Stepping out

[Diversity]

I did it! For those who have followed my posts and comments, you know that I am an 'out of the closet' CD'r, as of last August. This is all new to me. What I am hoping by creating this thread, is that I reach out to all of you who are in a similar situation as I find myself to be, with a very wonderful wife who has absolutely NO interest in being a part of me and my CD'ing. She is accepting that this is now me, but she has no desire to see me, or be a part of my CD'ing life style.
I accept this.
Tonight, however, something changed a bit, and I am hoping that this will bode well for me and may be an inspirtation for others. I am taking my wife to a weekend getaway and I told her how much I appreciated her and how much I am feeling down for knowing that I may have disappointed her when I 'came out of the closet'. My wife told me that I should not feel this way and admitted that she must be making it hard on me by not wanting to see me in 'en femme' mode of dress. I told her that it was indeed hard, since I have virtually no time to fulfill my needs to CD. She understood this and said that when we go away for our special weekend to celebrate her birthday, that she would try to accommodate me in letting me CD in her presence, to see if she could take the emotional feelings she expects to have by seeing me in this state of dress.
At least she is willing to try!
I sit here this evening writing to you all, after having put her to bed, and coming down to my living room and changing into 'en femme' clothing and 'stepping out' for the first time - totally 'en femme' in black nylon panties, a short denim skirt, open-tip bra, scoop neck blouse, and sandles. I walked down the road of the neighborhood (ducking into the bushes when cars approached), silly me, and made it to the end of the block, and back home again. For me this was a thrill!
I am sitting here writing in my clothes and am dreading taking them off before I go back to bed with my wife. I just love being dressed 'en femme'.
Anyways, the point of this message is to give you all a glimmer of hope which I now have, and which I never expected a few weeks ago. The hope is to give your wife or special partner some time to take it all in when you have confessed to her about your need to CD. Allow her the opportunity to take it all in, assess the impact, and react to her feelings about this disruption to her life. I believe that love conquers all and if you are patient and communicative and understanding, a good life balance between you both can be had.
Best wishes to you all.
Di

[Beverley Sims]

Just keep it going slowly Di, and you will get there.

[ronda]

Di good luck on your weekend get away just take it slow Hugs Ronda

[Rhonda Darling]

Di:

Good for you for finding the courage/fortitude to tell her. Great that she is not rejecting you and is instead keeping an open mind. Wonderful that she will consider seeing you dressed while on HER special weekend getaway. Sounds like she really loves you --- all of you --- and is making a good effort to understand and accept fully. TAKE IS SLOWLY and by all means TALK ABOUT IT WITH HER. Don't obsess on it, you may want to give her a heads up that you'd like to set particular times aside for the both of you to discuss and dig deep into your own and each other's feelings. Talking and talking some more is my best suggestion.

I never told my wife in 30+ years of marriage. She passed away not knowing. I regretted not being able to tell her, and still do to this day. My GF for the past several years knows all about Rhonda. I decided early in our relationship to tell her, as I decided (selfishly, I admit) that I didn't want to live the lie again with the one I care most about. It was rocky at the start, and we had to choose our path carefully while she absorbed all that I am and decided what that would mean to our relationship. Now she give me space to be Rhonda, we occasionally go shopping or out to eat together as girls, she encourages me with style tips (boy, did I need to learn to dress my age in order to pass), buys me clothes occasionally, and is envious that I can change my boob size at will. :-)

We go to local Meetups together, and in March are going to the Keystone Conference in Harrisonburg, PA. I hope I have the stones to do the entire trip en femme, including the drive up and back, with the necessary gas ups and restroom breaks.

I guess the point of my ramblings here is to encourage you to take it slowly as you attempt to expand the realm of Di in your married life. It's possible that your wife has fears, concerns, and limits. All can and should be addressed, but it only works if you go at it lovingly, as I'm sure you will.

Do keep us all posted on how the trip goes and come back here for advice and comments (as you know, we are full of advice and comments!!! LOL!)

All the best,

Rhonda

[Stephanie Miller]

Sounds like both of you are coming to terms with it in a slow and progressive way. Good for you two.
Just a thought while reading your post: I know the excitement is over-whelming, but after all it is HER birthday. Shouldn't it stay being about her? Maybe a hug and a "thank you, maybe another time" on the first time seeing you dressed is a better way to go.

[Shelly K]

I suggest not using her birthday getaway as a time to present your femme self. This is her special time. I know she has offered this time but choose another time and place that is not a time that should be about her. Let her know you want her happiness and later she can do the same for you.

[Leslie Langford]

Good for you, Diversity, but as the others have said - take it slowly, as you still have a very long road ahead of you. And women are notorious for changing their minds and attitudes on this subject in a flash depending on what mood they happen to be in on a given day.

I can add only one more thing to the advice that you have already been given - maybe break the ice by showing her a picture of Diversity first, or else make sure that whatever outfit you choose to make your debut in, you dress in a classy and age-appropriate fashion respectful of the way women your age normally dress, and not one that is drag queen-like and appears to make a mockery of them. On the other hand, you also need to walk that fine line where you don't end up looking better than your wife, because that can trigger a negative reaction as well.

It might also be a good idea to show her the "full packge" once you are completely dressed en femme. Seeing you in "half-man, half-woman" mode while you are getting ready might be very disturbing to her, and sear an unfortunate image in her brain which she will find hard to shake off, going forward.

[Diversity]

I would like to thank you all for taking the time to respond and give me your thoughts. This is what I love about this forum.
Beverly and Ronda - I hear you about taking it slowly, and you are so right! This is what I am doing, and it is having very good effects lately, now that the initial shock of coming out of the closet has passed. Thank you!
Rhonda - I am sorry to learn of your wife's passing and it is wonderful that you have taken the path to let your new GF know about the real you. Thank you also for your suggestions about taking it slowly and for sharing with me how things are working out with you both about the openess and freedom and mutual respect you and your GF have in going to the local meetups and soon the Keystone Conference! It is encouraging, and hopefully someday I can do this with my wife as well.
Stephanie and Shelly - you are both so right about this 'get away' being for my wife's birthday. I have not forgotten this and have made some wonderful plans to make sure that this is really all about her! It will be a good celebration between us. Thank you for your caring advice.
Leslie - Thank you for the advice as well, as you are so correct about women changing their minds! I will tread very carefully here. Also the picture idea is a good one, but in this case it won't work as my wife 'doesn't want to see me in women's clothing', however, she is working toward this in her own way and is definitely trying to overcome her reaction to seeing me. She is doing this in her own desire, as she loves me and wants to find a happy medium between us. I have told her to take all the time she needs and I will forever be patient and will abide by the boundaries she sets. She is very happy that I have told her everything and recognizes that I am doing a good job by respecting the boundaries she set. Now she is really trying to ease these boundaries in an effort to take some the pressure off of me!
Things are going really well at the moment.
Again, thank you all very much. I appreciate the time you have given to me.
Kind regards,
Di

[Kathy4ever]

There is at the end of the rainbow. Your situation sounds just like mine. My wife is the same in accepting but does not want to participate and said she doesn't want see it. Well yesterday she saw me with my light makup on and my outfit and was okay with it. After my shopping trip and her shopping trip seperately her and the neighbor wanted to see me with my wig on. So I came down with it on and she was okay with it. Maybe it just takes time but if there accepting and luv you you then I am sure some will let it be part of the relationship if they want you to be happy too. Some probable will never be part of but it seems the two of us have some hope.

[Diversity]

Hi Kathy,
Thank you for writing. I agree with you, and in fact, just last night, my wife and I had just such a talk - at her initiation of the conversation. She said that she was trying to adjust to this 'new me', and the hardest part for her was her feelings that I may have been hurt during my childhood years and this was just a suppressed feeling which is now coming to be for what ever reason. She then said that she was going to continue to try to work things out in her mind and if we keep talking that in time, we may reach a middle ground which is good for both of us. She and I definitely are the best of friends as well as a very close couple who is in love with one another. So, I am keeping positive and totally respecting the boundaries, and my wife is keeping positive (trying to understand) and working to remove some of the barriers to try to make life better for me, because she knows that she is the one who is making it tough on me, by not letting me dress when I feel the urge to do so, yet she is not intentionally wanting to make it hard on me, she is just in a self-protection mode, and trying to work it out for herself as well. Which I totally understand.
Good luck to you, Kathy, and thanks for writing. I wish you well in your journey also.
Kind regards,
Di