Originally Posted by
Shibumi
Kindred spirits, I ask for advice from your experiences.
Just before the holidays I came out to my wife of 12 years and she has been wonderfully accepting and supportive. I've shaved my legs every day for the last 3 weeks, often right in front of her, and have underdressed many days. Last night as I packed my suitcase for a business trip, I did so wearing the satin robe she purchased for me and a pair of off-black hose over shaved legs. No big deal, right?
Well, it wasn't a big deal, and that's my problem. I felt such a naughty thrill a few weeks ago. I pushed the envelope by purchasing three pair of stiletto pumps with her knowledge, and she accepted that--though she was not overly happy when she saw the full effect. But then she said heels were OK except for bed, and in fact she complimented me on them and even suggested I buy her a similar pair in her size. So far, so good, right? I crossed the line by telling her I wanted to buy a skirt when we were exchanging her gifts. That unsettled her and we had a serious talk--I reassured her I would respect her, didn't want to be a woman, etc. So we kind of shifted into a new normal...now as we get ready for bed, I take off my male clothes, and if underdressed I put on my satin robe, or if not, first I make a show of putting on a pair of pantyhose or stockings. I suppose I am testing her acceptance. Since we usually wind up making love--this after a cooling period in our marriage--she has been very, very appreciative. So again, I was feeling good about all this.
Here's the thing. I purchased a few skirts online because I wanted to see how they looked, and had them shipped to my work. I did that behind her back. But now that they have arrived, and I did my obligatory posing in them (pic attached) I am very surprised to feel very blasé.
No real thrill at all. I'm sitting here in my hotel room with smooth legs, a new pair of pantyhose, a skirt, and a nice pair of pumps--and I feel let down. I'm wondering if maybe I need my wife to see me, to be with me, to feel I am doing something taboo, to be excited by this? I remember when she was trying on her Christmas gifts, some gorgeous clothes from BCBG, including some pencil skirts that looked like they were painted on her, and I was sitting there with my sheer hose, 5" stilettos, and seeing her in hose and heels and then seeing them on myself was overwhelmingly exciting.
My question to the forum is if the novelty wears off, or if it comes and goes, or if maybe I am just a fetishist? I would love to dress completely but I would not look remotely feminine from the waist up, and that would ruin the illusion. Maybe I have achieved all I can, and feel disappointed I will never make my outward appearance match what's in my head? If I could snap my fingers and be a decent looking woman, I would want to try that, but the process to reach that goal in real life just seems so exhausting, and would come at such a cost.
Have any of you gotten bored or tired of cross dressing? I'm thinking of just packing up my stuff and waiting until I get the strong urge again.
It feels nice to sit here in heels and hose, and finally a skirt, but I feel bad because I bought the skirts without her knowledge. She is not here to caress my legs or share in the experience. I think part of the excitement for me is precisely that she knows (at least about everything else) and without her it's no fun. I feel bored, stupid and lonely.
I'm rambling, but I wonder if I have just had my fill and it's time to take a break.
Any of you ever feel like this?
Shibumi