Am I nuts?

[Staci K]

I've had a long time desire when dressing to explore a relationship as Nicole. Someone that I can 'date' to be able to snuggle up to on the couch while watching a movie. To be held and feel his strong embrace. And eventually when relaxed with him, be his woman in the bedroom.

With 2013, I've started moving forward with the mindset that I'm not getting any younger, this has been a life-long thing, and I've got to explore it. You only live once, right?

So I've started a conversation with a gentleman online. Turns out he lives only a couple miles away. He fully knows I'm a CD, he knows that I tend to cycle between pink & blue fogs, and respects that in the blue fog, I have a life that includes a wife and a kid. Thus far I really like him - he's kind, courteous, and quite the gentleman. My wife knows of Nicole's desires and encourages Nicole to have a special friend knowing she doesn't have the right parts to satisfy Nicole.

So I'm carrying on a dialog with this gentlemen, I really like him thus far and would like to meet him in person. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks.... What the heck are you doing?!?! You're a guy; you're married; you've gone plumb loco.

Anyone else have these struggles? If so are you over your insecurities? What worked to put your mind at ease?

Thanks for your input...

Nicole

[Jessica_M]

Yes I've had and still have those thoughts..... and have acted on them a couple of times... a long time ago.
First I would be concerned where you met him on-line.... Craigslist seems to be a petri dish of potentially dangerous people.

Some people here have mentioned using a site like this one to develop relationships with the group and go from there...
I'm sure there are others here that can recommend other options, perhaps like local CD friendly groups.....

In any case, in the past, it was always a good idea to meet first in a very public place... and have your people judgement skills on high alert....
Keep looking for posts here before you agree to meet him anywhere... You do need to be cautious and protect yourself.
Best...
Jessica_M

[Stephanie47]

Sometimes fantasies should not be acted upon.
Sometimes the anticipation exceeds the actual event.
Risks vs Rewards

There are many times in life when we choose not to do something because it may have an adverse impact on those around us who love us.

[Jaymees22]

YES you are. Keep this a fantasy, you have a lot to lose and nothing to gain. Jaymee

[Beverley Sims]

I totally agree with you, and I would say a lot of others reading this also agree.
I would even edit your post in case your wife reads it.
Mine looked at it and said this guy's not real. (No smiley intended here.)

[Erica Marie]

I understand your feelings. BUT you have a loving wife who accepts you whole heartedly. DO NOT GIVE THAT UP FOR ANYTHING!!! Talk with your wife, if she is openminded enough maybe there are some, if you wanna say, special adapters that you two could experiment with. She has accepted you the way you are and as far as I am concerned that is worth more than anything. I have went through two serious relaionships where my SO could not accept me for who I am.

[sterling12]

It's your business what you do! But, you asked what do I have to lose? For Starters, your wife, your kid, half your "stuff," your anonymity, and potentially anything that might be connected with being "outed."

Otherwise, yes you have nothing to lose. Better think twice, then think again! Playing games outside of your marriage has a propensity to come back and bite you in The Derrière! I would concentrate on what "might happen." Ask a simple question of yourself, "If it all goes wrong...can I afford to take the consequences?"

Peace and Love, Joanie

[GaleWarning]

Don't be an idiot!
You have everything to lose and nothing to gain.
I know.

[Annaliese]

Be careful, look at all options, if you go down this road, will your wife want to some day may want to try something also with a man or even a woman, are you per paired for that. Think this through. Talk it over with your wife and what she wants. good luck.

[kimdl93]

I would go no farther. Fantasy blends badly with reality and its not just your life that will be harmed.

[Staci K]

As stated in my original post "My wife knows of Nicole's desires and encourages Nicole to have a special friend knowing she doesn't have the right parts to satisfy Nicole."

She's so supportive, she even makes sure I have 'me' time with the house to myself.

My wife and I have discussed it very openly and honestly - there is not a doubt in my mind she's all for it... She knows Nicole has desires and she can't satisfy all the desires - it does cause frustrations. In our conversations she has told me, "Nicole needs to be satisfied too; you get grumpy and frustrated." "I can accept it and have no problem if you're bi and have a special friend - so long as that special friend is not another woman." She goes on to tell me, I don't have the right equipment, so go have fun." "If Nicole gets satisfied elsewhere, I'll have only my man and no longer have to try to satisfy her" She's even admitted that she'd like to sometime watch as a precurser to our fun later after Nicole and her 'boyfriend' leave. Yeah, I have it made as far as having a supporting spouse. So my only inhibitions are all within my own head.

How do you silence those voices in your head that tell you this is wrong on so many levels to relax and just roll with it?

[Kate Simmons]

Let me just put it this way Nicole. If I end up transitioning to be a woman or even just living as one 24/7, I expect I will be doing the things a woman does and what a woman looks forward to. Otherwise I figure there is not much point doing it. Wish you well.

[Tashee]

I Had this struggle. Unlucky or Lucky I was divorced. So~ Outta the blue I was placed in this situation. Yes, I gave in and went with it. I was SOOOOOOO Surprised on just how much I liked this. More sureal was My Male to female attraction also became greater. It was ?? How can I say it?? It was like I was free'd of olde hangups--Like it taught me I wasn't Hetro-Nor Homo-I was me. Yes Some say Bi...I rather think..NO just me...Good Luck--

[AllieSF]

You are an adult and have thoroughly discussed this with your wife and she accepts and encourages it. You are curious about what it is like. As long as you go about all this in a safe way, sexually and physically, then when you are ready, give it a try. Most people are not into open relationships, including me. However, I do understand that they exist and do work out for a lot of people, and at the same time do not work out for the vast majority. I think that you must first work through your own desires and then decide. However, you will never know what it is like, nor whether it is just a fantasy or another side of you that needs that kind of attention occasionally or more frequently unless you experiment. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Ann Louise]

I feel like I'm watching a new friend standing at the edge of a chasm preparing to jump to the ledge on the other side! I know that I'm bi-sexual, and am really comfortable with that, but I settled that a while back, and perhaps most importantly, while single. The allegory of "letting the genie out of the bottle" immediately comes to mind. Please be careful Nicole, you can't put the genie back in the bottle whenever you want to. Elfin

[Eryn]

Nicole, sometimes wanting is better than having. What you are proposing is a massive complication of your situation, one with many potential negative ramifications and only one positive one. Your wife may be on board, but she may be simply stretching her tolerance to accommodate you. That stretch may take her past the breaking point.

The fact that you're questioning your action here is enough for me to advise against it.

[Ariamythe]

That's a ... hmmm. I think that's something only you and your spouse can decide, and if you believe she's being sincere, and if this will genuinely make Nicole happy .... hmm.

If I'm being honest, I'd say don't do it if you value your marriage. You're introducing a volitile and dangerous element into the relationship. She says she's okay with it now, but there's no way to tell the long- term effects of it. Do it only if you're willing to accept the worst possible outcome.

[andrea lace]

i tried it about 14 years ago when i was being bullied at work suffering from depression and not knowing what or who i truly was.It was a mistake i wont be making again i tell you that if you want to be with a man then do it but give your wife the courtesy of a goodbye and start your life over with a man

[Foxglove]

I won't try to tell you what to do with your life, but if I were in your shoes, I'd think about it very, very carefully. And then think about it some more. And maybe your wife needs to think about it some more.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Staci K]

Thanks for the feedback everyone... Yeah I do somewhat feel like standing at the edge contemplating leaping. As far as my relationship with wife - we have 20+ years invested. We've hit spots before that we've had to spice things up some to keep it interesting. I'm 100% confident she speaks the truth when we've had our heart to hearts - that this may be the next round of spicing things up to keep things interesting.

I definitely have plenty to 'chew' on as I mull this over.

Nicole

[Angela Campbell]

How do you silence those voices in your head that tell you this is wrong on so many levels to relax and just roll with it?

Looks to me you have already made up your mind and are looking for acceptance. Don't automatically believe she will be as accepting after the fact as before the fact either. It doesn't always work out that way. You should be listening to those voices, they are there for a reason.

[famousunknown]

So I'm carrying on a dialog with this gentlemen, I really like him thus far and would like to meet him in person. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks.... What the heck are you doing?!?! You're a guy; you're married; you've gone plumb loco.

That's called 'common sense'. You really should listen to it.

[Mistybtm]

As stated in my original post "My wife knows of Nicole's desires and encourages Nicole to have a special friend knowing she doesn't have the right parts to satisfy Nicole."

She's so supportive, she even makes sure I have 'me' time with the house to myself.

My wife and I have discussed it very openly and honestly - there is not a doubt in my mind she's all for it... She knows Nicole has desires and she can't satisfy all the desires - it does cause frustrations. In our conversations she has told me, "Nicole needs to be satisfied too; you get grumpy and frustrated." "I can accept it and have no problem if you're bi and have a special friend - so long as that special friend is not another woman." She goes on to tell me, I don't have the right equipment, so go have fun." "If Nicole gets satisfied elsewhere, I'll have only my man and no longer have to try to satisfy her" She's even admitted that she'd like to sometime watch as a precursors to our fun later after Nicole and her 'boyfriend' leave. Yeah, I have it made as far as having a supporting spouse. So my only inhibitions are all within my own head.

How do you silence those voices in your head that tell you this is wrong on so many levels to relax and just roll with it?

There are items your wife and yourself can get to satisfy Nicole with have you discussed that possibility.

[Jessica Who]

I don't have struggles like these, but I would caution you to think very carefully about your decisions.

[AllyCDTV]

I've had fantasies like that too but for a lot of the reasons already mentioned, I've left them as fantasies. In addition to the danger to your relationship with your wife, you could also be adding STD's into the mix. Plus now you are adding another human being into the mix and you don't know who that person truly is, what they are capable of and what they may ultimately turn out to be. You could be getting yourself into a very dangerous situation.