Purging, thank God, is no longer in my psychological makeup. My therapist, advisor, counselor, everything has helped me so much with regards to overcoming inner conflict, shame etc. So, no more purging, but I recall the purges that were the most painful. Once I had splurged and went out shopping for some great outfits, I remember buying some sexy dresses, heels, wigs, nylons etc.
Back then, my wardrobe was limited to how much I could hide. Today, thank the Lord, I have a wonderful wardrobe for which I am grateful for. Desperation shopping, heels way too high, dresses way too short, you know what I mean.
Rushed home to try them on, one thing led to another, read in between the lines, and I got hit with such an attack of guilt and shame, it overwhelmed me, found myself in that place in my head filled with regret and terrible sadness, I decided the only remedy from all this horrible guilt and shame was purging. I threw everything away, newly bought items, next day I came to my senses ran down stairs to the alley where I had thrown everything out looking for my stuff. It was gone, not a trace, hosiery, shoes, dresses.
Thankfully it has been years since I have ever felt such a terrible low in guilt and shame. I would especially experience guilt when compelled to masterbate, you know what I mean, if you are honest. If not don't worry about it.
Today, no matter how my evening ends up I am completely accepting of who I am. It has taken a long time but I am quite comfortable in my own skin, and my pantyhose too lol
Guilt and Shame free