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Thread: Ask a Transexual

  1. #26
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    The family that have seen me - mom, wife, daughter, brother, the in-laws and one uncle. I have talked to my sister but have not seen her. My dad he died this last november he had not seen me, I am not sure how he really felt about me The uncle has only seen me once - he was nervous about it and did not really say anything to me. I have a niece and nephew that I talk to on-line. The rest of the family have not seen them and I did not feel it was that important for me to talk to and let them know about my transition, they all found out anyway through my mom and the grapevine - when they do see me again they will see me as me - what they think I don't really care to be honest.

    My mother in-law is cool with me but my father in-law the last two christmases said I could only go to his house if I went as a man. Even though holidays 2011 I was still presenting as male sort of for work I was not willing to present as male outside of work so I said no then, and this last holiday after having changed my name and having my big show down at work to be me there was absolutly no way am I presenting as male for anyone ever again. Its not happening.

    My brother is getting married this summer and he was giving me some friendly crap about going - "there are going to be the indians, the mormons, the cowboys and the drunks, and then there is all of her family, and then there's going to be YOU, dear brother, in a dress!" He is so looking forward to his wedding! So am I, I am going to dress nice! But I think he is upset as he was the best man at my wedding but how do I fit into his? And I think he really is worried about how people will react to my being there.

    Transitioning is hard.
    Last edited by arbon; 02-14-2013 at 01:23 PM.

  2. #27
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    I'm not 100% sure who in my family really know how far I have gone. My mother passed before I identified as TS, my father I have not seen in 25 years, my siblings, well the last time we met was at mums funeral. My eldest brother and younger sister know me on facebook, and my sister has identified me as her sister.

    We lost one family, who broke contact when we told them, the rest have stayed with us and are very supportive. I have been transitioning in my workplace, initially I identified as full time CD, and again I am accepted for who I am, not what I am.

    If I am asked questions, I am 100% honest and have made it quite clear that unless a question is too personal, I will answer it.

    I have not yet been in a situation where my gender could be an issue.
    Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said

    The joy of correcting a mistake can bring pain to another

  3. #28
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    To Nigella and Arbon, I am getting exactly the inquistive answers I have been looking for. Thanks, elaborate more if you wish and others keep them coming. I'm particularlyinterested in somber ocassions like Wakes, and joyest ones like weddings were relatives appear that you haven't seen in years or know nothing of your transitioning.

  4. #29
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    What you're describing here Megan is nothing but the gritty truth about what coming out is. It is HARD to do.

    I was 'openly transitioning' for a year before I finally went full time, so I was one of those 'almost full-timers' that thought I knew everything about what I was doing. Let me tell you something, talking about transition and doing it are two very different things. I was telling everyone I saw that I was TS and I was transitioning and I was going to have some feminization surgeries and yadda yadda yadda. Then, ...I did it, and wow. Going from the gender queer presentation to the full time female was a real eye opener.

    I went full time after my trip to Mexico which meant that I'd had some work on my face as well as some D sized breasts installed. The face work wasn't so radical that I couldn't still easily pass as a dude if I wanted to, but the boobs are a whole different story. They're large Cohesive Gel implants so there is no hiding those suckers. What I'm saying is, there was no going back after that. One day I was a dude who was transitioning and the next day I was a woman who HAD transitioned. Wherever I go now, I get there a couple of seconds after my boobs do, and I do my best to look the part because pass or not, there I am.

    If you can't imagine interacting with everyone than maybe you should consider that there's a reason for that. I am not a big believer in those people who pick and choose where they will be 'themselves'. You either have the courage of your convictions, or you don't.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
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  5. #30
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    you just do it...that's really the answer..you just walk right in the door...if there are close personal people that you deeply care for and you feel its important..tell them in advance...a phone call is best, maybe followed by a letter or email with information..and then let the chips fall...you don't owe a cousin or aunt you havent seen in 10 yrs anything more than your kinship and good nature...

    if asked just say "yes its me uncle charlie...".....and whatever happens will happen..
    ================

    my mom died last feb...200+ people at her funeral... i did a reading, read a personal note, and stood in a receiving line with my dad and siblings...

    many knew who i was...the others didnt...person after person shook my hand and gave condolences...some knew who i was..some wondered who i was...some assumed i was my brothers very tall wife...i knew practically all of them, but many didn't know me..
    afterwards there were some OMG!!! its you!!! moments...including having my parents old neighbor that helped raise me tell me he thought i was hot...

    that night at my dad's house, we sat around the table drinking...women gave me makeup tips, asked me how long i knew, and told me they thought it was awesome or that i was courageous..

    ...i think you have this elevated sense of the meaning of these events...
    just live your own life as best you can , and let the chips fall...

  6. #31
    a tomboy no more abigailf's Avatar
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    A person is born transsexual. If you are someone that thinks they are transsexual and can provide a meaningful answer to the question (meaning you can answer it distinctly) then answer it because I would like to see it.

    Quote Originally Posted by JessGold View Post
    I guess no one wants to be first...
    Here's a personal one. I was sexually abused when i was younger and as coping mechanism choose to blame all transsexual feelings/compulsions on that past. I dismissed them as false until I could deny it no longer. Were you abused? Did it cloud your acknowledging yourself?
    I was not abused. Although for the longest time I thought I may have been repressing memories of abuse, as way to justify being the way I was.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jorja View Post
    Was that with a manual shift car?
    Really! Were you serious because honestly, I found it funny and ironic.

    Quote Originally Posted by arbon View Post
    What are you doing otherwise to transition? Hair removal, are you saving money for srs, are you on hrt? what are you doing and what is your plan? Maybe you need to start a plan. Can you be working on all that until you can legally and physically transition and then they will have to allow you with the other women (hopefully) or until a better idea of what you should do presents itself?
    - Transitioning is expensive, so start saving now. It doesn't matter what you save for because you need to do it all.
    - I have dark hair and did laser and then electrolysis for the gray. I had great success with it.
    - I take care of my skin and keep UV protection on my face. Despite all those expensive products ultimately you just want UV protection all the time. The sun damages your skin and that is what ages it faster.
    - Surgeries are really expensive. I have SRS planned for the summer. If you work and have insurance start fighting with the insurance company. Many big companies are starting to provide benefits for it. Maybe look to start working at a company that offers such insurance benefits. My company offers insurance that covers the procedure as well as FFS, hormones, electrolysis and other things we spend money on in order to give ourselves sanity.

    These physical things are great and all. The name change is awesome too, but the biggest relief of gender dysphoria comes when you start working as your proper gender.

    Quote Originally Posted by Megan70 View Post
    ... with some clarification.:
    FAMILY, FRIENDS,RELATIVES. How do you tell them , when they learn about you for the first time, see you the first time at the likes of Weddings, wakes, Christmas and Easter Dinners, Family reunions(from really disconnected far away unknowing relatives)Family...
    I am a person of process. I had to do it in an orderly fashion. I categorized my relationships as follows:
    immediate - close family, friends and colleagues that I see on a regular basis
    regular - family, friends and colleagues that I don't see all the time (like at weddings)
    distant - everyone else.

    I told all the immediate in person and in order of who I knew first. Except when they were not living near by I called.

    I told the regular by email or facebook.

    I did not tell the distant or I told them by showing up as me and telling them then.

    With respect to major events; if they know you as your birth gender when you were invited than you are obligated to show up as such. If they were aware of your correct gender when they asked, then you can go dressed. If they were made aware afterwards or you are unsure, then ask.

    If you can't go as your birth gender, then ask them and give them an opportunity to un-invite you.

    This is a difficult process, probably the most difficult in all. Although I have not had SRS yet so I can not say if that is harder. So suck it up and be a man, woman or as I like to say, tranny-up.
    Last edited by abigailf; 02-15-2013 at 08:03 PM. Reason: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=main_rules#faq_content
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  7. #32
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    .....". I like to say, tranny-up"
    Wow, what an answer! way to go.
    You got balls girl ( at least for a while)
    Question though Did any of the regular or distant category of people disavow you, turn their back or think what you "were doin" was disgusting.
    Last edited by Megan70; 02-14-2013 at 10:57 PM.

  8. #33
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    megan you gotta get this off your mind ...

    you can't control others...what is it about distant relatives?? seriously...who cares...that's why they are DISTANT relatives..

    for me personally, i never heard one bad comment from loved ones near me or from afar..
    others have had their whole families turn their back...i know one girl that was chased out of the house with a shotgun..
    there is no way to really predict which will happen in advance

  9. #34
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Megan70 View Post
    Question though Did any of the regular or distant category of people disavow you, turn their back or think what you "were doin" was disgusting.
    I don't know and I don't care. This is who I am. I can't change it, and I know this because I tried every angle to change it since I first realized I wasn't a girl (5 years old people). Maybe they did and maybe they're right. Maybe I am a freak, but there's not a whole hell of a lot I, or they can do about it. If there is indeed a man upstairs, this is the way he made me, and who am I to argue with a freakin' deity? I'm just a damn tranny.

    ...and a bad one at that.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
    At least there is social acceptance in being a drunk in our world. Hell I was good at it too.
    Melissa Hobbes
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  10. #35
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    Megan, my family and friends were totally against me and yes, most disavowed me. They did think what I was doing was disgusting. Remember though, for me it was 30 years ago when all of this took place. Attitudes and beliefs were a lot different back then.

    I didn't care. I knew what I had to do so I could go on living. Things were really bad for about 4 years. Being the determined type I moved forward. As these people saw my success and saw how much of a better person I was, that icy feeling started to melt away. Within about 3 years I had won back all but one. He held out until just this past Christmas. We finally came back together and everything is as it should be.

  11. #36
    a tomboy no more abigailf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Megan70 View Post
    .....". I like to say, tranny-up"
    Wow, what an answer! way to go.
    You got balls girl ( at least for a while)
    Question though Did any of the regular or distant category of people disavow you, turn their back or think what you "were doin" was disgusting.

    I couldn't tell you for the most part. Since they are distant I did not have all that much value on the relationship. Though most of those I have spoken to since seem okay. I don't think they really care either as they have as much value in the relationship as I do. If I did have value, then they wouldn't be distant, right?

    Even the regular relationships were not really that important. The only relationships I cared about were my wife, kids, mother, siblings and a handful of very close friends.

    I was okay with it if I lost relationships as a result. If I killed myself they would be over anyway. Though when my wife left me, I realized that was the only relationship I was not willing to lose. Still there was nothing I can do about it. I am who I am and I could not change that, not even for the one relationship I did not want to lose.

    I am paying for something in my past, I don't know what it is yet, but something.

    Anyway, I only have one public service comment: if you proceed to transition then be prepared to lose everything, because it can happen.
    - AF

    Look girl, act girl, feel girl ... be girl.

  12. #37
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Post ops inquiry: By that, I mean those that have completed every type of surgery they wished for their transition.

    You've finally finished traversing your long, difficult, personal Yellow Brick Road. And, u now stand in front of your mirror and you've finally become the woman you've always felt u were.

    My question is: Did a switch click inside u? As you're aware your days as a struggling trans r over and your female life begins? Maybe it happened later? Maybe you're still waiting? If it happened to u, I've always wondered what that sudden reality change mite feel like?

    I realize that some that have felt that don't visit here anymore. They may be too busy living their new life to bother checking in.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  13. #38
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    Doc, for me (now almost two weeks post-op and no plans for further sugery) the clue is in the word "transition", its a steady journey so I had no switch that clicked on post surgery, however what did click for me post my op was a feeling of peace, of finally not having the conflict of my body not matching my mind.

    While undertaking the RLE I was living as a woman, but I always knew that there was something between my legs which did not me allow to live my life fully as a woman, whenever I went through airport security I was slightly apprehensive that a search would expose (not literally lol) that "secret" but now I am looking forward to returning to the gym; passing security with no apprehension and other areas where I may have previously been exposed.

    Will I continue to check in to this site, for now definitely, if I can help others with my experience then I want to give that back, but who knows further down the line, but to sum up again

    I am finally at peace with myself, and that to me is the most important feeling I've ever had in my life.

  14. #39
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Thank u, Debbie. That's exactly the feeling/moment I wondered about!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  15. #40
    a tomboy no more abigailf's Avatar
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    Bring home to mother...

    Okay, post or pre ops.

    So you are dating someone and whether they know about you or not, what is it like to bring them home to your family (siblings and parents)?

    I mean, at some point someone is going to slip with a "(s)he", your birth name or something else.

    How awkward is that for you and for your date (and for your family)?
    Last edited by abigailf; 02-16-2013 at 09:00 PM.
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  16. #41
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    Hi,

    My ? concerns us who are different some 10.000, most of us are not transexual or transgender, or dresser's, many of us are female yet are not entierly due to a mixup in our hormones & cromosones & other body parts , = some of us have womb's & some of us dont =.intersexed

    yet we are female plus have a part of us that show's a maleness in different aspects of our being, so that being the case our brain is female mine is ill say allmost compleat as i wont say other wise because there are some aspects that i am pretty sure would be similar to male. not much as iv found out over the years, & its different for each of us .

    How do trans people or transexual's see or view us,

    ...noeleena...

  17. #42
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    If I understand your question Noeleena, we view you as another person that life has dealt a cruel hand. You do the same as transsexuals do, you make your life livable and get on with it.

  18. #43
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    Voice?

    Any tips for changing my voice?
    Is coaching available?

  19. #44
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by abigailf View Post
    Okay, post or pre ops.

    So you are dating someone and whether they know about you or not, what is it like to bring them home to your family (siblings and parents)?
    It was an awesome moment for me. My mom and I were still at odds over the whole TS thing. When I showed up for a lunch date with my b/ f in tow her mouth just about hit the floor. As it turned out she already knew him from working at the same hospital ( they're both doctors). I honestly think that seeing him with me was a turning point for my mom. From then on she took me a little more seriously. I ' ll never forget the expression on her face.... Priceless!
    He's my husband now and she adores him!
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 02-20-2013 at 03:12 AM. Reason: Rules on quoting changed
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

    http://youtu.be/kR7NlgwVHHg

  20. #45
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Tamroi, depending on where you live, there will be a number of options for helping you to change your voice.

    I live in the South of England and voice coaching is available on the NHS.

    Other options include youtube tutorials.
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

    This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any

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  21. #46
    "Oh god it's her." Serana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamroi View Post
    Any tips for changing my voice?
    Is coaching available?
    I personally did it all solo, at home. I did have a very, very deep voice before transition also, and it take a fair few months to get on a good, constantly passing level. If you PM me about it, I'll see if I can dig out some of the old stuff I used for help and send you some links about it Tamroi.

    If you're from the UK, it's available from the NHS and it isn't to be sniffed at, they are very good courses, from what I hear. I just didn't want to wait XD

  22. #47
    a tomboy no more abigailf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kellycan27 View Post
    My mom and I were still at odds over the whole TS thing...He's my husband now and she adores him!
    OMG! How awesome is that? I love that story. How did you meet in the first place?


    Quote Originally Posted by Tamroi View Post
    Any tips for changing my voice?
    Is coaching available?
    I used Kathe at http://www.exceptionalvoice.com/
    Last edited by abigailf; 02-25-2013 at 01:59 PM. Reason: Please do not quote the entire post just to add a few words (see http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/faq.php?faq=main_rules)
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  23. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamroi View Post
    Any tips for changing my voice?
    Last year I spent several months concentrated time while commuting (car) practicing voice. I relied primarily on practice points I found on the web. The key ones were warming up with pitch exercises, sipping water while practicing, slowing my speech somewhat, increasing the clarity of my diction, introducing just a hint of breathiness, and focusing on pitch variability (the melodic content of the voice). I would "level set" my voice from time to time as I practiced by articulating a vowel – typically an extended "EEEEEE" sound – varying it from a very, very hard sound, slowly introducing breathiness until it became a hiss, and then reintroducing resonance until the sound was in my target range. THEN I would practice phrases.

    My voice sounded highly artificial still for a long time. Variously, it was pitchy, too breathy, too strained, too male-resonant (especially with "d" "g" and "v"). That led to a period of experimentation with the openness of my throat, position of my tongue, trying to control nasality, etc.

    I FINALLY achieved a halfway reasonable voice after months, though it was hard to sustain for more than a short time and was still too variable. I nailed it more and more often, though. I even had the experience of getting my voice "stuck" a few times, mostly for just a few seconds, but once for 10 - 15 minutes.

    Since I like to play around with funny voices anyway, I slipped my female voice in a few times. I knew I had something workable, because when I did, it produced a startle reaction. Stopped my wife cold, in fact with a "what was THAT?"

    Then, I got bronchitis, had to stop for several months, and am almost back to my starting point.

    Lessons:

    Record yourself and play back at least every few phrases or paragraphs. Personally, I think this THE most important tip.

    Practice, practice, practice. Most have to build themselves up physically.

    Whatever system you use (or create), be consistent and treat it as work, because while it is very doable, it can be hard.
    Last edited by LeaP; 02-25-2013 at 10:54 AM. Reason: Removed redundant quote
    Lea

  24. #49
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by abigailf View Post
    OMG! How awesome is that? I love that story. How did you meet in the first place?

    He was a client of the company that I worked for, and best friend of the owner.
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

    http://youtu.be/kR7NlgwVHHg

  25. #50
    Senior Member emmicd's Avatar
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    I know there are Transexual identified individuals who never transition though they certainly would be much better off if they could. I knew I was transgender since the age of 4. It took me 47 years to finally take action in my life to transition even with a family and a career. I am transgender. I am transexual. I am a transwoman. I am pre-op. That does not mean I am not transexual. I wonder how many self identify as transexual and who do the whole regiment of female hormones and antiandrogens, electrolysis, therapy but for whatever reasons does not do the surgery (SRS/GRS) Does this make them any less transexual. I don't think so. I know what I am and I do not need a therapist to tell me otherwise. I knew since I was a kid. It is instinctual and self preservation. For me I did not really want to commit suicide though I struggled with those feeling for a good part of my life. I've never felt better since going on hormones and doing electrolysis and working as Emily.

    Thank you.

    Emily

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