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Thread: I need info.

  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathryn Martin View Post
    Lynn, did you come out of your lifelong closet a few months ago and now live full time as a woman?
    I most certainly do!!! Although I have stated on here that I cannot do the work I do wearing a wig (im bald) im not gonna go out as a bald chic with make-up and boobs. Plus I dont think it would be good for business. On the weekends and every afternoon from about 3pm on, Im dressed as Lynn (my actual middle name) I do my shopping, go to my AA meetings, go to band practice (Im in an 80's band) I do everything as Lynn except work. Its hard dirty work not to be done as a female and I hope to find something more appropriate soon. I just don't have any other skills. The guys in AA taught me this trade after NO one would hire me. Its all I know how to do that will pay my bills Don't want to ruin my outfits either lol.

    and yes, life long closet. Before a few months ago, I just wore the undies. Stole panties out of apt. dryers when I was a teen, mothers panty drawer and so on. You see, I have never had the luxury of living alone until about a year ago. Well, I finally got tired of getting all dolled up and being trapped in my apt. so I went up to my nieghbors and said "SURPRISE" and got great results. They said I looked great and that it didn't matter what others think anyway and they talked me into going to the store for the first time fully dressed. Then I started going to the gay AA group first. Then, i had the courage to go to my home AA group of all straight people that have known me for years! Now I go everywhere possible!!

    And why not? Im gorgeous!! dont u think?
    Last edited by aalynn88; 01-08-2013 at 07:54 PM.

  2. #52
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    [Administrator Posting]

    After a mod posting twice in this thread, you still don't get it, so this is the Admin posting, knock it off or I'm going to get seriously annoyed, is that clear enough? The next person that posts in this thread against my warning is going to get a month off... got that?
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  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by aalynn88 View Post

    and yes, life long closet. Before a few months ago, I just wore the undies. Stole panties out of apt. dryers when I was a teen, mothers panty drawer and so on. You see, I have never had the luxury of living alone until about a year ago. Well, I finally got tired of getting all dolled up and being trapped in my apt. so I went up to my nieghbors and said "SURPRISE" and got great results. They said I looked great and that it didn't matter what others think anyway and they talked me into going to the store for the first time fully dressed. Then I started going to the gay AA group first. Then, i had the courage to go to my home AA group of all straight people that have known me for years! Now I go everywhere possible!!

    And why not? Im gorgeous!! dont u think?
    lol I like you Lynn

    Well at least this has got us out of the same old same old

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  4. #54
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aalynn88 View Post
    I've read that guys like me are not good candidates for it because I dress up because its a "turn-on" for me
    The phrase you use normally relates to getting a sexual thrill out of what you are doing. If that is your reason for dressing then Gender Confirmation Surgery would be likely to have a bad outcome. GCS is major surgery and (except in the case of a few rich people who pay to get around the safeguards) is not undertaken lightly. Those who decide to rush ahead ignoring the safeguards are normally the ones who express most regret after surgery

    Quote Originally Posted by aalynn88 View Post
    once you start Hormone therapy you lose male libido and wish you hadn't started in the first place.
    The point of Hormone therapy is to begin aligning the body of a transsexual person to their gender. In the case of an MtF person, loss of male libido is a desirable outcome - why would we want anything to do with our old male persona?

    I can see that someone who dresses because it gives them a sexual thrill would see the loss of that sexual thrill as undesirable.

    Quote Originally Posted by aalynn88 View Post
    I just wanna keep my male libido and be a man in a womans body, why don't they let guys get the surgery without taking hormones first?
    Because GCS is major surgery designed to give a different outcome to that which you describe. It is not cosmetic surgery designed to give someone a "designer vagina", it is one part of a very necessary medical process to treat the gender dysphoria.

    Quote Originally Posted by aalynn88 View Post
    What would happen to my sex-drive if I could get my vagina without taking hormones? I just know I would much rather have a vagina.
    A man's sex drive is different to a woman's sex drive, it is also primarily controlled by the testosterone that you would lose by the removal of your testicles.
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  5. #55
    Member MonctonGirl's Avatar
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    I think the OP had a very sincere, realistic and COMMON fantasy-driven question
    so let's go easy on the OP. while we are giving reality based answers.

    Welcome to the forum, OP.

    Quote Originally Posted by aalynn88 View Post
    ...Im dressed as Lynn (my actual middle name)...
    lol ... how fortunate for you. I would have hated that name as a boy, but now it would be very beneficial!
    Last edited by Eryn; 01-09-2013 at 02:29 PM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts.

  6. #56
    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by max View Post
    Do you find this manifestation of their gender identity illegitimate?
    It IS a legitimate expression, but of what would depend on the person.

    Consider this - within the TG spectrum we have crossdressers, drag queens and kings and transsexuals (IS and genderqueer have an overlap in this classification, but I'm keeping this TG-specific for brevity and to honor the distinctions of being IS or queer). And yes, as a gender-variant person this also includes ********.

    Crossdressers do so for a variety of reasons, as we discuss frequently on this site. Drag queens are all about performance, and if there are any queens or kings using this site it's not apparent to me. Either way, they're not TS.

    Now, among transsexuals we have pre-op, post-op and non-op, and every TS takes the measures that are appropriate to effect her or his transition. HRT - maybe. FFS - possibly. GRS? Depends on the extent of gender transition one desires or can afford. But one thing they all have in common, and that is to leave the gender they were raised as in the past and embark on a new life in a way they themselves define it. That's transition.

    Shall we consider a ******* to be simply a non-op transsexual? I think not, and the difference is what is the desired end state. When someone tells me they want to keep male sexual function (and often, male privilege as well) by retaining body parts and avoiding HRT or anything else that aids an actual transition then this is not a person who desires anything permanent or lasting in terms of a transition.

    I thus draw one of two conclusions - this person is a ******* or simply very confused regarding where they want to go. But being ******* as an expression of gender identity is simply not the same as being TS. So, I don't question anyone's legitimacy, but I do question where they see themselves fitting into the rainbow.

    Quote Originally Posted by max View Post
    It seems so considering you immediately paint the whole group with the "sex worker" brush.
    Maybe I'm slow but I don't see how questioning someone's expression of gender identity (which I have not done) leads to my assuming that the person is automatically a sex worker. But as I have stated here I do not equate non-op TS with *******. They're simply not the same thing. And I certainly can't claim to be any sort of expert on this topic, but I will say this - every single ******* I have met either works in porn or is a sex worker. Your experience may be different.
    Last edited by Michelle.M; 01-09-2013 at 02:00 PM.
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  7. #57
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    Michelle, I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said and admire the objectivity with which you said it.

    But I think you missed a category? There are individuals within the spectrum who would like a blended body but who do not have sexual motives. There are people whose sense of gender is fluid, while they live in a world that only accepts either the male or the female sex. They are forced to define themselves as either male or female, while their inherent gender ID is bigender (or maybe even genderless ?). I refer to the two-spirit concept, the birth males who feel that the angularity and hairiness of the male body is ugly, who prefer soft curves, but who have no wish (or no need?) for invasive surgery. These people have a sense of personal aesthetics that is different than people like you and me, who fall decidedly on one side of the gender binary.

    I'm not convinced that every person who comes into this section of the forum asking about how to feminize their body a little bit (softer curves through slight breast growth and rounder hips) get a sexual thrill out of having a softer body. But since we all live in a binary-sex world, this is difficult to comprehend.

    Another consideration is that maybe, to the people I've just described, the "feminine male" concept is a stepping stone in terms of peeling back the onion layers towards eventually realizing a fully female identity, just as many homosexuals first identify as bisexual in their youths before eventually realizing they have a same-sex attraction. While others, are always bisexual ... or bigender.

    A note on the two-spirit concept: I read an interesting explanation recently. In Western culture, we see gender as a straight line with male on one side and female on the other, with perhaps a sliding scale in between the two. Admittedly, most people fit inside this paradigm. But, the cultures in which two-spirits are accepted see gender as a circle, with no beginning nor end to either gender.
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  8. #58
    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    But I think you missed a category? . . . people whose sense of gender is fluid
    Thanks for pointing this out, but I didn't actually miss it. I intentionlly left out genderfluid / genderqueer / androgynous because the OP was specifically asking about body modification in the transsexual forum, and I wanted to stay on track and answer max' comment.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    There are individuals within the spectrum who would like a blended body but who do not have sexual motives.
    I take that as a given unless I have evidence to the contrary. We, as transsexual folks, constantly assert that gender and sex are two different things. My earlier posts were directed at the OP as questions to clarify what she wants. The OP addressed her own sexual issues and stated that dressing was a turn-on and that she wanted girl parts without transition.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    I'm not convinced that every person who comes into this section of the forum asking about how to feminize their body a little bit (softer curves through slight breast growth and rounder hips) get a sexual thrill out of having a softer body.
    I agree, but that does not seem to be the case here.
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  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Michelle.M View Post
    Thanks for pointing this out, but I didn't actually miss it. I intentionlly left out genderfluid / genderqueer / androgynous because the OP was specifically asking about body modification in the transsexual forum, and I wanted to stay on track and answer max' comment.
    Point taken. However, when I was a mod, I received several PMs from people asking if we could form a new subsection for people who do not identify as crossdressers (the traditional way of defining it, i.e, a "male" who wears female clothing which many CDers adhere to), or a transsexual (a female born in a male body). Setting up a new section for such people would be extremely difficult to moderate, since everyone uses different terms to describe themselves, it's impossible to reach inside a person and determine their degree of gender dysphoria especially while they're trying to figure it out, and also not everyone has a talent for precise written expression. There would be battles about who should post in what section and who shouldn't plus many misunderstandings, but most importantly, the philosophy in this forum is that people can post wherever they need to, according to their self-identification, no matter how it is expressed.

    It's just difficult for the people who are confused, working it out, or who identify as neither male nor female, especially the people who feel forced to pick one. Some of these individuals feel more aligned with transsexuals than crossdressers.

    To the OP: this part of the discussion is not meant to reflect my opinion of where you fit in the spectrum, but as a more general discussion that you may (or may not) find helpful.
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  10. #60
    Silver Member Kathryn Martin's Avatar
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    I believe that a part of the forum dedicated to gender queer/fluid is truly missing.

    In this day and age everyone calls themselves transsexual because it provides an otherwise currently unavailable legitimacy. If more effort and creativity was expended on describing the phenomena of gender variance and gender queer/fluid, people would recognize that transsexualism is an extremely rare condition because it involves a gender/sex conflict which occurs rarely. Because of the legitimacy issue too many believe that in order to create a believable and credible narrative they must desire hormones and even SRS and then often excuse themselves from it for all sorts of reasons, such as medical and financial etc. to avoid the consequences of something they really do not want or need. We have been over this. The result is regretters, people that should never have had surgery and remain men in surgically altered bodies thinking of de-transitioning or ending up lonely social pariahs.

    If instead people were to embrace who they really are, constructed narratives would vanish immediately. I can predict the evolution of practically every newbie in terms of narrative evolution and voila in the end everyone claims to be transsexual when in fact they are not. It is almost laughable. There are unequivocal tell tales. Rarely are they encountered here.
    Last edited by Kathryn Martin; 01-09-2013 at 05:49 PM.
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    Thank all of yall for the informative comments. I understand more now than I did before this thread. I understand why I wouldn't qualify for SRS. I'm not a woman in a mans body. I just wish I was a woman and men who wish they were women don't get to have the surgery. I can't afford it anyway. I probably will be able to get breast implants and I believe thats reversable if I don't like em, although, I can't imagine not liking them. Its just been kinda confusing for me because, well, im a bi-sexual CD. I have an appointment set up with a counselor on Feb. 18th so I can find out more.

  12. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathryn Martin View Post
    In this day and age everyone calls themselves transsexual because it provides an otherwise currently unavailable legitimacy. If more effort and creativity was expended on describing the phenomena of gender variance and gender queer/fluid, people would recognize that transsexualism is an extremely rare condition because it involves a gender/sex conflict which occurs rarely. Because of the legitimacy issue too many believe that in order to create a believable and credible narrative they must desire hormones and even SRS and then often excuse themselves from it for all sorts of reasons, such as medical and financial etc. to avoid the consequences of something they really do not want or need. We have been over this. The result is regretters, people that should never have had surgery and remain men in surgically altered bodies thinking of de-transitioning or ending up lonely social pariahs.
    I could not agree with you more!!

    I don't know how we would go about this in our society, getting people to understand that gender is not binary. How do we convince (what we now mostly call) CDers that they are not, in fact female, when they feel happiest expressing femininity? I've discovered that the concept of non-binary is difficult for most people to understand ... certainly it is for most cis-genders, but I suspect for some transsexuals as well who haven't really thought about it, since it is not something that is visible in the people around us.

    I haven't spent a great deal of time reading about the changing definitions in the DSM, as regards gender variants who are not transsexual so I confess I don't know how helpful or not helpful is the current definitions for the gender non-conforming (non transsexuals). I haven't even combed through the WPATH SOC to see how they define the non TSs (gender non-conforming) and what they recommend in terms of treatment. Admittedly, there isn't a great deal of physical treatment required if a birth-male does not need to alter his body through HRT or GRS. What is required, is to change society's attitudes to the point where people are more tolerant of gender variance. I don't know how possible this is.

    As a cisperson, I personally find it much easier to understand transmen and transwomen than someone who experiences a lesser degree of gender dysphoria, even though I am fully supportive and I take their word for it that they are not fully happy in their birth genders as society defines it.
    Reine

  13. #63
    Silver Member Kathryn Martin's Avatar
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    Being gender variant is wonderful. There is nothing wrong with expressing the richness of your personality in all kinds of ways including dress.

    Being either in the gender binary (which is where cis people and transsexuals are) or gender fluid is an entirely different thing. Real gender queerness is not only about expression and neither is being of a fixed gender but both have an inner configuration component that is like the basic flavor of each individual human being. Consider the something like tomboy and a crossdressers. Both expand on their personal expression sometimes beyond acceptable societal limits (which are completely arbitrary) but the basic human flavor remains true to their birth gender.

    Gender fluidity is truly incorporating both genders in a Milton Diamond kind of way. There is a biological basis to this I believe.

    So much fodder for some real conversation.
    "Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)

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    While all the others are busy trying to decide where to put you aalynn, I found the exact spot where you belong in the TG spectrum, if that helps you any. Right here: ....O..... . The easiest way is to pick a spot to start. Then learn as much as you can about this ..... affliction (curse, personal hell) or whatever you like to call it. As you understand more, place yourself wherever you like until it fits. You may never find an exact fit but you can get close.

  15. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathryn Martin View Post
    So much fodder for some real conversation.
    Yes exactly, which is why I was glad to see the OP pose the questions, unfortunately just not very well.

    I am convinced that early acceptance or a more open gender model would likely have resulted in my NOT transitioning. I did indeed wish I was born a girl but I WAS able to accept my reality and I was able to live a relatively normal life albeit a vaguely unhappy one. For me, my gender issues were tightly intertwined with my sexuality and I think my inability to accept myself as a gay man is at the core of why I needed to transition. I wanted to be gay rather than a TS and I tried in earnest to make the gender queer thing work but ultimately I preferred to be seen as something other than a man. Being a TS was not a desirable outcome, but in my current state of mind, I feel like it was the single best decision I ever made. Having said that, I just can't help but wonder how much my current state of mind has been influenced by socialization and the rigid gender roles that I grew to accept as normal.

    I tend to think that as society evolves, we will see far more gender variants and far fewer Transsexuals. Well, eventually. First we'll see a LOT more Transsexuals, then society will begin to evolve to a more constructive understanding of gender expression.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    I've discovered that the concept of non-binary is difficult for most people to understand ... certainly it is for most cis-genders, but I suspect for some transsexuals as well who haven't really thought about it, since it is not something that is visible in the people around us.
    I can only speak from my experience in regard to this. I thought of myself as mid spectrum for a long time. As with so many other things I've gone through over the last couple of years, in finding that so much of what I am and how I've experienced life (including the issues associated with coping) is based in female identity, I have also come to think my original understanding of gender variance was flawed. I know what it feels like to think you are gender variant. I am not at all sure it is the same experience as being gender variant.
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  17. #67
    Silver Member Kathryn Martin's Avatar
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    Again, Misty I would completely agree with you. Hey, it's like an orgy of agreement I am celebrating tonight with you.

    I actually believe that transsexuality is used for all kinds of legitimization purposes because no one wants to have a serious discussion about gender variance and what it is. It is amazing what you wrote and I would love to hear more to develop a much better understanding what it means to be gender variant.

    What you have written about is wonderful and I wish you would write more about it.

    I completely agree that the prevalence of gender variance is relatively high and transsexualism very low. As in 1:500 as opposed to 1:10 000. It will be a grand day when gender expression is just another way to be individual and yourself.
    "Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)

  18. #68
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    Furthering this line of discussion; could it be possible that some level of body modification might be appropriate for some (non-ts) gender variant persons?
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  19. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathryn Martin View Post
    Gender fluidity is truly incorporating both genders in a Milton Diamond kind of way. There is a biological basis to this I believe.

    So much fodder for some real conversation.
    I had read about him before, with the John/Joan case. He did aid in stopping arbitrary surgery on intersex infants, until doctors had their informed consents. I don't know if a majority of intersex identify as one or the other gender, or a blend of gender of their own. I imagine they'd be in a similar situation as the bigenders in that they would only see the binary around them, and feel forced to align with one or the other?

    Quote Originally Posted by max View Post
    Furthering this line of discussion; could it be possible that some level of body modification might be appropriate for some (non-ts) gender variant persons?
    Many of them wish to only grow the breasts or develop the softer body curves (we see them post here sometimes) and they alter their facial appearance as much as possible cosmetically to look feminine (beard removal, arched eyebrows, feminine styled hair). But then we get into the difficulty of being accepted as a male who gives off a lot of feminine gender cues. And notwithstanding the OP's positive experiences since being full time, I suspect that many people who do this find themselves somewhat shunned and lose friends and jobs depending on where they live.

    I can't tell you how often I've read in the CD side that many CDers put on the breast forms and the makeup just to pass under the radar as much as possible when going out, and if our society was open to feminine men, this is how they would gladly present. Not everyone wants the softer body, and I don't know why this is.
    Reine

  20. #70
    Silver Member Kathryn Martin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by max View Post
    Furthering this line of discussion; could it be possible that some level of body modification might be appropriate for some (non-ts) gender variant persons?
    There is nothing wrong with people making modifications to their body. In recent years this has become more and more accepted though tattoos, piercings etc. If you wish to have a facial shape or body shape to reflect how you want to look I would be happy for you if you achieved this.

    As Reine says, the problem is that so many are pushed to conform to a particular form of appearance (male or female) or behavior because of acceptance issues.

    Something else that no one ever says out loud, is the addiction factor associated with "dressing" behavior. The combination of "getting away" with it, passing under the radar, not having people stare at you combined with some relief from inability to present in reflection to how one feels can release a lot of dopamine and often becomes a recurrent, addictive behavior. Most people including many who believe that they are transsexuals, if given the opportunity to live an accepted full life in which they can express themselves freely would never chose to transition let alone have SRS.

    The danger is that they become pressed from one societal expectation to another. Not wanting to be a macho man, to be a feminine man does not equate being a woman. The same is true in reverse. There has been this recent huge surge in FtM self identified transsexuals. If society allowed a much broader range of personal expression as inside the acceptable range (like in large urban centers) transitioning would become something that only those with an intense gender /sex conflict would do. In this sense the gender conflict experienced by gender variant persons is a constructed one and arise less as a true conflict but rather as a social barrier.
    "Never forget the many ways there are to be human" (The Transsexual Taboo)

  21. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kathryn Martin View Post
    Something else that no one ever says out loud, is the addiction factor associated with "dressing" behavior. The combination of "getting away" with it, passing under the radar, not having people stare at you combined with some relief from inability to present in reflection to how one feels can release a lot of dopamine and often becomes a recurrent, addictive behavior. Most people including many who believe that they are transsexuals, if given the opportunity to live an accepted full life in which they can express themselves freely would never chose to transition let alone have SRS.
    This sort of brings us back full circle to the OP, who initially was perceived as a fetish CDer.

    There is a group of CDers for whom it is all about fetish and titillation, where the risk factor contributes to the overall excitement. To the OP: I'm not saying this describes you. And it's difficult to determine which individuals will stay at this stage, and which will eventually move on from the titillation to a more mature acceptance of self.

    But I have to say that people like my SO want to pass under the radar, not because it is exciting, but so as to not be ridiculed in public. Her worst fears were to cause a scene by appearing flagrantly as a man in a dress, and so she took great care with makeup and body shapers to rid herself of as many male gender cues as possible. But now that she has gotten to know some people in the mainstream, in the next town over who accept her for who she is, she has redefined herself and moved beyond the expectation that she should be perceived as a birth-woman to the people that she interacts with. She knows that she is not and she knows that the people she talks to know that she is not. But, they don't take her as a male either. I dare say that in their ignorance of the finer points of this community, most likely take it that she is TS.

    My SO still wants to pass under the radar and by this I mean appear as a woman in the periphery of passers-by's attention, since to appear as a man in a dress does not generally cause favorable reactions. Such is the issue with living in a binary world. But, when she does begin to actually talk with someone, the strength of her personality and her inner beautiful self do much to dispel any unease someone may have when encountering a male who is presenting as a female. Still, it is my experience that strangers are much more open minded than employers, family members, co-workers, students, etc. And so expressing herself in the next town over is the best solution for her at the moment, while she worked on always being herself internally no matter how she presents. This may be difficult to understand but in the beginning of her gender exploration she maintained two distinct sides, "him" and "her", which no longer exist. Now she is just always who s/he is. She very rarely feels the need to dress at home now and when she does, it is with comfortable feminine clothing without all the forms and makeup. There was a time when she would have died rather than have me see her like this. If I were to describe my SO's mood most the the time, I'd say that s/he is at peace.

    Sorry I made this so long, and if this seems off topic to the OP, I'm hoping that reading about different ways to be gender non-conforming may be helpful.
    Last edited by ReineD; 01-10-2013 at 07:04 AM.
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  22. #72
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    The latter part of this thread has morphed into a conversation with multiple well-said points in every post. Now this is what keeps me from dropping out of crossdressers.com! Regardless or irregardless of our level, we are still researching, sorting, and sifting this affliction (or not) as it applies to us. Though we are "stuck in the middle" with a binary society, we are getting interesting answers and theoretical discussions from within the group.

    Flying under the radar and getting away with it is addicting and releases pink dopamine? No way! I'm going to argue against that, but later. For now, I'm going to get into Teresa role and buy a dozen yellow roses for my spouse, from my local vendor. What's your favorite color, Reine? x 12


    --------
    Addicting... Hahah, not me. Bye.
    Last edited by TeresaL; 01-10-2013 at 11:24 AM.

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    [QUOTE
    Something else that no one ever says out loud, is the addiction factor associated with "dressing" behavior. The combination of "getting away" with it, passing under the radar, not having people stare at you combined with some relief from inability to present in reflection to how one feels can release a lot of dopamine and often becomes a recurrent, addictive behavior. Most people including many who believe that they are transsexuals, if given the opportunity to live an accepted full life in which they can express themselves freely would never chose to transition let alone have SRS.[/QUOTE]


    I agree. As a member of AA, I know how folks can replace one addiction with another. My alcoholic thinking tells me that, Hey, if I enjoy life this much more since I've come out of the closet and started dressing full-time, then maybe I can enjoy it EVEN MORE if I go all the way and get the surgery. I guess if people like me were actually allowed to go through with it and were later dissatisfied, then people who really need the surgery could possibly be denied. Is this why my original post struck a nerve?

    I am not entirely convinced that I would be dissatisfied if I could go through with it but I don't know.

  24. #74
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aalynn88 View Post
    [QUOTE
    Something else that no one ever says out loud, is the addiction factor associated with "dressing" behavior. The combination of "getting away" with it, passing under the radar, not having people stare at you combined with some relief from inability to present in reflection to how one feels can release a lot of dopamine and often becomes a recurrent, addictive behavior. Most people including many who believe that they are transsexuals, if given the opportunity to live an accepted full life in which they can express themselves freely would never chose to transition let alone have SRS.
    yes...there is a guy called Charles Kane that transitioned and then untransitioned, its clear that he should have never done it...he's a genuinely weird person and very self promoting...and now he is well known for blaming the medical community and anybody else he can think of for his stupidity...

    in general, the world is against us...so he is often embraced as a purient example of what can go wrong, and is held up as warning to transsexuals..when in fact, he is simply NOT a transsexual... when some folks here seem to attack others its often just the a case of identifying statements that sound like something this jerk would say...

    that all being said, i think you can just step back from trying to overanalyze something this is incomprehensible at first... since this is all new to you in alot of ways, the way you talk about it, the words you use etc are subject to many years of your own bias and feelings about yourself...and subject to a lack of information

    the ideas you've talked about don't preclude anything... lots of transsexuals feel sexual feelings about themselves...i thought my own feelings of sexuality meant i could not be ts...wrongs..

    also frankly i think the whole pink fog/addicted behaviour is much more of message board/internet/fantasy thing than something that takes hold in real life....its just so easy to come here and talk the talk...i have met 100's of cd's and dozens of ts personally..i have never met anyone, or talked about anyone that is so addicted to appearing female in real life that its confused with being transsexual or a misguided transition..never..lots of "uber dressers" and "identity dressers" that dress at home all the time..but no Charles Kanes...

    its not like we make some phone calls and set up the operations...try a couple hours of electrolysis for example...that's a great cure for addiction to femininity...

    you are well served to meet the therapist AND try to meet some cd's and ts's people in real life ...maybe through your therapy group... sitting down for a couple hrs with transsexuals would give you 100x more info than you have right now..and what you need more than anything is information..you are smart and thoughtful based on your posts...information will be very powerful for you

  25. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by aalynn88 View Post


    I agree. As a member of AA, I know how folks can replace one addiction with another. My alcoholic thinking tells me that, Hey, if I enjoy life this much more since I've come out of the closet and started dressing full-time, then maybe I can enjoy it EVEN MORE if I go all the way and get the surgery. I guess if people like me were actually allowed to go through with it and were later dissatisfied, then people who really need the surgery could possibly be denied. Is this why my original post struck a nerve?

    I am not entirely convinced that I would be dissatisfied if I could go through with it but I don't know.
    I think what struck the nerve is that you came across as being sexually motivated, like thats what is driving you to consider surgery, and you are worried about loosing you sex drive and not wanting hrt. To me I can't imagine wanting to keep that male sex drive, or understand why someone would not want hrt when they are talking about surgery.
    Last edited by arbon; 01-10-2013 at 12:31 PM.

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