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Thread: Ask a Transexual

  1. #51
    Silver Member Angela Campbell's Avatar
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    Emily, your story sounds like mine, I have a lot of questions about this and get many different answers. I believe I am a transexual but I have not begun to transition yet and at the present I have no plans to. A lot of my transexual friends tell me it is just a matter of time until I change my mind. So I ask, are there any real transexuals who do not go all the way through to the end result? Can dysphoria be controlled?
    All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?

  2. #52
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    @almostalady - Yes, there are many transsexuals that do not go all the way. There are as many reasons for this as there are people in the world. One big reason is simply the cost. To transition and have all the surgeries is very expensive. Many older girls feel they are just too old. That is nonsense. As long as one is in good health and can pass pre-surgery testing, there is no reason not to go forward if that is what you want.

    Can the dysphoria be controlled? In some cases they say it can. It depends on how one is affected by it. For me, there was only one solution and that was GRS. I think the biggest thing is understanding what GD is and accepting that you have GD. From there you can make the decisions that are best for you.
    Last edited by Jorja; 03-06-2013 at 11:24 PM.

  3. #53
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    how much is a tracheal shave? mine is really prominent and I just came into pain and suffering money from being rear ended.
    Last edited by silverfurret; 04-02-2013 at 08:18 AM. Reason: grammer

  4. #54
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    Looks like no one has commented in a while. Hopefully that will change as I've got many questions. Let's begin with:

    How old we're you when you began you're transition?
    Did your age concern you at all?
    How long was the transition?

  5. #55
    Junior Member Lauren415's Avatar
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    Ok I have a question. I have been on HRT for just over a year now but I sometime feel like I don't kneed them, is that normal?

  6. #56
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl View Post
    Looks like no one has commented in a while. Hopefully that will change as I've got many questions. Let's begin with:

    How old we're you when you began you're transition?
    Did your age concern you at all?
    How long was the transition?
    I began living full time and hair removal at 20, started HRT and got implants at 24... SRS @ 27... About 7 years total
    My almost 4 year RLE was spent working full time and carrying a full load in college. I would have started younger, but I had neither the resources nor the support. I am now 31.
    Last edited by kellycan27; 06-15-2013 at 01:40 AM.
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

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  7. #57
    Member Kimberly Kael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl View Post
    Looks like no one has commented in a while. Hopefully that will change as I've got many questions. Let's begin with:

    How old were you when you began your transition?
    I started seriously planning my transition at 40. That's the year my wife and I agreed that it was the right thing to do, and the year I contacted my employer's HR department to work out a timeline. Admittedly I had already undergone extensive laser hair removal earlier, so this wasn't when I started down the path — but it is when I committed to it.

    Did your age concern you at all?
    Not really. I would certainly have liked to get to that point earlier in life, but I was ready when I was ready.

    How long was the transition?
    I spent about a year working with a therapist who specialized in gender identity, overlapping a few months with a vocal coach. I did my legal name change and associated paperwork that fall, and my social transition occurred at the end of the year. I don't tend to write much about the medical side of my transition, but I know I'm somewhat atypical in having socially transitioned long before beginning HRT. The only physical step I took beforehand was laser. As far as I'm concerned being recognized socially and legally as a woman was the most important milestone for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren415 View Post
    Ok I have a question. I have been on HRT for just over a year now but I sometime feel like I don't need them, is that normal?
    You aren't the only one, if that's what you're asking. I don't think there's any well established benchmark for "normal" to worry about, given how far from social norms the whole topic strays. I've focused on health and happiness, because nothing else matters much in the long run.
    ~ Kimberly

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  8. #58
    Junior Member Lauren415's Avatar
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    Question

    Ok ,thank you for your input.

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by kellycan27 View Post
    I began living full time and hair removal at 20, started HRT and got implants at 24... SRS @ 27... About 7 years total
    My almost 4 year RLE was spent working full time and carrying a full load in college. I would have started younger, but I had neither the resources nor the support. I am now 31.
    We're the same age. Would have loved to have begun at 20, or earlier. Didn't know the possibility existed then.

  10. #60
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    I found out that it was possible when I was 15 ..... From a man no less. I guess I'd have to credit/blame him for planting the seed of transition in my head.... Long story
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

    http://youtu.be/kR7NlgwVHHg

  11. #61
    Member Kalista Drake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl View Post
    We're the same age. Would have loved to have begun at 20, or earlier. Didn't know the possibility existed then.
    I'm 41 and I certainly did not realize it was possible. I just remember thinking as a kid "when I grow I'm going to be a woman".
    I thought I would just magically change into a woman. Sadly, that didn't happen.

    I started HRT at age 38.
    Started elecrtrolysis about 6 months after that.
    Age- wise I wished that I started earlier or at least started my electrolysis earlier.
    But age doesn't bother me any more because the HRT makes me feel like a teenage girl!
    The transition is still ongoing. I haven't had the SRS yet. But I do live full time as female.

    Btw does any one else feel like a teenage girl?
    Last edited by Kalista Drake; 06-26-2013 at 07:16 PM.
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    and those who matter don't mind" - Dr. Seuss

  12. #62
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    For those post-op, I hope this topic isn't breaking any forum rules, how did you find living with a penis between your legs before and during transition? Did you feel any different after SRS when you looked or reached down and there was nothing there?

    To me, it seems like being able to put on a pair of panties, bathing suit, jeans, whatever, without tucking would put a gigantic smile on my face. Oh how I hate having to tuck!

  13. #63
    Little Monster moniqueCD21's Avatar
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    I've got a question pertaining to singers. Does transitioning affect your voice for singing? I know it changes your voice from a bass/tenor to an alto possibly a soprano, but have any of you had difficulty singing in this new range? I'm currently a music major and transitioning has been in my mind for a while, and this question came to me.
    ‎"Music is a lie. It is a lie. Art is a lie. You have to tell a lie that is so wonderful that your fans make it true." -Lady Gaga

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  14. #64
    Future Crazy Cat Lady josee's Avatar
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    HRT for MtF transitioners will not affect your voice. We have to learn a female voice through practice. I have been working on my singing voice. I sang 1st tenor in HS. I can sing in an alto range but it is all practice.
    Last edited by josee; 07-16-2013 at 07:53 AM.
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  15. #65
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    Hello Everybody

    I have an (odd?) question. This question was prompted by another thread I was reading. This question is for those who have had GRS or SRS, whichever is the correct term. When you're intimate w/ man, does it hurt versus being enjoyable? Reading about the Depth the new vagina usually is and the part of having to dilate for different purposes, is it what you had hoped for? Or, was the change not what you had expected? If 5 inches is the average depth of the vagina and if a man this is intimate w/ you is well endowed, is it more your satisfaction than his? Do you ever get the feeling he was cheated, by not being to submerge himself completely deep within you? I was just wondering.

  16. #66
    Just A Simple Girl Michelle.M's Avatar
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    Actually that's a very interesting question! As someone who has just recently taken the new equipment for a test drive I don't have extensive experience, but I can comment on my own sensations.

    Quote Originally Posted by MysticLady View Post
    When you're intimate w/ man, does it hurt versus being enjoyable?
    It's very enjoyable for me and does not hurt at all, but I am also very tight. So my boyfriend does not just slip right in, and it's a snug fit.

    Quote Originally Posted by MysticLady View Post
    Reading about the Depth the new vagina usually is and the part of having to dilate for different purposes, is it what you had hoped for?
    Hmmm . . . maybe not, but it's what I expected. The dilation part was no surprise and it's just something we do. I think we all have fantasies about depth, but I'm about 5 and a half inches and that's working just fine.

    Quote Originally Posted by MysticLady View Post
    If 5 inches is the average depth of the vagina and if a man this is intimate w/ you is well endowed, is it more your satisfaction than his?
    I have a hard time believing that a man could not be satisfied due to the lack of a little depth. As long as he can insert the glans and at least most of the shaft he'll probably be quite happy. As for me, once he's in I'm good and when he hits the back wall it's all technique from that point on.

    Quote Originally Posted by MysticLady View Post
    Do you ever get the feeling he was cheated, by not being to submerge himself completely deep within you?
    In the first place, he's having sex. With me. The word "cheated" really ought not even come into his brain.

    I have a boyfriend who fits just fine, but in the case of any future guy if he's so well-endowed that more of him is on the outside than is inserted then he's too big for me anyway and we're not having sex in the first place, so it's not an issue.

    And if my lack of another inch or so of depth is an issue for him then he's probably dissatisfied with every other woman as well, and there's nothing I can do about that.
    I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back keep me here to wait for me so I don't go back out and miss myself when I return.

  17. #67
    Member Stephanie-L's Avatar
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    Monique,
    Transition will not affect your singing voice, but your singing voice may affect your transition. The only way to permanently raise the pitch of your voice is by surgical shortening of the vocal folds, which is only rarely recommended. However, because you have more experience than average in controlling your voice, you probably will have an easier time transitioning your voice to female qualities. One of the therapists I worked with was also a vocal coach and she gave me some of the same exercises that singers use. You will probably have a much easier time hitting a target pitch, and I would bet your resonance and breathing are better than average also. There are many other things to work on, but as I said, you probably have a head start on them over the rest of us........Stephanie

  18. #68
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    Silly question - Is "tranny" considered a derogatory term?

  19. #69
    Member Kimberly Kael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl View Post
    Silly question - Is "tranny" considered a derogatory term?
    Yes, though there are certainly many who don't feel strongly about the issue or who use the term self-descriptively. It features often enough in association with sex work of one kind or another that it's probably worth avoiding, but I won't condemn those in our community who are trying to reclaim the term. People who use it without recognizing that it is problematic tend to get an earful from me, and I sometimes wonder how I should feel about cross-dressers embracing the term when they don't have to live with the consequences 24/7.

    It's also worth noting that it's somewhat regional. I understand in the UK the term isn't as controversial, and that transvestite may similarly be in more widespread use.
    Last edited by Kimberly Kael; 07-20-2013 at 11:54 PM.
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  20. #70
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl View Post
    Silly question - Is "tranny" considered a derogatory term?
    The short answer is NO.

    The long answer is we are a community full of thin skinned people who are actively searching to be offended. It's also interesting to note that a solid 80% of the people who have approached ME about my use of the term and told me they were offended by it, have not even been living the life. So in general my experience has been that most full time TS people do not consider it offensive. Some do however and to those people I say ..."tranny please".
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
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  21. #71
    Member emma5410's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl View Post
    Silly question - Is "tranny" considered a derogatory term?
    I am in the UK and in my opinion it is derogatory. It is the sort of thing that drunken morons shout in the street and rad fems use when they are displaying their transphobia.

  22. #72
    Senior Member stefan37's Avatar
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    I do not think it is derogatory. I use it the time when talking to my friends, family or employees. These people know me as male and will probably still view me as male for the foreseeable future. I try not taking my transition too seriously around those close to me. I joke around all the time. I am what I am and since I am an active transitioner and at an awkward stage I view myself as a tranny at this time..
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  23. #73
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    I guess it would depend upon the context it was given and the person hearing the comment. At times for me it is derogatory at others not.
    Listen carefully to what is said, quite often you can hear what is not being said

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  24. #74
    Member Kimberly Kael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post
    The short answer is NO.
    Nonsense. It may well be that you don't mind it, and that's absolutely your right. To attempt to represent the community as a whole, knowing full well that there a lot of folks who disagree? That's more than a little irresponsible. Every civil rights organization I can think of championing transgender issues cautions against the use of the term.

    The long answer is we are a community full of thin skinned people who are actively searching to be offended.
    That's a nice, easy answer that you can apply to any derogatory term. It doesn't change how the term tends to be used (e.g.: hot tranny mess) or why it has been deemed problematic. Groups that have been consistenctly discriminated against for long periods of time tend to get sensitive about even subtle forms of discrimination. Go figure. Of course reacting with rage doesn't help, but following up casual usage of even mild derrogatory references with a bit of education does make a difference.

    It's also interesting to note that a solid 80% of the people who have approached ME about my use of the term and told me they were offended by it, have not even been living the life.
    Given that transsexuals represent much less than 1% of the population, the fact that 20% of the pushback you're getting is from that community should be a hint. The fact that there are non-transsexuals expressing concern is just a sign of the times. We have allies, which is why we're making social progress because we'd never achieve it on our own. Again, I don't have any right to veto your personal adoption of any term you find endearing, but I don't think it's helpful to propagate the myth that words cannot be used to hurt people. Words are what lead to actions.

    So in general my experience has been that most full time TS people do not consider it offensive.
    My experience is that it's pretty mixed at the moment, but that I find far more usage among those in that rebellious period leading up to and through the first few years of transition. It will be interesting to see how the general sentiment plays out over the next few decades, but few terms survive the kind of scrutiny "tranny" has received. "Geek" is one of the few examples I can think of — and there are pretty unique circumstances elevating geeks to positions of extreme privilege and respect.
    ~ Kimberly

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  25. #75
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    I'm a fairly well regarded professional in my field and as an obviously transsexual woman, I leave a pretty good impression behind about people like us.

    The trans community gives me nothing. The CIS world is where the money is and it is incumbent on me to fit in and make THEM feel comfortable with me. Making other trans people feel comfortable about themselves isn't really my responsibility.

    If the word tranny offends you then perhaps you should have some therapy to find out why you are wiling to give away so much power.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
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