Female Alter-Egos

[pacificblue]

I think I need some perspective on this because I see it a lot in the forums and I've never really understood it. Please note before I start that I mean no offense and that I'm not trying to be snarky or mean or passive aggressive but I truly want to understand this because I think things like this are fascinating.

I'm trying to understand the feminine persona that many CD'ers seem to adopt when they dress. It's almost as though the dressing transforms them in a very literal sense. They are no longer "Bob". They are now "Bobette". They adopt entirely different mannerisms and sometimes personality and tastes. However, they do not phrase this as Bob acting like a female. They phrase it as Bobette acting like herself. Bobette is held to be an entirely different being than Bob, living inside the same person.

Now from one point of view I can understand this. It may just be the name they choose for their feminine side or it may simply be a psychological mechanism to provide some escapism from the trapping of male social pressures. I suppose the reasons for creating an entirely different female self is just as varied as the reasons for crossdressing itself.

Still I have an issue understanding this. I cannot feel comfortable creating a different female persona for myself. When I dress I am simply turning the outside of my body to reflect my inner self. I guess this means I am always in my female persona as it were. When socializing with men it is uncomfortable but even then I do not see it as someone different than myself doing the talking. I see myself using male gestures and cues in order to make socializing a little more relaxed.

So my questions is: if you do have a female persona for yourself, how did this come about? Is it truly like dealing with two separate people in the same body? Was it a natural thing or did you carefully construct and then become this persona? Is it just a name for yourself while dressed or something deeper? Do you literally see someone different than your male self when you dress? Has your two personas ever spoken to each other of their own accord? I have too many questions to type out so any information you can shed on your "alternate self" would be enlightening. If you are TS and adopt or construct a different identity than your inner gender, I would like to hear so too.

I hope I phrased this well enough to be understood.

[becky77]

I don't adopt a different persona, I am me all the time. But I sometimes say things like, when I am Becky, because that simplifies things meaning when I am dressed up, makeup, wig etc. So when I am Becky I feel much happier in myself, I feel more confident because I now look how it feels right and I am more relaxed, all of that means that my personality inevitably changes a bit because I can relax and be myself, I don't have to hide my feminine traits etc. In some ways it's more that I put on a persona when I am in Bob mode not the other way around.

Hope that helps

[ColleenA]

To respond to specific things you said:

This is NOT what I experience: "It's almost as though the dressing transforms them in a very literal sense. They are no longer "Bob". They are now "Bobette". They adopt entirely different mannerisms and sometimes personality and tastes. ... Bobette is held to be an entirely different being than Bob, living inside the same person."

This is a lot closer to what it is for me: "... it may simply be a simple psychological mechanism to provide some escapism from the trapping of male social pressures."

This also fits: "Is it just a name for yourself while dressed?" Colleen is me, just softer and gentler. I suppose I also play act with some of the mannerisms - things I could never get away with in normal life, but which I accent as a way to enhance feeling feminine.

Thus, this is not possible."Has your two personas ever spoken to each other of their own accord?"

[~Joanne~]

I don't transform into a second person. I am me whether I am wearing a dress or a pair of sweats. Yes, the outward appearance has changed and maybe my walk has change to accommodate the heels but over all I am still me. When I went out back on the 30th of October, I never once tried to disguise my voice. I spoke as I always do. I may from time to time refer to "Joanne" when talking to my SO but that just simplifies things as Becky stated.

[bridget thronton]

I am the same person regardless of my attire

[Kate Simmons]

Doing this is a creative outlet for many of us. We are only limited by our own imagination in any case.

[AllyCDTV]

Crossdressing for me is much like playing make-believe when I was a kid. I guess it's called role playing now. I would often pretend to be Superman or train engineer (something I sometimes still play today with my model railroad) or some other character. Now I pretend to be Ally, a very naughty vixen. For the couple hours a week I dress, it is an entertainment and an escape. There is nothing deep about it. I do not become Ally; I simply play Ally. Ally is not a part of my personality when I am not dressed. I developed Ally because I got turned on by what I saw in the mirror and wanted to continue on with it to a limited degree. Because Ally is only an ephemeral construct that does not exist outside of my crossdressing, I have never carried on a conversation with her. When I play Ally, I am living for the moment and my male persona is irrelevant.

[Ariamythe]

PacificBlue, I have been trying to understand this very thing myself recently. In fact, there's a thread about it around here somewhere that I started. I think it can be chalked up to CDing being a spectrum. Some want that alter-ego; some are their alter-ego; some play-act; some live the life.

[Ms. Laura]

My point of view is that I have 1 personality. The name is only a reference. In my case it is what my Mother was going to name me had I been born a girl. (actually Lauren, but my cousin is named Lauren and that felt creepy) Anyway, I feel like dressing brings focus to my more feminine personality traits, like a lens.

It's just that the Yin within my Yang is much larger than what is normally depicted.

[AllieSF]

I have responded to threads like this many times before. To me, I am always me. When dressed as a woman I am still me but want and enjoy taking on the female mannerisms and role that my image projects at that moment. I have a femme name and it fits who I am when dressed. When not dressed my male name fits just as well.

[Foxglove]

To me, I am always me.

Me, too. When I'm out as "Annabelle" it allows me to feel things that I always had to repress before. I don't become a new person. I simply become more fully myself. And it feels great.

[Lorileah]

We all play roles in daily life. Is it that we are two or three different people inside? Not really. However when we are presenting in certain forms we can relax and be different. We react to what is going on around us in different ways. And how we react is different too. Thus I am more open and friendly and I have fun. All the things that I didn't do before. Not two different persons but two different persona. More comfortable with who I am maybe? That translates into appearing as a different personality to those who know me both ways.

[Michaelasfun]

Me, too. When I'm out as "Annabelle" it allows me to feel things that I always had to repress before. I don't become a new person. I simply become more fully myself. And it feels great.

Me too. I feel like I can be myself. And be happy.

[JadeEmber]

Honestly, I don't even think spectrum is a good metaphor, since it suggests there are two goal posts and everyone is a linear combination in between. There's a rather wild diversity of why people choose to cross-dress, and there's an equally wild diversity in terms of how they express it. One could probably make a good list based on all the threads here.

It's interesting, though, there are more responses here about not keeping a separate persona, just using a name by convention on the forums, than I would have thought. Not a scientific poll obviously .

Personally, I do not have a separate alter ego, nor do I think I act or move differently, really, especially since I don't wear constrained clothes that might force it (in particular, I never wear heels). Is it possible that my core personality has shifted over the years by accepting this form of expression? Probably. However, that's also true of other things I've done, whether work-related, artistic, or otherwise. Some of those changes haven't been true to my nature, I think; in particular, the things that one has to do to succeed in corporate environments, and others are.

Maybe for some people it's a firewall to prevent feminine aspects from leaking over? Or maybe it's just a strict way to designate that _this_ is fun time. I imagine it depends on who it is.

[Angela Campbell]

I wear a female name the same way I wear a wig and makeup. It helps to complete the package. It just wouldn't do to attempt to appear as a woman in all ways and be called Bob. I am the same no matter how I dress, although due to the fear of society I am a little more shy. It could be for others that it is just a great way to "be" something different for a time. I do not do that but I can understand it.

[Jodi]

I use the term "alter ego" when referring to me going out. There is no change in me. I'm just wearing different clothing. I guess it is just a way to tell someone that I went out as Jodi.

Jodi

[Leah Lynn]

When I dress... That's when I get home from work, take a shower and wash the male off. I spend more time en femme, because that's where I'm comfortable. I feel like I'm playing "Dude" by day, and and being myself at night.

[carhill2mn]

When I present as a man I put forth a personality, actions, etc. that are consistent with what people who know me as a man expect. When I am presenting as a woman I project a personality, actions, etc. that would be consistent with my idea of a lady.

[Audreyanne]

Crossdressing for me is much like playing make-believe when I was a kid. I guess it's called role playing now. I would often pretend to be Superman or train engineer (something I sometimes still play today with my model railroad) or some other character. Now I pretend to be Ally, a very naughty vixen. For the couple hours a week I dress, it is an entertainment and an escape. There is nothing deep about it. I do not become Ally; I simply play Ally. Ally is not a part of my personality when I am not dressed. I developed Ally because I got turned on by what I saw in the mirror and wanted to continue on with it to a limited degree. Because Ally is only an ephemeral construct that does not exist outside of my crossdressing, I have never carried on a conversation with her. When I play Ally, I am living for the moment and my male persona is irrelevant.

This is pretty close to my view. As entertainment or as an escape, I have developed female characters who I play when I am dressed. They are not me but rather something that I have created just as if they were characters in a story that I wrote.

[Jenniferathome]

I cannot feel comfortable creating a different female persona for myself. When I dress I am simply turning the outside of my body to reflect my inner self.

Not in my case. I would describe it as releasing a feminine part of me for a time. But the inner mess always a dude.

So my questions is: if you do have a female persona for yourself, how did this come about? Is it truly like dealing with two separate people in the same body?

There is only me,the guy. Sometimes that guy looks like a woman and enjoys that feeling. It is empowering and stress releiving at the same time. When I go into girl mode, I never forget that I am a guy. There is no inner woman getting out.

[AimeeG]

I'm the same person no matter how I'm dressed. I do have a different name, but mostly for,PC reasons for those who,get confused, and I will still answer to both for my close friends if they forget. I do have a given name that is sometimes confused as masculine and feminine, especially on the phone (wish I had this voice live). I treat the people who work for me the same which may be a reason why I work with women better than men. Unfortunately, I have to lose the cloths and polish, and hair for where I work, at least right now. For a very long time I have shown feminine traits as in crossing my legs, putting my hair behind my ear even though don't have any (sucks), shaving all over, shopping...

I work in a male dominated homo-phobic scared of anything "abnormal" work place where I have to "dress" the part, but it pays well.

[Ariamythe]

LOL! Reading this thread, and the wildly diverging answers to the OP in it, makes me think that getting a group of CDers to agree on something about CDing would be like herding cats.

[AmyGaleRT]

I think you're right, Ariamythe. There are many diverse ways that we enjoy dressing.

For my part, I feel that I am expressing the feminine part of my soul when I dress. This part of me, I have given the name "Amy." When the way I walk, sit, speak, etc., changes when I am presenting as Amy, it feels right to do things this way. I often feel a warm glow in this mode, like an aura of femininity has surrounded me. But I'm not a candidate for transitioning and living full-time; the male part of me is also valid, and is too important and useful to just let go. So I be a guy when I must, and Amy when I can.

- Amy

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Without trying to sound too crazy I will try and explain.

The female persona was always there, let's just say the male persona spent the better part of life trying to destory and get rid of it. As a result the "persona" just developed on her own and basically forced her way out whether the male side approved or not.

I've always described the relationship as being a combative at each other throats passionate love passionate hate brother/sister relationship.

The name Jocelyn Quivers is my very essence (girl side). Both the first and last name have a very sentimental meaning and it's the name I will keep forever. I also need my male side, and my male side needs me. Neither can survive without the other. It would be like that Star Trek episode where Captain Kirk is split into 2 different beings or persona's from a transporter malufunction.

Yes a far younger, prettier, and basically happier person (I actually smile, something my male side never does at all) . To give a short essay on my "alternate persona", there are a lot of traits and habitsI inherited from my male side. Even when in complete girl mode the male traits emerge and are prominent.

Examples if there is a dress I want to fit into it's my male sides work ethic and drive which helps me to exercise and diet to achieving that size. I'm also as disorganized and cluttered as my male personaThere are some differences from my male persona and the normal self arguments are over weightlifting building bulk and muscle vs. cardio toning having very little bulk. Eating junk food vs. hardly eating anything at at all or vegetables if anylthing. Spending descretionary income on video games electronics vs. clothes, shoes, cosmetics.

Also my male persona is more business like, emotionless almost robotic like where the girl persona is very very emotional and hotheaded. Which has not been good when that part has burst out while in male mode. In summary let's just say it's 2 different spirits forced to live together in the same body with the male spirit being the more developed of the 2.

I hope this was not too confusing of an explanation because I actually am a little confused now after writing it!

[Tracii G]

I often wonder why people feel the need to over complicate things?