Best Therapist Advice Or Worst Horror Stories?

[Ariamythe]

I am currently trying to find a therapist that is accessible & affordable (i.e. near home or work and accepts my insurance) to help me with my current situation. So I'm curious about the kind of therapist stories the rest of you have.

If you've gone to see a therapist before please share your experiences. I'm wondering what to expect when I go, what techniques or whatnot they employ, and how they handle big dudes sitting in their office claiming to have a female side.

Frankly, I'm scared of being laughed out of the office! Or worse yet, told that I'm sick and need to be "cured." I've spent the last 20 years telling myself that, I don't need it from someone else. I don't want to be "cured."

If there have been other threads about this, I apologize. My search-fu is weak. Links would be appreciated.

EDIT: Obviously, I'm not expecting you to share intensely personal stuff. I don't want to seem nosy. Just general experiences.

[Ericaxd]

My one experience with a therapist was not good. She was very welcoming and listened--I do not think you need to fear being laughed out of the office or being told your sick. That is not likely to happen. But, based on my experience, if I were you one of the most important criteria for me would be to find some one who has a specialty in TG issues. The generalist I had did not really seem to understand the issues.

[Edyta_C]

It will be difficult to find someone who takes your insurance and who is up to snuff with TG issues. I was lucky to find help with a professional that deals with both depression and gender dysphoria. She has referred me now to a TG specialist counselor. This gal also does not take insurance but is cheaper that the Doctor. I think your success will depend on the area you live in and how much professional help is available. In Central Texas there are a number of alternatives, but in some other areas of Texas I think you might have trouble.

Edy

[Sarasometimes]

You need to search for a gender aware therapist! Any others will probably take your money and learn from you. I taught many therapists unknowingly until i found a LGBT therapy practice and now all is good. Good Luck.

[Eryn]

Whenever I hear of someone going to a therapist who doesn't have specific experience with TG issues I think of this old VW ad:

vwlearning.jpg
Is someone learning how to fix Volkswagens on your Volkswagen?

The same logic applies. You're paying for the therapist's expertise, not for the therapist to learn a new expertise!

[LaraPeterson]

Therapy (Latin therapīa; Greek: θεραπεία) literally means "curing, healing" and is the attempted remediation of a health problem, usually following a diagnosis. In the medical field, it is synonymous with the word "treatment". Among psychologists, the term may refer specifically to psychotherapy or "talk therapy".

I saw one, one time. He was walking down the street toward his office. That's as close to those people as I ever want to get. I'm not prejudiced or anything. I just don't like being around idiots who think they know it all. Ariamythe, you are not sick and as you said, you don't need to be cured. Try to find someone else who is facing the same sort of challenges you are; ie, other CD's. You will get much more benefit from them than you will someone who has read a book and didn't understand much of what they studied.

[lingerieLiz]

My experience with a therapist was not good. Neither were the cources I took in college. It was suggested I not take any more cources as I was causing issues.

The therapist that I met with had more issues than I did. She almost cost me a divorce. We found out later that two other couples we knew had fired her. She hated men! Never knew I was a CD.

Not that all therapist are bad, but shop for what you want to resolve and don't worry about hurting their delicate feelings.

[sandra-leigh]

I saw one, one time. He was walking down the street toward his office. That's as close to those people as I ever want to get. I'm not prejudiced or anything. I just don't like being around idiots who think they know it all. Ariamythe, you are not sick and as you said, you don't need to be cured. Try to find someone else who is facing the same sort of challenges you are; ie, other CD's. You will get much more benefit from them than you will someone who has read a book and didn't understand much of what they studied.

Sounds to me like you are prejudiced.

I am going to gender therapy but I am also going to what I refer to as "life therapy" (because I have more strains in my life than just gender.) My therapist for that unfortunately moved away this year, but she was very good. She had not trained in gender therapy and never claimed to have. On the other hand, she had worked for two years at the inner-city clinic that provides all the official trans health services for the city, so she "got it" and was comfortable speaking to me about gender issues when I raised them in therapy.

The CDs and TS's I know are not trained in therapy, and have their own lives to deal with.

[MeganHenry]

Here we go...
One said this isn't what normal boys do...(male)
Another...I still don't know why you would want to do this...(male)
Next...if I could see the panties and what he wears I could tell you more...(female)
And then...id recommend if you can not dress for a week buy yourself a little gift like a cd or something...(male)
Finally...what's the big deal? Let's work on what's really here, what you are feeling, what has you concerned etc..(female) The best bar none that I met with.

[LaraPeterson]

How could you tell? Maybe it's because I have about 30 years in the discipline and two post graduate degrees. I've worked around these so-called experts most of my adult life and I can tell you that most of them are quacks. If you have one you trust, good for you, really.

[whowhatwhen]

I've had nothing but good experiences so far, and in fact I've opened up way more than I thought I ever could.
The biggest thing is trust, and with therapy you'll only get out what you put in.

- Find a therapist with experience in TG areas
- If they mention conversion therapy run for the hills
- Don't expect a quick fix, therapy is talking and it's up to you to put in the work

Don't let other people's negative experiences deter you.
For me, therapy has been the best thing that has happened to me and I would absolutely recommend it to anyone.

Therapy (Latin therapīa; Greek: θεραπεία) literally means "curing, healing" and is the attempted remediation of a health problem, usually following a diagnosis. In the medical field, it is synonymous with the word "treatment". Among psychologists, the term may refer specifically to psychotherapy or "talk therapy".

I saw one, one time. He was walking down the street toward his office. That's as close to those people as I ever want to get. I'm not prejudiced or anything. I just don't like being around idiots who think they know it all. Ariamythe, you are not sick and as you said, you don't need to be cured. Try to find someone else who is facing the same sort of challenges you are; ie, other CD's. You will get much more benefit from them than you will someone who has read a book and didn't understand much of what they studied.

Or, maybe other CDs aren't interested in hearing about how much you dislike your parts.
They also cannot give a letter if you need to start HRT, or greenlight SRS.

I don't know about you, but there is no way in hell I would dump my gender identity issues on anyone I considered a friend close enough to tell them I was having them in the first place.

[Silmaril]

I have had positive experiences, and (as others have above) encourage you to find someone who has training and experience with TGs. I agree: you don't need to be "cured." In fact, I think it's pretty well established that TG behaviors don't go away, so looking for a cure would be a fool's errand.

But I also think being TG has *huge* potential to be a more complicated matter than many would have you believe. I'm sure any of us would want to help one of our sisters, but in the end, that kind of input may be no more than opinion.

My suggestion is that if you think you'd like to do a little work on yourself, you'd be wiser to seek out a trained professional. There can be a lot of layers of crap that can build up around your psyche over the years, making it hard to determine which parts of your pattern are truly you and which parts are unhealthy reactions that you might improve through counseling. An experienced professional can help you clear away the psychic flotsam and jetsam and find your true self.

Don't be afraid to shop around. Be a good consumer; after all, it's your dime. I think you have no reason to fear being laughed at.

[Krististeph]

therapists are neither geniuses nor panaceas.

Go to whomever you choose. Be up front and disclose your worst 'fears' or 'secrets' within 10 minutes, preferably less.

The ploint it get out why you are there right off the bat: You are legally and ethically protected. if you do not like the therapist- walk out before the session is up. If anything 'bad' happens because of this, you basically inherit a significant percentage of their worth...

the point is- pick a therapist- open up right off the bat, and if you get a good vibe- great. if not- try another. you will find one quickly, and the law says you are protected no matter what (unless you talk about hurting yourself or others (which if you do, you are a true douchebag)).

This is one realm we a fully covered in... :-)

My therapist loves me- i come in with the craziest sh!t, and we just dish. 3-4 hours (sessions), he tells me just keep true to myself, essentially. And he gets 3/4 grand.

it's worth it. by far, I call it a bargain the best I ever had.

Kristi

[Ariamythe]

One thing I've quickly learned to appreciate is how willing to share this forum is! Thanks for your experiences, both good and bad.

I will definitely heed the advice to find a therapist with trans experience, if I can. So far, I haven't had any luck with the magic combo of trans experience AND in the insurance network, but we'll see what tomorrow brings ...

[Paula_56]

There are may good ones out there, where are you located? PM me if you are near Boston and i will tell you about my therapist. They do help girl!

[Amanda M]

Therapy (Latin therapīa; Greek: θεραπεία) literally means "curing, healing" and is the attempted remediation of a health problem, usually following a diagnosis. In the medical field, it is synonymous with the word "treatment". Among psychologists, the term may refer specifically to psychotherapy or "talk therapy".

I saw one, one time. He was walking down the street toward his office. That's as close to those people as I ever want to get. I'm not prejudiced or anything. I just don't like being around idiots who think they know it all. .

Methinks the lady doth protest too much! We are not all idiots, you know. Sopmetimes we actually manage to help, as some of our friends here have said!

Best, Amanda.

[kimdl93]

I spent the better part of two years in therapy, beginning with two sessions a week, later tapering off to bi weekly then monthly sessions. But I only had ever worked with one therapist. She was a fine, knowledgeable professional and although she didn't specialize in gender issues she helped me a great deal, especially in learning to accept myself.

[michelleky53]

I worked with a therapist after my divorce. She was very helpful and professional. It was her suggestion that I be able to dress during my visits to her office and she would schedule me to be her last client of the day. I changed clothes in her bathroom and her receptionist would make sure the previous client was gone before I came out. Both women were very helpful and I appreciated them both.

[Sheren Kelly]

It's not the therapist's job to cure you. They are there to get you to face your issues and help you find the most appropriate strategy for dealing with them. If a therapist throws a judgement at you for your dressing, RUN (don't walk!) and find one who will work with you in a supportive role.

[Sandra1746]

The worst problem is that very few seem to be aware of transgender issues and such basic concepts as the BENJAMIN SCALE. The one LCSW I did see was very friendly and non-judjmental but was not familiar with TG issues. I took in a printout of the WIKIPEDIA page for Benjamin Scale and Transgender and she scanned it while we talked, that seemed to help and she thanked me for the information.

What that visit did was get me off my dime and I made an appointment with a local health group that has a significant LGBT practice. This is where I finally did get some positive results. Not sure about your area but there is likely one nearby, especially if you live near a large city. You can GOOGLE various keywords and your locale and find leads, that worked for me. Mostly you have to dig out the places for yourself, they are there.

Good luck and ask lots of questions first,
Sandra1746

[Allison Chaynes]

Ariamythe,

A couple things I can tell you:

First off as many have said, find one that has experience with CD/TG issues or you're wasting your time. This is where I found mine:
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/

Once you find one, research that person and find any feedback you can from others (Yahho! Local may have some).

Second, define what you want to get out of therapy. If you have no goal, you'll never get there.

[SandraInHose]

I think therapy has it's place, but unless that therapist has either walked in your shoes (no pun intended) or has extensive experience with TG issues, I save my money. You'd get more practical advice hanging with a local group of TGs.

Having had a dozen counseling sessions (for non-CD issues), I felt that although I did receive some good advice, the majority of the interaction was me enlightening the counselor as to the pro's and cons of my problems.

[CassandraSmith]

So I'm curious about the kind of therapist stories the rest of you have.

If you've gone to see a therapist before please share your experiences. I'm wondering what to expect when I go, what techniques or whatnot they employ, and how they handle big dudes sitting in their office claiming to have a female side.

Frankly, I'm scared of being laughed out of the office! Or worse yet, told that I'm sick and need to be "cured." I've spent the last 20 years telling myself that, I don't need it from someone else. I don't want to be "cured."

If there have been other threads about this, I apologize. My search-fu is weak. Links would be appreciated.

EDIT: Obviously, I'm not expecting you to share intensely personal stuff. I don't want to seem nosy. Just general experiences.

I can say without a doubt that Marilyn Marshall in Spokane, Washington would never make anyone feel humiliated or judge anyone from their attire or mannerisms. She's one of those who has exceptional empathetic skills and also knows how to draw out stuff without prying or being invasive. Most people almost feel compelled to confide in her immediately as she exudes unconditional positive regard (yes, she's highly Rogerian when appropriate) and she knows how to listen at the most profoundly deep level.

Since I don't consider CDing a disorder myself, what I think would be beneficial would be to find one that enjoys the Rogerian approach (active listening; Carl Rogers) with skills in cognitive emotive (Beck). Gestalt can be a good adjunct as it can help with working through dialogs with imaginary family members. I've also found Family Constellation Therapy to be very insightful and had some healing come through that for the minor abuse I took from a step parent.

Mostly, you'll know the right one because you'll feel totally safe with them. If you feel like you're in peril talking to them right off, they aren't right or qualified.

Now I do have a funny story. When I had returned to college, I was getting pretty stressed around exam times and thought, maybe I'll try one of the student counselors in training in our psych department. So I went in and made an appointment. Once in her office, I met a very nice young woman in her early 20's (I was in late 30's) and we sat down. The dialog went something like this:

"Hi."
"Hi."
"How are you doing?"
"Fine, I'm feeling a little stressed out and I'd like to work on my stuff if that's possible." I asked.
"That's good but first I need to ask you, have you ever been molested?"
I paused for a moment, got a somber look and said, "Well, yes... but only by myself."
I smiled and winked and thought to myself this is the worst opening I've ever heard in my life for a therapist. This is never going to work.
I think she realized that that pretty much killed it also and I said that I didn't think this was going to work for me.

It was a little disappointing though because they only were charging $7 an hour but then I thought "Well, you get what you pay for."

[CassandraSmith]

Here we go...
One said this isn't what normal boys do...(male)
Another...I still don't know why you would want to do this...(male)
Next...if I could see the panties and what he wears I could tell you more...(female)
And then...id recommend if you can not dress for a week buy yourself a little gift like a cd or something...(male)
Finally...what's the big deal? Let's work on what's really here, what you are feeling, what has you concerned etc..(female) The best bar none that I met with.

"But Dr., I'm hetero!" followed by a confused look.

[Amanda M]

Nice one, Cassandra!