bothers me is when I am enfemme, and I HAVE to go to town for a part or to shop, and I have to tone me down. It takes so long to get the makeup right and its all gone within a few swipes of the makeup remover cloth. Boo hoo.
My advice is to not let CD drive you crazy. Tackle the boy things in Boy and help your wife around the house in girl mode. She will like the extra help with cleaning and dinners I'm sure.
If the girl really needs to be out all the time then you need to find a counselor, and hook up with your real gender.
Merry Christmas
Bobbi

[suchacutie]

Ah, now this is the centerpiece of my life at the moment! What one does in which role is not a feminist issue, from my perspective. When we identified Tina it was clear that she really had her own personality and resided in large parts of my psyche. In my male mode I really enjoy fixing things, slaying dragons, and being a "normal" husband. When my wife and I were trying to figure out how this would affect our relationship it quickly boiled down to the fact that Tina and she are girlfriends and the husband/wife couple is reserved from my male side, with the one important agreement that when she wants her man, she gets him. Outside of that Tina is free to pop in and out at her whim. This one agreement give my wife a security that the marriage is on the same keel as ever, plus she gets a girlfriend!

After all, a marriage is caring for one another deeply. That comes first, and when it does, all things are possible!

[DanaR]

I deal with this all of the time. I probably spent too much girl time about 8 years ago, now I'm trying to catch up with all of the things that need to be done around the house. I really have to push myself to get my guy stuff done. It doesn't help when the cars break down and repairs around the house need to be done. Living in the Seattle area probably doesn't help much either, as the weather is a big factor on what you can do outside.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

Ah, now this is the centerpiece of my life at the moment! What one does in which role is not a feminist issue, from my perspective. When we identified Tina it was clear that she really had her own personality and resided in large parts of my psyche. In my male mode I really enjoy fixing things, slaying dragons, and being a "normal" husband. When my wife and I were trying to figure out how this would affect our relationship it quickly boiled down to the fact that Tina and she are girlfriends and the husband/wife couple is reserved from my male side, with the one important agreement that when she wants her man, she gets him. Outside of that Tina is free to pop in and out at her whim. This one agreement give my wife a security that the marriage is on the same keel as ever, plus she gets a girlfriend!

After all, a marriage is caring for one another deeply. That comes first, and when it does, all things are possible!

This is like going to the top of the Himalayas and learning the meaning of life. Thank you. You have proscribed a perfect recipe to approach this delicate situation when the time comes. My wife understands agreements. She writes them for people. And she likes girl friends. And I like girl talk. I had this concept in the back of my mind but the nexus was not there. When all else fails, try honesty. xxrr

[Angela Campbell]

I think for me it not so much like being two people...a male and a female....I am more like a female all the time. Sometimes I just look more like a male. I do not behave or think any differently because of how I am dressed. I have given up fighting this and accept the fact that this is me.

[Acastina]

My primary concern is that my wife is going to become tired of the fact that female me is the most available where male me only comes around when it is absolutely required. Has anyone here encountered a similar issue? How do you manage the male and female roles in your life?

That pretty much describes my situation. When we're in for the night (or sometimes rainy days and long mornings), I'm generally in a turtleneck women's sweater and either velour lounge pants or girl jeans, with Mary Jane flats over thin knee socks. My hair is long but thin on top, so I have a hairpiece that I wear when I feel like it. Otherwise my hair is just down (shoulder-blade length). A little powder and blush and lipstick. Earrings about half the time. Summertime is shorts or a short casual skirt and a sleeveless top, sandals. Bra and panties always. Sometimes nylons instead of the socks. Now and then, if I'm in a mood, I'll get "flossy" (as she puts it) for the evening.

Boy mode is as needed, although I have no trouble doing some of the "masculine" things like home repair in appropriate fem wear; it's still me, after all. "As needed" is when we're expecting visitors, going out somewhere, or visiting relatives out of town. I like to think I clean up pretty good on both sides, but my comfort is definitely on the girl side.

My wife seems to deal with it well. It's just our habits, and she knows I feel better that way or wouldn't do it as my default. She's been annoyed a couple of times when someone comes to the door unexpectedly, but I'm good at switching back quickly if I'm really needed at the door ("He's in the bathroom, I think. Just a minute."). We're in our 60s with nine years of contented marriage, so that's not about to change. Truth be told, I'm pretty sure she'd prefer that the CD didn't exist, but she's known about me since we met (in girl mode), so it's never been an issue as such.

[Presh GG]

Tea has no Girl /Guy side .. S/he resides somewhere in the middle all the time, always has...
Maybe it would help to get out and about more with a mix of good ,knowing, kind friends.??

P.....

[TeresaL]

I've done the female pattern everyday at least forty hours a week, and then, out if the blue, the intensity slowed. Now I'm a dude three or four days of the week. That worried me, and I thought that there was something wrong with me. So yes, the male chores, like in the op, were piling up. Now I'm gettin em done -- So I guess it's ok. Just be glad when this dude phase wears off and I get back in the female full form again. Haha

[Stephanie47]

Being a child of the 1950's and 1960's I have no problem going back and forth from male to female roles. June Cleaver took care of the home. I love doing the domestic chores en femme. Ward Cleaver went to work and did the manly chores. I have no problem going from pretty dresses, heels, hosiery, slips, bras and girdles to jeans, tee shirt, sweat socks and forty year old army boots. Basically I enjoy both roles.

[~Joanne~]

I do not have a duel role or persona. This is me, no matter what I am wearing. If I have things to do I do them and don't give much thought past, I should change as not to mess up my good clothes, to get them done.

[Michaela51]

I find myself to be fairly fluid when it comes to feeling male/female throughout the day. I wear women's clothes to some extent daily, always in panties, camisole, so when I am doing man tasks I put on a pair of size 12 women's jeans and get the work done. I find my femme persona to be increasingly integrated with my male side. It feels good.

[LaraPeterson]

a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. When I can, I put on "old" girl clothes to work around the house. I'd just as soon mow the yard in some old tattered jeans and a t-shirt over my bra and panties as anything else. Same goes for the plumbing and anything else that has to be done. Hopefully, one of these days very soon I won't have to hop back and forth anymore.

[Lynn Marie]

[SIZE="4"]When you feel restricted from dressing then getting dressed becomes an obsession. When you are free to dress whenever you like, then you come up with a balanced perspective on this hobby and your life becomes so much easier. I do boy things as a boy and girl things as a girl. I don't mix the two.[/SIZE]

[Leah Lynn]

Leah puts on guy clothes to fulfill certain tasks. But she always has control. It helps being single.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Try looking at it this way surpose your not a male or a female , what then , how do you approch doing things then or in your mind set, how you think. ill go a bit deeper, how are you wired, what makes you tick. who are you as a person, forget the clothes & all that its not what you wear or not, its about the person,

For myself there is no male or female i cant seperate them. because im both, so for myself its so simple so as a person i dont need to prove myself, or for that matter what i am,

What ill never understand is whats it like being a male, & do i say the same about being a female, in the same way, i have aspects of both, yet can never be one or the other as compleat in body & mind,, so how i think or do things makes total no difference,

You allso talk about this male & female mode, for myself its all one & the same. never tryed being one or the other, it wont work. not in my case,

Can i suggest you combine both together, i know your S O would rather see & have a male only,

As a ? is this only about wearing womans clothes makeup & all. or a bit more deep seated, only youll know that of cause,

...noeleena...