how brave those who transition are

[GabbiSophia]

So through the holidays I have been taking in everything around me friends, family, and just everything I do. I have become aware that I have for years been playing a part and I am looking at everything with new eyes and the admittance I am a woman inside. This mental change has made me very aware of who I would and will need to come out too. This is scary as hell. As the people I consider such good friends and I wonder what will become of us. It's crazy to realize that I have lived so many years trying to become part of the ggroup but even to this day I am still kinda on the outside. but...

I now have to give credit to all those girls that transition and come out to everyone. WOW!! What a scary and crazy experience it must be for awhile!! You are so brave to take that step and I am now sitting at the edge of the cliff looking over and boy is it a long way down. I am sure this time of the year is tough for some and I hope that it gets better for those and to those like me, I hope we find the courage others have to be our strength!! Gosh the bravery yall have amazes me !!!


Hugs

Steph

[Beverley Sims]

Steph, the road is going to be a little rough for a while, but when you get to the top of the hill it starts to smooth out.
At least that is what they tell me.
Here is a little push to get you started...
Good luck...

[noeleena]

Hi,

Depends on how one accepts them selfs first, knows who they are & just be your self in all things & in all ways,

As to family & frriends this will depend how real they are to start with. give your self years for others to be able to accept who they have known for many years to accept the change if there is to be a drastic change or changes,

The other detail is can you trust others enough to allow them in to ...YOUR ... life, i mean really trust even that could change how they feel towards you when you talk with them, accept that you may have a lose or others shun you,

how i have gone about things & really it was not about myself it was others who opened thier hearts towards who i am i did not change as you may or will i dont know about that, there were changes just not as one who tranistions ,

Being born different did not show up till i was 10 i knew full well what i was, & never had any issues with that, though was percived differently, to what i am now, still not a issue,

Jos was the first to know about 18 years ago , our daughter & two son's after that the rest of our family. then those who were liveing close to us with in 140 miles were told, after that , was in the media, nation wide, what i could not do was done over night all done then over sea's, those some of i could not reach rang me up you see i & Jos had to trust many others to go before us, in what was happening for us, many people i had never met before yet they went so out of thier way to help me so trust was a very big concern for Jos & i, that trust was well worth it .

The only fear concern not knowing was about being accepted by others those who knew us & those i had not met, my concern was about not being accepted & this goes back 55 years, so you see not so easy to trust others after that ,

I have so many neat friends joined with groups accepted for who i am involved with in a membership of over 1000 people with in those groups, & known so you see, sometimes we need to trust others ,

Family pretty well accepted theres 16 of us with in our family.

Now dont just think it was easy it was not, Jos & i went through ...HELL... 8 years of, so you see, i have painted a picture of how good it was, just there was a down side as well. yes our marrage 35 years, we knew 15 years ago would be ended that was done 5 years ago. we had that anuuld my birth cert says female at birth, it should have been intersex at birth, well 65 years ago would not have been done, oh well cant have every thing , any way im happy content & have a neat life.

Jos & i dont live together as such i do have her here in our home so yes Jos stays with me,i do & I will still surport her just the same we do pretty much as before & we are still very close, we both say the same thing , closer now than when we were married, because of what we both went through & we both have become stronger as well.

What was hard for Jos was when i told her im a woman i did not say any thing about being intersex nore told any one till only 4 years ago. because just saying im a female was more than enough for Jos to handle at the time, now most know about intersex im just accepted as a full woman & those who have known me over the years some knew any way that i was female , funny no one ever said, you see was just not talked about even the 60's .

Well there is a lot more ill not bore you with that. any way just take what you can from this hope it helps,

...noeleena...

[Maria 60]

Well if anybody here is Italian you mite as well forget it. Italians love dirty laundry, you think the internet is fast, it's nothing compared to my mother and aunts phones, if I came out to a family member in a hour the hole family and there grandmother would know and you would be the talk for the next ten years. I have one cousin who didn't come out we found out he was gay and for the last five years he is still the talk of the Christmas dinner. So I don't think coming out isn't on my new years list. I also have a lot of respect to those who come out it must take a lot of courage.

[Angela Campbell]

Color me chicken I guess. I want to very much but I do not think it is in the cards for me. I know a few who are transitioning and I just do not know if I could go through all of that. I will likely die a lonely old woman who everyone thinks is a man.

[Sally24]

I have great respect for those who take the steps to transition. I also respect those that come out to family and friends, regardless of where they are on the transgender scale. It can take a lot of guts to be yourself!

[AmandaM]

All of my life I've been envious of girls. Even since preschool. I've also been chicken to try new things, to take risks. I wish I was braver. I wish I could go back to 15 or so and decide to pursue femininity instead of resisting. I was pretty girly-looking before testosterone. I would have made a cute chick by comparing my old pics to women. I have missed out on so much. Not just CD/TS stuff, but lots of things in general. Not taking chances has been my greatest downfall. I've been trapped in this life, for life. And I see no end. Now with a wife and kids, and career, and my potential cute chickness gone because of testosterone, I'm stuck. It's too much to risk "just to try to find out" what and where I should be. This thread makes me sad. But then again, other stories of risk takers in my areas of interest make me sad too. It's tough to accept that you don't have the guts to take risks for things you may love.

[Stephanie-L]

As others who have or are transitioning have said, it is not so much a factor of being brave. It is a matter of need. I need to transition, there is a much greater risk in my NOT transitioning than in my going forward. Yes, there will be consequences, my family will be affected, maybe my job, but I can not stop. I will try my best to minimize the problems, and spare my family as much as possible, but I have no choice. It is not about being a cute chick, though I do regret I didn't transition decades earlier, it is about finally being whole and at peace. Those who are there will understand, and keep working at it, those who aren't there may never understand fully. Much luck to all in finding out who you really are, that is the key to a happy life.......Stephanie

[jillleanne]

Steph, if I may, I would like to clarify that most, if not all people that either come out or transition or both, do not ever do so because they feel they are brave. It has absolutely nothing to do with bravery but rather, necessity. No games here, no pink fog, no fetishes and certainly, prior to, life just is not good and true happiness is nonexistent to the point of suicidal thoughts or actions for some. It may appear as bravery to some on the outside looking in, but from within, bravery never comes into play. After transition is not all roses for many either so for anyone to think that once someone begins to live fulltime, transition completely with SRS, FFs, etc or only partially, life does not instantly improve. Some will even come to realize that they made a mstake or cannot take to change and all that comes with it and will revert back. Transition is something that many will never do for various reasons( cost being a major one ) and if they feel it necessary, must proceed very slowly with some prerequisites.

[Badtranny]

Steph, I love the sentiment and my instinct is to accept the compliment and say "damn right!", but the truth is, there is nothing particularly brave about transitioning. People tell me I'm brave quite often and I just look at them and say "there ain't nothin' brave about running out of a burning building". Saving your own ass is not brave, it's actually a pretty damn natural thing to do. Some of the girls will say that the only other option is suicide but I'm not a big fan of that idea. I will admit to thinking about suicide a LOT when I was a young kid but I haven't had those thoughts since my late teens. Suicide was not even a remote thought when I decided to transition. My motivation was not life or death, rather it was life or living. I turned 42 the month I made the decision to follow my heart wherever it took me, and in those 42 years I had contributed nothing to the world except a bad attitude and some broken hearts.

I was not a happy person. I was a fraud who talked a good line about personal power and integrity and about 'choosing your life' and yadda yadda yadda but I went to bed every night wondering when I was going to believe my own BS. I knew I was living a lie but I didn't have the courage to admit that to myself. When you talk about bravery, I guess that's where it begins and ends. You need to have the guts to see yourself for who you really are and not for who you wish you were. When I finally realized what needed to be done I didn't waste any time doing it because I didn't want to waste another minute of my life.

The feeling that comes with just dropping the 'act' and showing the world who you really are is almost euphoric. It literally feels like walking outside after a lifetime of being inside a dark stale building. Transition is not courageous because for me the rewards were so much greater than the risks. I've written at length about the difficulties of living out loud and transitioning in real time right out there in front of the world, but I would never go back to my old life. I will never again hide myself or lie about who I am. Every single embarrassment or irritation or hardship that comes with transition is absolutely worth the contentment of living an honest and open life. The old me lived in constant terror that somebody would 'find out'. I was terrified that someone might know I was attracted to men, or that I like musicals, or that I loved Britney Spears or that I really did read Playboy for the articles. I wasn't a CD so at least I didn't have to hide that too. I was hiding everything because I was so insecure in my masculinity that I didn't even want people to know that I liked to cook, or dance. I did not know for SURE that I was transsexual. I knew that I was attracted to men and I knew that I grew through adolescence wishing I was a girl. I didn't know what my future held other than I was going to start being real and I no longer cared what other people thought about it. I did not come out because I was brave, I came out because I wanted to finally experience what living felt like. I wanted to openly flirt with guys, and go dancing, and watch chick flicks. I just wanted to know what it felt like to stop pretending and start doing what I really wanted to do.

A familiar refrain here is don't do it unless you have to, but how do you know when you 'have to'? Well, when you don't need to be brave to do it, then that's when you know.

[GabbiSophia]

A familiar refrain here is don't do it unless you have to, but how do you know when you 'have to'? Well, when you don't need to be brave to do it, then that's when you know.

Melissa that is profound and I see what you are saying. Some of the others said the same thing too. I was just realizing how your world changes maybe I should had said how brave it is to finally admit but that seems mute also. I just realize I have looked through one end of the kaleidoscope when I should have been looking through the other end. I forsee lots of words changes and lots of mental changes in the way I think on the subject. Thanx all for your thoughts!!

Steph

[EllieOPKS]

Ill start by saying I am a CD only, transition is not on my radar, never will be. I try and be as open minded as I possibly can on many subjects. It occurred to me several years ago that if a person was born with a cleft pallet, they would fix it and think none the less of it. If I take a little pill to keep my hair from falling out, no one thinks about it. The same would be for people who transition. I know the term "Fix it" is a poor description, I apologize for that but I see it in simple terms. Our society is so conservative it's a wonder we even speak to each other. A man can walk around without a shirt but a woman gets arrested. Go figure, right? I support 100% the people that "fix it".

[josee]

Melissa, another prolific post here. I agree with everything you said except the part about being attracted to men. Guess I am a Lesbian or have lesbian tendencies.
The only thing I could add is yea it's like running out of a burning building and onto a minefield.