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Thread: Ask a Transexual

  1. #101
    Member steph1964's Avatar
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    "So are you gay, or are you a lesbian?" I have been asked this so many times that my wife jokes about it. Apparently they think that if I like women then I am a lesbian but if I start liking men then I am gay.

  2. #102
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    There's been some talk about breast growth and ensuring you have a proper fitting bra. I'm curious, how was your first bra fitting? I'm guessing you did it in female mode, were you treated any differently because you still, technically, had a male body?

    I'm envisioning myself standing in line at a La Senza, the idea seems quite scary (add it to the list). I'd probably end up going to a Wal-Mart or some big department store where I could remain fairly anonymous and simply pick something off the rack and pay.

  3. #103
    Member Cindy J Angel's Avatar
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    Well I don't know if I was sexually abused or I liked it. just 2 kids playing on grown ups. then all through my child hood at diff times and I can remember all of them and do not regret any think that I have done. Would I have done diff if I could have done over don't think so may b would have done a little more. Do I think it has something to do with now no but it could have. But I do think that is did have a profound efict on sex it aloud me to b free and enjoy it more. love Cindy

  4. #104
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberly Kael View Post
    It will. I have zero evidence to back up the claim, but I suspect that for a lot of people what changes during transition isn't their fundamental attraction but rather the environmental factors that play into relationships. What does society have to say about your relationships? Ditto for your friends and family? Who feels comfortable showing interest in you in public? These all play a role of some kind in how we feel about ourselves and others.

    In my case, I took to lesbian pride like a fish to water. I don't mind being controversial,and I was already in a stable relationship with a woman I love deeply. So nothing changed, and everything changed.
    The problem with this Kimberly is that the person that is confused doesn't know it. In other words, you can't get what you want..you are what you are. In the process of becoming a person that lives as their true gender, you find out the truth about your sexuality..

    saying you want to be hetero or homo after transition is like saying you don't want to forget something in the future...lots of times you forget it anyway despite not wanting to... and unfortunately you can't tie a bow around your finger to remind you don't want to "change" your sexuality

    If you transition and the confusion lifts, you can still choose to live with an SO that you are fundamentally not compatible with sexually...life is gray

  5. #105
    Tomboy AllyM's Avatar
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    I have just one simple question which I am sure you will all understand. Does the "Haunting" of wanting to be in the fully female ever go away? It is that thought that is always on your mind. Please let me know.
    Ally

  6. #106
    Member Kimberly Kael's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AllyM View Post
    I have just one simple question which I am sure you will all understand. Does the "Haunting" of wanting to be in the fully female ever go away? It is that thought that is always on your mind. Please let me know.
    It's likely to vary a lot from individual to individual, so I can only speak for myself. I do my best to live a life focused on the things I have control over. For example, I can't rewind time, so I don't believe in regrets. I simply try to make the best decisions I can each and every day.

    So my dysphasia wasn't rooted in not having been assigned female at birth, but rather in not doing what I could to correct that erroneous assumption. Once I finally acted on my needs, that conflict subsided and isn't an issue in my life. There's no more value in dwelling on this particular accident of birth than any other. Sure, I could wish I was born twenty years later, or that I had a smaller nose, or whatever, but unless there's something I believe I can and should do about it ... I'm pretty good at setting it aside and moving on.

    What really hurt was knowing that I was avoiding hard decisions and conversations. The meaningful struggle was with myself, not against reality. So no, it isn't on my mind the way it once was.
    ~ Kimberly

    “To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard

  7. #107
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AllyM View Post
    I have just one simple question which I am sure you will all understand. Does the "Haunting" of wanting to be in the fully female ever go away? It is that thought that is always on your mind. Please let me know.
    If you are transsexual, the answer is "No!, Never!". Many of us continue to live in stealth mode, pretending to be men. This is usually because the consequences of transition are more than we are willing to accept. In my own case, I had to delay transition because I would lose custody and visitation rights to my children if I didn't stop transition.

    For those of us born in the 1950s, being a transsexual was something that was "cured" with electro-shock and if that failed - a lobotomy. Even until the late 1980s, the SRS procedures were still pretty primitive, they couldn't do the nerves to provide a sensitive clitoris. Social pressures were pretty intense as well. In Elementary school, "Sissies" were often treated brutally and violently. Often, the brutality continued into Junior High (aka Middle School), and even in high school, being a feminine boy was usually assumed to be homosexuality, which could leave one sexually and romantically frustrated. Even in College, classmates often confused transsexuality with homosexuality, and often, because of the violence, the transsexuality was considered even more of a secret.

    Many of us tried to cope with drugs and booze, and I often went into black-outs where "Rex went to sleep, and Debbie took over". Most of my friends and teachers would say "Be yourself" - because it was so obvious that acting male was phony and made me seem deceptive. Often, if we did tell someone, we wanted to keep it a secret, to prevent another cycle of violence. Even into the 1990s, there were those who would have threatened to terminate my career, and even a real risk of having the KKK burning crosses on my lawn (Lived near Zerapath NJ).

    Research that includes surveys of nearly 1 million transgenders indicates that, especially among transsexuals, there was also a very high rate of suicide attempts. Extrapulating based on the number of suicide attempts vs the number of actual suicides across the general population, this would indicate that nearly half of those who are transsexual don't live to their 40th birthday.

    As we get older, it's easier to let our bodies kill us. Over-eating, obesity, smoking, drinking, and other unhealthy habits can result in heart attacks and strokes, which we are less likely to report or get treated. Perhaps many of us feel that the "last hope" of a female body is to die and reincarnate into a woman's body or girl's body.

    Many of us transition in our 60s or 70s. Retirement and no fear of being fired from our jobs eliminate some of those consequences of choosing to become who we really are.

    I've always been a girl, who pretends to be a boy. I don't LIKE pretending that I'm a boy. Every day that I have to pretend I'm a boy, I have feelings of loneliness and despair. No matter how big the accomplishment or the acknowledgement, I always felt wondered "would you have given this to Debbie?". As a result, I deliberately AVOIDED such honorariums. I didn't even go to walk in my college graduation. I often did remarkable things, anonymously, and wondered if I would ever be free to be me.

    When I was in Kindergarten and First grade, there were about 5 boys in my class of 30 who preferred to play with girls, wanted to be the mother, and played really nice with the girls, like I did. If 1 in 6 boys started out transgendered, why are so there so few as they get older?

    I would suggest that many of them are living in "stealth mode". The probably experienced some of the same violence, persecution, peer pressure, romantic pressure, and family pressure, as well as employment pressure, as we did.

    Unfortunately, it's also possible that as many as half may have ended their lives prematurely. It may have been an obvious suicide, getting killed by someone else, or engaging in high risk behavior that turned out to be fatal. Some may have even gone into military and volunteered for "suicide missions" and other high risk missions, partly hoping that they WOULD be killed.

    I know for myself, the thought of having to spend the "rest of my life as a man", whether that's 10 years or another 50 years, would be worse than dying. The only thing scarier would be spending ETERNITY as a male.
    Facebook - Debbie Lawrence
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  8. #108
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    I would actually want to qualify Debbie's first sentence. If you are a non-transitioning transsexual ...

    The way for someone who suffers from being transsexual to make the dysphoria (and with it that haunted feeling) go away is to transition.
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

    This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any

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  9. #109
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    The haunted feeling will never go away.

    It is more likely that it will get worse than better unless the feeling is more about crossdressing than knowing that you are a woman

  10. #110
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by steph1964 View Post
    "So are you gay, or are you a lesbian?" I have been asked this so many times that my wife jokes about it. Apparently they think that if I like women then I am a lesbian but if I start liking men then I am gay.
    When I was about 16 years old, the head of the MCC church told me and 11 other adults that your TRUE sexual preference is based on what you fantasize about while masturbating. If you are a man and you fantasize making love to a man as a man, your are gay. If you are a man and your fantasize making love to a girl, then you are straight. Since I could remember, my fantasy was always to be a woman making love to a woman. I realized that I was a Lesbian. When asked if I was gay (asked frequently because I was so effeminate I couldn't pass as a "Man"), and I would tell them "Yes, I'm a Lesbian". Of course, I would make it sound like a joke, but my lovers quickly found that it was entirely true, and it remained a very well kept secret.

    When a woman tried to seduce me as a boy, I was too ticklish. Sometimes, it was even painful. I was a "virgin, from the waist down" (crossing my arms when I said it) from age 15 to 21. Even when I did try to do it the normal way, I couldn't have an orgasm. I was also so short that I kept slipping out. When I tried to wear a condom, I needed a ring (thick rubber band) to keep it from slipping off. I even asked the pharmacist if they made Condoms in smaller sizes (they don't). My one and only "normal" love affair was relatively short. She finally figured out that she could tie me up and seduce me like I was a woman, and we both enjoyed it. I didn't dress, but she would take her time and touch me everywhere, teasing me and pleasing me. After about a month she said "When we make love, and I close my eyes, I keep seeing you as a woman". I smiled and asked if she liked it. She did.

    It was only when I asked her to keep her hose on one night that she said "well, at least you don't want to WEAR them". I was silent, unwilling to lie and tell her I didn't want to or didn't enjoy it. The next day she left a note on my windshield telling me she was breaking up and didn't want me to contact her again.

    My next lover, 2 years later, loved that I was willing to wait, and when we moved in together, I told her about 3 weeks after we moved in together (Christmas Night), about wanting to dress up. She made it clear that she was ONLY OK with dressing in the bedroom, and would not be OK with going out in public. Transition, in 1980, was still pretty much a fantasy and not really feasible. Besides, with a deep bass singing voice and dark hair everywhere, it felt like I was trapped in the boy's body and just had to make the best of it. She said she was OK with it, but 12 years and 2 kids later, she finally let me know that she was NEVER OK with it, but she loved me too much to let me go.

    A year before the divorce, at the guidance of a marriage counselor, she took a lover, and I started transition. She got married and I was introduced to a woman who was bisexual and loved that I was transgendered. She even wanted to support me in transition. She started bringing female lovers home, and these women, who were lesbians, loved our parties, because, as they would say "Debbie is a REAL LESBIAN".

    My current wife has had male lovers, and enjoys them, but she loves what Debbie does even more. The biggest problem we've had is that I want to make sure she's fully satisfied, but her orgasms are so intense that we call them "Belly Whompers". Unfortunately, these "Belly Whomper" orgasms have resulted in a number of hernias that have required surgical repair. She's needed 5 surgeries and currently has 5 hernias that will be treated this fall, after she finishes losing over 90 lbs.

    The good news is that she's getting a "Tummy Tuck" as part of the surgery. They need to make sure that the compression binder that they put around her belly won't have mushy spots of fat that will result in new ruptures.

    So yes, I'm a Lesbian.
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  11. #111
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    " If you are transsexual the answer is no!" " The haunting feeling will never go away"... I for one would appreciate it if when someone answers a question... they answer for themselves instead of talking for ALL of us. As most of use realize... Different people are going to have different results and experiences. Thanks!

    Kel
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  12. #112
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Hey I didn't post for you Selena...errr Kel...

    I answered a question based on my experience
    Why do you have to be so confrontational about such trivial things...
    it's a given that each of us speaks for ourselves. ..would you have each of us start every sentence with "this only applies to me"

    are you honestly saying that there are a group of transsexuals out there where the feeling just goes away? or just trying to cause a fuss??

    oh and thanks!!!
    kait..

  13. #113
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    Will the haunting feeling ever go away? ...... The haunting feeling will never go away.
    How am I being confrontational by simply asking people " nicely" to base their answers ( like you say now) on their own experience instead of painting us all with the same brush. I won't speak for any " group" of transsexuals... Just myself, but you go ahead and speak for us as a group. Oh wait.... That's what I was asking people ( nicely) to try and refrain from doing.


    Oh and you're welcome.

    Selena.... err.... Kel
    Last edited by kellycan27; 08-02-2013 at 08:56 PM.
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

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  14. #114
    Silver Member DebbieL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rianna Humble View Post
    I would actually want to qualify Debbie's first sentence. If you are a non-transitioning transsexual ...
    Good point. Although, even when you are transitioning, there are periods when you are still haunted. The more you are living Real Life Experience, the more comfortable you are in your own skin. Now that Social Security isn't requiring SRS to get gender status changed, we may see more people comfortable with partial transition earlier. Though I think most of us don't really want to keep the "boy parts" even if we could.

    The way for someone who suffers from being transsexual to make the dysphoria (and with it that haunted feeling) go away is to transition.
    I have heard from some who have transitioned, that they struggle with having to try and keep it a secret that they were once their previous gender. These women looked and acted like GGs in every way, and were there to support others going through transition. However, they voiced the concern "Now I have to avoid conversations about pre-transition life, so that people won't know that I was a boy. This was 1991, in Denver Colorado, not the most tolerant time/place for transsexuals.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberly Kael View Post
    It will. I have zero evidence to back up the claim, but I suspect that for a lot of people what changes during transition isn't their fundamental attraction but rather the environmental factors that play into relationships....
    Growing up, a girl trapped in a boy's body, I regularly suffered violence by boys who called me a sissy. I was stoned, clubbed, whipped, and almost crippled, even killed. Instinct for self-preservation told me to avoid boys/men as much as humanly possible. I hated recess, lunch, and gym, and avoided walking home from school by doing my written work after class. When boys started coming on to me in 8th & 9th grade, I freaked and let them know that I was not interested. By high school (10th grade), I took the attraction as a compliment and offered to introduce him to one of the others who had approached me (eventually becoming the "social director" for the gay community). Most thought I was just in the closet because I was so feminine.

    Still, my attraction was to women, especially women who were sexually aggressive, and liked to take control. These girls admitted that they were tom-boys and was even taking estrogen to make her more like me.

    As I transitioned, in both 1990-3 and 2012-3, I was surprised to experience entirely different treatment from men. They held doors for me, offered to help me with my bags. They even started flirting with me. There were times when really appreciated the attention, and might have even responded well if I'd had a few drinks while dressed. However, even then I struggled with smells, sounds, and sensations of stubble. All were turn-offs.

    I supposed, if I had been a bit more bisexual, I might have been much more interested and responsive. I'd tried with men a couple of times in my 20s, but ended up throwing up. Not a positive experience for either of us.

    In my case, I took to lesbian pride like a fish to water. I don't mind being controversial,and I was already in a stable relationship with a woman I love deeply. So nothing changed, and everything changed.
    During both transitions, I had partners who knew I was a Lesbian and loved me for it. They were the dominant partner, and some might have considered me straight because she was more "butch", mostly in terms of behavior.

    I often wonder - if I had had a male partner who knew about my being transsexual, and wanted to support and encourage my transitioning, and enjoyed mutually satisfying sex as much as I did, would I have chosen to be "his girl"? If I had been given the choice between the platonic marriage I had for 7 years and 2 children, vs a marriage to a man who loved me and wanted me sexually every day, I might have chosen the man.

    There are different trade-offs with each choice. Each choice has issues, risks, and benefits. I wasn't a big fan of "dyke drama".
    Last edited by Rianna Humble; 08-03-2013 at 01:48 AM. Reason: Multiposting is making a post directly one after another, when you could have edited the additional comments into your first post.
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  15. #115
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaitlyn Michele View Post
    The haunted feeling will never go away.
    Quote Originally Posted by kellycan27 View Post
    " If you are transsexual the answer is no!" " The haunting feeling will never go away".
    May I ask, (hope I'm not deleted) What is this Haunted feeling and why will it never go away?

  16. #116
    Tomboy AllyM's Avatar
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    I thank everyone for giving me your insight into my question. Kelley, in short, it the desire/thought to want to be who you really are that is always there. It has always been from as far back as one can remember.

    Thanks again to everyone!
    Ally

  17. #117
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    I think some of us may be reading AllyM's question differently to others. When I replied in the positive I was relating to the part of her question that talks about "wanting to be in the fully female" although I missed the words "in the", but I noticed that some of the post-op replies seem to have interpreted that in the sense of not being able to share some experiences of being female whilst growing up (e.g. when was your first ..." type questions).

    I just want to clarify that I was not trying to contradict that aspect of being haunted by one's lack of past.
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

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  18. #118
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    yes that was how I read it rianna... I took the question as.... if you don't transition, does the feeling you want to be a woman every go away? my answer was simple..no

    After transition, there is no haunted feeling of wanting to be anything.....Transition made the whole thing in my mind go away

  19. #119
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    I wouldn't know the answer to' "if you don't transition...." Because I transitioned. I can say that from personal experience, which has been chronicled here over the last few years, that taking steps to transition including changing my name, living full time, having FFS etc. has drastically diminished the dysphoria that I feel. I'm now only months away from SRS and i rarely think about my gender these days.

    April

  20. #120
    Tomboy AllyM's Avatar
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    To clarify my question regarding the "Haunting" feeling, I was referring to just wanting to be who I am. Simply, a woman. Thinking about it is always on my mind. It is relentless. I believe you know what I am talking about. Anyway, my thanks to everyone.
    Last edited by AllyM; 08-13-2013 at 12:32 PM.
    Ally

  21. #121
    Member Kalista Drake's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marleena View Post
    Hi Dreamer, sexual orientation usually does not usually change during transition. For Michelle her sexual preference changed. That does happen and is documented.
    I have confused people (what else is new )by stating I was straight while living a TG life as a guy(sexually attracted to women). Starting transition and still being sexually attracted to women well that would define me as a lesbian instead.

    The fact is every TS woman is actually female and always has been. So put simply if they were always sexually attracted to men they were always straight. If they were always sexually attracted to women that would make them lesbian.

    Hope that helps.
    I agree. You make a very valid point! I am and have always been Lesbian.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter
    and those who matter don't mind" - Dr. Seuss

  22. #122
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    Two Questions:

    Been reading more about SRS procedures and the healing process; dilation obviously being a huge part of this. Frankly I don't really want to ask this question (scared of the answer) but...how was the dilation period initially? I've read it can be quite difficult and understandably painful. Pain is relative, of course, but would you agree with this?

    Secondly, there appear to be a few different vaginoplasty techniques in use. Did you and/or your doctor choose how you wanted things done, weighing the pros and cons of each, or did you go to a specific doctor who specialized in a specific technique? How did you choose?

  23. #123
    Not-So-New Post-Op Member Leigh Wyndham's Avatar
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    Hi,

    I am post op circa 30 years. I have a good bit of experience as over the years I have escorted a few ladies to their chosen surgeons/hospital. I have had a successful happy (mostly) life. I have moved from back east to my home in the desert southwest to retool for a highly specialized niche in the medical field.

    I am available, if it is permitted, to answer any questions pertaining to TS issues. The answer may not always be the correct answer. That, I guess, would be determined by the asker as to its' applicable appropriateness.

  24. #124
    Junior Member Pandys's Avatar
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    I am a CD, at least at this point. I thought my reason for dressing was fairly straight forward, when I was younger it was sexually exciting probably because of the taboo. As I became an adult it was less about dressing and more about dressing for someone. I had never wanted to be or felt like i was a woman outside of a fantasy or a dream once in a while. Now I find there are times I really want to be female and I wonder if that was not always the case. At this point I can't see me going much further, but I seem to devote more time wondering.

    So my question is,

    I have often heard "I always new I was supposed to be a girl" or "I was born with the wrong body", is that the case most of the time or have many "evolved". I guess, was there a time when you didn't feel basically the way you do now?

    sorry about the wording, I am feeling a bit confused about my own position.

    Thanks

  25. #125
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    the question about late onset transsexualism is a tricky one and the answers are often soaked in trans politics.

    Personally I don't believe it's possible to suddenly be a transsexual. Every T-girl I know (and I know quite a few) has literally "always known". I've written extensively about my 'becoming' and the events that precipitated my transition so I'm on record as completely misunderstanding my condition for most of my life. However, I absolutely knew that I wanted to be a girl at a very young age and it absolutely caused me a great deal of angst. I was not self aware to the extent that I had the courage necessary to talk about it, but I was definitely distressed about my circumstances. My mom even admits that I was "always different" and she's glad that I wasn't able to talk to her about it because she would have definitely not been accepting and "who knows what would have happened".

    Sadly my story is NOT unique and every trans person of my generation has lived their own version of it.

    For those that find themselves suddenly wanting to be women, I think there is something else going on, but that doesn't mean you don't have the right to live your life however you want to.
    Quote Originally Posted by STACY B
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