Would he be different If we never met?

[KatieGG]

Before my husband and I started dating back in high school, I knew he wore girl's jean which was pretty common among the "skater" kids. Most of them wore very unisex looking skinny jeans, but his always looked a little more fem, some didn't have back pockets or had a little design on them or whatever. But just the way they looked on him was different from all the other guys. Then one day I noticed he had panty lines. This was back when he was just a guy I had a crush on,

Anyway to speed this up a bit I got the nerve to talk to him after school one day, after some awkward small talk I just blurted out "You wear panties don't you?" I'm pretty sure I was more embarrassed then he was, but I could tell he was taken by surprised for a minute but he recovered and said " Umm yeah don't you?" then he smiled and I laughed, and watched him ride away on his skate board.

Well after a while we started dating and he told me he just wore the jeans and panties and aside from dressing as a girl for halloween once he never really thought about crossdressinng, and one night just for fun he put on one of my skirts and I did his make up, and it just kind of grew from that point.

Ok after all that the point of this thread before I rambled on so much is do you think he would have gone past jeans and panties if I never asked himi about it or if I wasn't with him holding his hand? Just something that I think about every once in a while, and would like to see what everyone thinks.

[Erica Marie]

I think in time he may have ventured farther. For alot of us our level of dressing seems to come in stages. He is a very lucky person to have you as a SO.

[Laura28]

I think he would have, clearly he liked it if he is now doing it. So the urge may have been always there and he just surpresed it by wearing "Unisex clothing" . In my case i just started with a panties and slips when i was young stopped for year and years, then off and on over the years mostly in the winter i would get the urge really strong. Now i am at peace with it and my wife is very supportive with it as well. But i have taken it further, i want enjoy the whole effect totally dressed make up wig etc...

[Edyta_C]

I doubt that your involvement had any effect except to speed things up at this moment. If he was born leaning that way, he would still be leaning that way without your encouragement. But he is very lucky to have an SO that can accept him as he is.

Edy

[DebbieL]

He may have had desires to do much more, and maybe even did more. Boys are conditioned at a very young age, usually 5-7 years old to do anything necessary to avoid the "Sissy" label, especially in areas where being labeled could lead to being violently attacked.

As they get older, being to feminine becomes associated with being gay. Most women are attracted to more masculine men.

He was very lucky that you were so observant, and also that you were willing to take the initiative. Many transgenders struggle intensely during their teens and early 20s, and many end up becoming very self-destructive, even suicidal. If he hadn't met you, his life would have taken a number of ugly turns. Fortunately, you have shown him that he can be who he is and can still be loved by a beautiful woman. You may have been EXACTLY the best thing that could have possibly happened with him.

[Marleena]

Katie you didn't do anything wrong. It was in his genes..or jeans already.

[monalisa]

He was very lucky that you found him and accepted him. Sounds like you both are happy so just look to the future.

[Jenniferathome]

yes. no one lets their girlfriend dress them up if they are not already curious. it may have taken longer to achieve whatever level he is at today but it would happen.

[sissystephanie]

I believe that the other people who have posted here have pretty much all said the same thing. Yes, he would still have dressed more, regardless. He had already experimented, and obviously like wearing womens clothing. So the urge to expand his dressing was most likely already there! As others have said, he is very lucky to have you!!

[Angela Campbell]

Oh yeah he was one of us for sure, from the beginning. You probably helped him a lot but he still would be a dresser, just in secret.

[TeresaL]

Katie, you didn't have anything to do with his proclivity to crossdress. He had this before you met him, and would more than likely, have proceeded into dressing more. What has happened though, is he latched up with a wonderful woman.

[KatieGG]

Thanks for all the feedback! Everyone here has been so nice and helpful for me. What everyone is saying makes sense. I guess since even though it's been 6 years I still feel very ignorant to a lot of aspects about cross dressing outside of my marrage. To me it was just part of him and something we had fun with. Until I found this site I never read or heard to much about it. Honestly before I met him the thought that some guys do this never really entered my mind which is why I think I was SO drawn to him.

I wouldn't be shocked if he had tried it more times than he was willing to tell me. He just seemed very natural in my skirt and too willing to go along with it and like everyone said I guess I just helped speed up the process or even gave him the courage (yay me!) to do it.

[Kimberlyfaye]

Hey Katie.

I think he would be slightly different. Being with a partner helps shape us be it CDing or anything else. I know I wouldn't be who I am if I hadn't met my partner. She's so supportive. If it wasn't for her I would never had stepped out the front door in public. And Kim wouldn't exist in the way she does right now. And I'm glad I did meet her. I'll always thank my GG friend for introducing us.

I think your husband is lucky to have you :-)

And those lines, "you wear panties" "yeah, don't you" so sweet. That's amazing you pretty much started your relationship with those words. I think he knew you were special.

[Shelby]

Your Husband is so lucky to have someone like you who excepts him. You are a rare jewel, I wish I could find someone like you who supports me. Being single and trying to be up front and honest about my cding with women I meet hasn't worked out to well. If I withheld that info and we developed a relationship, then I would be afraid that I lied to her and she would feel cheated on. As a result, I feel like I am suppressing this side of me more and more and have even started to resent the fem side of my life. I dress less and less. I recently moved and most of my girl clothes are still packed in totes. It is a shame because, I liked that the Fem side of me brought out a more real and understanding man. When he put on your skirt, you may have brought out the best qualities in your man. He will make for a better partner in life, embrace that.

[Kathi Lake]

Katie, my first response that came to mind was, "Well, she's definitely a woman, all right. Her first response is guilt."

Would he have turned out the way he did if he hadn't met you? Not at all. He would have been an entirely different person. I guess the question you have to ask yourself is this; Has he turned out to be a decent, kind, loving human being? If so, then you have done well. You have helped him navigate the waters of marriage and love and family. If that is the case, then you should be justifiably proud of your man - no matter how he chooses to dress at times.



Kathi

[justmetoo]

I think he would've been a less happy person if you never met.

[KatieGG]

So is it common for teen crossdressers to wear panties to school? Was there more vpl that I didn't see?? After I asked him about it I was so sure I just embarrassed the hell out of him and blew any chance I had with him.

[Kathi Lake]

Common? Sure - and probably more than you think. See, we know that no guy would ever notice VPL, or even know what it stood for.

Girls would notice and probably not care nearly as much. I'm glad that it wasn't a total deal-breaker for you.

Kathi

[SarahMarie42]

I don't really have anything substantial to contribute, but . . . I just wanted to say that this is one of the sweetest (tender & cute) threads I've ever seen. Not only are you accepting of his cross-dressing, but you would be proud to think you helped ease him into it. That's really, really great. :]

[justmetoo]

So is it common for teen crossdressers to wear panties to school? Was there more vpl that I didn't see?? After I asked him about it I was so sure I just embarrassed the hell out of him and blew any chance I had with him.

I doubt it was common in my day in the schools I went to, because we had gym everyday and we all had to change into our gym clothes in pretty open spaces. No hiding panties there!
But outside of school, when there seemd to be little chance of getting caught? Sure.
You probably did embarrass him, but his response was great. And I guess you didn't blow your chance with him, eh?

[busker]

Before my husband and I started dating back in high school, I knew he wore girl's jean which was pretty common among the "skater" kids. Most of them wore very unisex looking skinny jeans, but his always looked a little more fem, some didn't have back pockets or had a little design on them or whatever. But just the way they looked on him was different from all the other guys. Then one day I noticed he had panty lines. This was back when he was just a guy I had a crush on,

Anyway to speed this up a bit I got the nerve to talk to him after school one day, after some awkward small talk I just blurted out "You wear panties don't you?" I'm pretty sure I was more embarrassed then he was, but I could tell he was taken by surprised for a minute but he recovered and said " Umm yeah don't you?" then he smiled and I laughed, and watched him ride away on his skate board.

Well after a while we started dating and he told me he just wore the jeans and panties and aside from dressing as a girl for halloween once he never really thought about crossdressinng, and one night just for fun he put on one of my skirts and I did his make up, and it just kind of grew from that point.

Ok after all that the point of this thread before I rambled on so much is do you think he would have gone past jeans and panties if I never asked himi about it or if I wasn't with him holding his hand? Just something that I think about every once in a while, and would like to see what everyone thinks.

Katie, in physics there is something called the "observer effect, and I think it applies equally well in anything we are involved in. If you smile at someone, you change them at that instant--good or bad, is immaterial. If he had the inclination, then, yes, you did change him by giving him encouragement and perhaps having him start something sooner even though he may have had a tendency. It may have come later in life, maybe not at all, but as Kathi said, if he is a better person for it, and happier, then that is the change you made and kudos to you.


In science, the term observer effect refers to changes that the act of observation will make on a phenomenon being observed. This is often the result of instruments that, by necessity, alter the state of what they measure in some manner. A commonplace example is checking the pressure in an automobile tire; this is difficult to do without letting out some of the air, thus changing the pressure. This effect can be observed in many domains of physics.

The observer effect on a physical process can often be reduced to insignificance by using better instruments or observation techniques. However in quantum mechanics, which deals with very small objects, it is not possible to observe a system without changing the system, so the observer must be considered part of the system being observed.

[Beverley Sims]

All you did was speed the progression up and help create a happy union.
He would still have done it but may be closeted and unhappy now.

[kimdl93]

Chances are he would have found a way beyond panties and jeans, as others have said. But we really can't say what path he may have taken. . He may have hidden for years, maybe even denied this part of himself. Really, he's so fortunate that you drew him out early...at least compared to most of us.

[Kathi Lake]

Katie, I just thought of something else.

Let's assume that your husband is, and always has been, a crossdresser. Looking at the evidence you've given, it seems likely. How has his meeting you changed him? Well, he probably won't turn out nearly as screwed up as many of us. Since he has a supportive spouse who knows about, and even helps with his dressing, he won't have to deal with the shame, the hiding, the embarrassment, and the marital stress many of us do. How have you changed him? For the better, Katie. For the better.

Kathi

[KatieGG]

So for once me being nosey has a positive effect! Thanks for all the insight I really appreciate it. And I'm sure I will have a million more questions along the way (everyone might get tired of answers them!)
It's amazing to me that from what everyone has said that I could have such a positve effect on his life. He is such an amazing guy and I always thought I was the lucky one to find a man that takes care of me and protects me and a best "girl" friend all in the same person, its nice that everyone thinks he is lucky to have me aswell